A/N: Hey everyone! Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you all get to celebrate—whether you're with someone or not, doesn't matter! Hey, you've got so many book boyfriends, don't you? LOL.
Here's another new chapter that might let you look in a little more into Star's slightly complicated past. And the heat is definitely up with her and Julian—this book is not the most wholesome of my work. LOL.
Enjoy!
***
"You're hurt," Selene commented when I first arrived at our usual spot on the hotel patio.
I've been hurting for a long time. Tell me something new.
"I banged my lip against a cupboard door I didn't see was open until I turned my face into it," I said smoothly, having practiced the lie a few times in my head already on my way over. I shrugged and dropped into the chair across from her.
"Do you need a doctor?" she asked, still looking very concerned.
I smiled faintly. "I've survived a busted lip before. Practice makes perfect."
I immediately regretted saying that, no matter how long I've been trying to cure myself of the tendency since it was just another waste of time.
Selene's eyes sparked with pain—as if she could feel every busted lip I'd just referred to—and I was uncomfortable in realizing that I hated hurting the old woman.
"I'm clumsy," I said casually to try to diffuse the gravity of my earlier admission.
Selene pressed her lips together into a thin line. "And you're creative with your truths. Sometimes, I'm not really sure if I want to hear all of them."
"Don't worry," I teased. "At this point, I can't tell the difference anyway."
The woman just sighed, glanced away into the distance as if some sort of relief was to be found there, before she turned back around and took a sip of her coffee. Her eyes were inspecting me briefly, skipping over the busted lip that I obviously didn't want to talk to her about.
We continued to eat in silence for a good while. The food was great as usual but I found my thoughts drifting back to memories of last night and the unexpected turn of events.
"What's wrong?"
I looked up from my plate of half-eaten eggs benedict and raised a brow. "What makes you think something's wrong?"
Selene's elegant profile—all graceful jawline and contoured cheekbones—barely moved even as her lips pressed into a thin line. Her pale, blue eyes narrowed slightly as she took her time to sip her coffee, her fine-boned, lightly wrinkled hand without a single tremor for someone her age.
I tamped down on my impatience, knowing it was going to go nowhere.
If you wanted Selene Walterson's time, it would be on her terms.
As wife to the late congressman Charles Walterson, and one of Cobalt Bay's most celebrated society darlings with a long history of philanthropy, Selene was used to getting her way. Anyone who didn't know that learned it quickly. A bit like me, ironically enough, despite the stark contrast of our backgrounds. It probably explains why we don't always rub along.
"You're preoccupied. And you've been smiling for no particular reason," Selene finally answered, raising a brow as if daring me to challenge her. "Just a half-smile, here or there, but it's there."
I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from doing exactly as she'd accused and smile. "I didn't realize I never smiled in your presence before."
"You smile obligingly," Selene said. "Or when something actually amuses you in our conversation. But whatever you're smiling about is not in this patio this morning."
There was no point arguing. She was right. We've shared a few breakfasts now since I moved to Cobalt Bay and while the private patio of Hotel Azurias, which overlooked a secret cove, had been consistently impressive, the whole event still felt a little bit like what Selene described—an obligation. Despite Selene's nearly imperial wilfulness, which often clashed with my own, I've started to enjoy the few hours I spent with the old woman at least twice a month. I didn't mind talking about school or listening to her random conversations about whatever was on her plate. She would mention her family in passing, and I would listen without reaction, but all in all, it was becoming a tradition I didn't resent as much as I did in the beginning. But it didn't mean it was nirvana, no matter how idyllic it all looked on the surface. Selene and I found ourselves here together because of my machinations and as pleasant as her conversation was with me, I don't know that she's quite happy with me. Selene Walterson doesn't seem the type to forgive blackmailers, after all.
"I had a good night," I said airily, aiming for casualness. "I have one of those occasionally."
"Of course. One every nineteen years," Selene said with a small shake of her head. "Anything more and it would be a travesty."
My lips quirked because the old woman was definitely laying it on thick.
I dabbed my mouth with a napkin and let a tiny smile slip through. "Are you actually teasing me?"
Her brow arched imperiously. "I'm your grandmother. I'm above such things."
I laughed. "Right. I forget you're not prone to such childish antics."
Selene finally smiled. "But if you're having a weak moment, such as smiling, then so can I, I guess, and tease you."
I smiled back.
To be honest, there wasn't a lot of opportunity for humor between me and my grandmother. You see, I'm a dirty secret—one that made herself known not so long ago to achieve one thing: get ahead. Selene and I didn't have the best first meeting but we were both fulfilling our end of the bargain. Despite my effort at keeping a good arm's length, it was hard not to respect the woman. She kept her word and I didn't know a single person in my life who did.
"So, what's caused this unusual behavior?" she prodded.
I would normally be very tight-lipped because one often gave away too much by talking more than they should. But I figured a little truth wouldn't hurt.
"School's going really well. I've settled in," I said, skipping the part about the whole roommate situation. I said I wouldn't screw up or deviate from the path and while I wasn't completely off the rails, I didn't want her to think I was on my way. It was a temporary snag that would be soon fixed. "I've made a few friends."
Selene's eyes narrowed instantly. "Good company, I hope."
She didn't have to remind me. Surprisingly, I didn't feel defensive about it. I couldn't blame her now, could I? Not when she had to pull strings to make sure nothing about my sweet, short stint in jail made it on my papers.
"Pretty wholesome group, actually," I said, almost smirking at how tight a fit that description was to Julian. He was a ladies' man, yes, but he was nowhere near the kind of darkness that Ram and his world contained. "I don't think you have anything to worry about in that regard."
Selene said nothing. Just nodded. I didn't expect her to believe me completely. It was hard to trust someone who'd play you when necessary but that was fine with me.
"Maybe bring them to the Lighthouse," she finally suggested after an interminable silence. "We can always use a few extra pairs of hands."
This time, I raised my brow. There was no shortage of volunteers in the Lighthouse because a stint there opened doors within the city to many people. Selene personally interviewed each candidate and their acceptance meant her stamp of approval. Association to the shelter made any resume glow. I didn't go through the exact same hiring process because my stint at the Lighthouse wasn't very voluntary. It was part of my bargain with Selene and the only reason she wanted me to bring my new friends there was so that she could screen them herself.
"I'll mention it but college students get pretty busy," I said with some finality on what would typically be a non-committal answer. "If you want anyone's friends to volunteer, I suggest you ask Hailey. You'd definitely want to sit down with her pals and see if they're any good."
Selene's brows furrowed. "Have you seen Hailey's pals hanging around there? I would appreciate it if you mentioned it to me."
My fingers tightened on my fork and knife. "I already said I won't be your spy. If you want to know what Hailey's doing there, you're going to have to ask her or see it for yourself."
When we initially negotiated over my volunteerism at the shelter, Selene had asked outright for me to keep an eye on her troubled and troublesome teenage grand-daughter and I had instantly refused. I didn't even like the idea of running into my half-sister at all when she knew nothing about me. While I'd conveniently used the Waltersons' ignorance of my existence as leverage, I didn't want to cross paths with any of them. I wanted them to stay as detached from my reality as they had all nineteen years of my life. But Hailey had no more of a choice about volunteering there as I did. So I resigned myself to that fact and just avoided her as much as possible. But Selene wouldn't have any of that.
"Don't you want what's best for her?" she asked with a frown.
"I've lived most of my life with only myself to ask and answer that question," I said. "If Hailey is too childish or too naive to do the same for herself and just rely on everyone else to care, that's her problem."
Selene slowly kneaded the spot between her brows, as she usually did when she was about to argue with me. "Whether or not people can take care of themselves doesn't free you from an obligation to do what you can to help. Besides, not everyone has the damaged childhood to capitalize on as well as you did."
I didn't flinch at the blunt force of her last statement. A truth I knew well enough just couldn't startle me anymore.
"More's the pity," I mumbled before gulping down the rest of my coffee.
Selene sighed. "No, I apologize for that—"
"Don't apologize for the truth when it's not your fault," I interjected with a shake of my head. "That would be hypocritical and unnecessary."
"I'm not apologizing for the truth, Star," Selene snapped irritably. "I'm apologizing for my crude method of reminding you of it. Just because the truth is ugly doesn't mean my manners have to match it."
I wish she hadn't said that. I didn't need another reason to like the woman. I already liked her far too much. I may have some talent at it but blackmail didn't get easier with emotional attachment.
"In that case, apology accepted," I mumbled, struggling not to look away from Selene's direct gaze. "As for Hailey, I recommend you look into why she'd grown so fond of that sketchy naturopathy store called Tropez down in Baker Street. She's especially fond of their tea sampler set, probably because they don't all contain just tea. Her driver-slash-bodyguard is either oblivious or incentivized to be. Since you'd cut her off from her bank account, that narrows the options for incentives down to a few."
Selene's lips pressed into a tight, grim line.
I couldn't blame her for that either. Since Hailey was found passed out next to a dumpster at a house in the slums three months ago after a seizure from Fentanyl being passed off as Oxy, her parents, with Selene's influence, of course, had strapped her down with an escort, her every activity outside of the house tracked and reported. Problem was, I'd seen that brutish man who drove her in and out of the Lighthouse look at her with inappropriate interest. Knowing she'd need him to keep the habit, he most likely acted on it with little worry about the repercussions. It occurred to me to tell Selene but I was adamant about keeping a clear, obvious gap between myself and the Walterson family. It didn't matter that I followed the compulsion to shadow Hailey a couple times and tracked her new dealer in the herbal store.
"I'll have the matter looked into right away," Selene finally said, the slight tremble of her fingers as she took another sip of her coffee betraying her distress this time. "Thank you, Star."
"You'll have a busy morning," I said as I set aside my napkin. "I'm gonna go."
The old woman could hardly form a smile as she nodded. "Take care of yourself."
I smiled for the both of us. "Always have. Take care, Selene."
I should've forgotten all about it as I strolled through the secret path just behind the tall, immaculately trimmed hedges of the hotel's main garden but as I put on my sunglasses and looked over my shoulder as if I could still see my grandmother, all I could think of was how I wanted to turn back around and give the old woman a hug.
***
It was only a little after ten when I got back to the townhouse.
I tiptoed to the loft and found Julian still sleeping soundly on my bed. In the five to ten minutes I stood there, watching him like a creeper, I had to admit that he looked good in it.
The question was, do I let him stay there? And by there, I don't mean just the bed. I mean my life, for however brief a time I could afford to have him in it. For once in my life, I didn't have a structured plan. Didn't have a timeline. It was a dangerous sign but I knew it was a lost cause because I wanted this with Julian—more than I've wanted anything with anyone in recent history. It was like a call to play out in the sun for a day—a postcard for the kind of life I was busy chasing.
But too much time out in the sun you were never used to could get you burned.
And I have a constant fever running whenever I'm around him—the kind that makes me lose my mind.
I went downstairs to make an old favorite—light and fluffy cloud biscuits with raisins in them. By the time they came out of the oven about half an hour later, I already had two mugs of hot chocolate going, complete with marshmallows on top.
I set the tray on the nightstand and lightly perched on the side of the bed, wondering how to wake Julian and bring to light what I was only brave enough to dare in last night's shadows.
I stuck a finger on the slowly melting marshmallows and touched the warm, sticky white goo on the tip of Julian's nose.
I grinned when he started, his head lifting, his eyes stretching open and his nose scrunching up in disapproval.
Laughing, I did it again before leaning down to lick it off. "Good morning, sleepy head."
His gaze finally focused on me. Those dark green eyes softened with a smile as he dropped his head back on the pillow and circled my waist with his hands. A slightly mussed Julian smiling dreamily was quite a potent sight that I made no protest when he not-so-gracefully pulled me down over him. My hair fell softly in a curtain of dark, soft waves around us, casting us in just enough shadows to give us a surge of courage and acknowledge what changed last night. Because something definitely changed—I felt altered somewhere inside of me, in a place that had long felt like it had been cast in stone.
"Good morning," Julian said quietly, trusting me enough not to bolt because he lifted one hand away from my waist to brush the side of my face. "You have no idea how glad I am to wake up and find you still here."
I smiled. "Where did you think I was going to go?"
"Anywhere that leads you far away from anything you didn't plan on," he answered bluntly. "And you definitely didn't plan on this happening."
No, Julian Wilde was definitely not part of the plan. But it was getting harder every single day to concentrate on the plan when Julian was the distraction.
"I fully expect you to take advantage of my obvious lapse of judgement," I teased as I settled my chin on his chest. "You better not disappoint."
"I'm going to do my best," he said solemnly, lightened up only with a hint of a smile as he studied my face. "You are serious about this, aren't you?"
That was a tough question to answer.
Was I serious? Yes. I didn't play unnecessary games for shits and giggles. But was I serious enough to promise I wouldn't go anywhere when I had always planned to keep going until I reached the X on my map?
"Serious enough to bake you some biscuits and make you hot chocolate," I quipped deftly, pushing myself up on my elbows so I could reach for one steaming mug from the tray. "You're going to need the sustenance because doing this with me is going to be quite an undertaking."
"I like challenges, Star, so be clear that I'm going no holds barred on this one," he said before pushing himself up to a sitting position and happily accepting the mug from me. Hoping he wouldn't break out into a passionate speech about true love and all that sentimentality when I was still barely able to wrap my head around the idea of dating someone just because I wanted to, I practically shoved a biscuit into his mouth.
We didn't say much as we both sat cross-legged on the bed, eating biscuits, sipping our hot chocolate and watching each other as if we weren't sure we were really both there. We didn't touch except for our knees bumping and I suspected that much of it was thanks to Julian's valiant effort at restraint. I wanted him probably just as badly as he wanted me but he wanted more. And as he'd promised, he was going to do his best no matter what the effort cost him.
I inwardly smiled as I put away my mug and wiped my hands on a paper napkin. I shrugged off the slinky black blazer I had on, baring my arms and shoulders and the slightly dipping neckline of my dark gray tank top. My eyes never left Julian as his own followed the movements of my body when I rose up to my knees on the bed, my arms arched to sweep my hair over to one shoulder.
"What are you doing?" he choked out even as his eyes grew hooded with unmistakeable desire.
I smiled a little. "Getting comfortable. And the hot chocolate made me all warm."
I might be a little warm but Julian was probably internally blazing with the fire I was recklessly starting. I could see how his pants tightened around his growing interest.
"You done with that?" I asked with a pointed glance at the empty mug he was still holding.
He blinked and glanced at it. "Uh, yeah."
"Then get it out of my way," I said.
The moment his hands were free, I leaned down over him, my hands planted on each side of him, my face level with his, my lips less than an inch away from his own.
I couldn't bring myself to ask for the one thing I'd been aching to feel again since he'd left my lips raw last night so I didn't say anything. I closed my eyes and brushed a kiss against the corner of his mouth—no more than a tentative flutter for contact—waiting an eternal second for my heart to slow down so I could drag some air in. I had a feeling that the moment I kissed Julian for real, it'd be a while before I'd be able to breathe again.
He tasted sweet—and not just from the hot chocolate and marshmallows.
"I'm not strong enough for this," he groaned against my mouth as he took it with a hard kiss, sending my already racing heart into overdrive. My lip didn't hurt as much as it did last night but even if it hurt like hell, I don't think I could've stopped anyway.
His arms wrapped around my waist, dragging me closer until every soft part of me molded against his hard, muscular frame like molten steel being poured into a cast. My fingers threaded through his soft, thick locks, clutching tightly when he lightly nipped at the uninjured part of my lower lip, slipping his tongue in to catch mine when I gasped.
"I want you to be exactly how I feel when I'm around you," I murmured against his mouth when he pulled away to suck in some air. I traced the curve of his bottom lip with my tongue before I anchored another kiss on him like a lost man drifting out to sea in a tempest. "Weak."
He chuckled slightly through our kiss, his hand gliding down the slope of my shoulder in a trail of heat. "If this is you being weak, Star, then I don't know if I'll live to see tomorrow. You're killing me right now."
"With the best kind of death, I'm told," I said with a triumphant wink.
But Julian wasn't without the power I accused him of having over me. His hand traced down the curve of my breast, settling its weight on it, his long fingers squeezing just hard enough to have me arching back with a raspy cry.
The few touches I'd allowed on my body were often with a price, most of them not for my sheer pleasure. But this was something else entirely. This was something I wanted, something I craved, and it made the sensation more acute, more far-reaching than my sanity could afford.
"I want to feel you..." I didn't even recognize my voice right away because it sounded like a husky plea. "Against my skin."
"Tell me where to touch you," Julian said, his own voice constrained. "I want so much more, Star, but I'm only going to take what you can trust me with, no matter how small."
I lifted my head back up to stare at Julian through the hot haze around my eyes, finding nothing but the truth in his expression.
For a second, a voice in my head warned me that his noble intentions would one day require the same of me but I was too desperate to analyze anything more than the need coursing through my body right now.
I pulled my tank top off with haste, leaving me in no more than my jeans and my black bra. I pointed to his shirt and smiled before he yanked it off, treating me to the sight of his incredibly broad shoulders and the rest of his well-sculpted upper torso.
I caught his hand and slowly placed it on top of my breast, his fingers burning five small spots on my skin as they enclosed the heavy mound of flesh. My head tipped low, my hands settling on his shoulders and clutching the hard muscles there, my lips grazing the bridge of his nose. His mouth took mine again as his arms slid around me, his hand finding the clasp of my bra and unhooking it with one deft twist. My breasts sprung free from their constraints, the cold air pebbling my nipples even more in those few seconds before Julian covered them with his hands. The slightly rough touch of his palm heightened the delicious ache that gathered between my legs, stealing a loud gasp from me as his fingers trapped my hardened nipples between them and tugged gently. I rose up and arched back, half-aware that I was offering him more than just the chance to touch. His warm breath touched my fevered skin before his tongue did, circling and torturing my poor, puckered flesh. He took his time, tasting, suckling and licking each breast until I was panting and grinding myself against his leg, nearly mindless with this fiery need I've never burned with before. When I needed more, I shoved him back down on the bed, straddling his hips, keeping the top of my body low so he could keep lavishing attention on my breasts while I sought friction from the hard bulge on his pants.
I barely kept track everything else we did after that, only mildly aware that we were kissing wildly like the world was going to end if we couldn't get to each other's souls, and grunting and moaning as our bodies rocked against each other, finding more fuel to the fire even with the layers of fabric between us.
"I can't... stop." The words spilled from my lips as my toes started to curl from the pull of my impending climax.
"I'm not..." Julian stammered as my hips quickened their rise and fall against his own, my fingers digging into his arms as white-hot intensity gripped me in a chokehold until I gasped for breath. "Oh, God... Star..."
A long, deep groan was pulled from him as his body shuddered, his eyes squeezing shut as if he was in pain.
I blinked, trying to clear the stars from my eyes as I gazed at his face—touched with a sheen of perspiration, his brows drawn in, his lips pinched together, his jaw clenched tight.
He exhaled loudly, dragging an arm over his forehead and resting one around my waist. "That... that was too fast. I should've... Shouldn't have..."
"That's something I never thought I'd hear Julian Wilde say when he's got a half-naked girl on top of him on a bed," I teased, still breathless from my release.
"Yes, well. This is the first time he's had you on top of him on a bed," he grumbled. "Makes all the difference."
I smiled and gazed down at the growing wet spot on his pants. My brows rose as I tried not to grin stupidly. "Did you just come in your pants?"
A vibrant shade of embarrassed red streaked across his cheeks as he glared at me. "Yes, I did, and I'm going to deny it to my last breath if you tell anyone."
I couldn't help it.
I started laughing despite his deepening scowl. Finally drained completely, I collapsed on his chest, still trembling with the last of my laughter. Our skin still felt warm against each other and I grinned at the sensation.
His fingers gently stroked my hair and I looked up to find him smiling down softly at me. "I need to go get cleaned up but I can't find the will to move away from you right now, when you feel so perfect against me."
I might've blushed—which was a rare thing—but I couldn't find anything appropriate to say so instead, I scattered little kisses on his chest before tucking my chin against it. He reached down to cup the side of my face, his thumb brushing my cheek.
"I love it when you smile."
Damn the things this guy says.
Julian made me feel reckless like I never have in my entire life and it was an intoxicating drug that I just keep needing more and more of. It was like a shot of sunshine and wildfire—life-giving and ravaging at the same time. It was addictive to someone whose only addiction in her entire life was survival.
"I can feel my belly getting damp so you should probably clean up," I finally said with a laugh, rolling off of him and grabbing my shirt. I slipped it on before extending a hand to him. "Come on. Get up."
With a sigh, he took my hand and dragged himself out of the bed. But before he could walk away, I pulled him close, slipping my arms around his neck and drawing his head down for a quick, gentle kiss.
He was grinning by the time we pulled away.
I just rolled my eyes and shook my head because I didn't want to start spouting things as well, like how much I loved it, too, when he smiled. He was right. I was already going way too fast for something I just carelessly decided on less than twenty-four-hours ago.
"Go!"
When he was gone, with faint laughter trailing behind him, I fell back in bed, hunting for what's left of his body heat and his clean, masculine smell. I found his shirt and nuzzled it.
I took myself by surprise by what I initiated this morning with Julian and while it alarmed me somewhere in the back of my mind where I still somewhat cared about consequences, I wasn't going to be moved.
I wanted this and for the first time in my life, it felt like a choice I was making on my own, for my own, and it made a world of difference.
***
So, what do you guys think?
I think some of you have a pretty good insight into Star's past and the pieces are going to start coming together. There's more and I think it's the thin line she insists on keeping between the past and the present that's going to really force her to make some decisions.
And hope you enjoyed that little morning interlude with the two of them. I think in the very beginning of the story, Julian's reputation with the ladies has definitely been established but he's taking on this thing with Star with a completely different approach. We'll see if it keeps her in place for good or makes her run for the nearest exit. Star's not exactly shy about this like my other heroines but we shall see, won't we?
Hope you all have an amazing day! Enjoy!
BTW, I have a new short story up that's a little bit different. Hope you check that out too.
XOXO!
Ninya
♪♪♪ Chapter Soundtrack: Wildest Moments by Jessie Ware ♪♪♪
You and I, bloodline,
We come together every time
Two wrongs, no rights,
We lose ourselves at night
And from the outside, from the outside,
Everyone must be wondering why we try.
Why do we try?
Baby, in our wildest moments,
We could be the greatest, we could be the greatest,
Baby, in our wildest moments,
We could be the worst of all
Baby, in our wildest moments,
We could be the greatest, we could be the greatest,
Maybe in our wildest moments,
We could be the worst of all
Oo-ooh. Oo-ooh.
Rain on, a thunder sky,
Wherever there's smoke, there'll soon be fire
What could bring bad luck,
I've been looking at you too much
And from the outside, from the outside,
Everyone must be wondering why we try.
Why do we try?