Everything about the world was wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Carrie should still be alive. Jack should have had two parents and two functioning legs. Lilac should have a sweet, normal, supportive little sister. I should have been with BD.
After so long of constantly being at the track, watching him breeze, doing what every normal American family did on Preakness day was unbearable- sitting at the TV.
I should've gone. I didn't, and as I watched the pre race festivities, I wondered how much my absence helped BD.
He didn't look helped. He half-reared as Jack was launched into the saddle, a perfect little toy horse etched into the TV with cameras and pixels. In the background, Goodie and Spain and Getcha Getcha Getcha and the other contenders walked calmly with their jockeys, waiting to leave the circle and race. BD was having none of that. He humped up his back, ears flattened.
"Goodness," Mom said. "Is he always like that?"
I glanced at her. We sat on a couch, Dad in the loveseat, staring at the TV intently. A bowl of untouched popcorn steamed on the table, half-drank waters around it. Overhead, the roof thrummed with raindrops, but in Maryland, BD and co. enjoyed a lovely summery day.
I should've been there.
"No," I finally answered. "He has his off days."
Off week, but who was counting?
The reporter continued on about the horses as they walked out of the circle, but then- commercial.
"No!" I exclaimed, snatching a throw-pillow from the empty seat between Mom and I and hugging it to my stomach, feeling sick. "Why would they do that?"
Mom and Dad exchanged an amused look. "Money? Honey, the horses are just walking to the gate," Dad explained.
"And that's not important too?"
"You should've gone."
I should have. I could've been watching my horse right now. Instead I was staring numbly at a screen that flaunted a Jeep. "I hate this. How do you stand it?"
"Don't you think we feel the same way when we see you on that screen, handling that monster of a horse, and then it cuts away?" Mom asked gently.
Words failed me as I stared at her. "I never knew..."
"We knew how important this was to you. Maybe this race is the same for BD?"
This, oddly enough, made sense to me. With a nod, I settled back into the couch just as the TV went back to Pimlico, to the Preakness.
BD had drawn the ninth gate, so he was still being loaded. But something was wrong. Usually sleek and calm walking into the gate, today he fought. As I watched in growing horror, BD balked at the gate and shunted backwards, shaking his head as his hooves lifted off the ground. "That's not- he's never done that before-"
Mom shook her head worriedly, and the gate attendants forced him in. Finally everybody loaded, and then-
"They're off," the announcer intoned.
And they were. No excitement translated through the TV, no breathless eagerness of the race. Just a row of horses going around the track.
But where was BD?
The camera zoomed out, and I eagerly searched for my horse.
My heart sank.
He was fighting near the gate, head high and back humped, arguing with Jack. One or the other was holding themselves back, and the rest of the horses were drawing steadily away.
Then something happened and BD shot forwards, neck lengthening with his stride, a tiger on the chase.
The other horses were fast, and though BD was faster, it took him a long time to catch up. Each leg was a piston that struck the earth before propelling him forwards. For the first time ever, I appreciated the airtime a horse got during a gallop.
It wasn't enough.
BD flew up the backstretch, but the lead horses were too far ahead. And for the first time, as a midnight black muzzle bobbed past the finish line, it wasn't BD's.
It was Bloody Murder.
*****
I hope y'all don't hate me?
The ending is coming up soon! I can barely believe it myself. Just over a year, and Bloodless Day has expanded so far beyond just being about a girl and a horse. I'm so grateful to everybody that has run this race with me. Hold on as we come onto the backstretch!
~Iggy