So I don't know if you all noticed, but my chapters never stay a constant length. I end the chapter when its either a) A good cliff hanger or b) when I feel like its time to stop I suppose.
Also, last chapter I claimed that Marilyn still owns the custom '69 Lincoln Continental. This is not a true fact. I actually don't know if he does. But I freaking love that car so its going in the story any ways!
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"Forget drugs, I'm just going to wear your glasses."-Marilyn Manson on Fleischer's Universe
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WARNING! There is a self harm trigger that will appear in this chapter! If you wish to avoid it, stop reading when you see the ^v^v^v^, and start again when it reappears.
Waking up, I groan. The sound of someone banging on my door irritating. "Go away!" I shout, throwing a spare pillow at the door.
It's been two weeks since my first meeting of Marilyn Manson. Only two weeks. But it feels like years. Brian was no where to be found each time we went to clean, but there was always a note and pay for the previous week. If it wasn't for the late-night texts keeping me up until 2AM, I would have thought he was ignoring me.
"Dammit Ryvr open the fucking door! Miguel is already outside waiting for us! It's 4:30!" My eyes burst open, and I force myself out from under the covers.
"I'll be right out. Let me change and brush this bird's nest." Hearing Abby walk off, I sigh and begin to rush.
I throw on a pair of black skinny jeans with rips on the sides, and a tight black shirt that was low cut. I grab my black combat boots with some socks, and rush out of my bedroom after quickly brushing my teeth and brushing my hair. I leave the make-up, not wanting to primp myself for no reason.
Practically flying down the stairs, I rush out the front door before Abby can turn around. I fly down the walkway to the car, the run waking me up. Miguel just stares at me with wide eyes.
"Ryvr? You okay?" I nod, running my fingers through my hair.
"Yeah. Just surprised I slept for 12 hours!" He laughs softly, his eyes flicking to Abby.
They had started dating last week, much to my annoyance. "You look good with black hair Ryvr. You should keep it like this." The other day I had decided to dye my hair for the first time in six months, the change overly needed.
"Its temporary. I got sick of the dark auburn. In three months I'll have it blonde." Opening up the door, I hop into the backseat. "Hurry up Abby!" I call out the open door. I watch as Abby shoots a glare my way before closing the front door, making her way to us.
After what seems like an eternity, she hops into the front seat, Miguel smiling as she leans over to kiss his cheek. Rolling my eyes, I face the window, not wanting to see or hear their loving remarks. Looking down at my windows phone, I groan as I see a text from someone I thought would be out of my life for good. I open up the text, wanting to see what excuse he has for me this time.
Austin: Kyrsten, I just graduated from flight school. I still remember the promise. I'm sorry I hurt you so much, but please... will you come on a flight with me? Just you and me, like the old days. Remember when we would sit on the bus cuddling, when you would sing to me and play with my hair? I miss that, I miss us. I know I wasn't the best love interest, but only because I was too stupid to realize how amazing you were. You're still amazing, I can tell. I found out from your father that You're living in LA! I'll be in that area in two days. I love you Kyrsten... I always have. Please. Meet me.
"Miguel. Go back. I'm not feeling to well..." Abby turns to look at me, knowing everything about my past. She glances to my phone, then back to my pale face and teary eyes.
"Oh Ryvr... Miguel bring her home." He looks in the rearview mirror and nods slightly.
"You going to be okay Ryvr?" I give him a quick nod.
"Y-yeah. Just a 24 hour bug or something. I'll be f-fine." I plaster on a fake smile for him as he turns around. When they both look away, I scold myself for showing my biggest weakness to someone I barely know.
The moment Miguel pulled up next to the house, I was out of the car before he even had a chance to come to a full stop. "T-thanks. I'll see you soon. Good luck Abby." She sends a soft but caring smile my way.
"Be safe Ryvr." I nod, my lips set in a line, not wanting to show any more emotion than I already have. I walk up to the front door, unlocking it swiftly. The moment I'm in the house with the door shut, I lean against the wall for support, my legs unable to keep me up any longer.
Flashbacks rush into my vision, my past memories crawling over the barrier I had set up, the brick walls crumbling as the force is too much, making me slide to the floor.
I was 15, still in high school. "Kyrsten! Guess who asked me out last night?" My friend Morgan squealed in my ear. Two weeks ago I had asked her to keep an eye on my friend Austin, a guy I was in love with for 2 years, but wouldn't talk to me about his issues since his parents forbid him from talking to me. Little did I know that they would get together. "It was Austin!" Little did SHE know that earlier that morning, we had met up in the bathroom and had sex. That's all he used me for, sex. He wouldn't talk to me unless he wanted it. It was the only thing I knew that would stop him from cutting himself. Knowing that I had willingly helped him cheat on my best friend, I was devastated. However, I acted happy for her.
"That's great! I'm so happy for you!" I forced out, along with a smile. She didn't know how I loved him, she just thought I was worried about him since he was my friend. She was so excited that she was dating a senior when she was a sophomore. I couldn't destroy her, not now.
When my science class came up, I texted Austin, telling him I wanted to talk to him. It wasn't long before I got a response telling me to meet him in the hall outside of the girl's bathroom. Asking the teacher if I could be excused, I met him.
"Austin, why didn't tell me you were dating my best friend? You cheated on her! WITH ME! What the fuck!" He shrugged his shoulders.
"Who cares? We can keep having sex until she's ready to give it to me. Just don't tell her. Don't fuck this up for me like you did with Catie."
"I didn't fuck that up! You did! I kept trying to keep you two together so you would be happy!"
He scoffs, uncaring. "What do you care if I'm happy or not?"
"God dammit Austin! I love you! That's why! I gave you EVERYTHING!"
"So? I already knew you loved me. But I can't love a fat fuck like you. You're just a good fuck."
I scream as his words tear new wounds into my heart, my tears running freely. I run upstairs to my bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. "..Can't love a fat fuck like you." My hand moves to my stomach, still feeling a slight bulge there after two years of doing everything I could to loose weight after he moved away.
^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v TRIGGERS ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^
Moving towards the toilet, I stick my finger to the back of my throat, forcing myself to puke whatever I had in my stomach from the night before.
Once everything was out, leaving me to dry heave, I turn on the shower, the water steaming up the bathroom. I open up one of the drawers, finding a box of tooth picks, I open it up, and taking out the hidden razor that was stashed there. I take my phone and put on some music, turning it up until it couldn't go up any louder.
Grabbing the razor, I walk into the hot water, my clothes getting soaked. I stand there for a what seems like hours, crying and screaming out my pain as the music flows through me, the razor blade clutched tightly in my hand as blood drips from where it cut my skin.
Can't love a fat fuck like you...
Can't love a fat fuck like you...
His words play through my head as the song changes to Pain by Three Days Grace. Using the blade, I slice open my shirt, ripping it to shreds, wanting the hot water to pound against my skin, each steaming drop like a knife.
Each time I hear the word pain, the blade finds it's way across my wrist, slicing the skin open, the motion easier than cutting butter. The physical pain seems to overwhelm the emotional, the quick release making more tears flow as I watch the blood run down my wrist, mixing with the water as it falls to my feet.
Remember Kyrsten... Down the river, not across the street....
I slide down the wall of the shower, my strength leaving me as the water starts to turn cold, proof of how long I've been standing there.
My vision starts to fade, the colors swirling together, the bloody water turning darker as my heart pumps faster. I hear a crashing sound and sweet, silky voice screaming before my vision goes black.
^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v End Triggers ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^
The sound of talking fills my ears, waking me up. Opening my eyes slowly, they burn with a bright white light in my face. I close them quickly, not wanting to get a headache. Instead, I opt to try to listen to what the voices are saying.
"Mister... Manson is it? Can you tell me what happened and how you found her?"
"Yes doctor. I had heard from her roommate that she wasn't feeling well, so I went to go check on her to see if she needed anything. When I got there, I heard screaming, so I unlocked the front door seeing as I have a key, and I ran towards the sound until I spotted her on the floor of the bathroom. The shower was running, and there was a broken glass bottle on the floor. By the time I got to her, she was passed out from blood loss. She must have slipped on the wet floor and landed on the shards of glass, cutting open her wrist. She's always been clumsy. I'm just glad I found her when I did. Is she going to be okay?"
"Well, if it wasn't your quick thinking to make a make-shift tourniquet, she would be dead right now. The glass cut through her major vein. She should be fine within the next few days. We would like to keep her here overnight for observation to make sure the wound wont get infected. I'll be back in a few hours to switch out the bandages."
"Thank you doctor." The sound of a door shuts before I feel a hand grasp mine. That voice, it couldn't be. Could it?
The door opens again, a feminine gasp sounding shortly after. "Ryvr! Marilyn is she going to be okay?" Leave it to Abby to confirm my suspicions. Wanting to hear what they have to say, I keep pretending I'm still asleep, my curiosity getting the better of me.
"The doctor says that she should be fine. I spun him a story about her clumsiness so they wouldn't send her to one of those mental facilities. Abby, please tell me you knew what caused her to do this." I can only picture Abby shaking her head, her hands shaking with worry as they always do.
"I can only guess. But, if she's okay, it's time for her to wake up."
"How are you going to do that?" Marilyn's hand squeezes mine, as if wishing I would wake up in that moment. I can't help but enjoy the feel of his hand in mine. His warmth making my blood tingle. His skin feels soft, slightly callused.
"Just watch." The next thing I know, her hand meets my cheek. Hard. My eyes burst open.
"Ow! What The fuck Abby!" I shout, sitting up, the hand that wasn't in Marilyn's going to my burning cheek.
"That's for not being safe! Dammit Ryvr! You scared the shit out of me! I thought I had lost you!"
"I guess I deserve it, but you didn't have to wake me up!" She sits down in one of the chairs by the bed, her arms crossed as she glares at me.
"It's a good thing Marilyn wanted to check up on you to make sure you were feeling okay." I look over at him, his eyes focused on the bandage wrapped around my wrist. Abby clears her throat as I continue to watch him, unable to believe that he was here. "I'm going to go call Miguel to tell him you're okay. When I get back, I want to know why you would do this." I hear her get up and walk out the door, leaving me alone with the man who I've always considered my savior.
"T-thank you." I whisper. "I didn't mean for it to go that deep, I just wanted release from the storm of emotions. Sorry for worrying you and getting your shirt all bloody." His shirt was indeed covered in blood, the still wet fabric clinging to his chest. "...And for making you lie to the doctor." I add after a moment.
At those words, he lifts his head, his eyes meeting mine. His black eyeliner smudged at the corner of his eyes. "You heard?" I nod slowly, unable to tear away from his gaze. "What caused you to hurt so badly that you had to hurt yourself?"
"I-I don't know..." I lie. His grip on my hand tightens, his eyes flashing with anger.
"I read the text Ryvr. I read them all. Please... don't lie to me."
"Kyrsten. If you read them, then you know my name. Might as well start calling me by it. As for why..." I take a deep breath. "I'll tell you, in time. Just... not now." As if finding that as a sufficient answer, he nods.
"Very well. Here's your phone back. I had it charging while you slept so you had something to do besides just sitting here. I went back and got your laptop as well."
"Thank you Brian." I notice his hand was still on top of mine, his thumb unconsciously rubbing circles over my skin. "Do you want to watch a movie? I mean... that is if you don't have anything better to do..." The corner of his lips lift up slightly.
"Sure, I have no where to be except right here. What do you suggest we watch?" I grin as I remember the DVD that was still in the laptop.
"Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory of course! It's my favorite!" He chuckles softly, the sound making my heart race slightly.
"That's one of my favorites as well." I move over, making room for him on the bed. I pat the spot next to me.
"Come on then! Make yourself comfortable." He rolls his eyes, but stands up only to lie down next to me, my cheeks starting to burn from his closeness. The smell of his cologne fills my nose, causing my smile to grow even larger. I open up my laptop and start playing the movie, turning the sound up so we can hear it over the beeping of the heart monitors.
As the opening credits start to roll, his hand takes mine once again, and I find myself laying my head on his shoulder.
I feel his lips gently press themselves on the top of my head before I hear him whisper, "You're too beautiful to hurt so much."