Flying out of New Mexico was terrifying for obvious reasons, and because so many things had changed in such a small amount of time. Knowing that now that Lindsey could bite the dust at any moment and that I could be pushed into deciding mine and Kaitlin's fate at any day was terrifying.
I had no idea what I wanted to decide. I had no idea where I thought Kaitlin would be better off. I knew what Lindsey wanted, but even she wasn't sure what would be best for Kaitlin. For all I knew, Kaitlin could have been way better off in a foster home with two parents and other kids. That, and the obvious, more selfish reason: I wasn't ready to become a single dad.
Had you asked me two months prior, I'd have said 'no fucking way, dude.' Now there was a chance, but I still wasn't sure. Granted, it had only been two weeks, but I still had a lot to think about. I knew that if I did get chosen to take custody of Kaitlin that I'd have help from friends and family with her, especially when I'd have to leave for tour, but was that for the best? I'd only be there for Kaitlin a few months out of the year, really.
Then I began to wonder...would that be reason for the judge to decide that I'm unfit to Kaitlin? I didn't want that. That was what was the most confusing about situation. I wasn't sure I wanted the judge to pick me, but at the same time, I wasn't sure I didn't want to be picked either...
"So, the doctors say Lindsey could have a few months left, but she could also die, like, tomorrow?" Balz asks.
The band sat in their hotel in Brazil, talking about the situation between Chris and Lindsey and Kaitlin.
"Yup." Chris says.
"Well...That's unsettling." Ricky says.
"Uh huh!" Chris exclaims.
"Do you know what your decision would be if that were the case?" Ryan asks.
"No. No clue. I mean, I know that Lindsey doesn't want Kaitlin in foster care, but Kaitlin might be better off there!"
"Why doesn't Lindsey want Kaitlin in foster care again?" Vinny asks.
"Lindsey was a foster kid. She was in the system for three and a half, four years and lived in a ton of houses, some of which were abusive. And that's what scares me! If I were to choose against keeping Kaitlin, she could end up in an amazing home with two parents and other kids until she's eighteen and she'll live a way better life than she ever could with me...But there's also a chance that she could end up in a horrible home and it would be my fault."
"Well, hypothetically, say that happened. What would you do then?" Ghost asks.
Chris thinks a minute, then sighs, "Try to fight for her back, I guess..."
x
Over the course of the tour, Chris kept in touch with Kaitlin as promised. So far, keeping this whole thing private was going well. Kaitlin's social media was already private to begin with, but she was told to make sure she didn't accept any requests from people she didn't know in order to keep the situation as private as possible.
The tour was a good way for Chris to relieve some stress. It was good to be back on the road again. Chris spent almost any free time he had in the back room or in his bunk with his laptop or whatever other device he could use to connect to the Internet with so he could study sign language. He tried to teach himself as much as he could.
Everyone kept the situation private as if Kaitlin were a secret to be taken to the grave. No one even uttered the names 'Kaitlin' or 'Lindsey' if they were out in public or at a show. They told absolutely no one about it; not even friends of theirs in the other bands on tour.
When the tour was over, the band had nine days off before their headliner, and Chris was spending four of those days in Albuquerque. He was looking forward to seeing Kaitlin again and telling her all about the tour.
Chris drives up to the house in a good mood. He'd had a great time on tour and had another great tour coming up, and he also really excited to see Kaitlin. It may only be for a few days, but he like spending time with her and every day counted. Chris needed to spend as much time with Kaitlin as possible because every day helped his decision more.
According to Kaitlin, Lindsey had been doing pretty okay lately; which gave Chris a bit of hope. He needed as much time as humanly possible to make this choice.
Chris pulls up and gets out of the car. He walks up to the house and rings the doorbell. Chris almost hoped Kaitlin would answer it, but then he remembered that Kaitlin couldn't hear the doorbell.
Iris answers the door and gives a tired smile, "Hi, Chris."
Chris grows concerned at Iris' exhausted appearance, "Is everything okay?"
"Um...not really. Lindsey's having a bad day and Kaitlin isn't taking it so well. Do you mind taking her out of the house for a while?"
"Yeah, yeah, of course. Where is she?"
"In her room."
"Okay, thanks." Chris says, stepping inside.
Chris walks down the hallway. He goes to Kaitlin's room and looks inside. Kaitlin sat on the edge of her bed with her head down and her hands in her lap.
Chris slowly walks in, unsure if Kaitlin even knew he was in there. She just stared down at her hands, sniffling, and her hair hung down over her face. Chris slowly sits on the edge of the bed next to her. Kaitlin glances over at him, then back down at her hands. She sniffles.
"Hey, Chris." She says, quietly.
"Hey." Chris says; although, there wasn't really much of a point as he knew she couldn't hear him.
Kaitlin was obviously crying and obviously trying to hide it. Chris slowly starts to rub her back and Kaitlin wipes the side of her face. Chris puts an arm around her shoulders and Kaitlin lays her head on his shoulder.
They remain like that a moment.
Kaitlin them removes her hair from her face, turns to face Chris and hugs him, crying. Chris continues to rub her back and patiently waits for her to say something. He kisses the top of her head and they come apart.
"Are you okay?" Chris signs.
Kaitlin nods.
"Are you sure?"
Kaitlin nods and wipes her tears.
"I missed you." Chris continues.
Kaitlin manages a smile, "I missed you too. I'm happy you're here."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
Kaitlin nods, "I'm fine."
"Well, your mom and Iris want me to get you out of the house so you don't have to see your mom like this, so..."
Kaitlin nods, "Okay."
"Why don't we go get some food or something?" Chris asks before gasping, "I can teach you the chicken wing system!" He says aloud.
"What system?"
"The chicken wing system, duh! One does not just go into any restaurant and order wings."
Kaitlin raises an eyebrow, "Why not?"
Chris sighs and hangs his head down. He shakes his head, then looks back up.
"I have so much to teach you." He says, "C'mon, let's go."
"Okay. Chris?" Kaitlin says aloud.
"Yeah?"
Kaitlin smiles, "Thank you. I already feel better."
x
"Now, wasn't this worth going through the system?" Chris signs.
Kaitlin laughs, "It was indeed." She signs and mouths.
"What are you thinking of getting?"
"Spicy wings and a Coke."
"Yes! You are so my kid!" Chris exclaims.
Kaitlin laughs, "I would eat spicy food every day if I could but my mom hates it."
"Oh, yeah, I remember that about her."
"She can't stand it. You should've seen the look on her face when she accidentally tried wasabi."
"How do you accidentally try something?"
"I knew it was wasabi and she didn't, and when she went to try it, I didn't stop her."
Chris laughs, "That's just cruel!"
Kaitlin smiles, "Yeah, I can be pretty evil. Like you and your friends in the band never screw with each other?"
"Yeah, sometimes we do shit to each other."
"Like what?"
"I'm not giving you any ideas!"
They laugh.
"Okay okay okay. This one time, someone put mustard under all of the door handles on the bus. That was a fun day."
Kaitlin laughs, "You guys must have a lot of fun."
"We do. I'm sure they'd love to meet you." Chris signs.
There's a pause.
"Hey, I have an idea." Chris says, "It's pretty stupid and a lot of people won't get it, but when you think about it, it makes sense."
"What is it?"
"Well, in a couple weeks, the band has a show and two off days in the next town...Do you wanna come?"
Kaitlin raises an eyebrow at him, "Did you just invite a deaf person to a concert?"
"I know, I know, but think about it, Kaitlin. This court order situation is for you and me to get to know each other, right? To see what our lives would be like if I got custody of you, right?"
Kaitlin nods.
"Okay. Well, chances are, if you end up with me, you're gonna end up coming to a concert or two anyway, so you should know what they're like and how to get through them even though you can't hear. And, when decision day comes, the judge will probably like to hear that you can handle yourself at my concerts."
Kaitlin thinks, then nods, "That's actually a really good idea."
"I'll talk about it with your mom when she's feeling better." Chris signs.
Kaitlin nods, then a waitress comes over to take their order.
x
"Absolutely not."
"Why not?!"
"I told you, Chris, I don't want to risk Kaitlin getting attached to any of your friends or family members in the event the judge doesn't pick you."
"Okay, but if Kaitlin does get attached to them, wouldn't be that all the more reason for the judge to pick me?"
Lindsey thinks.
"Plus, if the judge does pick me, Kaitlin is gonna be coming to a lot of these concerts and festivals anyway, and the judge will be more likely to pick me if Kaitlin already has an idea of how those work."
"Chris, I know you aren't already fully on board with taking custody of Kaitlin yet. What's your reason for wanting to do this?"
Chris looks over at Kaitlin in the kitchen. Lindsey had asked her to unload the dishwasher and Kaitlin obviously couldn't hear what Chris and Lindsey were saying. Chris looks back to Lindsey.
"Okay, despite my mixed feelings, I do think I've made it pretty obvious that I am at the very least starting to care about Kaitlin. It also is obvious that music and my career are very big parts of my life and...I don't want Kaitlin to feel left out or to feel like I want to exclude her from such a big part of my life just because she's deaf."
Lindsey stares at him a moment, as if to be thinking.
"Look, I think that this could be a good trial run for us and Kaitlin. We've got two days off; she can stay with us the whole weekend! We have more than enough room, believe it or not, and Kaitlin is a pretty small person. We can get her a guest pass, she can hang out back stage, she can help us do our makeup; I think she'll have enough to do on the side that she'll still have fun. There's a lot more to a concert than just a concert. If all else fails, if anything happens, we'll be, like, twenty minutes away, tops. Iris can come get her if needed. Look, I still need to talk to my tour manager about it, but...think about it."
Lindsey pauses, then nods, "I will."
Chris nods, then stands. He walks into the kitchen and taps Kaitlin's shoulder. She turns to face him.
"Hey. I'm going to head out, but I'll come over tomorrow, okay?"
Kaitlin nods, "Bye, Chris." She says before hugging him.
Chris smiles and hugs her back. They then come apart. Chris gives Kaitlin one last wave, then walks out.
Lindsey speaks up, "Chris?"
"Yeah?"
Lindsey pauses, then speaks, "Thank you." She says, "For taking her out today and...for thinking of her. I really do appreciate it."
Chris nods, "I've been thinking of her a lot lately, and...I'm not sure that's going to change any time soon."
Lindsey smiles, "Good. That gives me hope."
Chris nods, "I'll see you tomorrow." He says before walking out.
A/N: Awww...Sooo Kaitlin might be going to one of MIW's concerts...How do you guys think that will go down? She'd have to get along with the band AND risk encountering nosey fans. Hmm...
Also, Lindsey only seems to be getting worse. BUT Chris and Kaitlin seem to be getting closer. Thoughts?
Let me know what you think! I'm gonna go watch some Bad Lip Reading videos. Someone (I think Bryan Stars would be awesome at this) should follow bands around and film them and make a bunch of Bad Lip Reading videos. That would be awesome!
xoxo, Scissorhands.