What is this that made us wonder who we are?
Couldn't face what we had done, and so we covered up the scars.
And now we hope, but our hope is buried underneath at night.
Arrows to Athens, Silence
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The world was the same when I woke up: tank and all. It was I who changed... I think. Because when I saw my reflection on the glass wall, I saw a pair of determined eyes-one gray, the other green-looking back at me. Being inside the tank still terrified me. So did deep pools. And Hector. But now, I could see that they weren't unconquerable.
I pressed a hand on the Helcium wall, closing my eyes to feel its cold seep into my palms.
That's right, I told myself. If I don't like what I see, I can always break it.
"Are we done?" I asked.
Alex was still behind the controls. Sweat dotted his ashen face, his usually distracted eyes now wide.
Luci hurried to my tank and punched the lock combination, her face a mask of uncertainty. "Are you alright?"
"I guess..."
I didn't notice how cold it was inside the tank until the door slid open, allowing warm air to waft on my face. Breathing deeply, I stepped out.
"Are you sure? You were screaming your throat raw," she asked, brows raised, a hint of concern somehow leaking from her voice. "I thought you wouldn't stop crying."
"Really..." I threw her an embarrassed look. "Then if Vincent asks, none of that ever happened."
Alexis approached warily as one would a rabid animal. "Aramis... Is that you?"
Feeling my forehead wrinkle, I nodded. "Yeah."
Once he was close enough to see my eyes, he knitted his brows and swallowed. "No... A-alessandra?"
"Y-yeah..." Even I was surprised with my answer.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "W-wait. Are you telling me that you're both Aramis and Alessandra?"
"I guess..."
Out of the blue, Archie stepped from behind, his hand raised. "If I may?" With a nod from Luci, the familiar cleared his throat and said, "I believe, Masters, that this is what we call reincarnation."
"That's... not possible," Alex muttered, eyes shifting in deep thought. Thoughtlessly, he traced my left eye with his fingers. "Question: what's Cairo's favorite dessert?"
"Passendale cheese; he doesn't like sweets," I answered unthinkingly.
"And the name of his four familiars?"
"Selk, Gideon and... there were only three of us." I bit my lower lip. "How the hell did I know that?"
I shook my head and let out a gasp when I realized that I knew exactly how I knew those things about Cairo: because I knew him like the back of my hand.
Alex's eyes went blank for a while.
"Back then," he muttered to himself. "There were only three of you back then, when you were still Cairo's familiar. Of course you're not aware that he made more familiars after you left. It makes sense. Now, what's Vincent's favorite breakfast?"
My eyes roamed the ceiling for answers. "Uhm... cereal?"
Narrowing his eyes, Alexis tilted his head back to stare at ceiling. "Tell her, Archie."
The gray-haired familiar could only sigh, "A variety of sugar cookies called CrackHeads, Sir. May I mention the fact that Aramis and Master Vincent did not exactly get along well?"
I rolled my eyes. "You already did, Archie. Now, what about this reincarnation thing?"
"Reincarnation, simply put, is being reborn possessing the memories of one or more past lives," he replied indifferently. "Once in Nirvana, the soul loses identity; a clean slate for rebirth. Since your soul had lived multiple lives without having to cross over to Nirvana, thus, disregarding protocol, it's only logical to infer that you had reconnected with one of your past lives."
"We have hoped to revive your soul from hibernation, Aramis," Alexis explained. "But I never thought this would happen."
Hector's laughter made my nape tingle, the cuts on his face threatening to open with every facial movement. "Brilliant, Alex! When Vincent finds out, I'll have a welcoming committee for you in the death row."
With one sharp look from Luci, Hector shut his mouth.
"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," she muttered. "Or us... So I suggest we finish this while he's busy training."
She motioned for me to get back in the tank.
"A-again?" I looked at Alexis.
Sighing, he nodded. He took my hands and led me back into the tank. It amazed me how easy I gave in. There was something in his eyes that felt reassuring, honest. Before he closed the door, he started to ask something but I cut him off.
"Enough with the pop quiz, Alex," I managed to smile. "It's depressing enough that I know practically every mole on Cairo's body. So, I'm totally clueless about Vincent. You don't have to rub it in."
"I was going to ask how it feels like to one with Alessandra."
"Not as weird as I thought. I'm more worried about Vincent. He's going to freak."
"You can probably wear contact lenses."
"I'm not going to lie anymore."
"Here's hoping he does not raze us." Tentatively, he patted me on the shoulder. "You've been very brave, Aramis. Hang in there."
The tank closed. And again, there was light.
∞
Vincent pulled a chair toward the bed where I sat. I noted the burns on his arms. Soot covered his face. There were purplish bags under his bloodshot eyes. He looked like all he wanted was to pass out, but truth couldn't wait. I figured he should probably sleep on it.
He sat, hands together, elbows on his thighs. "Let me get this straight: you're still you, but you're also... Alessandra?"
I nodded, placing a hand over my chest. "She's been here all along. It's bound to happen sometime, Vincent. Before, I thought she was the enemy, but I was wrong. She's part of me. She is me. Always has been. The only difference now is, I remember my past."
"Y-your past?" he echoed in disbelief. "How are you not freaking out about this, Aramis?! You're saying you're Cairo's friggin' familiar!"
I considered it for a moment. "Yeah. But was before. Now, I'm your friggin' familiar."
With a disappointed groan, Vincent let his head sag in between his arms. I had expected him to rip me a new ass. I had been inwardly dreading this talk since I came out of the vats this afternoon. Luckily for me, his training with Sathariel had left him too tired to break stuff. He could barely open the door when he got to our room.
"Why do you always have to go against me, Aramis?" he murmured to his lap, his voice hoarse. "I said I'll fix everything. Don't you believe me?"
I lowered my head and tried to meet his gaze, but he stayed curled up, staring at the floor as he did.
"I believe you, Vincent," I answered. "I believe you will do everything in your power to fix everything whatever the cost. I'm just scared. I'm always scared you would give up everything else just to protect me. I have to get stronger, so I can also protect you."
All of a sudden, he began chuckling softly. It didn't sound like he was mocking me. If anything, he sounded sad, desperate.
"Tch. You even sound outspoken now," he sighed, still clutching his head. "This is just so messed up. I... don't know how I could look at you the same anymore."
Wordlessly, I removed his arms over his head and placed them onto his lap. I cupped his face with my hands, lifting it gently so that his silvery-gray eyes leveled with mine.
Hesitantly, Vincent lifted his gaze. I looked into his eyes with courage I didn't know I had. Despite the emotions that stirred within me, I managed a smile.
"That," I told him. "That's how."
Slowly, Vincent's eyes widened, his expression a mix of surprise and confusion. He straightened on his seat, swallowing.
"Wh-what do you think are you doing?" he demanded, his voice shaking.
When I removed my hands from his face, I noticed his ears had turned red. I knew he would be weirded out. Angry even. But I didn't expect this.
"You're not scared of me, are you?"
His eyes fixed on everything besides me.
"Wh-why the hell would I get scared of you?" he snapped, the unease in his voice evident. "Are you nuts? "
"Then why are you leaning away from me like that?"
"It-it's because..." he muttered, blinking rapidly as he did. He began fidgeting with his fingers like Alex usually did whenever he was distracted. "I mean, y-you're the one who's acting all weird! Why should I be the one doin' the explaining here?"
I went to the table to get the med kit Luci gave me. Somehow, she knew Vincent wasn't going to come home unscathed from his training under Sathariel.
With a deep sigh, I flopped back in front of him.
"Think of it this way: now I'm older and wiser," I said as I opened the kit. "Well? Aren't you going to remove your clothes?"
His jaw could have fallen off the hinges. Discreetly, he tugged on his collar.
"W-why?"
"They're filthy. There's no point in disinfecting your wounds if you're just going to sleep like that."
His forehead creased. "Since when did my personal hygiene become your business?"
"Your face is flushed," I said, nonchalantly pressing my palm over his forehead. "But it seems you don't have a fever."
His chair almost toppled over as he dodged my hand and scrambled towards the door.
"F-fine! I'll take a shower," he stammered while fumbling for the handle. "D-don't wait up. You... better be sleeping when I come back or else... J-just sleep."
"Vincent," I called before he could close the door behind him. "No matter what happens or how much I change, I'm still me. You know that, right?"
His face went blank. "Yeah. I know."