Journal of John Winchester (Supernatural)

November 20

I killed a man in cold blood tonight. No. I killed a shapeshifting monster tonight to protect all of the people who don't know things like that exist. But it would have looked like a man to any of those people. And Dean saw it happen. It looked like Ichi, a hunter H took me out with. We were looking for a heeler, a kind of . . . something. Not a man. It attacks, kills, then springs away before anyone can react. Springheel Jack, jack the Ripper, was a heeler, according to H. But H is the same guy who had me roll Jacob into a quarry, still alive. He was going to die, I know he was going to die. But he was still alive. And then tonight, Dean walked out of the roadhouse right when I put the final bullet into the shape-shifter's head. And he said, Why'd you kill him, Dad? How am I supposed to answer that? Because he wasn't a man, he was a monster who looked like a man? My boy walked out the door and saw me shoot someone in the head. Maybe I'm the monster who looks like a man. Back up. Write everything down. H said he was going to start showing me the ropes. There are people who hunt monsters. They have a kind of network, moving through places like Bill and Ellen's roadhouse. Bill is a hunter, and they have a little girl, Jo. She's not much older than Sammy. The hunters swap stories about what they've seen. They're all damaged, broken. They hate the things they hunt. I'm just like them. Ellen's niece watched the boys while H took me and Ichi out looking for this shape-shifter. Mary, you know I would never leave the boys with strangers I couldn't trust. You know that, right? I never would.