Daniel P.O.V.
I've never really been the one for attention. I suppose I took after Dean that way who generally avoided being in the centre of it all, but our younger sister was the complete opposite. However with her illness, the type of attention she was getting was a lot different to the kind she got at home, and she didn't like it. At all.
All the different doctors and nurses and then the special type of doctors that saw her daily scared her. She would only ever allow them to see her if Dean was there to give her all his support and a hand to hold on, and me and our mother would be shooed away into the waiting room to give them privacy. Sometimes my mother would go on a wander, leaving me there alone and to receive sympathetic looks from strangers, and then I'd either look down to the well-polished floor to avoid eye contact or just go on a walk myself, taking in all the different walks of life.
Perhaps it was my quiet personality that made my family not give me as much of their time as they did for Scarlett, but then again, she was young and needy and maybe it was assumed that could fend for myself and to just come to them when I felt like I wanted to. It had been like that for as long as I could remember, but for the majority of the time I resisted going to Dean about my problems unless they were urgent, because he was constantly tired and never seemed to get a break until he eventually climbed into bed each night.
I was always given space which I usually grateful for, but sometimes I had too much of it and often I'd spend my time alone just sitting on the floor in the bedroom I shared with Dean, staring blankly at the sheets of paper that surrounded me that I had first hoped to fill with the lyrics I came up with, but had been unable to come up with something that was sufficient enough to be jotted down.
'Lonely' wasn't the right word to use when it came to describing how I felt in those hours I spent alone, but 'forgotten' and 'unimportant' would be more suitable. Even though I felt as guilty as hell for admitting it, jealously was a new emotion I had been feeling lately to add to the mix because Scarlett took all the attention leaving barely any for me, and by the time we got home Dean would just collapse straight into bed, too exhausted to speak to me.
I knew it was awful for feeling how I did especially with what we were all going through, but I was constantly in the shadows, hardly ever getting a word in edgeways. I knew Dean tried his best and I loved him for that, but even just to speak to him for 5 minutes before I slept was enough for me, but I never got that now and instead had to be satisfied with that one hug in the morning.
Dean underestimated how well I knew him and he didn't know that I knew that he hadn't been himself for weeks. The smile he always forced in front of us was a little a bit smaller, the light that showed he was truly happy in eyes that he only had for a while was now gone and he always seemed to have an arm around himself as if he'd fall apart if he didn't.
I blamed Jack for sending my brother into a spiral of sadness and fear, because the days where he used to text Jack for hours on end were now over, and he no longer looked at his phone and smiled like he used to, and even though he tried to hide it, I picked up on how he walked just that bit slower when we walked to school and I could see how terrified Dean suddenly grew when we walked in the entrance and said goodbye to me as quick as he could, scurrying out of sight.
Today when the school bell rung to signal 4th period was over and that it was now lunch break, I tried to work out where Dean would be and decided to try out the maths corridor. I saw him come out of class and was thankful that my height blended me into the crowd easily and I stayed back, observing him cautiously walking down the corridor and clutching onto his backpack straps and keeping his head down that only reminded me so much of myself when I had problems at school.
The crowds of students dispersed down the stairs that led to the canteen which is where I'd usually meet my friends, but I hung back, watching Dean as he followed everyone else, flinching at every touch, even it was someone unintentionally brushing their arm against his.
Suddenly I froze and felt my eyes widen as I watched Dean being roughly pushed into a corner, and he automatically moved his arms up to shield his face and felt myself cringe when he was kneed in the stomach and he cried out in pain. He was pulled forward by the collar, now defenceless as his use of his arms was taken away from him as someone who I hadn't seen before pinned them behind Dean's back.
"You make me sick, Dobbs. We're here to teach you that being gay is wrong, this is for your own good."
I don't know how long the next round of beatings lasted, but it felt like years and I don't think I dared to breathe. I wanted to scream and get other people's attention to get them to see what they were doing, but I was locked into place and the words I wanted to shout to get them to stop got caught in my throat.
The whole time, Jack seemed as stunned as I was as he just watched, not one insult or mention of disgust passed through his lips. With his arms crossed he was emotionless, but what scared me most was he was almost in complete control of the situation and even though I could sense he didn't like this anymore than I did, he wasn't doing anything about it.
Please do something, Jack, please make them stop...
Dean looked like he was on the verge of unconsciousness: he had just given up, his head was hanging and he wasn't bothering to try and fight out of the strong hold he was in.
"Felix. Stop," Jack's quiet voice was strong enough to break through the scene and they all paused and looked at him, except my brother who kept his eyes on the floor.
"But Jack I'm nowhere near finish-"
"I said, stop," he said sternly. Felix sighed and whoever was holding Dean's arms behind his back let go. Dean slumped to the floor, having no energy to escape. "And you're not going to do that to him again."
"But-"
"No, you've done enough, I think he's learnt his lesson," Jack looked down at Dean who had his arms around himself again. "You guys go on and I’ll catch up, I want to have a little word with him."
Jack's three friends looked at each other before leaving going down the stairs and I found myself feeling grateful that Jack was respected enough to be listened to. He sighed and kneeled down in front of Dean when they were gone, but in defence, Dean he cowered into the wall.
"Dean..." From what I could make out, his hand reached out to graze his face but Dean jumped and pushed him off.
"Don't touch me!"
"I'd never hit you Dean."
"Why did you do it?"
"I don't know, I'm sorry."
"I need you, come back to me, please..."
"I can't, but I'm going to get them off your back for you, I promise."
"You've promised a lot of things but haven't kept any of them."
"This one I will."
"You promised you'd never leave me Jack," Dean croaked, now accepting Jack's second attempt to place his hand on his cheek.
"I'm so sorry, I never wanted this to happen."
"Th-then why did you l-let it?"
"Shh, shh, it's going to be okay," he tried to comfort Dean who was now sobbing and I watched as he put his own hand on top of Jack's, presumably to make sure he kept it there.
"I miss you Jack."
"I miss you too," he sighed and pulled Dean into a hug. He let go and looked into the direction of where the yelling came from when someone called his name. "Coming!" He shouted back and quickly looked back at Dean, cupping his face and crashed their lips together, giving Dean barely any time to respond before he pulled away, and then with a breathy "I love you, I'm sorry," he got up and hurried down the stairs, leaving my brother confused and heartbroken on the floor.
* * *
The moment we got home, Dean ran upstairs to bathroom and locked the door behind him. I knew I shouldn't have, but I pressed my ear against the door and heard him crying again. I thought about knocking and forcing him to open the door to me, but decided against it so he got some time on his own and went into our bedroom, dropping my bag on the floor and getting changed for our daily visit at the hospital. We still had about an hour until we left, but the school uniform was uncomfortable and I felt a lot better when I was dressed down in just a loosely fitted t shirt that was one of Dean's old ones and jeans.
I sat on his bed waiting for him to come in, feeling guilty that I had no idea what was going on at school before. All the signs were there and he was doing exactly what I used to do: pretend nothing happened in front of everyone else and then when you got time to, locking yourself away from the world and hoping no one would question you when you came out.
Our bathroom had been a room that was probably used to people sitting up against the wall, crying or not, just to get some privacy. It could probably tell some stories, so I thankful the walls couldn't talk and they had to just keep our secrets.
Eventually I heard the door unlock and some shuffling across the landing and Dean walked in. His eyes were red and puffy but he was still smiled when he saw me but it faltered when I didn't return it.
"What's the matter Dan?"
"Nothing," I shrugged. He frowned and went towards the wardrobe, randomly picking out some clothes to wear.
"I'll be back in the minute," he left the room with the clothes in hand and he was in the bathroom some seconds later. It didn't take him long before he came back in the room and dumped his school uniform in the wash basket. "How was school? Sorry, I didn't ask on the way back home..."
"It was fine, yours?"
"Good," he replied. I don't know why I was so disappointed in his answer. It’s not like I expected him to break down into tears and tell me everything, because I don't think he's ever done that in front of me, but I couldn't bear the wall that he had put up and instead decided to say it straight out.
"I saw what happened at school today," I watched him carefully as I saw his eyes widen a little.
"What do you mean?"
"At lunch break, in the maths corridor. I saw what they did to you," he paled when he realised what I meant.
"Dan... You... you weren't supposed to see that."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I just didn't want you to worry... I... I..." he crossed his arms and looked away from me, hoping that I'd miss his eyes welling up and I could sense he was going to put up that wall again. "It doesn't matter, it's fine, really."
"How long has it been going on?"
"Not long," he shrugged.
"What happened between you and Jack?"
"Nothing! It doesn't matter! Stop asking questions!" He shouted, but I didn't mind because I knew I was getting closer to finding out and breaking down that barrier.
"Why don't you trust me?"
"I do! I just... It doesn't matter... It doesn't matter..." he hid his face in his hands and I took the opportunity to cross the room and hug him tightly.
"Please talk to me, it makes me worry when you don't," I let my voice slip into that desperate, weak, tone that got to him every time and he started crying. "Dean?"
"I love him Dan, I love him so much and he just hurts me, I want to hate him but I just can't, I can't stop thinking about him and when he kissed me the first time. H-he pushed me away and just panicked and said w-we couldn't be friends anymore but I need him, I can't do all of this on my own," he took a shaky deep breath and carried on. "I can take the punches and the name-calling but I can't bear being away from him anymore. Did you hear what he said to me after? I-I think he was lying, how could anyone ever love me?"
"I don't think he would've said it if he didn't mean it," I said quietly. I wanted to say anything that would help make him feel better because I knew this was totally tearing him apart.
"He's just a stupid boy, an attractive, caring, funny boy but a boy. That's why they... do what they do."
"When did it start?"
"A month ago or something, it doesn't matter, I'm used to it now."
"I don't understand."
"Don't understand what?"
"I don't understand how it all started."
"The last time I went to Jack's... that was when he kissed me and then told me we couldn't be friends anymore, but it was him that kissed me, that bit doesn't really make sense. He must've told his friends that it was the other way round, and then the next day..."
"But he said he loves you."
"I don't know what he was thinking; maybe it was just a spur of the moment."
"He kissed you too, that must mean something."
"I kind of wish he didn't, it just made everything hurt more," his breathing began to slow down and he put his arms around me. "Don't fall in love Dan, it's painful."
"I thought you said you couldn't help who you fall in love with."
"Yeah, well... try not to anyway."