I skipped a class so I could have friends over. I sleep with the boy I am fighting with. I act like nothing is wrong. What is wrong with me? I need to figure out my life.
"There are so many pizza boxes, way more than we had ordered last night," James complains as the last person leaves.
I know that already. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and heard Ryder talking to someone then shutting the door. My best guess is that he had ordered some food.
For some reason, I had this crazy idea that if I just ignored the problem, then it would go away. Boy, am I wrong.
"Well, it too late got to class, " he mentions as he looks at him watch, "So what do you want to do then?" he raises an eyebrow at me.
I shake my head at him. I know exactly what he is thinking and it's not going to happen. He starts to walk towards me, I just turn away from him and walk into the kitchen. Maybe that'll make him get the idea.
"Vena, what is wrong?" he asks me as he followed me into the kitchen.
I turn to him with my arms crossed, "I am not doing this again, James. Do you realize what we did yesterday?" I ask him with all seriousness.
"Oh, I do remember it. Very very well," he smirks. There is no way he is going to be serious with me. He always has to turn into a joke or a sexual innuendo.
"James, I am not in the mood for jokes. You know what I am talking about," I look at him with no amusement.
He nods and sits down at the dining table. Maybe he finally understands that this not a joke to me. I sit across from him.
"Okay, I see now that this is really bothering you and I want to work this out," he starts out, staring right into my eyes. It looks like this might go in the right direction.
"Well, how are we going to do that?" I ask him. This could end up as a big argument someone storms out again, or it could be resolved. At this point, there is really no way of telling.
"Just tell me what's bothering you," he tells me.
I sit and think for a minute, how do I put this in the nicest way possible. I don't want to sound like a bitch or a crybaby, but I also don't want to sound too nonchalant about the whole situation.
"Well, to start; you think that I cheated on you with your best friend. So what kind of sense is this? I mean I've been cheated on before. So honestly, there is no reason for me to do it, when this has happened to me before," I explain to him.
He gives me a half smile. "When this whole thing went down, I was thinking about two things, Vena. Sex and where you had been for those past hours. When those mix, it just led up to you cheating. I never thought about the other things that you would have been doing. To top it off, you told me you were with Grant, so it made sense that you were cheating. Not that you explain this to me, I understand," He expresses to me.
I nod at him, "What I really regretted doing yesterday was sleeping with you. That should have been the last thing I should have done. I guess when you are away from a person you love, feelings really catch up to you."
He smiles, "I'm sorry, Vena. I know that we have been through some stuff, but I don't want to lose you over this."
I smile a little bit back, "You're not going to lose me, James. I love you and you don't lose people you love if you have any control over it," I tell him.
"I love you too, Vena, " he smiles and pulls me into his arms.
I hug him back, resting my forehead on his shoulder. Behind him, I slip a few of my fingers under the hem of his shirt. It isn't in a sexual sense, it is more in the sense that I just needed to feel his skin.
I look up at him, he stares back at me. He gives me a questioning look, "What's wrong?"
This whole situation got me thinking, How long will he love for? How long will it take for fate to catch up with us? This is what happens when I overthink. Dammit.
I'll just say nothing to answer him. Then there is no fight or argument. If this is only me overthinking again then it's nothing to worry about.
I shake my head at him, "Nothing is wrong."
He presses his lips together but doesn't say anything. I really hope he doesn't say anything more about it.
~
~
"James get up, we're going to be late... Again," I nag him as I walk into his room. I already missed a class this morning, I'm not going to miss my afternoon one.
I look at him as he just lays there, sleeping. We don't have time for this. I walk over to him and shake his shoulder, gently. He just laid there.
I groaned, I shake his shoulder even harder and he starts to stir a bit. He pulls a pillow closer to his head. He laid there on his stomach in his usual sleeping attire. Shirtless and sometimes pants.
I sigh and sit on his back. It's not usually this difficult to wake him up. I can't be late again and I would really like to get a coffee before the lecture starts. I can't be missing any more class. It seems that I've been missing a lot more classes ever since I started dating James. I need to get him up or I have to leave without him.
Now that I think about it, there is something that I haven't tried yet. I stand up because I don't feel like getting punched in the face today.
I put my hands on the spot where his hips end and his ribs start. I start to tickle him and after a quick moment, he woke up flailing around.
I stop when he is fuller woken. When I stop, he stops thrashing around. He lays on his back, putting his arm over his face, covering his eyes.
It was hard to do with jeans on, but I climb on top of him, straddling him. He moves his arm a bit to be able to see me. "Why did you wake me up?" he asks me.
I shrug, "Oh it's not like we don't have a class to get to in a half hour," I say with clear sarcasm.
He groans, "Shit," he drags out the word.
I get off of him, "Hurry and get ready because I want to get a coffee before it starts," I hurry him. He sits up slowly and rubs his eyes.
I am already ready so I just watched T.V. until James was done. It is about five to ten minutes until he walks into the room and with what little time he had, he looked pretty good.
I look up at him as grabs his computer and puts it in his bag.
"Okay, let's go," he tells me as he puts on his shoes.
I turn off the T.V. and put on my shoes and grab my bag off the couch.
James didn't say anything as he locked the door behind us. He is acting a bit strange. As he drove to the coffee shop, he was still silent. He parked and as he went to unbuckle his seatbelt, I place my hands on the side of his face and kiss him. He didn't kiss back much, it's like his mind was somewheres else. Why on earth did his mood change so rapidly. He was fine before we left the apartment.
I remove my hands from his face and sit back in my seat. I sigh with a great deal of frustration. I don't know what I did that make him so angry.
I unbuckle my seatbelt and walk into the coffee shop without James following me. I don't know what I did.
As I walk in the building, there were a ton of people in there and the line was almost out the door. I look around to see if there is anyone I know in the line and just my luck there wasn't. I stand there for a few minutes and the line still hasn't moved.
Grant walks through the door and right into me. I guess he really wasn't expecting the line. Neither was I.
I smile when he notices it was me. "Oh hi Vena, how are you doing this afternoon?"
I shrug, "It would be better if I could just have my coffee," I complain.
He nods, "Well, I might be able to help you with that." He starts walking around the crowd and towards the counter. He looks back at me probably because I hadn't moved from my place. He motions for me to follow him. I do.
He walks to the side of the counter and waves only one of the employees. "Lia, please get her a coffee quickly," he asks nicely, with a smile.
She nods, "Sure thing, Grant. What would you like?" she asks me.
"Uh, a large french vanilla, please," I order.
She nods and gets right to it. It was within a minute that she had got me my coffee. I pass her my money, but she shakes her head. "It's on Grant."
I turn and look at Grant, "How?"
"Well, to tell you the truth. I own this place, " he tells me.
That surprised me big time. This guy is in college and doesn't even need to be. I know from traveling that these coffee shops are all around the country. He has to have tons and tons of cash coming in. That is crazy.
"Anyways, I have got to go, I'll see you around," he smiles and walks into the back of the shop.
I smile and leave the building. Walking back to James's car, I see him resting his head on the stirring wheel. I open the door and get in. He raises his head and starts the car back up. No words were said as we drove to campus.
~
~
I glance at James as he sits there listening to the professor. This whole thing worried me. I don't know what I did to make him pretty much ignore me. The only thing that could maybe make him be acting like this is when I was overthinking and I told him it was nothing. That is pretty much it unless of course he is overthinking himself.
It is about another hour of the professor talking when she stops and dismisses us. James stands up as soon as she started packing up her stuff.
James and I walk out of the large room and into the hallway. As we walk, I grab his hand and try to hold it but he just shakes his hand away. Well great.
When we got back to the apartment, he just sat down on the couch, not taking off his coat or shoes.
He goes to turn on the T.V. but I take the remote right out of his hands. I stand in front of the T.V. and cross my arms, looking at him. "What the hell is wrong with you today?" I ask him as calmly as I could but I think more anger came out the calmness.
He shrugs, "Nothing is wrong, " he crosses his arms mimicking me.
I shake my head, "No bullshit, James. Just tell me. What did I do?" I push him. Soon enough he'll get pushed over the edge.
He shrugs, "Nothing Vena."
"Then why won't you talk to me?" I ask him.
He smirks, "I'm talking to you right now," he tells me like the smartass he is.
"Fine then smartass, why won't you kiss me?" I ask him.
That same smirk stays planted on his face. "I did when you forced your face on mine." Hardly. He's being a real asshole.
Well, how about the last thing, huh? "Why didn't you hold my hand earlier?" I ask him. He really can't dismiss this argument.
He shrugs with no comment. "That's what I thought, James." I sit on the chair, not even wanting to be on the same piece of furniture as him.
James sighs, "Could you, at least, turn on the T.V.?" he asks with too much sass in his voice for me to be nice.
I shake my head, "Don't count on it, Asshole," I snap at him. I hold the remote in my lap. I know it's childish thing to do, but this whole thing is a juvenile situation.
He sighs and slouches in his seat. "You never cooperate."
I roll my eyes, "As if you're any better. I'm trying to figure this stupid thing out but here you are trying your damnedest to make sure that I feel like shit," I rant a bit.
He shrugs, "Whatever Vena."
I don't have to deal with this. I stand up and toss the remote at his chest, "See you later you prick," I grab my bag and put on my shoulder. I don't have to stay here and put up with him because he wants to be a crybaby.
I shut the door behind me, slamming it. I make my way down the hall to Grayson's apartment. I knock on the door, but no one came.
If he's not here, it's likely that he is somewhere with Leah. I sigh and fish into my bag and grab my phone.
I dial the number, "Hello, yes. I need a cab to the dormitories of ASA College," I tell the person on the other end.
I look back towards my apartment door. I can't believe for a second that James might actually come after me.
I take the elevator to the lobby. There waiting outside is the taxi. I walk out to the car and get inside. As soon as I shut the door, the vehicle took off into the city.
A few minutes later, the car dropped me off. I walked into the lobby and walked up the front desk.
"Hi, I'd like to see Ryder Cristella," I tell the lady.
She nods and picks up the phone, probably calling his dorm. A moment later she asks for my name. "Vena Anderson," I reply. She nods.
A minute later she hangs up, "Please sign his visitor book and you can head on up," she tells me.
I sign the page. I had only been here once, but I do remember that the doors have the last names of who lives in them.
I take the elevator up to his floor. I knock on the door. It's only five in the afternoon, there is no way he is out partying.
A moment later he opens the door with a sly smile. "I've been expecting you," he says in an artificially deep voice. I guess the lady had called his room.
I step into the room. As I look around, I see a body sitting at a desk. When Ryder shuts the door they turn around.
The scoffs when he sees me and turns his attention to Ryder, "How much did you pay for this one, Ryder?" I couldn't quite tell if there was sarcasm or he was being serious.
Ryder just glares, "She's James's girlfriend. Plus why would I pay a girl to have sex when they'll obviously do it willingly?" he smirks.
"Then can you tell me why she is here?"
Ryder turns to me and crosses his arms, "What a good question, Hayden."
I guess I was hoping that he wouldn't mention anything and just go with it, but I guess not.
"James and I are just not getting along at the moment," I say it as gently as possible.
"I don't know if you being here is such a good idea, I mean – remember last time with Grant?" he crosses his arms.
I shake my head, "You know how James is, Ryder. He's being difficult and I don't have the patients to deal with him."
Ryder nods, giving in. "I guess you could stay here for now, but you definitely can't stay here overnight. I honestly don't feel like getting punched in the face by him."
I nod, seems fair. That would really hurt.
"Alright, cool. So what did you guys have planned for tonight?" I ask.
Hayden scoffs, "Grant's party," he doesn't look away from his computer screen.
House parties are not my favorite but at this moment, I wouldn't mind one. I nod, "So, at what time?" I ask.
Hayden laughs dryly, "You think you can handle it, Sweet Cheeks?" What is it with these two boys and weird pet names.
"Yes, I can handle it," I tell him.
I look at Ryder, "So what time?"
He shakes him head, "You told me not to go to these parties, Vena."
I nod, I did say that. Only because if he continues to hook up with random girls, it's going to get him nowhere.
"If you're not hooking up with random girls then it shouldn't be a problem," I tell him in a bit of a hushed tone.
He glances at his roommate, but he had his back to us. Even though he isn't facing us, it doesn't mean that he isn't listening in.
"I'll be right back, Hayden," he tells him and we leave his dorm and go into the hallway.
"Vena, I would really appreciate it if you would keep this whole thing a more private issue. You are the only person who knows and I would like to keep it that way," he tells me in a hushed voice.
I hadn't realized that this is a private issue to him. I won't be insensitive to him. I will do as he wishes and keep it to myself.
I nod, "Okay, I mean if you would feel more comfortable not going to this party then stay, but if you think you can do it and control yourself, go right ahead," I tell him.
He nods, obviously thinking about is options. I mean if he goes, he keeps up his reputation. If he stays, he loses it.
I cross my arms. "So what is it going to be, Ryder?" I ask him after a moment.
His eyes meet mine, "I'll go,"
~
~
As I follow Hayden and Ryder into Grant's house. The last time I was here was to talk to him about his personal problems and then before that was for one of his parties.
The music is loud like it should me. It's so loud that it doesn't give me a chance to think or bothering myself with what happened with James earlier.
"I'm not going to drink tonight, so if you want to then you could. I mean someone has got to drive," he smiles. I wasn't expecting him to say that. He loves to drink, I was not prepared for that. He really is trying to make an effort.
"Okay, thanks," It really is weird that he isn't drinking. I suppose drinking would make him forget about how lonely he is.
As we step inside, there is very little room to walk around. Although a lot of people hugged the wall, more than the middle of the room, making there be a bit of a path.
I walk into the kitchen. Grant is in there with Clair. When he sees me, he smiles. "Hi, Vena. You're here!" he smiles.
I smile, "Hey guys, where is the drinks?" I ask him, getting straight to the point.
He chuckles, "A little eager tonight, Vena?"
I nod, "Yeah, so where are they?" I ask, repeating myself.
He opens the fridge and grab a glass bottle. He's smart to have sealed drinks at a party like this. As long as you don't set your drink down anywhere, no one can slip anything in it.
He opens the bottle and hands it to me. I look down into the drink. It's a blurry white color.
Maybe I needed to get drunk tonight. Maybe I need to forget James and my difficulties. Maybe I need to do this just for tonight.
I look at Ryder and put the drink to my lips.
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3448 words.
Hi guys, so heres another update. I'm not really proud of this update at all, but you guys wanted one so here it is.
So my Tumblr is "brightwhitesnow-w" to ask questions and send me stuff and such and my We Heart It is "brigthwhitesnow". It's where I get my inspiration from.
–BWS
Coming up next..."Drunk Protests"