Trisha.
I'm not a bad person.
This is what I tell myself every day. I do not regret what I did to Natalia. Nor do I feel bad about it. People can say whatever they want to me. I'll just turn my head and smile. I won't be second best anymore. I'm in the spotlight now and no one can take that away from me.
I was finally happy. Natalia ruined my my life since the day I was born. I wasn't good enough. Every thing I did didn't compare to her. Every she touched turn to gold, while everything I touched turned to coal.
Do you know what it's like to have your parents say " why can't you be like your sister"
Well now I have everything she wanted and I was so happy. The look in her face when she saw me and Jessie together. The pain on her face. She finally knew what it was like to be broken, to be in the dark. And some might say that that doesn't justify anything but I don't care.
I love Jessie. I loved him first. But like always she was in the spotlight. She took him from me before I even got the chance to be with him. But i got him back. I know he loves me too. I mean I didn't force him to sleep with me, and if he didn't have feelings for me he wouldn't have done it.
Everything was finally in place. But she just had to come back. With that bastard child of hers. Making Jessie once again look at her. She thinks that she can ruin me, every thing I work so hard to get. Well she has another thing coming.
.....
Jessie hasn't come back all night and now it's 9 in the morning and he hasn't even returned any of my calls. I can't help but worry. I'm pacing all around the house. I can't sleep until I see him again. Just as I was about to pour my self my fourth cup of coffee I hear the door open.
"Oh my God baby where have you been I've been so worried, I tried calling you and texting you but you never replied I thought you were dead in a ditch". I run up to him and hug him tight but I don't feel arms around me.
"Baby what's wrong" He has this blank expression on his face.
"Trisha we have to talk" he says devoid of any emotion.
"Umm o-ok "
We make our way to the couch where we sit down in uncomfortable silence as If we were strangers meeting for the first time. I can't stand the silence anymore so I was the first to speak.
"Where were you"
" at a bar"
" why"
" I wanted to forget about everything"
I didn't like where this conversation was headed.
"Did you sleep at the bar" god I hope he says yes.
"No" he stares at his hands
"Jessie look at me and tell me where you were, I was up all night worried sick, the least you can do is tell me where you were".
"I was with my family" he says with a sigh
"What the fuck do you mean 'your family'. Your parents live 6 hours away jessie".
"I was with Natalia and Tyler" He's looking right in the eye like there's nothing wrong.
My lips pressed into a tight line. I was beyond Furious.
"Why" I say clenched teeth
He shrugs " got drunk needed to call someone to get me, I called her ,she took me to her house I fell asleep there"
He says it like it's nothing. Like he doesn't hear himself.
" why didn't you call me I'm your fiance I'm the one who's supposed to come get you not your EX WIFE"
" what are we doing trish"
I stare at him so confused.
"What the hell are you talking about"
" Trish I don't think I can marry you. I don't think I can marry anyone"
" what are you saying we love each other did Natalia tell you something is that why you don't want to get married anymore". I was basically yelling.
" Trisha I still love her .I love her with everything I have and the love I have for her I can never give you. Trisha what we did all those years ago was wrong and I can't even blame you because it was me I did it. I could have stopped and I didn't and I know that now and I know what I did wrong and I'm facing the consequences for it every single day .
we need to let each other go because not only are we holding each other back. We're holding on to the past and I can't move forward like that, you can't move forward like that and if we get married it's going to be in a loveless marriage".
" I'm begging you let it go. to just let us go"
He's literally on his knees begging me.
" I think you're still a little drunk maybe you should get some sleep okay".
"Tris-"
" NO Jessie! you need rest, you're being delusional and I think the alcohol is clouding your mind so I'm going to leave you alone for a while ok, until you get your shit together and then when you're well rested we can get back to planning OUR wedding"
I walked upstairs and went into the bathroom. Looked in the mirror and said...
'I am not a bad person'
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