Months Later
The sound of Harry's phone alarm startles him awake and he groans as he rolls over in Louis' arms to shut it off. The other boy doesn't even stir and Harry smiles as he turns around so they're face to face. Louis looks peaceful when sleeping and Harry admires his sharp cheekbones and his long lashes. Over the summer and their first month of university together the two boys have grown closer and fallen deeper in love. Harry doesn't want Louis to wake up to his morning breath so he scoots down and places a soft kiss over his beating heart.
"Lou, baby, you need to wake up," Harry mumbles. He kisses him again this time on his prominent collarbone. He keeps kissing up until he reaches his neck. He smirks and gently bites into Louis' sensitive skin. The boy finally jumps awake and Harry laughs at his puzzled expression.
"Did you bite me?" Louis asks, his voice groggy from sleep. Harry smiles up at him and shrugs innocently.
"Nibble is a better word," Harry tells him and Louis raises his hand and touches the spot.
"That hurt," he tells him and Harry automatically feels bad and his hands move to replace Louis' over the small mark.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I can kiss it better," Harry offers lightly, leaning down and leaving a wet kiss to his skin. Louis shoves him away, his mouth hanging open.
"You're so gross. Get away from me, weirdo," he laughs. Harry just shrugs and slides from their twin bed. They live in a dorm on campus and got to share a room. Harry enjoys having their own space, but they still have to share a washroom with the floor.
"I'm going to shower. If you'd like to join me," Harry offers and Louis just sighs and stretches his arms over his head.
"That sounds good. We have a big day ahead of us," Louis reminds him softly and Harry nods, his curls falling in his face. Louis gets out of bed and he pushes Harry's curls aside and pecks his lips. "We'll be fine."
Harry nods and he grabs two clean towels for them and their clothes and Louis grabs their toiletries. They walk side by side down the hall to their washroom and Harry grins when they enter and the place is empty.
"Empty room means we can share a shower," Harry smirks and Louis rolls his eyes as he strips down and then gets into a stall.
"We can't do that again. We got in a lot of trouble," Louis reminds him and Harry rolls his eyes. He also strips and places his clothes next to Louis' on a chair and still squeezes in next to him.
"We'll keep it clean," Harry tells him with a snort and Louis groans and turns on the water.
"Shut up. Shower puns are literally awful. You need to be stopped," Louis smiles at him. Harry loves how no matter what, Louis always gets his special smile for him. He knows he has his stupid Louis smile on his face right now too.
"I love you," Harry tells him. He tells him minimum four times a day. You'd think Louis would get annoyed with it, but he lights up each time. Harry can't really help but say it either. He thinks it whenever Louis is just Louis and it spills out of his mouth.
"I love you too, sweetums. Turn around so I can attempt to wash your hair," Louis instructs. Harry does as told and with many giggles and a soap fight later the two emerge clean. They change into their clean clothes and then Louis passes Harry his toothbrush. They both brush their teeth side by side and Harry can't wait until they live somewhere with their own private washroom where they can do all this, but naked and comfortable.
"So, my dad will be here at 10 to drive us home and everything... Do you want to stay the night or do you just want to come back here?" Louis asks as he leans against the counter. Harry purses his lips as he thinks and slowly shakes his head.
"I don't care either way, but I want to spend the night with you," Harry tells him and Louis smiles as he pulls the boy into his arms. Harry loves just being held by the other boy. Even though he's taller, he likes being Louis' baby.
"You spend every night with me. Don't you want to see your family?" Louis questions lightly and Harry nods, leaning in closer.
"Yeah, 'course I do, but I don't like sleeping without you and will you sleep? Honestly?" Harry worries. He cups Louis' face and his thumb runs over his soft skin. Louis leans into his touch and his eyes close in peace.
"I'll be okay for a night. The nightmares have been getting better since the summer. You said so yourself," Louis reminds him and Harry sighs and he closes the small space between them and kisses the boy slow and sweet. He ends up smiling half way through kissing him and pulls away ever so slightly.
"I guess one night apart won't kill us," Harry concludes and Louis just hums and pulls him back in for another kiss. The two forget they're in the public washroom and Harry lifts Louis up on the counter so he doesn't have to bend over as much. Louis has his legs wrapped around his waist and his hands in his hair. Harry's hands are sneaking up his shirt and he can feel his warm, delicate skin that he's marked time and time again and he's in love. Fully, completely in love with this boy and he's never loved anyone more.
"This isn't your dorm room! How many times will I walk in on you two?" someone groans. Harry pulls away from Louis and they both just stare at the man. Harry thinks his name might be Jackson... or was it Jason? He's not sure, but that poor boy has walked in on them doing worse than just making out in this washroom.
"Sorry, John, - Harry didn't even get his name right - " we'll be going soon, so tomorrow will be PDA free," Louis smiles at him. He just grunts and Harry coughs to hide his laugh as Louis jumps down and grabs all their stuff in his arms. He gives Harry a look and the taller boy apologizes quickly and follows after Louis who's in the hall.
"Told you we'd get in trouble," Louis scolds him when they're in the hall and Harry just laughs and moves to take things from Louis' full arms.
"He's seen both our penises, I'm sure that was nothing," Harry jokes and Louis smiles slightly and rolls his eyes. When they back into their room Harry pulls out their duffel bags and they start to pack. Harry just grabs what's around the room and doesn't pay attention to what clothes belong to who because they basically share all their clothing anyways (even if some of Louis' clothes can be a little small). Harry finishes before Louis and smiles when he looks at the boy and then himself.
"We match. Black jeans, black shirt... what shoes should we wear?" Harry teases and Louis just looks up and at him and points to Harry's black boots and Louis' black vans.
"All picked out, babe. Do you know where my Mac charger is?" Louis questions. Harry furrows his brow and walks to the plug behind their door. He rolls his eyes as he sees it lying there and he picks it up and brings it over.
"All done? You seem stressed now," Harry points out. Louis is biting his lip and his eyes can't seem to focus on one place.
"I'm nervous. Dad will be here in like 15 minutes and I'm not sure if I have my speech memorized. What if I fuck it all up? Oh god, his parents would be heartbroken. I'm not sure if I should even do -"
"Stop it. We'll practice in the car on the way there and even if you stumble you'll do great. Just let your heart speak for itself, okay? You're remembering him, there's not set script for that," Harry tells him. Louis finally looks into his eyes and his are swimming with tears.
"I'm scared his parents won't be happy they asked me to speak," Louis croaks out and Harry shakes his head, his heart feeling heavy.
"Don't think like that. You're going to be amazing. Just talk about him like you do when you're with me. Just pretend you're reminiscing in here with just me," Harry tries to calm him and Louis sniffles and blinks fast to clear his eyes.
"Yeah. Just like with you..." Louis trails off. He looks down at the ground and his bare toes scuff at their floor. "Can you believe it's been one year? At 1:17 this time last year everything just changed," Louis mumbles.
The silence that fills the room after that is deafening and Harry doesn't know what to say to cheer him up. A year is a long time, but it's not long enough to heal wounds that cut so deep. Louis is going to speak about Jeff at the memorial today and ever since that's happened, the wound has been reopened and Harry pray's that Louis doesn't let it affect him too much. Louis' phone buzzes in his pocket and the boy pulls it out silently. He nods when he reads it and he looks up at Harry and forces a small smile on his face.
"Dad's here."
Harry grabs both their bags and Louis grabs their key and locks the door. They live on the second floor so the trip down is quick and Tom smiles when he sees the two boys emerge from the large building. He grabs the two bags from Harry and places them in the trunk before he turns around and pulls both boys into his arms.
"How are you, boys? I haven't spoken to you in ages," he remarks and Harry nods and sighs sadly.
"Busy with school. We barely have time to speak to each other," Harry jokes lightly.
They both climb into the back and Tom doesn't seem to mind. He turns on his music and sings while Louis cuddles into Harry's side like a kitten. Harry can feel Louis writing on his thigh and he smiles when they boy repeatedly write 'I love you' over and over. Harry just kisses the top of his head and whispers a faint 'I love you' back to him.
Small talk occurs occasionally and Louis comes more to life the more they drive. Tom seems relieved when Louis' loud laugh fills the car and his sassy, sarcastic replies start to come out. Harry takes this as his time to look out the window and think. The scenery coming home makes him feel sick, but he won't say anything. He's gotten into his habit where he just doesn't talk about Chad. Even when the day is mentioned Harry avoids the topic.
He can't help but think about him today, though. No one is speaking on his behalf. His parents moved across the country and no one really cares about good memories. Harry also thinks it would hurt Louis if he volunteered to go up and speak. Harry is fully over him now and Louis knows that, but Harry thinks he fears he that may fall back in love with a dead man. The idea is entirely wrong because Harry fully believes Louis is who is meant to spend the rest of time with. Even on a day like today where Harry remembers and misses Chad, he doesn't love him like he used too.
"You okay back there, Harry?" Tom's voice comes in. Harry jumps and looks forward. He can see the outskirts of his old town starting to come into view and his stomach feels like it drops to his knees.
"Me? Yeah," Harry replies back in a daze.
"Are you going to your house or ours?" Tom asks.
"Mine. Gotta see mom," Harry smiles. Tom just nods and drives down the familiar streets until he parks in front of Harry's childhood home. He smiles slightly at the sight and he looks down and sees Niall's house looking the same as always.
"I'll help you get your stuff," Louis offers quickly. Harry laughs as the boy gets out with him and opens the trunk. He grabs his duffle himself and Louis shuts the door. His mother is now outside smiling at him and Harry waves to her before turning back to Louis.
"I'll see you at 1?" Harry asks and Louis nods. He looks scared to let him go and Harry just leans down and pecks his lips before backing away into his yard. "I'll see you soon," Harry promises.
"Love you," Louis calls to him softly, pulling on the hem of his shirt. Harry just smiles and blows him a kiss.
"Love you too. Don't panic yourself too much. I'm just a phone call away," Harry calls back. Louis nods and then he walks back and gets into his car. Harry watches them drive away and turns when he hears his mother clear her throat.
"Do I get a hug?" She asks. Harry turns and runs up to her, cuddling into her warm embrace. She smells like comfort and safety and Harry missed her so much. "How are you doing?"
"I'm doing okay. My worry for Louis is overpowering everything right now," Harry admits. She just gives him a squeeze and keeps holding him tight.
"It's a hard day for you too, though. Don't push your feelings down. That's not healthy," she warns him in her motherly tone. Harry pulls away and nods his head at her words.
"I know. I'm doing okay so far. I don't feel like I'm going to crumble when I get there," Harry explains. She scans his face and she doesn't seem to believe his words.
"Just know I'm always around to help pick you up," she reminds him.
"Me too!" A voice carries and Harry jumps and then grins wide when Zayn's face pops up. He pulls him into a big hug and he can smell his cologne and it just puts him to ease.
"I missed you so much," Harry says into his shoulder.
"I missed you too. I'm thinking about driving up to visit you some weekend," Zayn tells him.
"Please," Harry whispers. Zayn just pats his back and then pulls away again. He's wearing a black long sleeve and ripped black jeans. It's not a funeral, but everyone's dressed for one.
The three move into Harry's living room and catch up quickly. Anne brings out juice and cookies and Harry talks about his teachers and other classmates. Zayn tells him about his art school in town and Anne just asks the right questions and tells Harry about some of her work mates he knows. The catching up is nice and Harry likes having his mind away from anything that could be happening later.
"We should probably be heading down soon. Are you meeting Louis there?" Anne asks. Harry can feel the knot twisting in his stomach and he knows this feeling all too well. He tries to open his mouth but his tongue feels heavy and hard to move.
"Yeah, I'm meeting him there," Harry gets out with a struggle. Zayn rubs his arm soothingly and they all stand to their feet. Zayn told his family already that he was going down to Harry for support and Harry is thankful for that right now.
"Liam and Niall are meeting us there too... Hope that's okay," Zayn tells him as they walk to the car.
"That's fine. I haven't spoken to Niall in a few weeks," Harry says as he opens the passenger door. Anne is already in the car, waiting for the two boys. Harry buckles himself in and Zayn sits in the back. As they pull out of his driveway Harry focuses on controlling his breathing. He can't let negative thoughts take over today. He needs to support Louis and his mental state right now.
The drive is short and Harry wishes it took longer. Cars are parked everywhere and he quickly spots Louis' and the small boy outside it. Once his car is off Harry walks over to him and Louis smiles when he looks up and sees him.
"You're here," he smiles and then he looks behind Harry and smiles wider. "Hello, Anne. Hey, Zayn."
The two greet him with smiles and then the four start to walk in together. Louis holds tight to Harry's hand and they make it up front by Louis' parents and all the others relatives. Harry feels uncomfortable sitting in the same row has the people who lost loved ones to his loved one, but no one says anything or gives him a look.
Parents go up to talk about their children and Mr. Sampson's wife gives a teary speech. Harry can feel himself feeling guilty for everything all over again. He feels like he helped cause this even a year later. He listens to people talk about all the amazing things their loved ones had done it could've done and he feels sick. All they describe is a monster that took away all this greatness and maybe that's true, but it doesn't feel right to say it like that in Harry's heart. His mind was a monster, but Chad himself wasn't.
"Louis Tomlinson will now be speaking about Jeff Hazel," the announcer says. Everyone is quiet and Louis looks shaken as he walks up. Harry just looks at him and pray's he can keep it up until he gets off.
"Hello. I was asked by Jeff's parents to give this speech and I really don't know what to say. I had this whole thing planned in my head, but it just didn't feel natural. Jeff was my best friend. I considered him a brother honestly. I was there when he got his first kiss and his first goal and I was also there when he took his last breath," Louis chokes on the words and Harry is ready to jump up and save him. Louis looks down into Harry's eyes and Harry just nods for him to continue.
"I don't want to focus on that. I just want to keep the memory of him alive and happy. So, when I think about Jeffrey I think about soccer and video games. I think about all the times he encouraged me to go for girls and laughed when I got rejected. I think about his stupid ideas and our road trips that ended with us screaming Bieber. I remember him for who he was and not this tragic thing that he now seems to be. He was just Jeff and for me he'll stay just as Jeff. And he'll always be my best friend," Louis finishes. He walks down from the podium and Jeff's parents run over to hug him.
Harry just continues to sit down and there's some other lady going up and talking. He thinks about all the speeches and how they're about who the people were before this tragedy. What they were before all of this. He jumps when Louis sits down next to him, but recovers and kisses his cheek.
"You did good," Harry promises him.
They continue to listen and finally things end. People place flowers and other things on the tombstones and they go on to talk about the plaque at school that sits in the court yard. They revealed it at Graduation last year so Harry somewhat ignore that part. He watches everyone come and go and he stands and he looks at the one empty grave and he's too scared to place his flowers on it.
"Hey," he turns around and Niall stands there. He's wearing blue jeans and a white shirt and Harry snorts at his outfit. The boy is smoking and he raises his brows at the flowers. "Going to set those down?"
"I will when people leave. I don't want to offend," Harry tells him slowly. Niall takes a drag off his cigarette and shrugs carelessly.
"Who fucking cares if you offend? You're here for him aren't you? Well that and lover boy gave a cute speech," Niall recalls and Harry just sighs and looks back down on the empty headstone.
"I want a private moment too. Just to... I don't know. Say goodbye again," Harry says. Niall keeps smoking and looks down at the tombstone too. It's nothing special, just a slab of rock.
"I get ya. Take your time with that. I'm going to head home, but if you want to stop by later you're welcome. Liam's waiting for me at the car," Niall tells him. Harry turns and gets a good look at him and he smiles slightly.
"Thanks. I might see you there."
Niall just waves and walks away. Louis is over with his parents and Zayn is with his family. Anne is talking to other people and Harry feels alone, but not really. He musters up his courage and moves his feet. He places the flowers down on his grave and he kneels down so his fingers can trace his name.
"You're remembered too. You'll always be my first love and my first heartbreak," Harry whispers. His fingers continually trace the 'Y' of his last name and he can feel a tear fall down his cheek. He doesn't love the boy anymore, but the loss still stings and hurts.
"You okay, honey?" Anne's voice asks. Harry looks turns and looks up to see his mom standing over him. He nods and stands to his feet, wiping his cheek.
"I'm fine. Just wanted to make sure his place wasn't empty," Harry explains. She gives him an understanding look and looks down at his tombstone as well.
"Everyone deserves the right to be remembered," she agrees softly. They both just look down on Harry's bouquet and only look up when another person joins them and also places flowers on his grave. Harry looks at Louis with confusion and Louis just gives him a tender look.
"I didn't want him to be forgotten either," Louis admits. Harry can feel tears starting to form again.
"Thank you," he barely managed to whisper. Louis just moves forward to take his hand and Anne watches as the two look at each other and seem to communicate without words. She silently leaves to talk to Louis' parents so the two have privacy.
"Funny how it's a nice sunny day today, huh?" Louis remarks, trying to start an easy conversation.
"Forecast called for rain," Harry remembers and Louis just hums. He steps closer to the boy and smiles.
"Maybe the world is telling us our rainy days are over," Louis grins and Harry can't help but grin back at him. He leans down and he kisses him again and he feels the hole in his heart patch itself up finally. He no longer feels like there's something missing. He glances at Chad tombstone one last time and he knows he'll be okay.
The rain clouds have really cleared and his sunshine is holding his hand and that's all he really needs.
The End.