His house was not actually what I have expected. It was not like mine but of course, I lived in the Victor's Village. It was simple and modest to say the least. Cato had invited me there the next day we had training; he said his mother wanted to meet the other Tribute who would be coming with him to the Games. I don't know if that was going to be a good thing or not but I opted not to tell him about what ideas I had in my mind. We immediately left the Training Center when Ram dismissed us; he said we were getting better.
We walked for a few minutes and then I saw his house. I could remember what I thought about him when he had beaten me the first time. There were so many things I wanted to take back - he was so different from what I have known before. Like I have said many times already, he seemed so human... so tangible... so vulnerable... that I don't think I could compete against this person in the Games.
I would never say this to anyone- well, as if I have anybody else to share this with - but I'm finding a hard time to find it in myself to be competitive. It may be so ridiculous for people to take it in since they've known me to be ruthless but I did feel that way.
Damn. Human qualities make me suck so damn bad.
"Hey Clove. Come on in." I snapped out of my trance and looked at Cato who was already making his way towards the door. When I came closer, I could hear faint sounds of what seems to be...laughter?
The interior of Cato's house was not the way I imagined it would be. The room I stepped into was a big one which was converted into a living room at the right and then the dining at the left. There were two identical little boys running around and screaming at the top of their lungs; they were both blonde and blue-eyed like Cato - these must be his brothers. A smaller girl was standing by the doorway near the dining area, looking at me with her wide blue eyes. She was holding a patched up pink bunny close to her. When she realized that I was looking at her, the little girl blushed red and ran in the room.
I heard Cato laugh beside me, "That was my little sister, she's five. Cassandra." He paused when the two boys stopped at the sound of his voice and ran up to hug him, "These two are my twin brothers, Cyril and Cyrus." The two boys lifted their eyes towards me, and I saw how much both looked like Cato... only younger... and much more vulnerable. "They're both seven."
My lips lifted at the sides, forming a small but almost recognizable smile. I wasn't really used to socializing with children since I never had the chance to. I thought they were a menace because of their undirected energy and enthusiasm. I also thought that their optimistic view on life was naive and a bit stupid... Now that I only had less than a week to actually live, I thought it was a good thing to have. They were pure... and untainted by the reality that soon they'd be picked and possibly killed in the Games.
"Clove?" Cato broke my train of thoughts by patting my shoulder, "Clove."
I shook my head and realized that Cato's sister, Cassandra, was out and was clutching on the skirt of an older woman with long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. She looked tired, unlike Magdalena, but somehow she seemed happy. Was this Cato's mother? I have never seen her before.
"You must be Clove Holt." The woman spoke with a voice which made me smile wider. She sounded so loving and sweet, unlike people here in the district. "I'm Cato's mother, Celestine." She stepped forward and offered her dainty little hand for me to shake. When I took it, I felt roughness in her hand. I didn't say anything about it and hoped that no reaction came out from my face. "So," She continued when she lowered her hand, "You must be hungry, after all that training that you do. Let's go eat?"
What was a person to do? No cold-hearted person would be able to say no to her so I went and had dinner with them. I was quiet the whole time but the family was boisterous; they shared jokes and stories which was so different from the dinners I shared with my mother and grandmother. Apparently, Cato's mother worked in the near factory, where they produced weapons for the Peacekeepers. Celestine told me that this was where Cato developed a liking for weaponry (he apparently went to work with Celestine to help out during weekends).
Cassandra seemed close with Cato, who was equally fond of her. She never spoke to anyone but laughed occasionally when the twins would tell stories of what happened with their day. Cyril and Cyrus warmed up to me and somehow started calling me Clover. They told me stories about how they wanted to be trainees since their older brother seemed so 'cool'. Cato didn't react to it but he looked as though he didn't want it to happen.
"Thanks." I murmured as we walked towards home, "Your mom cooks so well."
Cato nodded, "So, uhm, what do you think of them?"
"Why did you ask me to come there with you?" I asked him the question I've been trying to ask him. It was confusing why he did that, we could all go on with our lives without that. Cato sighed and shrugged, "Oh don't give me that, Cato Byrnes!"
"It's not a strategic move, Clove." Cato sighed and met my eyes, "Remember when you practically told me your whole life a few weeks ago? This is what I'm doing now." He shoved his hands inside his pants pocket and shook his head, "My mother wanted to meet you too. She wanted to meet the person I trust to have my back in that arena. She wanted to know why I trusted you."
Not 'if I can be trusted'? But 'why he trusted me?'
I nodded and started walking again, "Well, I see why you want to come back. They're worth fighting for."
"You have a reason too. I didn't show you my family just to mess with your head. Don't think it like that. I wanted to remind you of the reasons why we have to come back." Cato said softly, "Why do you want to come back? Remind yourself of that. Remind me why I trusted my life in your hands, Clove. Remind me that you're not a weakling."
I forgot my reason. I forgot because I got so frightened about the prospect that I really would die. I forgot the reason why I wanted to come back and he's right. At least I should have the motivation to fight in there and not just to get in that arena to have myself killed without giving up any fight.
"I wanted freedom. Away from my mother. Away from training ever again. Away from getting punished. Away... from being someone I'm not." Then who is Clove Holt if not the young sixteen year old who was trained to kill her whole life? Who am I?
Cato smiled and nodded at my words, "Believe in that. Hold unto that like you would with your knives and we won't have any problem with the Games. Okay?" The boy took a deep breath and looked up at the moon, "Don't be scared, Clove. I'm here, you know." His blue eyes traveled down to mine, which had been gazing at him for awhile, "Aren't we kind of friends?"
Without any thought at all, I laughed and not because I found the friends idea funny but because I liked the thought of it and this was the only way I know how to react. When I finished, Cato gave me a questioning look so I replied, "Yes. Friends." Who would've thought? I would have a friend before the Games and it was my district partner... a guy who, possibly, I would have to kill in the end.
I continued thinking about it as I laid down on my bed - the events of the day somehow gave me a tingly feeling in my system. I was happy to have met such kind people who welcomed me in their home even though I might be a possible threat to Cato's life. It reminded me of who I used to be. In contrast to who I had been a few weeks ago, somehow I managed to become a normal human with normal feelings. I had been very detached from the District before but now, I knew people whom I did not see as competitors or nuisance but friends. It was a thought which made me smile. Maybe somehow getting picked to participate in the Games turned out to be the happiest thing which has ever happened to me. It now wasn't just my ticket to a way out of my mother's steel grip but a secret passage to discovering that I, Clove Holt, actually owned a working heart.
Soon, every after training, I would spend an hour or two hanging out with Cato and his siblings. Cyrus suddenly became my self-declared greatest fan when he discovered that I had amazing knife skills. He incessantly begged for me to train him and Cato would have to pry him away from me before the day was over. Celestine gladly baked warm bread for me whenever I would leave and as much as I would like to deny it, I was growing very fond of them.
I didn't think I would have a problem with it until two days before the Reaping, I was confronted by Magdalena. She was waiting for me one afternoon in the porch with a look on her face which showed me her irritation. My mother beckoned me outside and my world just came crushing down when I heard what she had to say...
"I will not hesitate to kill them if you don't get your act straight." Most people would say this and it may come off as an empty threat but the way she held that knife in her hand and the thought that she is the blood-thirsty Magdalena made me believe that she would do it. "I did not waste my life to raise a weak tribute like you!" She has not hit me yet but her words sliced through me. "You are a disgrace, Clove. I have never seen anyone as stupid and as naive as you. What do you think is that boy doing to you? Making you like him? Face it, Clove, you are already in the Games. You are already falling into his trap. His Games. You're a fool. You think he likes you?" She smirked, "He doesn't. He's my scholar. Cato Byrnes is a sly and cunning tribute. He showed you his family to mess with your head. You'd be so in love with them that you can't even lay a finger on him because you'd be scared of what they would feel about it."
"No. Cato wouldn't do that. We're friends."
"Oh really?" Magdalena laughed and shook her head, "You are too trusting, my daughter." She walked towards the table by the right side of the room and retrieved a notebook... a rather familiar notebook... Where have I seen that be... "Clove Holt is confusing...Truthfully, I did not want to be her ally but Blank wanted me to do it. He said she'd help me. He's crazy. That girl does not even have a heart so why would she? She'd kill herself before even welcoming the thought of being my ally."
Cato had been writing in that notebook that day when I saw him outside the Training Center... Did he really think that way about me?
"You want to hear more? Damn it. That little girl knows nothing but to kill. How could I kill her first if she's like this? How could I make a way for her to like me? To make her want to be my ally to work with me? I have to make a plan. I have to make a plan for her to trust me so when the time is right... I could win." Magdalena was enjoying this, but I wasn't. "Poor baby. Did you know what he thought of that alliance and so called friendship you have? Friendship? She must be kidding. I can't have that. What a stupid girl."
I felt cold as though I was losing my blood... I can feel my heart beat so fast and after hearing those words, those words which Cato wrote himself... made me realize I have been a fool. After all this time?
Magdalena threw the notebook at me and she sneered, "Grow up, Clove. No one would like you." She looked at me with disgust and went up the stairs, leaving me alone with that wretched notebook. My hands trembled as I picked it up and with tear-filled eyes, I saw the last few words which Magdalena has read out for me. They were really written out in that scrawly form which was Cato's. I clenched my fist and in my anger, ripped it apart.
I burned the torn pages in the fireplace and watched it as it turned to dust.
How dare he? How dare he play with me?
You will pay, Cato Byrnes.
You will pay.