Chapter Eleven
I'm pacing.
Up and down, up and down, up and down. I have no idea how long this has been going on for, but I'm starting to panic now.
She's been in her room for almost two hours. And I can't seem to pluck up the courage to go in and ask her what's wrong.
It's obviously something I said. Something about the kiss. And I feel horrible. Maybe it was more than a heat of the moment thing for me, but maybe it wasn't for her. Maybe she just kissed me by accident. No meaning behind it, no nothing.
I was reading into it way too much, that's the problem here. And Cheryl being Cheryl, doesn't want to hurt my feelings.
I can't take this much longer. I need to talk to her right now. But maybe she just needs her space. I don't want to go bombarding her. Maybe there's something else wrong.
I won't know until I talk to her.
I grit my teeth and nod once. I need to stop being an idiot. I walk to her door and knock three times.
"Cheryl?" I choke on her name, nerves beginning to take over. I hear footsteps on the other side and the doorknob twists. I step back as she opens the door.
Her eyes are ringed in red, wet tears still clinging to her cheeks and her eyelashes. And I'm completely taken aback.
"Cheryl what's...what's going on?" My voice sounds small, pathetic almost. But I'm scared. She's obviously been crying and I don't want it to be over me.
"I'm s-sorry, it's just...I'm emotional because of everything that's been happening and it's all just so crazy! I don't know what I'm feeling anymore!" She cries, leaning against the door frame for support. I stare at her in complete confusion.
"About what?" She sighs, hiccuping slightly and she bites her lip, looking up at me through tear stained eyelashes.
"That kiss meant a lot to me, Kimberley." She whispers. My heart flies to my throat and I grip the TV cabinet for support. I have no idea what to say to her right now, but the relief washing through me is staggering.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm just so confused about everything and I never thought I would feel this way..." She trails off, shaking her head and looking down at the floor in anguish. I have no idea how to reassure her...how to tell her that she's not the only one that kiss affected.
It seems like the only logical thing to do. And my body acts on its own behalf. I'm suddenly stepping forward, gripping her face in my hands gently and pressing my lips against hers.
At this point, the blood is rushing in my ears so loudly, I feel like I'm on the beach somewhere and the waves are crashing against the rocks. Her hands wrap around my waist gently and she deepens the kiss, lips parting in a small gasp.
I pull away from her, knocking my forehead against hers gently, panting like I've been running for miles and miles. She's still looking at me in shock and I smile, chuckling under my breath.
"Don't worry, I'm confused as well." I breathe. She laughs, another hiccup jarring her body and she wraps her arms around my neck, burying her face into my hair. I hug her back just as tightly, the familiar smell of lavender and scented candles hitting me like a tidal wave.
"I wish I never left you behind at that Orphanage." She whispers. I can feel the tears beginning to build in my eyes and I rest my head on her shoulder, blinking them back. God, how I wish she never did. It's all I've ever wanted. To go back in time and stop that family from taking her away from me. But she had a better life because of it. She was raised in a good home, raised with good people. I'd rather take the pain of missing her than have had her stuck in that Orphanage with me.
"We're together now, that's all that matters." I mumble. She nods once, pulling away from me and smiling.
"Come on." I take her hand, leading her into the bedroom. I lay down and she lies down beside me, her head resting on my chest. I wrap my arms around her comfortably and she sighs.
"This feels nice." She mutters, a small smile on her face. I laugh loudly and she looks up at me.
"What?"
"Nothing, it's just...I think this is the first time I'm cuddling someone in bed. Ever."
"You're only seventeen." She says, rolling her eyes. I laugh again.
"That's true. I haven't exactly had any relationships either. Only one, but it doesn't necessarily count, it was only two weeks." She laughs, looking at me in shock.
"Two weeks?"
"I was twelve! Boys were still icky for me back then!" She laughs again, shaking her head.
"What about you?" I ask hesitantly. She sighs.
"High School. Two year relationship that ended really badly." I wait for an explanation, but she doesn't give one. I leave it alone, thinking it might still be a sensitive topic for her.
"Is that what this is?" She asks softly. I look at her, confused.
"What do you mean?"
"Is this a relationship?" She whispers. I look up at the ceiling, biting my lip.
"Do you want it to be?" I ask. She sucks in a breath, her whole body stiffening in my arms. She sits up suddenly and I let her go. She crosses her legs, her fingers reaching out and intertwining with mine.
"I don't know. I just don't know how I feel."
"It's okay. I don't know how I feel, either." I say, chuckling softly. She smiles, sighing.
"Can we just...sleep?" She asks. I laugh and look at the clock on her bedside table.
"It's only twelve in the afternoon, Cheryl."
"I know, I just...a nap?" She says, pouting. I roll my eyes.
"Well I can't say no when you pull a face like that. Alright." She smiles and lays down beside me, her hand still gripped in mine. I look at her with a sigh, a swirl of emotions taking over me.
I shouldn't be doing this. God, I really shouldn't! Getting attached to her like this. What if she's taken away from me? What if something happens?
I close my eyes, taking deep breathes and willing my body into sleep.
But I'm not granted solitude or peace there.
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I'm chasing after her, but she keeps getting further and further away. I call her name desperately, my voice broken and torn in anguish and she's reaching out to me as well. I'm running after her, but a wall seems to come out of nowhere and I can't see her anymore. I scream again, begging her to come back...
"Kimberley, wake up!"
My eyes open and Cheryl's hovering over me, a frown of worry on her face.
And I'm crying before I can stop myself.
"Shh, shh! It's okay!" She brushes my hair back, taking me into her arms gently.
"I lost you...I lost you..." I choke out, my chest constricting tightly. I hate nightmares. They always seem too real. Too vivid. And it had felt real...
"I'm right here, babe. Right here..." She presses a soft kiss to my forehead and I look up at her.
"I don't...I can't lose you." I whisper, gulping down my tears. She brushes my hair back.
"I'm not going anywhere." She says firmly. I shake my head.
"What i-if someone takes you away-" She grips my face tightly.
"I'm not going anywhere." She repeats fiercely. I let out a shaky breath, trying my best to smile.
"I'm sorry..."
"Shh, I know how bad nightmares are for you, it's okay..." She whispers, smiling at me. We're silent for awhile, and then she lays down beside me and pulls me to her chest.
"This used to calm you down, remember? Me holding you?" She says softly. I nod once, snuggling into her chest just like she did with me earlier in the afternoon. I can hear and feel her heart beating beneath her chest at a calm pace, and I take a deep breath.
She's here. She's with me. I can physically feel and hear her heart beating beneath me.
And with that reassuring thought, I fall back into a dreamless sleep, Cheryl's arms still wrapped around me tightly.