Chapter Forty-One
The Ghost of Her
“Let’s go, Preshea. It’ll be fun.” Young Victor smirked with mischief as he hid behind the tall window’s curtain on the living room. He was watching his two sisters peacefully spend their time on the outside and enjoying the soft afternoon breeze as they sat under the protective shadow of their backyard’s tree. Ethel was combing Selina’s hair, an odd past-time of hers that she seemed to take pleasure with, and Selina was playing with her new doll, singing and talking on her own.
Victor couldn’t wait to spread some mayhem. Preshea, his often unsure partner in crime, wasn’t too keen to participate though.
“I don’t know Victor… They look so happy on their own… Maybe we should just leave them alone.”
“Oh, don’t ruin this for me, Preshea. It’ll be fun!” Victor returned his eyes to her. “All you have to do is distract them. Go over there and talk about girl stuff. The rest is all up to me.” He smiled again.
“Alright, I’m going,” she said with a sigh.
Victor watched with glee as Preshea walked outside and went to his sisters. In only a few seconds, they were already engaged in conversation; although Preshea’s occasional guilty and concerned glances at him would soon give them away. Not long after, Selina had dropped her doll and gotten up to play with Preshea, an action that Ethel mimicked.
That was the moment he was waiting for. He grabbed the opportunity and ran to them, trying not to do much noise or draw too much attention. By the time Ethel noticed him approaching, Victor had already grabbed the doll and ran away with it, holding it high above his head and smiling with triumph.
“Look at what I found! Looks like I have a new toy!” he teased.
The girls turned their attention to him and Selina immediately gasped.
“No, Victor, that’s mine! Give me Sally back!” she pleaded.
“I found it, I should keep it,” he laughed and stuck his tongue out at her. “She’s mine now.”
Ethel eyed him with eyes blazing and, with her fists clenched, walked towards him.
“Give her the doll back, Victor. It’s not funny.”
“Make me.” He grinned.
Ethel walked faster, getting closer and closer to him. “Give her the doll, you know she will cry, give it to her!”
When she was close enough to reach the doll for herself, Victor yelled, “Catch it, Preshea!” and threw it at the blonde girl.
Preshea ran and caught the doll, looking utterly stunted and completely lost. Ethel turned her angry glare at her and Victor could actually see Preshea tremble. Ethel went to her and the smaller girl, looking terrified of her, quickly threw the doll back at Victor.
Victor caught it again and laughed. He waited until Ethel was close enough to taste victory again and threw the doll to Preshea again. Except, this time, he used too much strength and the doll flew too far away. It landed on the other side of the tall fence of their backyard. Ethel looked at Victor like she wanted to smack him.
“No! Sally!” little Selina cried.
“You complete idiot!” Ethel raised her arm and pointed to the outside. “Go out and get it right now and apologize to Selina!”
“I’m so sorry,” Preshea quickly said, but Ethel merely glanced at her, returning her deep glare back to her brother and folding her arms against her chest.
“Well, I’m not,” Victor replied with defiance. “It’s just a stupid doll!”
Before Ethel could answer, the sound of voices coming from outside of their backyard called for their attention. Silently, the four children heard what appeared to be the voice of three other young boys.
“Oh, look, a doll!” one of them said.
“And it’s brand new! We could give it to Agatha.”
“It looks expensive, it does. Maybe we should sell it.”
Ethel returned her focus to Victor, who was now a little more nervous than he would ever care to admit.
“Go out there and get back her doll!”
“Are you mad?” Victor whispered. “Don’t you recognize those voices and those accents? Those are the Donnely brothers!”
“So?”
“So?” he repeated with surprise. “So they’ll never give it back, not willingly.”
Ethel put her hands on her waist and raised her eyebrow. “So?”
“So I’m not going to fight the three of them!” Victor replied, exasperated.
“You will get that doll back!”
“I will but later,” he answered with a smirk. “When they’re distracted. I’ll find a way to fool them and steal it back from them.”
Ethel grinned. “Coward.”
“Not a coward, but not mental either. Smart.” Ethel kept the same mocking expression and he felt the need to elaborate. “They’ll break my nose if I challenge them!”
“No!” Preshea gasped, her hands flew to her mouth.
Victor nodded. “They broke Jimmy Lazaro’s teeth last week.”
This time, it was Selina who gasped, looking terrified at the thought.
Ethel rolled her eyes. “Coward!” she called, louder, before she turned her back to him and walked towards the fence’s gate with determination.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Ethel, no! They’ll break your teeth!” Selina called with apparent despair.
Ignoring both her siblings, Ethel opened the gate and walked outside. The other three children followed her, bent on observing what was happening while still being careful to remain hidden behind the fence.
Ethel walked towards the Donnely brothers without a trace of fear or hesitation. The three boys were all taller and larger than her and were still discussing where to sell the doll, although one of them remained bent on giving it to their younger sister.
“Boys!” she called, immediately getting their attention. The Donnely brothers looked at her with surprise and curiosity. Ethel seemed completely unfazed by them and held her head high. “That doll belongs to my sister. I demand you give it back.”
A few moments of silence followed her words, before the brothers started laughing. They laughed and they mocked her and they threatened her. The oldest Donnely started walking towards her, pushing his sleeves back and smirking as he said, “You want it back, huh? You really want it?”
“That’s it, they’re going to break her nose,” Victor whispered, getting ready to, unwillingly, jump into action.
“Oh no!”
Ethel didn’t appear to be scared though. She stood her ground and looked at the road, seemingly searching for something. She grinned and bent down to pick up a rock. Without ceremony and without a second thought, she threw it at the oldest Donnely, hitting him straight in the face. He yelled in pain, his hands flying to his face. A few drops of blood were visible beneath his fingers, coming from the top of his nose’s bridge.
“You crazy cow!” he yelled, but Ethel only smirked wider in return.
“Give me the doll back!” Ethel demanded again, grabbing half a dozen more rocks and throwing them at the Donnelys. The brothers screamed curses at her and ran, taking the doll with them. Ethel ran in their pursuit, never ceasing to throw them everything she could get her hands on.
A few moments later, it was obvious that she couldn’t catch up to them and the children watched her march back to their backyard, looking even more furious than before. They fled from her way as she stomped inside the garden and closed the gate with more strength than necessary.
She turned to Victor. “This is all your fault!” she yelled, right before she ran to him. Victor was quick to realize his doom and tried to escape. Ethel pursued him and finally caught up before he could run inside the living room. Once she grabbed hold of him, Victor knew he had no other chance but to fight for his dear life. They fell to the ground, punching, slapping and kicking. Ethel was bigger and stronger than him, but he was more agile and had better reflexes, so it was an even fight. As they struggled against each other, rolling on the grass, Victor could hear Selina’s screams as she begged them to stop and he could even see, through the corner of his eye, the small figure of Preshea running inside, probably to get a grown up to help.
Selina ran to them and tried her best to come between her fighting siblings, pleading for them to stop and even getting a kick or a punch that wasn’t aimed at her in the process, but she was too small and frail to be able to separate them – which still didn’t stop her from trying.
“Stop it, please! Stop it, Victor! Ethel, you’re hurting him, stop!”
Soon enough, a pair of strong arms was holding Ethel and taking her from the top of Victor. She stopped struggling immediately after she felt their father’s arms gently embracing her and was content to keep an angry glare on Victor. He, however, wasn’t satisfied. He was too furious. He got up and ran towards her, no matter how much William told him to stay away. He was running towards Ethel, intent on kicking her again, even if his father was standing right next to her, when a delicate yet strong hand grabbed his shoulder.
Grace quickly picked him up, even if he kept struggling. His mother walked inside, taking him with her with all the calm in the world and Victor eyed his older sister with anger.
“I hate you!” he yelled at her.
Ethel laughed with genuine scorn and apparent disregard for his strong words.
That only made him angrier.
He stared at the tall family portrait that was still grounded on the living room. His eyes glued to the happy and serene faces of William and Grace von Mallesch. Victor was sitting, aware that Ethel observed him from her usual place next to the window. They were in silence, each one of them lost in their own world, yet, it was comfortable and peaceful.
Finally, he broke the silence. “Our parents… they loved us so much. They loved each other so much. We were happy.” He straightened his back and rested them against their old couch. “How different do you think we would’ve been had we all stayed together?”
He could hear Ethel moving in her seat, before she answered him, “Much different in some ways… Probably the same in others.”
After another few seconds of silence Victor spoke again, still staring at the old portrait, “Do you know what I’ve been thinking?”
“What?”
Victor took a small sip from the glass of wine in his hand. “Maybe we’re not doing enough.”
“What do you mean?”
Victor chuckled with no humor. “We should be punishing all the culprits… yet, there is one still out there-“
“Another one?”
“Alive and unscathed.”
“Who?”
“The doctor.”
Ethel put her own glass of wine on the small table next to her seat and stood up, walking slowly around the living room, touching old and dusty objects, almost absent mindedly.
“The doctor?” she asked, without even glancing at her brother.
“The doctor who was supposed to have cared and healed our mother,” he explained. “He failed. She died.” His eyes were fixed upon the expertly painted figure of Grace. “A painful, long and unnecessary death.”
“Victor…” Ethel whispered, but her brother didn’t seem to hear it.
“One day he was telling us all she needed was rest and time to accept, the next day she was dead.” He frowned, his voice displaying the anger that was rising inside of him. “Incompetent piece of trash. He let her die. He didn’t fix her.”
“Maybe…” Ethel said, as she gently caressed an antique porcelain vase her mother once had prized. “Maybe she didn’t want to be fixed.”
“Nonsense. Of course she wanted to be fixed,” he replied, his eyes moving from the portrait for the first time and landing on her. “She had us. She wanted to be alright for us. He didn’t help her. He shoved her condition aside as a simple case of a broken heart and sorrow… Obviously, it was much deeper than that. She must’ve been seriously malnourished or ill of another grave condition.”
“Victor… There’s something I need to tell you-“
“He failed, he was negligent. I think he deserves punishment. Don’t you?”
“Victor-“
He stood up abruptly, drank the wine in one lonely and big gulp and walked towards the portrait. “We are to punish all those guilty of both our parents’ demise.”
“Then, you will have to punish me.”
A heavy silence was installed, during which none of them moved an inch. Victor was still trying to process what Ethel had said and she seemed to be having trouble breathing. She was the first one to make a movement. She turned to him and anxiously waited for his reaction.
Finally, Victor returned her stare. “What are you talking about?”
“Although, I think I’ve already been punished,” she continued, as if there had never been a pause or a question. She was trembling slightly, looking frightened and, for the first time ever, Victor thought Ethel looked weak. “Every single day…” She took a deep breath. “But perhaps it is not enough…” She caressed the old vase again. “It will never be enough.”
“Ethel?”
She walked towards him, her head held up high, even though she didn’t look proud or confident. Still, her gaze was hard and cold as she stood in front of Victor and spoke, without blinking and without a second of hesitation, “I killed her.”
The first wave of shock hadn’t even completely hit Victor when she spoke again, as if she was stabbing him for the second time, “I was the one who killed our mother.”
“Victor… What happened out there?” Grace asked her child as she gently cleaned all the dirt off of his face and hair.
Victor was sitting on top of the kitchen table, his arms crossed in front of his chest and his face holding the perfect and most determined frown ever. He stuck his tongue out at one of the maids who teased him as she passed.
Grace called back his attention by holding his cheeks with her hand. “You know your father and I don’t like it when you fight with your sisters.”
“But mother, it’s not my fault you have such lousy daughters!” he whined.
“Victor, you don’t talk about your sisters that way!” she reprimanded.
“They’re just a bunch of girls,” he mumbled. “They’re no fun and I hate Ethel! I wish I didn’t have her as a sister.”
“Victor!” Grace interrupted, looking at her son with more shock than anger. “Never say that again, do you hear me, young man? Never!”
“But mother, it’s her fault! She fought me!”
Grace took a deep breath, before smiling lightly. She tried to comb his unruly hair back to proper conditions with her hands.
“What does your father always say?”
Victor sighed and rolled his eyes, speaking with boredom in his tone, “That family is the most important thing in the world.”
“And he’s very right. And what are Ethel and Selina to you?”
“They’re my family,” he mumbled again, looking at his scrapped knees.
“Yes, they are.” Grace smiled wider. “And they will always be there for you.”
“No, they won’t.”
“They will,” she answered with absolute certainty. “You are such a lucky boy, Victor, because you have sisters and that means you will never be alone. No matter what happens, you will always have your sisters there for you and one day you will see that you need each other. And they will be there for you, as you will be there for them. They will never leave you and you will never leave them. You will always protect each other.”
“Who will protect me from Ethel, then?”
Grace chuckled. “You don’t need protection from Ethel, silly boy. Ethel will never hurt you.” Then, she grew serious, and Victor listened to his mother with full attention. “Your sisters will always be loyal to you, above everything and anyone else. They will love you unconditionally, forever. You will always be able to trust them, for everything and anything.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because that’s what family is all about,” she explained, dusting off the dirt from his clothes. “If there is one thing we can all learn from your father is this: family is the most precious and valuable gift one can have. There is nothing more important in the whole world and it must be protected at all costs.”
“At all costs?”
Grace held his face in her warm hands and smiled. She kissed the tip of his nose before whispering, “No matter what it takes.”
“You did what?” Victor was having trouble breathing. He was having trouble thinking and talking. He was having trouble believing what he had just heard. He couldn’t decide which feeling was more powerful: the anger or the pain.
It was the ultimate betrayal. It seemed impossible. It didn’t make sense, it wasn’t possible. Not from Ethel. Anyone else but Ethel.
“I killed our mother,” she repeated, her voice showing signs of wanting to crack, but she remained strong.
Victor chuckled. “Ethel, if this is your attempt at a bad joke-“
“It’s the truth.”
His heart stopped. He wouldn’t be feeling any more shocked and betrayed if Ethel had just pointed a gun at him and told him she was going to shoot him dead.
She took a deep breath and, looking tortured, started pacing the room in front of him, holding her head in her hands as if she was having a bad headache.
“It’s the awful truth and I’m tired of living with it. I’m tired of carrying this horrible secret, this terrible burden. I’m tired of being cursed, I’m tired of this knowledge. I’m tired of being this… this monster. Every day I can see her… Every day I re-live it-“
“You killed my mother?” Victor slowly asked, emphasizing each word. He was sure he was looking at her as if he was looking at an evil beast. He was sure he was looking at her with a murderous glare. He was sure she could see the hurt and treason in his eyes.
She stopped pacing and eyed him with despair, which was a foreign expression on Ethel. “She begged me to,” she replied, begging to him as well.
“That’s… that’s a lie.”
“Every single day she would beg me to. Every day she begged and cried for me to kill her-“
“You’re lying!” he interrupted with an angry outburst. He could barely look at her.
After a few seconds of silence, Ethel continued, torn between feeling desperate and angry, “She asked me every day and every day I would refuse and she would cry and plead-“
Victor walked towards her with fury in his step, like he was about to run her over. Ethel didn’t flinch or move. He stopped just a few inches away from her.
“Our mother would never ask to die!” he yelled.
“Every day she was in pain, every day I saw her rot and decay-“
He walked away from her as if she was disgusting to him. “Stop lying! Our mother would never ask you to kill her! She would never give up on us! She would never leave us alone! She had us, she had reasons to live-“
“She taught me how to make poison…” Ethel proceeded, talking more to herself than to him. “She begged me to poison her. She begged me to stop the pain, every day she pleaded me, cried that she couldn’t take it anymore, that she wanted to go to him-“
Victor covered his face with his hands and looked like he was about to break down. “Why are you saying this?”
Ethel’s eyes remained focused on the wall, as if she was seeing something more that no one else could ever see.
“My mother asked me to kill her… And so I did.”
He burst into the living room, gasping for air after such a long and excruciating run. The room was empty, save for his two sisters that were sitting on the floor, Ethel braiding Selina’s long hair.
Victor walked to them, slightly limping. His clothes were torn, he was dirty and messy and his face, his hands and his legs were filled with bloody and black bruises.
His sisters looked at him with wide open eyes and, before any of them could ask or say anything, he took Selina’s doll from inside his destroyed jacket. He let it fell on her lap and started to limp away, secretly reveling on the delighted gasp his younger sister made.
Soon enough, the sound of running feet caught up to him and he felt her tiny arms embrace his waist from behind. He winced at the pain it caused him, but grinned.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much! You’re the greatest big brother in the whole world!”
Victor smiled wide and turned around to stare at Ethel. She looked surprised and picked up the doll, as if to make sure it was the same one. As soon as her eyes returned to him, he showed her his tongue. He enjoyed every second of it.
“Victor…” she pleaded, trying to make him at least look at her. Victor was making sure he had his back turned to her. He was leaning against a wall, as if he was losing the strength to stand on his own.
“Don’t… Don’t say another word.”
“Please…”
He finally turned around to face her. “I hate you.”
“Our mother didn’t want to live!” she screamed, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “Our mother didn’t think us a good enough reason to stay and fight!” She frowned, anger seeping out of her eyes. “My own mother… asked me to kill her. She chose to die and she chose me to do it. In a way… she deserved it.”
“How can you…” He looked at her with shock and repulse. “What kind of monster… You killed our mother! You didn’t have to do it, you never had that right! You’re a monster!”
“Victor, please… Do you have any idea how much this weighs on me? How much this haunts me? Look at what she did to me! I didn’t want to do it!”
“You… it’s you…” He looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time, as if he was seeing everything clearly for the first time. “You are the reason why all of this happened. It’s because of you that I grew up alone and homeless, that my life was hell.”
“Please, don’t say that…” Ethel cried and shook her head. “Can’t you see? She wasn’t here anymore…”
“Nothing you can say will ever make me forgive you.”
“Please don’t hate me,” she whispered.
“Ethel… you killed my mother. Do you know what that means? Do you know what it would mean if you were anyone else?” She nodded, looking miserable and broken with fresh tears coming out of her eyes and smudging all her dark make up.
Victor walked towards the door, stopping right in front of it. “Why did you tell me?” he asked with his back turned to her. “You should never have told me.” He opened the door and walked outside.
Ethel cried even harder, her sobs preventing her from speaking before Victor closed the door behind him.
“Victor, please don’t leave!” She fell to her knees. “Please, don’t leave me…”
“Ow, ouch!” Victor cursed under his breath. He was sitting on his bed, trying to tend to his fresh wounds but being very unsuccessful. He couldn’t go to his mother or maids, because he had been forbidden more than once of getting into more trouble. His mother had been very clear - if he were to get into more fights, he would be grounded.
When he heard his bedroom door opening, he jumped and tried to hide his face, convinced that it was his mother. As soon as Ethel showed up in front of him, he sighed with relief.
“What do you want?” he mumbled, holding the mirror in front of his face and trying to clean the big wound in his forehead again, flinching every time the cold cloth touched it.
Ethel didn’t answer. She just took the cloth and the mirror from his hands, sat beside him and gently started tending to his wounds. She was much more gifted at it than he was and, somehow, she managed to do it without hurting him much.
Victor took a deep breath. “You know, Ethel, I…” He looked to the side, feeling embarrassed. “I don’t really hate you,” he whispered.
“Shut up,” was her harsh reply.
Victor frowned and, in the next second, Ethel kissed his forehead. It was so quick and sudden, that he had to question if it had indeed happened.
“You idiot…” she said.
“What-“
“Should’ve brought me along with you.”
He looked at her and saw her smile.
They laughed together.