Chapter 20
Chocolate Buttons and Hula Hoops
Deacon POV
Milky tones cloud the large half-moon in the evening sky, a handful of stars scattered across the Milky Way, the zephyr breeze rustling through my hair as I sit on the ledge overlooking the leafless trees of winter beneath me.
I don’t care that it’s cold. I don’t care that I’m only in my shorts; being a wolf I can handle this weather- blowing it off without a single care- there are bigger fish to fry right now.
What the mother of everything was going on right now?
Ok, let’s try to collect my thoughts;
1. Virginia was my mate, and accepted me for who I was- warts and all
2. Bethany is pregnant with MY baby
3. I was going to be a father in… 6 weeks. Damn short werewolf pregnancies! Note to self- Set Bethany up with our pack midwife
4. Virginia and her little sister were now living with us
5. Thanks to my unborn son; the future alpha, I am alive… I really should thank Bethany for doing that. I can’t even begin to consider how much pain she went through to save my life.
6. I’m confused beyond anything… I couldn’t even explain the emotions bouncing around inside my brain at the moment
How could the past year have gone so insanely wrong??
If I had been bright, intuitive, and selfless, I would’ve stuck it out, not gotten myself into a relationship with a damned human and waited respectfully for my mate to come along.
I was to be the alpha of our pack; I needed the respect from my peers, but now I’m showing myself up as a stupid inconsiderate teen who can’t keep it in his pants.
As odd as it sounds, I feel like my mum right now.
She told me about how her relationships with Declan and my dad’s; how difficult and confusing it was to comprehend two important people in her life, and not being able to choose.
The only difference here is that Bethany is not my mate; she is my ex, but also the mother of my child. I respected her for continuing with the pregnancy at least.
I knew, it had been drummed into me that my first born son would be the heir to the rank, and if I lost my son, he was miscarried or aborted in some way; no other male in the bloodline would fill his place. This boy… my son, he would become the leader of our pack and needed my support, my love and attention in order to fulfil his role successfully.
Future alpha, future dad and a mate who is not the mother of my child…
FUCKED UP DEAC, YOU REALLY BLOODY WELL FUCKED THIS ALL UP.
I scolded myself over and over, swearing internally at myself, knowing I had done so much shit in the past year that I regretted. That I knew I couldn’t take back.
“Will you stop beating yourself son, you know you made some mistakes but you’ve owned up to it. That’s the most mature thing you’ve done. Now use that remorse and fix it.” Of course, if I’m the one scolding myself, my father would join in!
“But how dad? I’ve well and truly messed up… I have no idea how to fix things,” I refuse to look up at him but I can feel his presence beside me. Throwing my hands up and covering my face, my head shakes in odium. I can’t believe it took me this long to understand my idiocy… it took me knowing I was about to become a father to let the fog clear and see myself for what I am; a disgrace.
“I’m a disgrace to the pack; I am too immature to be an alpha! I have done so much I can’t take back, so many mistakes and I’m wracking my brain, trying to work out how to mend the wrongs… how the fuck-“
“Stop that!” He orders gently, cutting off my ramblings, “don’t you think I made mistakes? Look what I did to your mate’s brother, I made a huge mistake. Someone’s life was ended because of it. I am still alpha because our pack knew it was just that- a mistake. They respect me for giving my life to the pack, to protect them and serving the pack as my family.
I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. Being a good alpha takes time, practice and copious slip-ups. I will never be the world’s best alpha, mate or father, but I do what I can.
I have to admit… I never handled the whole mating situation well with Dean and your mother. It was so difficult. I nearly abandoned them because I found it so hard. It took near-losing Lizzie to make me realise what I did!
I’m still learning Deacon, I will always be learning, making mistakes but I do my best. I work my ass off every day to make your mother proud of me- to show you how to be the best alpha you can.
Now, you are going to be a father in 6 short weeks, you need to make amends with Bethany in order to co-parent effectively to raise our future alpha.
I have faith in you. You can do this.
If I can, you can.” I find myself staring at him in wonder, shock, fear, amazement, surprise…
Woah!
Then everything hits like a wrecking ball, I know what I have to do!
“What’s the time dad?”
Dad checks his Rolex, “Eight fifteen.”
I nod, and pull myself to stand, “thanks dad, you’ve really helped.”
“Glad to be of service.”
I start running, pulling my clothes off with practiced confidence, jamming them into my mouth as I shift; feet and hands turn to paws as I touch ground, and off I run, full pelt.
This is the first time I have shifted since before Jackson captured me and god damn it feels good to just run. But this time, I have a purpose. I have somewhere to be.
If I’m to make amends, I have to start with the most important in my list of priorities. This doesn’t mean anybody else is worth less, it means I have to do this for the rest to work, to fall into place; for everyone else to understand my situation, for them to adjust to the changes that are about to happen.
'Dec, are you there? '
'Yup, sup bro? '
'In a bit, can you come meet me? I’ll tell you when I’m free. '
'Yeah sure, just let me know. Everything ok? You shouldn’t be pushing yourself too hard man. '
I smile at my brother’s concern for my health; I do really value his existence. More than I’d ever tell.
'I’m going to see Bethany. '
~*~
I can’t believe I’m here… pacing outside the front of Bethany’s family home- now fully clothed- trying to work out what to say.
I will never be the world’s best alpha, mate or father, but I do what I can.
My father’s words seep into my thoughts, and I nod, decided; there is no exact way to deal with something like this. We just have to talk, talk it out and work out a plan for our future- coincide with each other without causing any hassle.
Reaching my resolve, I half run up the three stone steps to the putrid green front door and press on the little white doorbell.
This has to be done.
The door opens to Bethany’s mother looking exhausted and emotional; upon seeing me her eyes widen, “Dddd-Deacon?”
“Good evening Mrs Foster, is Bethany home this evening?”
“Erm yes she is. I have to nip out. She’s having another craving,” the look on her face… she’s about to pass out with exhaustion.
“If you tell me what Bethany needs, I will go. You look dead on your feet. Go and relax,” I want to be as civil- if not friendly with the Fosters as possible in order for this to work out.
“Oh thank you Deacon! Chocolate buttons and original Hula Hoops. A few packs if possible- she’s going through so much… I think she’s carrying a litter!” I laugh at her comparison and after her telling me to let myself in when I return, I head back to the pack house for my wallet.
I think she’s carrying a litter!
Haha! Nah, that’s just the wolf growing inside her.
The local Tesco is surprisingly busy for an evening, but I don’t care; I’m here for Bethany; for my son.
WOMB DELIVERY!
I smirk at my internal joke, and shake my head, then find myself frowning, “I wonder what else she’d want? Drinks? Vitamins?” I murmur, as I turn in a circle, looking around the vast store.
I feel so out of my league. I should know these things! She’s carrying my baby!
“I’ve missed out on so much…”
Sighing, I force myself to take the phone from my pocket and call Bethany.
“Hello?” Her sweet quiet voice answers; since finding out she was pregnant she went from outgoing and bubbly to shy and quiet. It was so different.
“Hey, it’s Deacon. I offered to pick up your stuff from Tesco… is there, err anything else you need or want? Drinks? Vitamins? Anything else apart from the buttons and crisps?” I began rambling, mentally slapped myself and shut up.
“Oh, thanks Deac, you didn’t have to…” she trails off shyly.
“I wanted to, I offered. Please, is there anything? Just ask,” I answer brightly. It feels relaxed between us right now, and I like it, “anything at all?”
“Yeah, erm, banana milkshake… and strawberries- no bananas- no strawberries- gah I don’t know!” Bethany ends up laughing at herself, “meat… bacon? Sausages… God, I don’t know what I want! My stomach is growling at everything I consider.”
I find myself laughing along with her, “right. Name five things that you want apart from the crisps, chocolate and milkshake.” The shifter gene in her baby must be sending her body insane with need for food to help the accelerated growth.
“Strawberries and bananas, sausages- the yummy Lincolnshire ones, southern fried chicken steaks and errrrrrrr sour cream and onion pringles,” is her answer.
Promising to be quick, I gather up the shopping in a trolley and whisk through the checkout; deciding to walk, I head up to her house in the cool evening air.
I let myself in to the familiar house, and place the items in the kitchen, putting them away to ease the burden on Bethany or her mum. I wonder idly why Mrs Foster is so exhausted…
“Oh hi,” Bethany’s quiet voice sounds from behind me.
I turn, smiling and hand her the Hula Hoops.
“Chocolate buttons?” she asks with a look of desperation on her face; it’s almost comical.
I hand one of the many packs over and watch in amazement as she rips open a bag of crisps and the purple packet of buttons and pops a button AND Hula Hoop in her mouth at the same time; she groans and closes her eyes.
The sound resonates somewhere deep in my belly, making my cock twitch.
How the fuck does she do that?
After everything that’s happened, I still find Bethany attractive, I still want her… I see her the exact same way I did before she got pregnant… only now, she is round with MY baby.
“Milkshake please?” She asks, waving her right hand at me expectantly.
Damn pregnant women… hormones and cravings.
Grabbing one of the bottles from the fridge, I pass it to her; for some reason knowing she isn’t going to be as lady like as she once was, and watch with a smirk as she downs the entire one litre bottle.
“Glad I bought six bottles down,” I laugh.
Bethany grins at me, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and giggles happily, “Thanks Deac, that feels so much better! This little tyke seems to think I can get express delivered food at all hours!”
Rolling my eyes, I slide up on the work top and sit, watching her contently munching her way through the food I bought for her.
Once two packs of Hula Hoops and the entire pack of buttons had been demolished, along with another bottle of banana milkshake, Bethany sits on a breakfast stool and looks at me, “I guess you wanna talk?”
Yup, that was the reason I came in the first place.
I guess we should get to it…