Hermione braced herself, strength somehow sweeping in and holding her up as Malfoy's hands gently held her arms, the temptation to pull her against him almost overwhelming as he stared down into those chocolate whiskey eyes, those eyes that held that crimson red flow of blood that pulsed harder when he was near. Hermione didn't understand the tension between them, she didn't want too but she didn't want it to leave either. She wanted those words to stay on his lips. She wanted him to say something more also but would he? Did he really feel it?
"Malfoy...what are you-"
"We'll find another way." He whispered, cutting her off as he placed his large warm hand against her cheek, his thumb stroking the delicate skin by the corner of her lips. Hermione reached her hand up to cover his, her fingers sending small sparks up his skin as she brought his hand down to her chest, holding it against her heart. She wanted to reach up, to kiss Malfoy right there but there was something holding her back. It was that look in his eyes. A second ago, she saw a doorway, a glimpse of venerability with no act put up but now, those ice grey eyes were back and even though his voice betrayed them, she could no longer read him. She doubted everything again. Why was he so afraid to let her in? Hermione wanted him to come clean, for the last time...Hermione just wanted to know where this all was heading. "We'll figure this all out and when we do, I'll make sure to ruin whoever did this."
The sincerity in his voice made Hermione smile weakly. The heat seemed to hit them straight in the chest.
Hermione's knees buckling as she felt the need to have him, to touch him and Malfoy's eyes glued to her perfect plump lips, his hands aching to feel her.
This sudden turn scared Hermione. Was this how her life would be now? Every second they got close, to want to jump his bones? The thought of them growing up too quickly raced in her mind but surely it was too late for that, after all they had been through, Draco Malfoy was simply the benefits, that extra half that had been missing all this time. Now, Hermione Granger believed she knew what it felt to truly live, to truly live in the arms of a Slytherin.
Malfoy could feel the swirl of emotions slide down into his core, the burning sensation of lust erupt through his chest as his tongue brushed his bottom lip. He didn't know whether he could hold back, staring down at her and the way her body seemed so alive by the touch of his hand, the way her lips automatically opened when her eyes rested against his own. She was craving him and she was driving him wild without even really doing anything. It had Malfoy set on edge, his free hand grasping her arm tighter and the moan that left her lips had his jaw clenching.
But Hermione knew now was not the time for them both to get wrapped up in lust. She had to other worries of who attacked her, worries of how to figure out who it was and why they aimed it at her, why did they want her dead?
The intensity in his eyes had hers lingering away as she slowly lowered her head and breathed, "This . . . It's not going to ever stop is it?"
Malfoy reached over, his fingers tucking gently under her chin and raising those watered chocolate eyes up to meet his. For a second she thought she could see pure anger radiating around those icicles she'd grown to see warmth in but just like that it was gone and his face was etched in stone.
"I will make it stop." Hermione was taken aback. His response still shocking her no matter what had happened between them. She had never heard such determination in his voice before, she'd never seen him shake with anger at the thought of her in harm but then again, she'd never thought that Draco Malfoy would save her life. Yet there was still that little voice inside her, the one that whispered after every beat of her heart, 'maybe he is the only one who can save you.'
"I never thanked you for saving my life." Hermione muttered as her tears dried and the corner of her lips twitched.
Malfoys eyes widened for a moment, his guard down and Hermione took the short lived opportunity to search his eyes. He looked lost, frightened like a little boy misguided and alone.
"Someone had too." He forced out. "You hero's love running back to danger, how about learning to run the hell away from it like normal people?"
"I was running back for you." She had not intended to blurt it out like that but there was no regret the minute she saw pure white shock on Malfoys face. He had never looked like that before and it took him a few minutes to reply.
"Never do that again." His face switched once more and now anger was clear in his words but before Hermiones lips could even part he continued. "Don't you ever throw your life away for m- for anyone."
"Like that's ever going to happen," Hermione snorted but suddenly her arms were seized tightly by Malfoy as he yanked her forwards staring down at her. His breath washed across her lips as they trembled, his knuckles turning white.
"How can you throw your life away? How can you see your life as so unworthy?" His words vibrated from restraining his anger.
"It's not throwing my life away if I'm saving my friends, the people I love." He quickly let her go sighing and turned his back to her.
"You would save anyone at Hogwarts. Even if they were idiots . . . All three of you . . . You risk your lives for people who don't matter." He trailed off and Hermione knew his mind was on the fire. Maybe this was his way of saying thank you.
"Everyone matters, even if they don't seem worthy of living . . . Everyone matters."
"Not when its between your life or there's. Some people aren't worth saving, some people's lives don't match up." Hermione went quiet. She wasn't sure how to reply and she wasn't sure what Malfoy was reaching at. Did he see his life as unworthy? Was that why she shouldn't have gone back? Was that why he was so willing to save her and not care for his life? "Sometimes bravery is not always to do with strength."
"That's not how we-"
"Fred Weasley." At the mention of his name, Hermione felt herself turn rigid. The pain she had managed to push down deep inside her rushed to the surface and she could feel her legs shake. Malfoy turned to face her slowly knowing exactly the pain he was raising up. "Look where bravery got him."
"How dare you," Hermione spat, her whole body trembling now. "He died with honour, he saved-"
"Exactly. He died. He died saving lives who won't ever go to sleep thinking of him. Thanking him. He died and all the pain he brought to the people who love him . . . How is that brave? Smart? He should be here laughing with his brother's, protecting his sister and giving his parents worry beyond their dreams. Instead, he sacrificed himself for people who-"
"He sacrificed himself so that we could still be here. He made the world a safer place for people like me." Hermione cut in, her tears racing down her cheeks. "They all did. He died for everyone, for you."
"Exactly." Malfoys head dropped lower, his gaze no longer holding Hermiones.
"Who are we to judge who's life is more valuable?" Malfoy had his answer but kept quiet. He could hear her sniff, her body so fragile and he knew this conversation wasn't wise. She would never understand him, she didn't know enough about what was happening in his mind and he didn't want her too.
At his silence, Hermione calmed her emotions and slowly walked towards him, her hand resting gently on his shoulder as it clicked.
"Your life is not worth-" but before she could finish, Malfoy shook her hand away and straightened his posture. He mustered all the bitterness he could to push her away,
"You don't know me Granger." Hermione flinched at his tone and allowed her arm to fall limp at her side. "We are not friends, we have an agreement. Don't forget that."
He switched so quickly that Hermiones confusion drained her emotions. At the end of the day, they had never agreed to anything else, the only reason they were standing here now was based on her hormones wanting more from life. Yet it seemed the only constant thing in her life was danger.
But his words still burned like fire itching away at her skin. Hadn't they shared something? Wasn't something different between them?
"Don't confuse respect with friendship and don't confuse lust with-"
"Whatever Malfoy." She cut him off, her voice even. She was not going to fall apart. He was right, they had an agreement and she was not and idiot, or at least she wouldn't be anymore. He wanted a business relationship then fine. "But I think your the one who forgot what agreement we had. Next time don't comfort me. Leave that to Ron."
With that, Hermione stormed away leaving Malfoy staring after her.
"Hermione?" she looked up through the frizzed curls crossing her eyes to see Harry hitting over towards her out from the cold.
"Harry? What are you doing here?" he paused in front of her, his fingers nervously scratching the back of his head as he cleared his throat and his eyes wondered from her's back to the ground behind those circled glasses that somehow always seemed to fall down his nose.
"I'm just...I was on my way to...to see you."
"Me?" Hermione's heart sped up, the memory of his secret feelings making itself known in her head.
He wouldn't confess...surely not now...
"Yes...I needed to um..."
"Harry wait." Hermione cut him off. Nerves seemed to have spread themselves across her stomach, her mind in worry as she took a step forwards and placed her hands on either side of his shoulders. She looked deep into his emerald eyes, she took in the darkened tint to them, the shallow breathing leaving his lips and the flush of red to his cheeks. "Whatever your about to tell me...think about it. Think real hard and make sure it's something you really need to say." His eyebrow rose, his lips parting ready to reply but Hermione cut him off once more. She wasn't ready to hear it. Whatever he was feeling towards her, it was a phase just the way those weird, forbidden feelings towards Malfoy are. "I mean it Harry. Think about it. Really, really think about it."
Harry's eyes twisted into confusion as he wrapped his cold hands around Hermione's wrists and pulled them from his shoulders.
"I was going to say that I needed to take your blood sample."
"Oh." Hermione awkwardly mumbled as she took a step back and tucked a strand of lose hair back behind her ear only to catch a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his lips at the slight flush of pink and awkward stance that she had taken.
"Ginny thinks there's another way. She-"
"Could we do this later? I'm tired and I just really need a shower right now." Harry nodded and watched her walk away.
She knew running alone at night through the castle probably wasn't the safest idea but with her wand grasped in her hand, Hermione hurried past the great hall to the furthest side of the castle.
Slowing down, Hermione walked along the halls not caring where she was just simply dragging her feet along.
All these emotions confused her, her wild side disappearing when misery showed up. Malfoy was beyond confusing and her mind was racing too fast to try to puzzle him together but there was one thing she couldn't shake from her mind as she wrapped her arms around herself.
The only person she craved to be by her side right now was Malfoy.
||||||||
It seemed like only minutes but when Malfoy glanced at the clock, he realized he'd been standing there for at least half an hour. Quickly composing himself and walking out from the library, he felt his chest ache, a feeling he wasn't sure he felt before and he couldn't help but let his head hang.
His mind screamed at him, he wanted so badly to protect her . . . He wanted her and he admitted it yet he had too many triggers. Malfoy couldn't let anyone in, if he did maybe they would see through this mask. They would know how truly weak he was.
At that moment he cursed his father.
How many mistakes had he drilled into him?
Slowly, walking across the courtyard Malfoy stopped and pulled out a piece of parchment from his bag. He scribbled a note to Blaise and summoned his owl giving him the note but before the owl could take it, he nipped Malfoys finger.
"Ow you little-" Malfoy let his words trail silent as the owls big black eyes stared back at him. Slowly he forced a smile and reached his hand out. He made sure to not move quickly and eased two fingers down on the owls head, scratching it gently before watching it flying away.
That had been the first time Malfoy had ever stroked his own owl.
Walking towards the great hall Malfoy allowed his thoughts to ponder for a minute. How had it all happened? When did he give Hermione Granger a chance? When had she given him one? When did his life become worthless compared to her . . .
"Malfoy!" He came to a stop, his head shooting up to see Potter running towards him, his face a mix of confusion and sweat.
"What is it Potter? Just because I saved your nerd does not make us-"
"Hermione! Have you seen her?" The disgusted look on his face vanished like thin air.
"She left the library a while ago. What's happened?" Had Harry not been in a stare of panic, he would have heard the dread behind Malfoys words.
"I can't find her. I've tried locating spells and I've looked at the map but I can't find her . . . She just disappeared . . . She's not on the map Malfoy. She told me she was going to the common room, Ginny said she never came." Malfoy snatched the crumpled map from his hands and spoke the words only to see he was telling the truth.
Panic set alight in his chest as he cursed, flung the map at Harry and ordered him to the search all the classrooms while he searched another area.
"Tell that Weasel to search another area!" Malfoy yelled back over his shoulder as he hurried ran off towards the east section of the castle.