April 7, 2013
Kai sits at the round kitchen table staring down to his steaming coffee, moving the spoon in slow circular motions. Dakota watches him, trying to understand how he was feeling.
"Are you okay?" She asks.
"I can barely think, much less understand how I feel right now," He answers quietly.
The time after the news for Dakota was a huge downfall, the two of them only worrying about the amount of time left until she'd have the heart transplant.
"I rather have us spending time and going out than moping around, in here," She goes with honesty instead of sugarcoating things.
"Sorry," He locks eyes with her, "I've been trying to accept what's happening."
"What do you have so far?" She breaks the eye contact.
"Well, I'm hoping I won't get back into the problems since I've been somewhat cured. Anything can trigger it, though, probably," He sets the spoon down and lays his hands flat on the table, "I just want to talk to you but I don't even know what to say."
She looks down at his hands before standing and gesturing for him to follow, "Let's go up to the roof, the sun should be rising soon. It'd be something to see."
Kai follows her out of the room and up the couple flight of stairs to the roof. It was a bit dim out but the sun rays were quickly starting to peek out.
"I come up here sometimes to take in this huge city I'm surrounded by, the busy sounds, and the large crowds of busy people. I have some comfort of having a small moment to myself. It keeps me calm," She tells him as she looks at the buildings in front her, "It helps to know that people around you are—sort of like you. They keep themselves busy so they can briefly escape from what they're running from."
"Everyone runs from something, even if they say they don't have anything to run from," Kai leans against the large ledge while he continues to eye Dakota, "We all run from time."
Dakota stares at him lost in her thoughts, "I'm not sure how you want me to respond to that."
"Let me tell you something," He turns around to look over the city as he speaks, "I offer help to many people, it's who I am as a person. I'm built to be extremely sincere to people and to care about them, even if they're complete strangers. However, I forget about myself sometimes, but sometimes all you really need are the ones you cherish most."
"What's your point?" She asks tilting her head.
"And what was your point earlier?" He faces her with a quick smirk.
"I think I was trying to say, we could run for as long as possible and distract ourselves but the problem will catch up one day. When that day comes, we won't be ready because we never took the time to prepare for it. We were afraid and simply ran," She crosses her arms loosely.
"I believe my point is, I give away too much of me but I return to a place called home. This place is where I heal the parts of me that I was so reckless with. I don't heal myself but my loved ones do—because they don't forget that I deserve sincerity and care as well. Sometimes we forget to let others be sincere and caring to us when we need it the most."
"Seems like we're both trying to tell each other things," Dakota sighs and lets her arms fall.
"Then maybe we should start listening," Kai mumbles.
"So what now?" She walks to him in long strides.
"We make the best out of what we have left," He takes her hand and forces a smile which she easily saw through.
"It feels like it was only yesterday we met in that drive-in," She tells him and sits on the ledge.
"If only it was."
~
Near sunset, they returned to the roof to escape the stuffy apartment. Kai lets out a low breath as he gazes out at the horizon to see the sun slowly fading away and the colors in the sky being stripped away as well. He walks back to sit on a chair beside Dakota who was asleep. She stirs as he fixes the blanket wrapped around her. He tucks away a strand of hair behind her ear and gazes at her.
He shakes his head and speaks quietly to himself, "You have no idea how afraid I am."