And that was the start of my fairytale - my happy ever after...
....
Or so I thought.
The morning after that night, I had to wake up early for training. Kahit na kulang pa ang tulog ko - pano ba kasi laging nagrereplay sa isip ko yung nangyari - I really had to get up. Patay ako kay Coach Tai if late na naman ako.
I wouldnt lie. I was expecting him to show up in training, and bring some kind of food. Kasi noon, lagi niya yang ginagawa. Unfortunately, hindi siya nakapunta. I also waited for him to text me good morning. Ayoko namang ako ang mauna magtext sa kanya. Ako na nga ang unang umamin, e. Desperada ko naman kung ako pa ang unang magtetext. Anyway, three hours has passed and yet, wala pa ring message ang phone ko. Okay lang baka natutulog pa.
Lunch came, wala pa rin talaga. Usually kasi nagtetext na siya about wanting to have lunch together, but wala. So instead, I had lunch with my teammates and beshies, Ella and Den.
I turned to Den who was busy eating her churros.
Ly: Besh, text mo nga ako.
She turned to me perplexed. But she picked up her phone anyway.
Den: Why ba?
Ly: Wala lang. Just trying to see if the network is down.
Ella: Sus sabihin mo hinihintay mo ang text ni Kiper. Kanina pa kita napapansin e, sa training pa. Lagi mong tinitignan yang phone mo. Ano ba kasi ang nangyari kagabi?
Yep, they didnt know what happened. Pagdating ko kasi sa dorm they were sleeping already so I didnt get the chance to tell them the good news.
Den: Onga. Ano, nasabi mo na ba sa kanya besh? Dont tell me he turned you down kaya di ka niya tinetext ngayon?
And dahil I know wala akong takas sa dalawa, I decided to tell them what happened. Hindi ko mga madiretso ang pagkwento kasi every now and then they would stop me just to giggle. Mas kinikilig pa nga ata sila kesa sa akin e.
When I finished, happiness was evident in their faces.
Ella: Sabi ko sayo besh e. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
Den: Oy ha pero besh. Wala pang kayo. Alalayan mo ang puso mo na wag umasa ng bongga. Baka you know...
Hindi nakapagpatuloy sa pagsasalita si Den kasi hinampas na siya ni Ella.
Ella: Wag ka ngang nega!
Den: What?! Sinasabi ko lang naman na --
Ella: Ay naku besh wag mo nang intindihin yang isa jan. Bitter kasi yan.
Nag-asaran na lang kami for the rest of our vacant periods. And somehow, it was effective. Nakalimutan ko sandali si Ravena.
After my last class, dumiretso na ako sa library to meet up with Von. Yes, we still have calc tutorial sessions occasionally pero madalas, magkasama lang kaming nag-aaral. Sa lahat kasi, kami lang ang magkapareho ng break aside from lunch. So instead of being alone, we decide to study together. And it's nothing naman since we are really close friends na.
Upon entering, nakita ko agad siya sa isang table by the window. He looked like he was just waiting for me because his notes were kept neatly on top and his laptop was closed. He noticed me naman agad.
Von: Hi Ly!
Ly: Hi. Where's Kief?
Von: Aba ewan ko dun sa boyfriend mo. Free cut naman sila ngayon pero may lakad daw.
Yes, Kief usually comes with us pag freecut siya sa class niya. Wala rin siyang nagagawa since hindi siya mahilig mag-aral. Nangungulit lang yun sa amin.
I sat down and opened my laptop. Hindi na ako umimik. But I was really worried with Kief. Hindi naman siya nauubusan ng load. Why did he not text me? Argh! I need to calm myself down. Busy lang siyang tao. Nasa kalagitnaan ng season e.
But bakit si Von, di gaanung busy? Teammates din naman sila a!
My mind was bothering me so I tried extra hard to push unwanted thoughts aside and concentrate on my task at hand - finishing my paper.
Von: Ly... A question.
I looked up at Von who was eyeing with probing eyes. It looked like he was reluctant to ask but he went on anyway.
Von: Kief told me you guys broke up. Hindi ba awkward para sayo to have him here na kakabreak niyo lang last night?
It actually didnt surprise me. Of course Von would know everything. He's Kief's best friend for more than a decade. But I had an inkling na he didnt know every detail. Only what he needed to, that we broke up. Maybe Kief wanted to keep what we agreed on after the "breakup" for ourselves muna.
Ly: We didn't break up like that, Vonski.
I was pertaining to the usual breakup he was thinking of.
Von: So you're friends? Has he texted you?
Ly: Von, you know naman di ba? That what we have - well, what we had - wasn't entirely real. So why wouldn't be friends, right?
He nodded.
Ly: And as for your asking if he has texted me, nope. Not yet. I am worried na nga e.
He seemed shocked by what i said but as he saw me looking at him, he masked his expression with a smile.
Von: Baka busy lang si paps. He was on his phone halos the entire day e. Calls here and there.
Ako naman ang na shock. Ano ba naman ang isang text lang di ba? Hindi naman ata yun kawalan sa oras niya. At least a text man lang saying he's okay or whatever. Just a text. I was offended, but I tried to make ways to understand.
Von: Lam mo naman yun. Player na, endorser pa. Daming raket nun e.
I just smiled at Von. Nilipat ko nalang ang atensyon sa pagtype ko ng research ko.
Von: But I can assure you, he's okay Ly.
I stopped for a while and looked at Von. He smiled so I thanked him.
Time came for practice, so I left him and went to training. Natapos na din ang three hours pero I still havent heard anything from Kiefer. But Im holding on to Von's words. He is busy and he's okay.
I dont wanna be a nagger and be clingy kaya ill just wait for him to text me. He'll come around. When he's not tired and busy.
Night came, my phone buzzed while I was in bed. Hindi ako makatulog and I was just patiently waiting for sleep to visit me. I instantly sat up in a second and got my phone.
Bwisit! Scam message lang pala! Muntik ko nang ihagis ang phone ko sa inis pero mahal e kaya i decided not to.
Kiefer, ano na bang nangyari sayo :(
Ella: Tulala ka na naman jan besh.
I saw Ella staring at me from the far side of the room. She just entered. Hindi ko namalayan na I was staring into space na pala kanina.
I didnt realize na tumutulo na rin ang luha ko not until I felt a drop in my arm. Agad agad naman akong nilapitan ni Ella.
Ella: Wag ka ng magdrama jan. May flowers ka sa baba galing kay Kiefer.
Upon hearing that, I immediately ran down to the lobby. Agad ko namang na notice ang bouquet of white roses on top of the counter lobby.
Nakita ko si Ate Linda, ang lady guard, na ngumingiti sakin. She then handed me the flowers.
Ly: Salamat po, Ate. Si Kiefer po?
Ate Linda: Kakalabas lang, neng.
Tumakbo ako palabas. Pero I was too late. Sakto namang paglabas ko ang pag-alis ng kanyang sasakyan sa parking lot.
Ano ba to. Bat di man lang siya nagpakita sakin. Namimiss ko na siya e.
On the bright side, nagparamdam na siya and I was more than happy. Dun ko lang din napansin na may note pa la ang flowers. Agad ko yung binuksan and read it.
Ly,
I am sorry. Sana time will come na you can forgive me. Just always remember that I didnt mean to, but I have to. I guess this is goodbye.
PS. Everything may change but you'll always remain to be as beautiful and as pure as these flowers. And just like white roses, you, too, will always be my favorite.
Kiefer
Hindi ko maintindihan ang dapat kong maramdaman. Heck I do not even understand what he was saying. Why was he asking sorry? What for? Do we have a problem?
Why do I feel like he was saying goodbye for good? We just had a beautiful night, probably one of the happiest moments of my life, and now this? Pinaasa mo lang ba ako, Kief?
I need answers. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. Hindi ko siya maintindihan.
Tangna naman! Kakasimula palang ng storya namin e tas puputulin niya agad. Pinagsisihan niya ba ang mga pinagsasabi niya sakin kagabi? Am I not worth it? O was he just pressured to say those words to me so he wouldnt break my heart?
If that was his purpose, then he might just have told me the truth. Mas matatanggap ko yun e.
Okay given na hindi niya sinabing mahal ako. But is it wrong for me to assume at least I meant something to special to him based sa mga sinabi niya? Why, Kief? Why?
Tinignan ko lang sandali ang card na ngayoy basa na sa mga luha ko. Tinitigan ko ang mga bulaklak.
As beautiful. As pure. His favorite.
A set of words na im not sure if panghahawakan ko pa ba. Takot na ako. This pain I feel right now is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. Para akong chinopchop sa sakit. Tama pala sila, youll know when you really love someone pag nasaktan ka na. Damn this.
Damn you, Kief! Damn you for breaking my freaking heart!
Kinuha ko yung isang stem ng rose before throwing the rest on the ground. I stepped on them a couple times with all my might, before going back up.
I cant explain e. As I took each step, mas lalo akong nanghihina. Aawatin pa sana ako ni Ate Linda kanina sa tantrums ko but when I turned around to go inside na, she decided not to. Saklap. Nakita ko sa mga mata niya yung awa. And I hated being pitied upon.
Siguro kung pwede lang bumaha ng luha, kanina pa nagka state of calamity. This is the worst crying spell Ive ever been on.
Hindi ko maiwasang mapamura sa sakit. Deep inside gusto ko siyang patayin. But really it was I to blame all along. If there was something na siya ang may kasalanan, yun ay ang mga katagang binitiwan niya sakin kagabi. But other than that, I was a willing victim.
Ang lakas magsabi ng tanga sa iba, mag advice, pero ako rin naman pala, hindi kayang pagsabihan ang sarili ko.
I guess this is just how love works.
When I finally entered our room, I saw Ella excitedly come up to me but immediately stopped when she saw my grieving face.
I didnt get to walk to my bed. I broke down right then and there. Agad naman akong inalo ni Ella. Somehow, her presence enveloping my shaking body, was calming but it was not comforting. I longed for the arms who unfortunately could no longer give me the exact amount of comfort I need. The exact arms who then warmed me up has now let go and I am left freezing in this cold world I have not known existed.
Ella didnt offer words. She knew better than that. She just kept me company as I broke into tears every now and then althroughout the night.
And all along since that night, I have only one thing on my mind and that thought had never left me once alone...
Why?
*****************************
Sorry po! Peace. Haha!
I just thought of this kanina lang. And im a go lang ng go person so here it is. Haha! Sad po muna tayo ngayon.
And sa mga suggestions po, I have kept them in mind. Who knows let's see baka I might give in to your requests sooner or later :)
Kiefer's POV? Soon po, pag I feel na it is timely and appropriate already. Wag po muna ngayon. Let's develop Ly's individuality muna :) Char!
So hope you enjoy!
Much love, team thirty!
-Marii
Note ulit: Sorry sa wrong grammar, and typos! :P