Well, hey to everyone! This is going to be the first story I write on Wattpad and I hope that everyone likes it!!! I had started writing this story on paper when I found Wattpad and I have yet to decide the drama and stuff and the first chapter maybe kinda... yucky? I don't know...
So, well here's what I'm planning to do if someone's ever going to read this... The first person who comments this, I'll fan that person and give him or her a dedication... And the second person gets me as a fan...
I hope its a fair deal and if you want you can tell me and I may probably change the deal things and all... Anyway, enough with the talking, here's the FIRST CHAPTER!
Ray's Pov
My feet hurt. My hands hurt. My whole body hurt. The cold was horrible, damning me to an existence in the ice age. There was a wind which kept slapping my face and it seemed like it was laughing at me. I clenched my fists and brought my legs close to my body. Today was November 21st. And it was freezing outside especially since a coat had been denied to my poor body. And I was out in the streets, hungry, thirsty, cold, sick and homeless.
Yeah, I was homeless. My father kicked me out of the house three years back when I was fourteen. It wasn't my fault, really, I had small preferences to the wrong sex and that's what led me to disaster. The fact that I was gay almost murdered me.
As I sat, leaning my back against the brick factory wall, trying to keep warm, my mind wandered back to that fateful night, three years back when I decided to come out of the closet and tell my parents that I was gay.
Flashback - Three Years Back
"Honey, we're going out! We'll back in time for dinner!" my mom called out from downstairs.
"Take all the time you want. Have a good time!" I shouted back.
I heard the door close and the engine of a car starting and sighed. I was stuck at home; I had homework to finish. I glanced at the clock. It was almost five. My mind whirred and I closed my books and lay down on the bed. I put my hand on my forehead and stared at my pale blue ceiling. A horrible sense of dread filled me and I wondered if today was the last day I would see my ceiling of all things.
I thought about how I was a closet gay. Maybe, it was time I told them I was gay. I mean, they had to know sometime, so why not now? I had to tell them. I didn't want to think about what may happen after that. They may accept me or they may not. Doing this wasn't exactly something that was on top of my To-Do List.
I must have drifted off while I lay in bed because the next thing I knew, my mom was shaking me awake, looking extremely worried. Her eyes were narrowed and she had the worry lines she almost always wore spread on her forehead.
"Ray, honey, get up. Dinner's ready."
"Yeah, give me a minute," I muttered sleepily and sat up, rubbing my eyes. I got up and went down, after making sure I looked presentable enough to sit at the table. Dearest Daddy didn't like finding my hair haywire and my clothes askew or drool lines trailing down my lips. Needless to say, he was a very conservative man and sometimes that brought the worst in him. Needless to say, when the beast came out from inside him, I had no choice but to backfire.
I climbed my way downstairs to the kitchen where my dad and mom were already sitting, filling their stomachs with pasta. Becca, my younger sister smiled as I entered the room and I couldn't help but smile back at her. She was a cute little thing, always insisting on two pigtails which I found adorable on her.
I sat down next to my mom and piled up my plate. I dug in, suddenly feeling very nervous. I couldn't eat. I put my fork down after a few swallows and played with the food. Was this a wrong idea? Was I being a stupid idiot and about to blurt out something so serious? Would I be put on a train headed straight to hell? Meanwhile, my dad and mom were busy in discussion and their conversation made me cringe.
"Those guys today. Horrible. They should all rot in hell!" my mom was saying. I felt a fist close around my heart as I realized with a horrible feeling that I knew exactly who or what they were talking about. It made me feel sick to my stomach and I wanted to excuse myself from the table, leaving my food almost untouched.
My dad just nodded and replied, "They deserve it. Mistakes that were born in this world, that's all they are and will be. A mistake."
I stood up so abruptly, my chair crashed to the floor with a violent thud! My heart was thudding hard against my cheek and I was angry, inhumanly so. My parents looked up from their plates and stared at me quizzically, shock written all over their faces. I felt the rage churn in my stomach once again.
"Ray, you look sick. You're all pale and sweating badly. Is everything alright?" my mom asked sweetly.
I shook my head and said, "Please don't be angry, Dad, Mom. Please... I want you guys to listen to me and keep me. Please don't let me go. Never."
My mom's bottom lip quivered as she spoke. "Baby, you know I would never do something like that." I noticed that she had said I instead of we. Did it mean that she wasn't sure how my dad would react to the news I had to tell them? It made me nervous all over again.
"I wanted to tell this to you before but I was scared. I didn't know how you would react when I told you. I don't want to leave you guys because I love you all so much. But I don't want to keep it within me forever and I want to tell you this. Please don't be mad. Please," I said, looking at their faces for their reaction.
My mom nodded, encouraging me to speak up. My mom was so very beautiful, so very incredibly kind and wonderful. She would never do anything to hurt me. I knew she wouldn't. I looked around for Becca, then. I felt a kind of relief when I noticed her gone.
"I'm gay." It came out clear and without hesitation and I was proud of myself for doing that. I had envisioned this moment a trillion times but I had always imagined myself saying it out nervously, uncomfortably or even angrily. But here I was, saying that I was gay with a calmness I didn't know I possessed.
The next thing I knew I was lying on the ground, my cheek stinging with pain. I looked up and saw my dad's angry face, burning into me, my mind. I cowered away, looking at my mom, wishing that at least she would understand. And she did. She was looking at me with such incredibly understanding eyes. She held out her hands in shock as my dad kicked me in the chest making me double over. I smiled thinly at her, relieved that my mom understood me. My mom understood.
I slowly stood up, giving my dad the most venomous look I could muster, giving him the message that I wouldn't change, no matter what he said. I wasn't a mistake. I wasn't. My dad swore at me but made no move to touch me and that somehow hurt me, as if I wasn't worth loving anymore. I felt my walls breaking down. It felt like I was being smashed down by the waves of an angry ocean.
"Please, Dad. You have to understand. I'm your son. I'm your flesh and blood and I'm still human. Dad, please. Please," I begged, getting on my knees and wrapping my hands round his leg. I was pleading, my head raised to meet his eyes ferociously. I was strong; I could handle anything. However, if family failed me I didn't know who I could believe in anymore.
My dad's eyes were red. I didn't know what was going through his head. Fury, confusion, disappointment, grief, pain all flitted across his face, continuing on and on in circles. He was heaving, his whole body shaking and I wished I could read his mind.
"Dad," I tried one more time. His gaze was like fire on my skin but I refused to stop talking. "You loved me all these years. You're my father. I'm your son. Please don't be mad."
My mom was silently crying, having fallen to the floor in a tired mess.
"You... you fag! You're no son of mine! Get out of this house. Now!" my dad exclaimed. I'm gay, Dad. I'm not any different, Dad. Please don't let me go, Dad. Please don't let me change who I am, Dad. I'm not going to love you any less, Dad.
It was like a switch had been turned on in my head. Looking at my dad right now, I understood. Those crazed eyes, that twisted face, all said that he was disgusted by me, that he could never look at me the same again. That I was just a spawn of evil tainting his life. That I was a monster who was here to destroy what he believed in.
"Dad. Please. Don't throw me out. Please," I begged as I watched the expressions fly across his face in horror. His eyes were wide and bloodshot and he was running his hands through his hair again and again and again.
My dad's face turned red, a sign that meant that meant he was extremely angry. My mom put a hesitant hand on my dad's shoulder and said, "Tom, it's our Ray. Him being gay doesn't change anything. Tom, please."
I looked at my mom with grateful eyes and she looked back at me with reassuring ones. I could feel her hands almost on me, patting my back and telling me that everything was alright. And then, my whole world twisted upside-down, leaving me struck with sudden force and immense confusion.
It was like my dad had suddenly become crazier after hearing that. I could see how much he hated his wife, my mother at that moment. I didn't know how a man could hate his own wife for supporting their own child but my dad was so full of rage and fury. Anger was consuming him and he was blinded by his hatred towards me. In a single moment, he was opening the kitchen counter and grabbing a knife, walking towards my mom threateningly. He pushed me aside as I stepped over in front of my mom, trying to protect her. I could feel my mom tremble horribly but I couldn't get up from where I had fallen. The dining table had crashed on top of my legs and I couldn't push it off me. I wondered briefly where Becca was but the thought slipped out of my mind as soon as I had thought about it.
"Myra, you... you traitor! How could you betray your own husband and take this.... this fag's side! I'll murder you with my very one hands, honey. I'll feel the life seeping out of you slowly and I'll make sure you feel it all."
I tried so hard to push away the table, kicking away at it like there was no tomorrow. But then again I wondered if there really would be a tomorrow for me after this. My eyes were fixated on my dad still cornering my mom and I let a small tear escape my eye.
I pushed the table off of my legs.
I scrambled over to my mom in a flash and I could see his eyes burning into me. He was going to kill me. I knew it. He would.
I was thrust aside by powerful hands; I was so weak, so fragile. I crashed into the opposite wall, knocking my head rather horribly, starting up a bad headache.
It was all over in the blink of an eye; before I could even stop his hand from striking my mom. I screamed. Screamed and screamed. I forgot about my own safety and knelt down beside her almost lifeless body and tugged the knife out of her body. She whimpered out loud and I couldn't help but hold her hand in a death grip.
"Mom, stay with me. Please, stay with me. Don't leave me. Mom, please no." You can't let go of me, Mom. I'm your son. I need you. So much.
She looked at me with her soft, brown eyes, her face scrunched in pain. "I'm sorry. I really am. Ray..."
And that was the last thing she said before I felt her last breath leave her. My chest felt heavy. My mom was dead. My mom had been murdered. It was my dad; he killed my beautiful mom. He had done this. He deserved to die. He deserved to die. He deserved to die!
It had all been so sudden but I couldn't for the life of me imagine why my dad would kill my mom so easily. Had he been planning this all along? Had he hated my mom from the very beginning?
Suddenly, I felt a kick to my side and tears sprung to my eyes once again. It tore my heart to leave my mom but I couldn't stay with this madman. But how could I forget Becca? I couldn't leave her here. Another kick to my side made my decision. I jumped up and ran out the door, out of the house, out of the life I had known since I was born.
Flashback Ends
I sighed again. I wanted to cry but no tears erupted and I hated myself for being so cold. My mom was dead and it was all my fault. Telling them the truth about me being gay had been the worst disaster in my life. My mom would have been alive right now if it weren't for me. I was the disaster. I shouldn't have been born to this world. My life had no meaning now. There was no one for me. All I ever did now was wait for the night to end and then walk a whole lot in the day sneaking around, looking for something worth stealing. Yeah, you got me right. I stole food. Why? Because I needed to survive. The only other option was to sell my body out. But I didn't want to do that. No. I had my dignity still intact, thank you very much. But that wasn't the point; I was afraid of that life.
I felt numb now. I couldn't feel anything. I closed my eyes and immediately fell into darkness. No dreams, no anything. Just empty blackness. Maybe that was the best thing I could possibly come up with. Dreams could turn into nightmares, after all.
The next morning, I woke up with the sun glaring at me. I stumbled up and made my way to the pond I had found yesterday. I drank the cool water which felt soothing to my raw throat and then walked down to the city. I didn't know where I was going. My feet were moving on its own accord.
People were staring at me. Of course they would. I looked like I had gone on a trip to a hurricane for mere entertainment. My clothes were in tatters and I walked in torn black sneakers. I looked pale and thin and had huge bags under my eyes. My black hair was in tangles but at least it had managed not to grow any longer than it was since I was thrown out. My blue eyes glared at everyone that stared curiously at me. I knew I looked like a feral disaster.
My hands twiddled with my black, tattered shirt. There was nothing else for me to do. I almost missed having my my stomach grumble in hunger. I wanted to do something, anything. Stealing was not something I enjoyed doing but the thrill of it always sent an adrenaline rush through my veins. In a life like mine, it was all I could depend on.
I found myself in front of a park. I entered, walking slowly and finally catching sight of an empty bench. Taking a seat, I relaxed and watched the children playing happily. Such lovely smiles, such happiness. I envied them. They were so lucky to be able to feel such immense happiness no matter what happened.
There were so many people around. Families, couples, kids, teenagers, and the occasional guy with an I'm-a-gangster-you-should-keep-away-from look. I was startled when I heard someone sit down next to me. I turned my head and saw a man who looked about twenty, his eyes somehow empty and I could strangely relate them to my own. The guy was handsome with his grey eyes and blonde hair but he wasn't my type. I could see the abs under his tight shirt and I wondered how they would feel under my hands. Having only the skinny abs of a hungry guy to keep my sexual needs under control, which was obviously mine, took a lot out of me. My hormones were heated up.
The guy turned to look at me and we were staring at each other hard, assessing every minute detail. The guy suddenly held out his hand and greeted me with a smile, saying, "Hey. My name's Tyler."
I shook his hand. It was incredibly warm.
"I'm Ray," I said simply. He looked down at me curiously.
"What are you doing here, little Ray?"
Little, my ass. I was over six foot. I almost laughed. And of course the fact that he had asked me what I was doing in park was hilarious. Everyone came to the park, right?
"That may sound stupid but it seems like a good question to me. You look like you need a bath, a change of clothes and a meal."
Was it that obvious? Of course it was. I hadn't had a bath for at least a week. The last one was when I found a huge lake around two weeks back and swam in there when it clearly had a NO SWIMMING sign in front of it. I was surprised I hadn't caught any weird disease.
"Yeah, so what?" I threw back at Tyler.
Tyler looked at me with amused eyes and asked, "Do you want those things?"
I stared at him, surprise evident on my face. But there was a catch in it. I knew it. He would want something in return. But what?
"What would you need in return?" Find out what he wants, Ray. Everyone wants something in return for something.
Tyler scowled at me but then changed it into a smile. "I want you to bring someone to me."
"Bring who?"
Tyler took out something from his pocket and handed it over to me. It was a photograph of a boy who looked about my age. My breath caught as I continued examining him. He was beautiful, gorgeous even. Cute, definitely my type. He had innocent green eyes that glowed with happiness and dark chocolate-brown hair. He seemed the skinny type but he definitely had some muscles. He was half-smiling. Who was this boy? I was completely smitten by him.
I returned the photograph back to Tyler. Though I had just a few seconds to look at him, his face was now clearly etched into my mind. It was hard to forget a face like that. Tyler smiled at me again. I resisted the urge to punch him. I was having a bad feeling about this all of a sudden.
"Why do you want him?"
The next few words made me gasp. Maybe it was the words themselves or it was the venom coloring his voice as he said it so truthfully, so balefully. "I want to kill him."
I stood up, somehow enraged. Why the hell would someone want to kill such an adorable boy? He looked innocent, genuinely innocent. And this guy, why was he telling me all this? What was happening? Why was he asking me to do this for him out of the blue? He didn't know me and I sure as hell didn't know him. At least, that's what I thought.
"Why do you want to kill him?" I asked, my voice full of malice.
"He's a pain in the ass. That's why."
I took a deep breath and said, "I'm not doing it. I don't know you and I have no idea why you're asking me to do this. I'm not a killer, Tyler. Do whatever you want, I don't care. But no way in hell am I going to hand him over to you. Good bye."
I started walking away but he was suddenly holding my hand tight in his. I tried to pull it away but the guy had me trapped in a steel grip.
"Let go of me!" I shouted at him. I looked around for help; people had noticed but they seemed too far away. I was desperate and scared. I hadn't felt these emotions in a long while.
He ignored me and said, "You will bring him to me. If you don't, I will kill you."
I laughed. Tyler looked at me with shock. I knew what he was thinking. Oh, I definitely knew what he was thinking. I was crazy. Crazy to be laughing like this.
"Kill me, then," I replied. "A life like this doesn't mean anything to me. I got nothing to lose."
Tyler let go of my hand. I walked away after giving him a glare and rubbing my hand to bring the circulation back. I walked out of the park and walked. Walked and walked. My stomach started growling. But I felt too tired to steal. I needed water now. I looked around for water and finally found a bottle lying haphazardly on the ground near a garbage bin. Luck was on my side today. I gulped the contents down my throat, choking once or twice in my hurry and threw the bottle away. Satisfied with my drink, I ambled to the place I had slept in last night. I sat down and stared up at the sun. I closed my eyes but all I could see was the boy in the photograph. I couldn't get my mind off of him and for the first time in two years, I dreamed.
This beautiful boy had completely taken over my being and I let him.
Chapter's over! I hope you like it... It's the holidays now so I can write to my heart's content and you guys don't have to wait for long for the update. And I don't have anything else to do other than writing stories. It's incredibly boring here.
Anyway, who do you guys think is the guy in the photograph? Is the guy another main character? And why does Tyler want to kill him? Maybe he is a pain in the ass for him but why would he want to kill him? Read on..............
Tee-hee :) :D