Summary: Phil feels unappreciated and like he's living in Dan's shadow.
Warnings: over all feeling of sadness ig. Happy ending.
WC: 1108
It was 7:00pm and Dan had been browsing for a couple hours. He had only seen Phil a couple times throughout the day which was weird. Normally he and Phil hung out all day. Dan had prgressively gotten more worried, but decided Phil deserved his space. But as it got later, Dan was really staring to worry about his boyfriend. Which was why Dan was standing outside their bedroom door mentally preparing himself for the worst.
He grabbed the handle and slowly slid the door open.
"You Okay Phil?" He asked, looking at the lump on the bed, wishing desperetly Phil was sniffling because of a cold and not tears.
"Yeah" Phil croaked out, sniffling again.
Dan sighed sadly at his boyfriends lumpy figure on the bed before he walked over and sat beside Phil.
He dragged the covers off Phil's head and layed down beside him, looking at Phil's puffy, red eyes.
"What's wrong, Phil?" He asked, sweetly.
Phil shook his head and mumbled a quiet 'nothing'.
"Don't lie to me Phil, you know you can tell me anything right?" Dan said, brushing some stray hairs out of Phil's face. I want you to tell me right now, what's wrong?" Dan said, still running his fingers through Phil's hair.
"Are you sure you wanna know? Its gonna take a while." Phil said not looking at Dan.
"Philly just tell me. It'll make you feel better." Dan said lightly.
"It's just that- I'm almost thirty. And. Well, what do I have to show for it?? I'm not nearly as successful as you. Everyone says it's Dan and Phil. But in reality, it could literally just be Dan, and no one would care. I haven't got a real house, job, or self satisfaction. No one cares about what I do. I've been on YouTube for like ever, and if I just dropped off the face of the earth no one would care, because you'd still be here Dan. And I don't want you for a minute to think I'm not proud of everything you've ever accompished, because you are so amazing and talented! You deserve all the publicity and fame you've received. I just- I don't know...I wanna feel like I mean something....just a small something to someone." Phil finished his rant quietly not looking Dan in the eye.
Dan looked at the black haired man's face and wiped a stray tear off his cheek.
"Phil you mean a lot to a large group of people...three million and something actually. That's more than a small crowd. That's a lot of someone's. And if it weren't for you, there would be no danisnotonfire, there would be no tour, book, or app. Phil we were the most reblogged and talked about people on tumblr. Do you know how many fandoms are on tumblr. And you beat them all." Dan said smiling.
"Yeah....and You still beat me! Phil is always number two! It's like no matter what I do, I'm never gonna be the best ya know? And I know that sounds horrible and selfish and just greedy....but for once in my life....I wanna feel like I'm not just your sidekick. I don't want pity subscribers or people that say.... 'oh you're Danisnotonfires friend!' I just wanna be something important just once." Phil shook his head and stated at the ceiling. "I just don't wanna be in last place forever."
"Phil, sometimes I forget you have bad days too. You're always so happy. Like the internet says, a literall ball of sunshine. They're right ya know? You are the sunshine. You make us, the whole of the internet, and me, smile. You make us feel like we're worth something. Like there is actually something to smile about. You let us all know that there are still good, beautiful, extraordinarily nice people in the world. And you may not think you've done anything worth noting, but just close your eyes and think! YOU wrote a book! YOU went on tour! YOU made three million people fall in love with you! YOU made ME fall in love with you! Phil I don't know how you don't see it, maybe it's your horrible vision, but you make a huge difference, in my life, in the phandoms life, in everyone's life!! You positively affect anyone you come in contact with. It's like you generate happiness within us all. It literally kills me to know you can't see that. You can't see how amazing, and great, and absolutely, perfect you are. You may think you've done nothing worth noting, but in my eyes, in all our eyes, we can write a book of all the things you've done for us, and it still wouldn't do your perfect soul justice. You are important Phil Lester! You influenced me to give YouTube a shot, and that made me the happiest I've been in a really long time. You convince millions of people to just keep breathing, to keep moving forward. You let them know that it gets better! You've made all of us realize that we are worth something! So please, before you ever think that you aren't doing anything of worth, look into my eyes, look at someone's Phil-dedicated-tumblr and know, without you, there is no us." Dan sighed deeply, before he was pulled into a tight hug.
"Thank you So much. Thank you, you have no idea how much you mean to me, and I'm sorry I'm acting like this, I just- I didn't think about you or how you guys would feel and I just-"
Dan cut Phil off my genly kissing him and pulling him into another hug.
"It's okay Phil. And don't apologise for being sad, it's a human emotion and we all have to feel it, I just hope you never have to feel it again. You're far too precious to feel that way." Dan said nuzzling his nose into Phil's neck.
"I love you Dan." Phil said quietly into the younger ones hair.
"I love you too, Philly." Dan said In reply. "How about I go make us some tea?"
Phil nodded and watched his boyfriend leave the room. A couple minutes later his phone buzzed, and a tweet appeared on the screen.
@Danisnotonfire:
Happy #philday everybody!! Send @AmazingPhil some love! He works really hard, so why not appreciate him for a day!!
Attatched to the caption was a picture of Phil smiling that Dan took a few days back.
Phil shook his head. No matter what he thought sometimes....Dan always seemed to appreciated him, and he couldn't be happier.
Swiggity swop I really need to stop!
Because in running out of SWIGGITY ideas. Jfc
So here....is this....
Erm....enjoy.
Srry if this sucks. O.O
L8tr skunk nuggets.