I tug on the green embroidered dress that fits a little tight on the hips. General Leia insisted I wear something other than military sanctioned plain clothes. Poe walks ahead of me and I try to keep up. His fighter plane sits in the fog, beside others that I can't see, but I know are there.
"Ready?" Poe asks, looking dapper in his pilot's uniform. He walks around to the pilot's side of the plane and hops in. I'm glad he doesn't offer me a hand up and that no one's around to see me lift my skirt to climb up.
Once we're inside, Poe hands me a helmet and I put it on.
"I didn't even know they were having a party," Poe says into the headset. "So how come you missed the shuttle?"
"I was looking for BB-8."
"She's safe, don't worry," Poe says, then starts the engine. We lift off into the fog. "So what happened out there, with Kylo Ren? If you don't mind me asking." Poe keeps his eyes on the screens that show him which way to go.
"I discovered he still has light left in him," I say.
Poe concentrates on the landing and doesn't reply.
"That was quick," I say, unlatching my safety belt. We remove our helmets and I smooth back my braids.
"We're just two islands over," Poe says.
"You seem about as excited as I am about this party," I say.
"I don't plan on staying long."
"Me neither, I want to find someone to open the bay doors so I can get BB-8. When I went to the ship where they're doing repairs I didn't have the security codes for the doors. And no one was there."
Poe opens the hatch and jumps out. I follow after him. He doesn't come around to my side, thankfully, and I quickly climb down. He's waiting for me at the steps leading down to the ancient city ruins. The fog has lifted a bit here and the sun shines onto his face.
"I hate celebrations," he says, crossing his arms.
I smile. "Why is that?"
"Because they build camaraderie and friendships, then you only miss those who die more when they're killed in battle. I don't want anyone to miss me. I don't want that to distract them in battle and get them killed too."
I nod and we both start to climb down the steps. The sound of a flute playing drifts up from below. We pass by the crumbling walls of the ancient city, the pillars now covered in vines. It's lovely in the sunset and yet it reminds me of a graveyard with white tombs. I shiver in the cool evening air.
Poe walks fast, like a man on a mission, and I break into a jog to catch up to him, not wanting to be left behind. He reaches the courtyard first and waves at someone in the crowd. The place is filled with people laughing and talking while someone plays a flute, adding to the festive atmosphere.
"Over here!" Poe yells. I look to see where he's looking and see Chewie waving back at us. He stands out as the tallest in the crowd.
"Chewie!" I run down the steps with Poe beside me. Chewie makes his way to us and gives me a big hug. I hug him back. "It's great to see you."
"I heard you flew in on the Millennium Falcon," Poe says.
Chewie lets out an excited cry and nods his head. I laugh, letting him go.
The lively flute song changes to a different tune with a fiddle joining in. I glance around at all the happy faces. They begin to clap along to the beat and a circle forms around us.
"What are they doing?" I ask Poe.
"Rey!" Finn waves to me. I hurry over and join him where he's standing by the others. Suddenly they all begin to sing.
Behold how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together
In unity
Everyone joins hands and Finn takes my hand in his. "I don't know how to dance," I tell him over the music.
"It's simple," he says, looking down at our feet. "Step left, left, right, then left again. And repeat."
I follow along with the others. The circle does a slow turn as everyone steps in the same direction at once. We continue on until the chorus when suddenly everyone switches places. Before I can figure out where I'm supposed to stand Finn lifts me off my feet and sets me down on his other side. I laugh in surprise, my skirt spinning around us. The singing continues and we start the steps again, moving all together.
"I don't think lifting me up is part of the dance," I say to Finn.
"Sure it is." He winks. "But there aren't many girls in the circle for the guys to lift, so that's why it seems like you're the only one."
I look around. He's right. Most of the Resistance Fighters are guys. I spot Poe and Chewie, standing outside the circle watching the dancing, with silly grins on their faces. For all his talk about not wanting any attachments I'm glad to see Poe's found a friend in Chewie, and in Finn too. Finn is difficult not to be friends with. His warmth and spirit are unavoidable.
The song comes to the chorus again and I try to escape Finn before he can lift me, but I notice too late and he grabs my waist, lifting me into the air as high as he can. I laugh out loud, hearing hoots and cheers around me. Finn sets me down but leaves his hands on my waist for an extra moment longer. His palms feel warm and unfamiliar through the fabric of my dress.
"I have to go," I say over the singing. A look of surprise crosses Finn's face, but I run off before he can respond, leaving him calling after me. I can't stop the tears and I don't want anyone to see them. This always happens, when I think I'm having too much fun. It's like I'm disappointing my parents all over again, 'playing' around while my loved ones are slipping away from me and I don't even notice until it's too late. You will lose only that, of which your heart lets go. I'll lose Kylo if I let go. I won't let him go. But I've already left him behind, like my parents left me.