"You look really tired all the time, Jae," Tane said, tilting his head back to look at me.
"Yeah, I work really hard."
"In the bakery?"
"Yeah," I mumbled my response. It was a blatant lie and I didn't like lying to him, but it was something I'd given up on trying not to do long ago. Some lies were mandatory to protect him and Ma. I'd do anything to protect him and Ma, even if it meant I had to kill someone. I'd never killed anyone before and I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible, but I knew that wasn't something I had control over.
"Bakeries don't seem like they'd make you work very hard," Tane said, looking across the river.
This was our favorite spot. We'd talk about everything. He'd tell me things Ma said to him that he found amusing and I'd spin him wild tales about assassins. He thought I was just a creative thinker. He had no idea the stories were true.
It was better that way.
"I've gotta run errands and stuff," I said. "Like, in and out of town."
"Isn't the bakery outside of town?"
"Yeah," I said. "Which is why I look so tired all the time. I've gotta run into town, grab what we need, and hurry back to the bakery. Bakeries don't have horses, y'know? So I gotta do it on my own."
"Oh," Tane said. "I hadn't thought about the whole... distance thing."
"It's okay, though," I assured him. "It isn't too bad. It keeps me in shape."
"Sounds cool," Tane said, and I looked at him with a curious glance. "I mean, to have a job and stuff. We're only nine."
"Dad needs extra money," I said, cringing inwardly at calling Ceseth my father. It had gotten easier over the past year, but it still made me sick to my stomach. I'd kill the man if he really was my father. "And they don't let me bake anything. I just run errands."
"Maybe I wouldn't like that then," Tane said bashfully. "I don't really like running. But I like to—"
"Swim," I finished for him, smiling brightly. It was one of the things Tane loved to do. He'd always ask me to swim with him, but I didn't know how to swim. I didn't want him to know that, though, so I always said I was too tired. Sometimes he'd get into the water and I'd sit on the bank and watch him. He'd splash water at me and we'd laugh and joke until sunset, when we both had to head back.
Looking at it now, the sun was beginning to set.
"Mhm," he said softly. "I love to swim. I hope someday you'll swim with me."
"I will," I lied.
"Promise?" he asked, looking hopefuly.
"Promise."
It was a promise I knew I could never keep.
~*&*~
I lunged forward and slashed. He, as usual, sidestepped me easily. Frustrated and covered in sweat, I tried again. Again, he managed to evade me.
"Is that all you've got?" he asked, looking like he was going on a leisurely stroll. I was uncomfortably drenched in sweat and my hair was plastered to my face. My mouth was dry and I was gasping for air. It had to have at least been two hours in training with him, and I hadn't hit him once. As for me?
I was covered in blood and bruises. We used practice swords, so he couldn't actually slice a limb off or anything, but the hard wood still hurt anyways. When hit hard enough, it was more than enough to break skin. Ceseth kept telling me to get used to pain.
The only reprieve I got from the rigorous training was my days with Tane. He was growing up fast, it seemed, and I felt like I was lagging behind. It had only been a year, but he'd already grown a good three inches, and he was now an inch or two taller than I was, and I had only grown an inch.
I cried out as the wooden sword hit me at the juncture between my neck and shoulder.
"You're such a distracted girl," Ceseth said, shaking his head. "I wish you could learn to focus."
I took a step back and rubbed the skin tenderly.
"You give me a lot to think about," I said. Ceseth had learned that the novelty of him hitting me all the time had worn off, and I was more or less immune to the pain he caused. I liked to think he'd done me a favor by giving me thick skin.
Ceseth snorted. "Sounds like some love-struck bullshit."
I rolled my eyes at him. "Because I'm definitely in love." At nine, he'd already taught me how... well, how man-woman relationships worked. He'd given me a lecture on how babies were made and it had been the most awkward forty-five minutes of my life. He told me, he said, so that I would know what not to do when it came to any relationships I would have when I was older. He admitted that he acknowledge he wouldn't be around forever, even if he wasn't particularly old. He had said he didn't know if he'd have time to teach me everything he'd like to, so he was teaching me certain things very quickly so I wouldn't screw myself over.
"Agreed. It's not like you have anyone to talk to."
I narrowed my eyes at the obvious jab. Ceseth knew about Tane and frequently told me that assassins were better off alone. I had learned that my reactions were a large part of how Ceseth got information from me without me saying a word. I noticed how his facial expressions shifted, ever so slightly, after I did something that revealed a little too much of me.
"I know," I said, starting to evaluate his stance again. "Assassins are better off alone." I regurgitated his words only because I knew it pleased him to know I was listening. He spent a good deal of time trying to beat information into or out of me, so it was always a plus to show him that I had been listening. In truth, I had learned to tune out the things I didn't want to hear, and pay attention only when I knew it would be necessary.
"Right," Ceseth said, drawing my attention back to him. He lowered his sword and looked me in the eyes. I relaxed my position but kept myself alert enough that I would be able to act if he decided to "ambush" me. It wouldn't be the first time. "But do you truly believe that?"
Ceseth slid the sword back into the toy scabbard. A sudden rush of adrenaline at an open opportunity coursed through my veins, but I bit back the reaction.
"I have to," I said softly. He simply nodded. I couldn't gauge how pleased he was – if he was pleased at all. He was dangerous, Ceseth. Like a lurking tiger constantly prowling, look for its next prey. I, unfortunately, was the prey that was most often around him.
"You're not very good at swordsmanship," he said, changing the conversation. I simply nodded, because I knew it was true. It turned out I wasn't very good with daggers or swords or shields. Ceseth had given up on shields entirely. I couldn't carry them very well and I fumbled hopelessly whenever I tried to wield both a shield and a sword. Ceseth had from then moved onto two-handed weapons. While I was by no means talented, I fared much better with the daggers than I had with anything else. They allowed me to be light on my feet, which, as a woman, Ceseth said was one of my main advantages. The twin daggers didn't drag me down or make me focus too much on holding them properly. I had to know I was holding them, of course, but it was easier to focus on the movements of my body. I got bogged down in worrying about making sure the sword didn't drag me forward when I was holding a rapier or any other one-handed weapon.
"It'll take a while," Ceseth said, running his fingers through his hair. He had started to relax more in the recent years, but as I had grown and begun developing, he seemed to want to be around me less. I couldn't figure out why, other than the fact he might not find me particularly pleasant to be around, which was okay. He taught me what I needed to know that day and gave me my lessons, and then I was free to do whatever I needed to do, which was a luxury and I tried my hardest not to abuse.
"That's gonna take a while," I mumbled under my breath, and he gave me a disapproving look from the corner of his eyes but didn't remark.
"We'll work for however long we need to," he replied. "It might take a few more months, maybe a year, maybe two. But I'm not going to settle for less than perfection. Word got around quickly that I have taken on an 'apprentice,' regardless of my silence. Because of the fact that almost everyone in the circle of assassins knows about you, and knows I'm the one training you, I can't let you run amok without proper training. You will be perfection. And if I can help it, you'll surpass me.
"You're going to have to be able to beat me, or come to a draw with me, in every fight for at least a month before I know you're ready to progress. I'm hoping you'll excel in that."