no one's pov
Putting her arm around Lauren, Camila slowly helped the very drunk girl back across the roof to the stairs. Despite their little breakthrough, Camila could see that Lauren was still very upset. She didn't speak, but only cried.
After one or two times where she fell to the ground, Camila managed to get Lauren back in the apartment. She was glad she got her inside when she did, as not more than a minute later it started pouring outside.
"You need to get into bed Lauren." Camila said as she eased Lauren in the doorway.
Lauren moaned forlornly, then mumbled. "Back to the couch."
That made Camila who already felt pretty rotten, feel worse. They had been intimate more than once and she made Lauren sleep on the couch. It occurred to Camila just then, that not once did Lauren ever complain about it.
For a solid moment, Camila gave some deep thought what exactly was right and wrong. Ultimately she concluded it was wrong to leave Lauren on the couch like that. Lauren needed love and affection that could make whatever they had between them grow and Camila put a stop to that. All because she was too afraid and wanted to live in the past.
Camila shook her head. "I won't be afraid any longer. Lauren, you're coming bed with me. You need me and....I need you."
Lauren who was still crying, just put her head on Camila's shoulder and sobbed. It made sense that Lauren kept crying, it was obvious now that Lauren had held a lot in and only now was releasing it. Camila also knew that her words earlier had wounded Lauren pretty badly and that made her feel terrible.
She then helped Lauren into the bedroom and stripped her out of her wet clothes, then with a towel from the bathroom dried her off. All the while, Lauren just cried and cried.
Camila then slid Lauren into bed, stripped out of her wet clothes, dried herself off and crawled into bed with Lauren. Lauren immediately rolled over and put her arms around her with a soft whimper.
"Please let me love you." The drunk, upset and still somewhat wounded Lauren pleaded before she passed out in Camila's arms.
Camila didn't know much about how people who prefer the same sex are treated here. Lauren had made one or two comments about how it was generally accepted, but they had barely spoken in the last 2 weeks. So Lauren never really got a chance to clarify what that all meant.
But regardless if it was accepted or not, her heart told her that being with Lauren was the place for her.
"I love you Lauren you have no idea." Camila said, before closing her eyes.
Camila awoke the next morning with a snoring Lauren, still clinging to her. It felt wonderful to wake up with the raven haired beauty. Needing to go to the bathroom she slowly extracted herself from Lauren's arms and left her sleeping peacefully on the bed.
After using the bathroom, Camila remembered something. In the folder of notes there appeared to be a journal much like the one she wrote in. She never got a chance to look at it last night.
"It's only fair." Camila said, as she opened the book.
The book was a journal that Lauren had kept during her time in 1869. Not able to resist, Camila took the journal, poured herself a glass of milk and sat down at the small table in the kitchen.
Of all the modern wonders, Camila did like the refrigerator. She loved being able to have a glass of cold milk or water whenever she liked.
Camila read an entry.
June 25th, 1869.
I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. Why do I have to fucking lie to her every day? Why? I hate it. She's beautiful and special and a wonderful lover and I just can't tell her who I am or that I'm madly in love with her. If she marries him, she'll die. I want to tell her, I need to tell her, but I'm so afraid of losing what little I have of her. I feel so damn guilty all the time.
It's scandalous for a two women to be together in this day and age. In my time, things are different. I don't want to hide her. I want to walk down the street, holding her hand with a smile on my face, knowing that I'm with the best damn woman in the world. That she loves me and I love her.
She makes me crazy, so crazy. It drives me nuts to see her with Austin. He's such an asshole. It sickens me to think she would marry him. Her loving husband, what a load of crap.
What she needs is a WIFE. Me. Me as her wife. I know, I'm no picnic to be around. But I love her with all my heart. I want to love her and protect her, tell her that she's my one and only. All that romantic stuff that....normally I hate that romantic stuff. But she deserves that mushy stuff. Because she's special, that's why. We made love the other day. I just wanted to hold her.
What I really want. I want to tell her who I am. Tell her that I love her and always will. Then put a ring on her finger and make her my wife. I want to have her babies in me. Lots of babies and grow old together. Only She could make me think like that, want that. Only her. No one else, not ever.
That's why I love her so much....so fucking much, it hurts.
Beside the rather crude language, Camila had never read a more heartfelt message of devotion and love in her life. It was absolutely beautiful and moved her emotionally. After reading it, she put down the book, put her hand over her mouth and quietly began to cry.
She read the other entries and they were much the same, Lauren wrestling with her guilt and at the same time, being madly in love. Lauren at this point had woken up, with a hideous hangover. Her memory of the previous night, was somewhat jumbled. She remembered the fight and drinking on the roof. But she half remembered Camila holding her and saying something that sounded nice.
Lauren knew she was on the bed, but alone. Frankly she didn't know what it meant and feared nothing had changed. Depressed and hung over, she got out of bed and quietly walked to the bathroom.
In the kitchen Camila who was so moved by Lauren and her writings, suddenly heard the shower come on.
"Lauren's up."
Camila needed to be with Lauren, more now than ever.
Lauren meanwhile stood in the shower, wondering how to face Camila.
All of a sudden she felt a pair of soft hands wrap around her midsection from behind and felt a naked body ever so gently press up against her.
Shocked Lauren turned around to see a naked Camila, with her in the shower. "What? Did something happen? I don't remember much."
Camila quickly took Lauren hands in hers. "Yes, Yes. I know everything now. I died, you were so heartbroken you risked your life to come back and save me. You love me and think I'm beautiful, you want to make me your wife and have babies with me. Though I really don't know how we can. I was so horrid to you Lauren, I'm so sorry, please forgive me. I love you."
Lauren's eyes opened wide as her mouth hung open for a full 5 seconds. Only then did a few bits of memory from last night come into focus. How Camila had found out she had died, by reading the journals.
"You still love me?" Lauren said in way that sounded alot like a plea.
Camila pressed her lips against Lauren's and initiated a rather sloppy but loving kiss. After the kiss broke, Camila nodded. "Yes I do love you."
Lauren instead of speaking pulled Camila into her arms and burst into tears of happiness. "I love you soo much. I wanted to tell you. I'm sorry...." Camila then put her finger over Lauren's lips.
"Stop apologizing Lauren. I should apologize. I let my fear and desire to live in the past ruin things. I am so sorry. I just want to be with you."
Once again Lauren held Camila in the shower. Other than her splitting headache, Lauren was in heaven.
After a full minute of holding Camila, Lauren broke the embrace, Kissed Camila and smiled. "To answer your question. We can have babies...sort of. And I want babies. I want your babies inside me. I want to....wait. Attitudes to people like us have changed, a lot. We can be together, not just in secret. But in the open. Then we can be girlfriends, as we say. We can be girlfriends and get married. It's legal now, I'm serious. I'm sorry I'm getting ahead of myself, but I'm just so happy. I'm sorry, I'm hung-over and babbling."
The thought of being Lauren's wife, was one that made Camila grin ear to ear. She then playfully kissed Lauren. "I'll let you court me. They do court people these days. Do they?"
Lauren laughed and nodded. "It's called dating. But yes."
"Good, we will date and be girlfriends. I've been taught that this is a sin, but the way it makes me feel here...looking in your eyes, It can't be. And when you do decide to ask me." Camila then gently moved a wet strand of hair from Lauren's forehead. "I will say yes. I love you Lauren Jauregui and always will."
"I love you too."
The pair looked deeply into each other's eyes, knowing they would never be apart, something that made them equally happy.
"Now, girlfriend." Camila said with a giggle. "Let me wash you." Camila said picking up the soap.
Lauren just smiled and closed her eyes. Camila then washed Lauren. But she did it very slowly and a rather sensual way, planting kisses at many point's on her body. The whole experience struck Lauren as intensely intimate. Then Camila washed Lauren's hair and held the happy, but hung-over Lauren, for a while longer.
Lauren then returned the favour and the pair got out of shower, got dressed and sat down on the couch in the living room.
"I will admit. I'm afraid of lots of things in this world. I will give it a chance, but I need your help." Camila said while taking Lauren's hand.
"I know it's scary, but I think you'll like it."
"How are you feeling? Your head."
Lauren rubbed her head. "I just took some aspirin, which is medicine, my headache will go away. But that doesn't matter."
"I would like to go out. Would you take me somewhere?"
"Sure, it's early, the farmers market is open. We can go there, get some stuff for salad for dinner. It's in the same spot as it used to be in your day."
"It is?"
"Yes, let's go."
A few minutes later the pair stepped onto the brightly lit street on beautiful Saturday morning. Lauren could see a few people already walking towards the farmers market and took Camila's hand.
A look of fear suddenly went through Camila's face, but Lauren quickly calmed her. "No need to worry. It's ok. It's ok to be a lesbian. It's ok for a woman to be in love with a girl. Please be my official girlfriend."
Camila gripped Lauren's hand tighter, pushed her fear aside and smiled. "I'd love to. Lets' go."
How about that for Lauren goodness, a heaping chapter full of it. We're nearing the end, but have few chapters to go.