"whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready,
can we, can we surrender?"
♕
"What's up?" you start meekly, a lump in your throat, not entirely sure how to proceed now that Kylo has let you take off the mask, let you see him in his current state.
You can see him clenching his jaw. Something's troubling him, you can feel it, it's in the aura radiating off of him. He takes a deep breath, opens his mouth to unclench his jaw, and looks directly into your eyes.
Having him look into your eyes is so rare, that it always make your heart flutter for a second. You appreciate every single millisecond that his eyes gaze into yours, because you know that the second he looks away, you'll be left wanting to look into his sorrowful hazel-green eyes again.
"Hux delivered some news." he says rather hesitantly, his voice cracking on the General's name, before breaking eye contact and pushing past you. You close your eyes and purse your lips as you curse him for not maintaining eye contact, before turning and following him, his helmet still clutched to your chest. The metallic hilt of his lightsaber is still lying on the floor, amongst the wreckage, so you pick it up and shove it in the elastic waistband of your training-leggings, the cold metal against your warm hips sending shivers all over your body.
"Hey, hey Kylo- wait." You lightly jog up to him, and grab his arm, stopping him from opening the sliding-doors. He jerks his arm away from your touch, doesn't turn to face you. "You're still not calm," you tell him softly.
"Yes, I am," he says through gritted teeth, exhaling from his nose in an attempt at not lashing out again. "I am calm."
"You're not," you chuckle nervously. "I feel it in your aura. It's pulsing red hot. Anger. Do you wanna talk about it?"
He turns around to face you, a look of disbelief on his face. He can't believe you're still wasting your time with him. "No. Are you done interrogating me?"
You take a step back, genuinely hurt. "Hey, I'm just trying to help-"
"I don't need your help!" he bellows, his voice ringing off the walls, vibrating through your entire body. He knows that the words that have just exited his mouth are a lie. He knows you know he's lying. He hates himself for letting you in enough for you to know he's lying.
The lie hangs in the air between you two for a few seconds, before you give in, wanting to engage him, talk to him. Humming loudly at the back of your mind is the dream you had about you two, and you want to fill any silence between you. The possibility of him probing your mind during silence is huge.
It's the last thing you need right now.
"Fine. Fine," you repeat stupidly, feeling your dream slowly taking over your every thought, demanding to be discovered, to be voiced. "Take your- take your stupid helmet," you press it into his chest, and he holds on to it, puzzled by your sudden change in attitude. You had completely forgotten about the hilt that was still rubbing against your waist, tucked in your waistband. "If training is still on, I'm not coming."
"You need to train," he says seriously. "We need to find another room."
"YOU need to find another room, because YOU were the one to destroy this one, because YOU'RE the one who throws a temper tantrum instead of having a normal, simple conversation!"
You try to push past him, but he holds you in place. "I've had enough of you," he snaps, his eyes suddenly falling on the hilt of his lightsaber bulging from underneath your shirt.
Angered at the thought of you taking it, he quickly reaches out to grab it, just as you shift your position, somehow resulting in him accidentally grabbing you by the waist, his warm hand in direct contact with your skin.
The pale skin on his cheeks instantly turn crimson. Touching you again makes him realise how much he had wanted to do so.
At his touch, your heart stops. The way he's looking at you; it's destroying you. His touch is the only thing your mind seems to be able to process; you lose control of yourself, your thoughts.
Your thoughts.
The second his fingertips found themselves on your skin, it was like your thoughts travelled from your mind to his fingers, ran through his very being. It all happens in a matter of seconds- he sees the dream you had, every single detail of it, feels the intense amount of genuine concern you feel for him, feels-
You push him away, breaking contact. Tears of embarrassment are stinging your eyes- you had felt him take all that from you. You tug the lightsaber out of your waistband and throw it at his feet, refusing to even look at him.
"Wait-"
He sighs, grabbing you by the arm as you try to walk away. "I didn't mean to do that."
You clench your jaw, resisting every urge to push him away. You let your eyes rest on his chest, your brow furrowed.
He lets go of your arm, scratches the back of his head. "Why were you going to take my lightsaber?"
"I took it," you mutter through clenched teeth, the tears dangerously close to spilling on account of how humiliated you feel, "because I didn't want you to hurt yourself- or me. I didn't want you to hurt anybody."
It somehow all falls into place for him. Right there and then.
He sees you as you really are- a young girl, younger than he is, who had been given a life she never asked for, asked to train with someone who she undoubtedly must have thought of as a monster, someone who made everything so hard for her, someone who she, despite it all, refused to give up on.
A girl who needs someone just as much as he does. A girl who is the most beautiful being he has ever laid eyes upon; out of the planets he has travelled to, out of the girls he knew before he embarked on this dark journey.
A girl for whom he has unquestionably fallen for.
"Don't say anything." The words escape him involuntarily, and before he can even form the conscious thought of stopping himself, he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into him. His grip on your frame tightens as he feels your heart race against his chest.
He breathes you in, hating himself for enjoying this act of vulnerability.
The urge is overwhelming; it takes over his body, he can't control it; he places a finger under your chin, willing you to lift your face so can look into your eyes.
Just as his urge is overwhelming, so is the one you feel, and looking into his eyes you realise you don't care about whatever consequences may follow. Your hands quickly find themselves lost in the hair behind his ears, and going on tiptoes to eliminate the height difference between you both, you waste no time in placing your lips on his; a soft, shy peck.
A child's kiss.
Anxiety takes over your body for half a second as he doesn't even react; and a million thoughts rush through your head in that half a second. Did I read the signs wrong? I've wanted to do this for too long. His lips are so soft. How do I even kiss him? I want to kiss him again. Does he hate me? Will this lead somewhere? Am I falling in love? Is this what love is supposed to feel like?
But then, you feel his hands travel to your face, pulling your face into his, he kisses you back, your lips in perfect synchronisation.
It's like his lips were built with the sole intention of working in perfect harmony with yours.
Kylo pours so much emotion into the kiss, and you kiss him back with equal passion. He takes control for a while, his soft lips hungrily guiding yours.
You pull back for a second, needing the air, needing to look at him- and for a second- just as he slams his plump lips into yours again, you think; not bad for a first kiss.
You feel him smile against your lips, and you can't help but smile yourself. He kisses your smile.
"Stop reading my thoughts, Ren," you whisper against his cheek.
He smiles again, and pulls you into him in an embrace, resting his lips against your forehead as he does so.
Thoughts are already coursing through his mind. Bad ones.
But he decides to ignore them.
Hux's news.
Ignored.
Now that the spell of the first kiss has broken, he feels himself go back to his awkward self, feels himself start to retract into his shell again, and hesitatingly lets go of you.
"Let's- let's get out of this room, Luna."