// add me on sc @phan-ci ^_^
I HAVE A NEW PHAN BOOK OUT ITS CALLED please come home PLS CHECK IT OUT? //
phil
Phil likes being friends with Dan.
Despite his stuttering and lack of a mood, Dan is as normal of a person as you could get. In fact, he is quite like Phil himself, they et on really well.
It hurts Phil to see Dan so sad, even when Phil makes him smile and laugh, he can still he the sadness in his eyes. Dan has been outcasted his whole life to the point where he feels that he doesn't even have a place on this earth anymore.
Phil hates that, he hates that Dan hates himself all because of stupid moods and assholes who pick on him. Phil wishes moods didn't even exist, there's no point of explanation for them anyway.
He still can't work out or think of a single reason as to why Dan doesn't have a mood. If anything, Phil thinks that Dan feels too many emotions rather than feeling none as many believe.
"Hey Phil, haven't seen you in a while," Pj says as he walks beside Phil down the hall at school, "you've been hanging with Dan so much. I miss you bud."
"Sorry," Phil says with a light laugh, "you should hang out with Dan and I."
"Why don't you bring him to our group?" Pj suggests.
"You know half of them are wary of Dan," Phil says with a sigh, "besides, Dan is quite fragile. He's not good with groups of people, I don't think he'd like it."
"Oh, well okay. But maybe we could hang out after school sometime?" Pj says, "I want to meet the guy who's stealing my friend!"
"I'll always be your friend Peej," Phil laughs, throwing an arm dramatically around Pj's shoulders and hugging him tightly, making Pj laugh as well.
"You're just a fuck up Howell, when will you accept that?" A rough voice rings through the walls, making Phil stop dead in his tracks.
He looks ahead to see Dan pinned against a row of lockers by Alfie and Chris. Alfie is holding his shoulders against the metal and Chris slams his fist into Dan's stomach.
"Take the hint Howell, no one wants you here!" Alfie snarls in Dan's face.
It's when Alfie throws Dan to the ground and Dan just collapsed like a rag doll when Phil regains his ability to move and speak.
"You absolute asses!" Phil yells, running towards Dan and standing between them and him.
Dan looks up at Phil with tear filled eyes and a small drop of blood slowly trailing out of his left nostril. His brown eyes look so sad it makes Phil want to cry and protect him for the rest of his life.
"Move Lester, we're trying to give Howell some emotions and feelings," Alfie laughs, looking at Phil.
Phil stands up straight, towering over him with his arms crossed over his chest.
"No," Phil says angrily, anger curling inside of him.
"And why not?" Chris asks with a raised eyebrow.
"Because you shouldn't hurt people for no reason at all," Pj says to Chris, shooting him a glare, "you're honestly such an ass."
"Whatever," Chris says, rolling his eyes, grabbing Alfie's arm, "let's just go."
"When you're least expecting it Howell," Alfie says, smirking at Dan and miming a punch before turning to walk after Chris.
"Oh my god Dan are you okay?" Phil asks, kneeling beside the boy, who's slouched hopelessly against the lockers with the saddest look on his face.
"Yeah," Dan says softly, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, "I-I'm used to i-it."
"Well you shouldn't be used to it," Phil growls angrily, not sure how people could be that mean and cruel - do they not own a heart?
"Well I-I am P-Phil," Dan snaps, "every d-day of my l-life, I've had p-people hate m-me because of this. And I w-will for the r-rest of my life, there's n-nothing I can d-do a-about it."
"Oh Dan..." Phil sighs sadly, but he's right, there is absolutely nothing they can do about it.
"It's o-okay," Dan says, "it's okay w-when you're h-here with me."
Phil smiles happily, his mood probably shifting to a sun, its usual state when he's happy. He vows to himself to always make sure to try and be there for Dan.
"Y-you're t-the s-sun," Dan says, looking at Phil's mood above his head with the ghost of a smile, "y-you h-help me ch-chase away the d-dark."
And with that, Phil feels his heart just melt for the sad, chocolate eyed boy in front of him.
***
dan
Dan wishes Phil could be with him all the time, but he can't.
Dan has to be alone sometimes, which sucks. Without Phil, he's completely, utterly alone again which sucks majorly. He hates it. When he's with Phil, he feels like he's worth something. Phil makes him feel like he has a place, like someone cares about him.
It's a nice feeling.
"Oh, without you're cheery body guard now are you Howell?" Alfie's voice sneers, making Dan's blood run cold.
"P-please, j-just l-l-leave me a-a-alone," Dan whimpers, closing his eyes tightly so he won't cry right there and then.
He feels his back slam against the rough exterior bricks of the English classrooms. There's a heavy weight pushing both his shoulders into the brick, and Dan wishes he would just sink right through the wall.
"N-n-no!" Alfie mocks, "God Howell you're such a wimp with your stutter."
Dan opens his eyes to find his vision has blurred due to the tears in his eyes. He feels a few roll down his cheek and prays silently that Alfie doesn't see them. He does.
"Aw you're crying!" Alfie says, throwing Dan to the ground, "too bad you can't feel it."
Dan hits the concrete with a hard thud and he cries out in pain. Everything hurts, his palms are grazed and throbbing, his head is spinning, but through the haze, his mind still speaks to him.
You know you deserve every bit of pain you get, it snarls, you're too pathetic for this world.
"What's wrong Howell?" Alfie asks, "still hollow?"
Dan doesn't reply, he just sobs on the ground, curled up tightly in a ball and wishing he could just die right there.
He shouldn't be here, he doesn't belong here. His brother should be here, not him. His brother was the best person to ever live, he should be here instead of Dan.
Everyone misses his brother, no one would miss Dan, not even Phil.
Phil just feels sorry for you, he doesn't actually like you, Dan's mind jeers, making Dan squeeze his eyes shut and wish he could escape his own body, no one will ever like you for who you are.
"The world doesn't have a place for you Howell," Alfie says, "that's just the way it is."
Dan hears his footsteps leave, and he knows he is alone. Dan wonders where Phil is, probably in class, where Dan is meant to be. They were supposed to have that class together, Dan wonders is Phil would even notice he's gone.
Phil wouldn't notice, he doesn't like you Dan, he's just pretending to be your friend, his mind tells him, you're his charity case to make him look good.
"No," Dan whispers, sitting up against the brick wall, hugging his knees to his chest and squeezing his eyes shut, "no, no, no, no."
Yes Dan, his mind says, I'm just trying to help you see the truth.
"P-Phil wouldn't do that," Dan whispers, trying to reassure himself, "he's my friend."
But is he? The only person Dan knows that really cared about him was his brother, but he's not here anymore. So the only person who cares about him is Phil, but Phil has other people to care about as well.
Dan has always been alone, Phil has always been surrounded by people who love him. That's the difference between them, Dan knows what being truly alone is like.
Dan doesn't think that there is anyone on this earth that would put him first. Phil has other people to put first, but little does Dan know that Phil is slowly growing more and more fond of Dan.
Phil sees Dan for who he is, the small, broken boy just trying to find his place in the world. Phil wants to help Dan find that place. But Dan doesn't think there is a place for him.
Dan doesn't even have a real home. He has a house, yes, but he doesn't have that one place or people who make him feel completely comfortable and secure. When Dan thinks about that, he realises that the Phil Lester is now the closest he has to a home.
Dan's world is now Phil, but he isn't Phil's world. That's just how it is for Dan, it's how it always will be;
The world is there and everyone on it is facing forward, but Dan is always five meters behind;
out of sight and out of mind.
********************
an// hope you enjoyed the chapter folks! Thanks so much for reading!!
IMPORTANT (kinda): my friend and I were thinking of making a yt channel, would any of you watch my videos? (they'd probs be comedic vlogs like Dan + Phil)
Anyway thanks so much for reading, HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING THE STORY! And thanks for over 2K followers! ^_^