Be the one that hates Sollux at the moment:
John.
What is John? Who is John?
Sure, maybe John has some type of history with Strider, but is he really that big of a threat?
Yes, I am fully aware that I am not at the normal height that a 16 year old is meant to be, but John is maybe one foot taller, I can take him, right?
Yes, I am also fully aware that my arms look like noodles and doors are twice the amount of my body weight, but verbally, I can beat John's ass anytime of the day.
Speaking of verbally kicking ass, should I call Dave?
No, Karkat, the reason he told you to leave was probably because he didn't want you there, I mean, who would? Rusty spoons have more value than your life ever will, get real.
Fuck off, Karkat, just call him and kick his ass later. Just stay breezy. Yeah, that seems like the best option. Call, and sound totally cool, no worries.
I dialed his phone number, which I unintentionally memorized, and held it against my ear, hoping he'd pick up.
"...Hello?"
"HEY!"
That wasn't breezy at all, Karkat.
"Karkat?"
"YEAH, ME, KARKAT, Y'KNOW, YOUR UM..BRO?"
Way to fucking go, Vantas, you dumbfuck.
I heard him laugh, which made me let out a sigh of relief I hope he didn't hear.
"Seems like you finally got what bro meant, huh?"
"HAH, YEAH...I GUESS? ANYWAYS I UH-"
Why did you call? Karkat, why did you even call? Did you not plan this out?! Karkat, you truly are the exact definition of an idiot.
Think! What is something he's interested in? The weather? Politics?
"YOU WANNA HANG OUT LATER?"
Karkat, did you just ask Dave Strider, the guy you have no idea whether you hate or love, if he wants to 'hang out' later?
"Sure! Yeah, uh, my place in an hour sound good?"
"YEAHOKAYSOUNDSCOOLGOTTAGOBYE!"
I let out a huge breath and slumped back on my couch.
Karkat, what were you thinking?
Be the one that has no idea whether what just happened was real or not:
Did that just happen?
Did Karkat Vantas ask me if he wanted to hang out?
Did I just invite him to my place?
I turned to John, who was eating my food, typical, and yelled,"You have to leave!"
"What?" He asked, licking his cheesy dorito fingers. Gross.
"Leave! Vantas is coming!" I yelled.
"So? He should get a clue, David." He said smugly, leaning against the counter.
"Fuck you! Get out of my apartment, ya' fucking loser!" I grabbed his wrist and pulled him out, as I was opening the door, he yelled,"I'll be back!"
I slammed the door and ran to my couch, grabbing the closest pillow I can find and shoving it on my face, doing the loudest, most feminine scream I've ever heard come out of my mouth.
Why me? Why does life hate me? Maybe Karkat as well, but me, too?
Life, just to let you know, you are a total bitch.
I contemplated whether I should clean up or not, cleaning was something us Striders don't usually do.
I looked at the clock and wondered if maybe there was a slight chance time would just stop and maybe give me a chance, at least to compose myself, but no. In 25 minutes the guy I am helplessly in love with will be in my apartment, looking and talking to me, insulting me, and all things Karkat does.
What am I to do when you can't have the guy you want because some nerd who has a massive crush on you threatens to hurt the guy you want?
Wait.
What am I saying? I'm a fucking Strider. Striders always get what they want. Always.
I slapped myself, and fuck, it hurt, and looked at myself in the mirror. I need to get it together. Karkat will be here in 20 minutes and you're acting like a total pussy, Strider. Get it together.
------------------------
Okay, he's coming in 5 minutes, be cool Dave, try to keep your mouth shut because nothing you ever say makes sense and you're a fucking idiot.
I grabbed some apple juice and drank it as quick as possible. The stuff is what keeps me going, because it's made by fucking gods.
I heard three knocks come from the door, and I almost shit my pants, it terrified me, but more of the reason was due to the fact that it was Vantas at my door.
Stay cool, dude.
I opened the door to be greeted to a small angry Karkat, just the way I like it.
"HI." He said, staring at his shoes. Adorable.
"Hey! Come in!..Bro?" He gave me a weird look and stepped in. I cursed at myself and looked back at him, who was sat on my couch looking as uncomfortable as it gets.
This is going to be the most awkward visit I have ever experienced in my entire life.
I slowly made my way towards the couch and sat as far away as possible, don't want to come off as more of a weirdo than I already showed him.
"So," I said, looking for something, anything that we can do or talk about. Please, any god that is up there, bring me something interesting. I promise I'll stop making stupid jokes about you!
"You, uh, wanna watch a movie? I have quite a few."
He nodded then looked at me for a second and turned away as quick as possible, it was like he looked at the sun.
That bad.
"Okay, what are you in to? I got horror, sci-fi, rom-coms-"
"ROM-COMS. PLEASE." He blurted out.
What a nerd.
I laughed, which made him crack a smile.
God, that was fucking beautiful.
"Alright, well I got 'Clueless', 'Grease', 'Pretty Woman', 'The Notebook-"
"THE NOTEBOOK."
Is he serious? He wants to watch 'The Notebook'?
That's probably the most romantic movie in existence, and he wants to watch that? With me?
"Okay, hold on a second." I put the disk into the player and sat as far away from him as possible.
He gave me a weird look but I ignored it, I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, even though I wanted to do so many things.
The movie started playing but I couldn't pay attention. Having a guest I'm in love with isn't the most common thing. I couldn't help but to stare at him, everything about him made me nervous. In a good way, of course. I can't help but notice how he sits, slouched with his arms crossed, his face, wide eyes looking at the screen of the television.
He's a work of art.
-----------------
Be the one that's trying to watch the movie:
Why does he keep looking at me? Why isn't he watching the movie? Is there something on my face? Fuck, I bet there is. I bet he's making fun of me in his mind. Why else would he be smiling.
"STRIDER?"
He jumped a bit, but replied quietly,"Yeah?"
"WHERE'S YOUR BATHROOM?"
"Um, down the hall, second door to your left."
I got up and quickly made my way to his bathroom, not wanting to feel embaressed anymore. Why did I even come? Why did I call?
I went inside the bathroom and went to the mirror. What? I had nothing? Why the fuck was he looking at me?
I open the door and made my way back, standing by the couch. I didn't want to sit.
I looked at him until he noticed I was staring and asked,"WHY WERE YOU LOOKING AT ME?"
He replied,"I wasn't looking at you."
"YES YOU WERE, WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU STARING AT ME? AM I THAT UGLY? WELL, FUCK YOU."
He smiled and replied,"I was staring at you because I appreciate art."
What? Is he serious? I tried to reply with a rude comeback, but that just left me making wierd incoherent noises.
This is why I can't be complemented.
Just as things were begining to heat up a bit, someone entered the apartment. We both turned our heads.
"II'm back and better than ever, biitche2!" Sollux yelled. He was carrying a backpack, which was weird, because it's Sunday.
Either way, I missed the hell out of him.
"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU!?"
He had a smug look and replied,"AT THE AMPORA'2 PLACE."
Dave laughed and asked,"Getting spicy with your new boyfriend, hm?"
Sollux smirked and shrugged.
I, however, am very confused on what's going on.
"BOYFRIEND? SPICY? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DO I KNOW HIM?"
Sollux gave me a look and asked,"You 2eriiou2ly don't know who Eriidan ii2?"
"WHAT! ERIDAN?! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MANAGE TO PULL THAT OFF! YOU'RE LIKE THE BIGGEST PUSSY I KNOW!" I yelled, trying to keep up with whatever this is.
He yelled back excitedly,"II know riight! Well, take a 2eat mothetfucker2 becau2e iit'2 2torytiime."
I sat down and kept my eyes on Sollux, okay, yes, I know gossip and things along those lines aren't the best thing, but I'm a heartless asshole who doesn't care about people or their feelings, so for me, this is completely relevant and acceptable.
He began,"Well, iit 2tarted Valentiine2 day, 2hiit went down, tru2t me, after ED and II 2aw eachother iin our new look2, II gue22 we both got horny and.." he crossed his arms and closed his eyes in pride,"II made iit all the way to thiird ba2e, baby."
You have got to be kidding me. This has to be some sick prank because there is no way in hell that Sollux, a mega-supreme nerd computer hacker, went to third base before me.
Dave high-fived Sollux and commented,"Congrats on the sex, man. Felt good, didn't it?"
Sollux laughed,"You have no fuckiing iidea."
They both turned to me, did they expect me to talk about my sex life? I don't have a life at all! Sex is completely out of the picture for me, mostly because I have the sex appeal of a rotten orange left outside in the sun for too long.
I felt my face heat up, I have to play along, I can't have these to loud-mouths spreading the word around school that I'm the big V.
"OH, PFFT, YEAH, IT'S FANTASTIC! MAGICAL EVEN! WOW, I REMEMBER MY FIRST TIME."
Dave looked at me questionably,"You've had sex?"
Way to open your mouth, Vantas.
"WHAT, ME? OF COURSE, DUMB SHIT! PLENTY OF TIMES!"
"Oh yeah? Who wa2 your fiir2t?" Sollux asked.
Great, now you're going to get caught. Find something! Make up a name! I looked around the room and saw a black cup. Black. Lipstick. Black lipstick. Kanaya.
"KANAYA."
I saw wrinkles at the side of Solluxs' eyes, squinting at me through eyes through his 3D glasses,"Kanaya ii2 a le2biian."
"THAT'S WHY IT WAS THE FIRST AND LAST TIME, HORSE SHIT. YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME ABOUT MY PERSONAL SEX LIFE? YOU DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT ME, CAPTOR."
"II know that you're a liiar."
"RIGHT. I AM. AND AN ASSHOLE, A SCUMBACK, A NERD, A REGRET, STUPID, UGLY, SMALL, ANGRY, LOUD, YOU NAME IT PAL! BUT THE ONLY THING I'M NOT IS A FUCKING VIRGIN, MARK MY WORDS, CAPTOR, BECAUSE I PROMISE YOU I WILL SNEAK INTO YOU'RE ROOM AND TATTOO MY WORDS ON YOUR GREASY FOREHEAD. STICK THAT UP YOU'RE BONEY ASS, BUDDY."
I opened the door and left his apartment, leaving that shitstain speechless. Nothing I'm not used to, mostly because I'm better than he and his entire family will ever be.
Be the one who just got back from getting spicy with his boyfriend:
KK doesn't have to tell me he's not a virgin because I know for a fact that he is, mostly because he told me not too long ago.
I turned to Dave, who was laughing at what just happened. "Do you really thiink he lo2t hii2 viirgiinity?
He shook his head with a sort of worried look on his face,"I doubt it."
Be the one who doubts his lovers virginity loss:
He hasn't lost his virginity, right? I mean, it's Karkat Vantas we're talking about.
Then again, he let my tounge in his mouth, and he hated me.
What if he lost his virginity to Gamzee?
Shit.
"Hey, 2trider, your phone." I turned my attention to my phone, which was ringing from by pack pocket. The screen read 'Unknown', but I knew who it was.
I went into my room and locked the door, taking a seet on my bed and pressing 'Answer.'
I put the phone to my ear and answered,"What."
"Sollux is back, isn't he."
"So?"
"Now I can't really come over anymore."
"You were never invited."
I heard a dry laugh come from the other side,"Baby, you miss me."
"I hate you."
"You love me."
"What do you want? You were here not that long ago, in case you forgot."
"I have a proposition for you, baby."
"Since when have you gotten all dark and mysterious? You're like a baby."
"Your baby."
"Just tell me what you fucking want."
"I have a proposition for you, Dave. And, well, you have no choice but to agree with me because you want to keep your precious Kitkat safe. You wouldn't want to have him in danger, would you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You go out with me, and keep him alive, or, you don't go out with me, and he, well, you know where this is going."
"You're fucking sick, John."
"I've been told. So, are you in?"
For Karkat, Dave. You can do this, just, keep him safe.
"Yes."
"I knew you'd come to your senses, baby."
-----------------
SORRY.
YES, THEY ARE HUMANSTUCK.