Jungkooks POV
I'm sick of the hospital. I've been going three days a week for the past 2 months and I'm sick of it.
My side effects to the chemo have been getting worse and worse and I eventually told the other members. Not surprisingly they were all stunned at the news and got quite upset. Not that I didn't tell them, but the fact that I was so ill and am getting chemo. I still only go with Jimin to the hospital though.
Jimin, my boyfriend.
Even though I'm always ill, sometimes can't speak from my throat and mouth pain, having cold sweats, throwing up a lot, refusing to eat and balding, he still wants to be with me. Which I don't understand but I'm not gonna question it.
I feel bad because I accidentally fall asleep every time we go for treatment and it's usually in a conversation. I can't help it though, the fatigue literally takes every ounce of energy I have from me and the tiredness just takes over. And the bed is really fucking soft.
Ha-yi is really sweet and makes the process less of a pain. She makes me feel like I'm not a nuisance or a waste of time, but that I deserve the help and it's not my fault. Although I'm still certain it's karma coming back to get me and I deserve it for what I've done in the past. But there's no point in dwelling about it since I can't change it.
I have cancer, and I need to focus on getting better in the future rather than being depressed and thinking about the past.
I've finally finished my first cycle of treatment and can now stay home and not come back for a couple weeks.
I can't wait to not be here.
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"What do you wanna do Kookie?" Jimin asked. We're both laying on the sofa, out legs tangled together in a mess where our bodies met half way.
"I dunno." I sighed, adjusting the tube on my face I now have to wear. It's so I don't starve. "I just want to get out, but I don't want to be too tired to do anything by the time we get somewhere"
"If you get too tired I'll carry you. That's not a problem." He chuckled.
"Your not carrying me." I laughed weakly hitting his leg.
"It's not like your heavy, it'll be fine!" He joked.
He has a point.
"But where do you want to go? That's the main problem here."
I thought about it. Somewhere that won't make me too tired, somewhere I can just relax, somewhere outside and somewhere alone with Jimin.
"How about the park?" I suggested. He nodded his head approvingly and sat up.
"The park it is!" He exclaimed helping me up and walk towards the front door.
It's still pretty cold and frosty outside so Jimin wrapped me up with layers and layers of clothes. Since I'm basically a twig I get cold pretty quickly. He put a jacket, another jacket and a heavy peacoat on me followed by thick mittens and a massive scarf that covered half my face. I wasn't complaining though, now people can't see my tube and I'm so warm. Obviously I put a beanie on but it completed my look. I looked so snug.
He just put a jacket and his camel peacoat and scarf. A hat would have ruined his hair which was looking pretty fine. The cold blue tones contrasted with his slightly faded orange hair, making him stand out. Wish I had the guts to dye my hair a bold colour like that. And enough hair.
"You warm?" He asked.
"Yep."
"You okay to walk there?"
"If we go slowly, I think so. Yep."
"Ready?"
"Yep!"
He grabbed my mitten hand and squeezed it as we made out way out the warm house and into the frosty air outside. I took in a deep breath, the air felt crisp and clean. I smiled to myself and Jimin dragged me through the busy city streets at a pace that didn't make me too tired.
The park isn't that far away from the house and it was only a 10 minute walk, it took us 20 minutes because of my pace but at least I'm not that tired.
We entered the park gates and surprisingly the park was almost empty apart from the odd dog walker or jogger, we were the only people here. I led Jimin to a part of the park I loved, still hand in mitten. It was on the other side of the park and was covered by trees which acted like a screen, blocking us off from the park and the people there.
"Wow..." Jimin mumbled as he took in the area.
It was like a round patch of grass surrounded by blossom trees and bushes. Everything today though had a white tinge to it as everything was frosted over. The grass and bushed looked white and the blossoms and the trunks had white patches every so often, making the small pink flowers look even more pale but nice.
I went to the middle of the patch taking Jimin with me and sat down on the frosted grass. I couldn't even feel the cold through all my laters. He looked at me as if I was crazy to be sitting in the cold floor but I just stared up at him, still holding his hand and smiling. He looked down at me and raised an eyebrow before I pulled his arm weakly and he sat down cautiously.
I let go of his hand and turned around, I laid back and rested my head on Jimins crossed legs, moving mine so my knees were in the air and my feet were flat on the ground. My legs weren't layered so I didn't want them touching the grass.
I stared up at him and he stared down at me again. I giggled and looked around. "Like this place?" I asked.
He looked around also and breathed deeply. "It's amazing Kookie. How did you even find it?" He asked, stroking my forehead again mindlessly. One of his little habits that I was grateful he had.
"I use to come to this park a lot on my own when I was younger. I was trying to go somewhere secluded and I accidentally found this place. I come here a lot now days, before I got ill. It's so pretty and peaceful here, good for thinking." I explained, he nodded every few words making so I know he's listening.
"You have lots of areas you know of and go there to think. The roof, here, your balcony which I still don't know how you get there. There's no door." He chuckled.
"I climb out the window and go onto the balcony." I said as if it was nothing. He quickly turned to look at me shocked.
"You climb out the window?! That's so dangerous! There's a reason there's no door leading to the balcony and you climb out the window instead?!" He shook his head. "What are you like?"
I laughed at his last comment. "I'm special, that's what." He hummed in agreement.
I closed my eyes and just relaxed properly for the fist time in two months. My head in Jimins warm lap and his even warmer hand tracing the side of my forehead in a soothing repeating motion. Us surrounded by beautiful trees and nature that looked stunning with a tint of frost.
This is my paradise.
But of course. It was cut short because nothing can be that good for that long with me could it.
The lower half of my torso suddenly went into sharp spasms that intensified with time. I gasped and clutched my abdomen area. It was no use since the pain went from my front right through to my back. I choked out a cry of pain and rolled over onto my side.
Jimins head shot down to look at me as soon as my body tensed and put a hand on my back.
"Kookie? You okay?" He asked, with worry in his tone. I nodded but another cry of pain escaped my lips, confirming that I was most defiantly not okay.
"Kookie?" He said picking me up bridal style and leaving our little area, heading for the park car park when I started choking up blood. We reached a bench and he lay me down there and reached for his phone, calling an ambulance.
"Hello? ... Ambulance please... The city park... The car park... My friend has intense abdomen pains and U.S. Coughing up blood.. He has stomach cancer so I'm sure it's got something to do with that... Yeah... Okay... Please hurry... Thank you." He mumbled into the phone. All I did was curl up into a ball and try not to throw up from the searing pain in my lower body or cough up anymore blood. I tried to stop yelling in pain but my body just let them out despite my best attempts. This only made Jimin more worried.
"The ambulance are on their way Jungkookie, hold tight until then" he said grabbing my mitten covered hand and using other free one to stroke my head again. I nodded, wincing and trying to hold in a cry of pain but failed as it loudly escaped my lips.
I'm such a wimp.
The faint sounds of sirens filled the air and got louder and louder. "Their here Kookie. Everything is going to be alright." It probably won't be but his words comforted me still. I nodded quickly and suddenly two strangers were asking me questions I couldn't answer, since I would have coughed more blood or thrown up on them. Jimin answered for me instead knowing I clearly couldn't reply back. What a saint Jimin is.
One of the paramedics went to go get a gurney and they both lifted me up onto it and into the ambulance, Jimin followed behind.
I think I blacked out at that point because the ride was so short. I remember seeing the ambulance ceiling, the sky, the hospital ceiling and then the familiar ceiling of the oncology unit. I must have kept coming in and out of consciousness.
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Jimins POV.
The ride in the ambulance to the hospital was awful. The paramedic in the back was stripping Kookie of his layers. I was told not to touch him but I wanted to hold his hand so badly. Not just to comfort him but for me as well.
His screams of pain coming from his hoarse throat sent shivers down my spine and felt like knives to my heart. I wanted to just hug him and take all his problems away from him. If I could, I would swap places with him in a heartbeat. Be in his position instead. He's been through enough and in sure he hasn't even told me most of it.
His eyes kept fluttering closed every now and then, probably blacking out from the pain.
He must be in so much pain for it to make him scream and cry out like that. Even when his hands were messed up badly he didn't even fuss about it. He usually suffers in silence no matter how much pain he's in, so him screaming must mean the pain is unimaginable.
But I would still take his place.
The journey felt like it took hours but we finally got to the hospital. He was rushed into the building and into the A&E ward. I was following but I was stopped by a nurse telling me I can't go through, and pointed me towards an empty waiting room. I would have tried to negotiate my way in, but I could hear Jungkooks broken cries again and I can't take anymore.
I nodded and walked through the door, blocking out the horrifying sounds. I just sat in the purple chair in the purple themed waiting room and put my head in my hands.
I can't lose him.
Not now.
I could feel my eyes get hot and start to water. I was going to full on cry but no. I'm not going to let myself break down when he's still here. I need to keep positive, for him.
After what felt like an eternity Ha-yi walked in. I looked up and smiled weakly, it must have looked like a grimace because she smiled sadly back and sighed when she sat in the chair next to me.
"Hi Jimin." She said weakly.
"Lee Hi." I joked making her laugh weakly. "How is he?" I asked, not actually wanting to know the answer.
"Not so well. Stable and awake now, but not well."
He's awake?
"C-can I go see him?" I asked quickly, sitting up in my chair and started to stand up. Ha-yi grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to sit down.
"You can but not yet."
"Why?"
"I said I would keep you informed didn't I?" I sighed and sat back in the chair, staring down at the floor. "He started coughing up blood. That's not good but not completely bad. He only coughed a little right?" She questioned.
"Only like, twice." I mumbled, my eyes fixated on a spot in the floor.
"So it's not that bad. Still bad but not that bad. We've got him on something to help him cope with the pain he's having. How's his pain threshold?" She said positioning her pen to write my answer in her little notebook she always seemed to have.
"As high as the scale goes. He never shows he's in pain. Ever. You saw his arms and hands right?" She nodded. "During and after he did that it didn't even phase him. Heck. I don't even thing he realised he did that until I offered to help him clean them." I mumbled. "He's done something like that before but split his hand open in a couple places, didn't even take the weakest pain killer there was or complain about it. So I would say he can take a lot of pain."
Ha-yi jotted some notes down every so of tern and nodded when she did. She looked up at me with a serious look. "Well he must be in a lot of pain from what I've heard. We have him on almost the strongest painkiller we have. We don't usually put people in morphine unless it's awful, so he's not on that. Although after what you've said, sounds like he should be." She mumbled that last part. She stood up. "You can go see him now. Follow me Jimin." She smiled and walked out.
I followed her to his usual room and opened the door for me. "Thank you." I said and walked in, she closed the door after me.
I saw Jungkook laying in the bed that seemed to swallow him up. He had tubes stuck into his sickly thin arms and wrist, along with the nose tube be already had. I gasped and held my breath at the sight.
He looks awful.
I walked over to the bed, pulling up the big chair as close to the bed as it would allow me to and sat down. The bed was quite low and the chair was high so I was looking down at him.
His eyes fluttered open weakly and he lazily looked at me and smiled. I cupped his pale and scarred cheek and rubbed my thumb over the skin.
"Hey Jiminnie." He croaked, still smiling up at me.
"Hey Kookie." I whispered smiling weakly. "I'm here now. Your okay." He smiled even wider and his eyes stared into mine.
"Your always here for me. I can't show you how grateful I am that you are." He struggled to say since his voice was so hoarse. He cleared his throat and winced slightly before continuing. "I don't know what I would do without you."
My eyes started stinging again as my eyes started to water again. I moved my face closer to his so it was inches away and looked him in deeply in the eyes.
"I love you Kookie." I whispered.
His eyes widened as they searched my face. He breathed out a single laugh and he closed his eyes tightly before opening them. His eyes were watering now too.
"I love you too Jimin." He breathed weakly but I could hear the sincerity. "So-so much."
I leaned in and kissed him gently. I closed my eyes and a tear slipped out and onto my cheek. I pulled back and held his hand and stared at him lovingly. He tried to move his other hand but he winced as he did, his whole body must be aching.
"Don't move, stay still. Let's just stay like this." I whispered, squeezing his weak hand and leaning my head on the bed just staring at him. His eyes started watering uncontrollably and his tears rolling down his smiling bony face.
He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep smiling softly. I just stayed there all night, with him.
I'm never leaving him.
Ever.
He means to much to me.
I love him too much to let him go.
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A/N
Hey guys! Wow. Longest chapter yet. Hope it wasn't bad.
These last few chapter have had some fluff and I hope it's okay xD some smut may be on the way. May.
I hope your all still enjoying the story, if not tell me how to improve and I will try my best to make it enjoyable!
Thanks to all the people voting and commenting! Every notification makes me sooooo happy you don't even understand! And also thanks to everyone reading this story and keeping up with it!
It's gonna be a long story I'll tell you that.
Thanks again guys!
Ly<33