Unsent Letters #JustWriteIt #LoveLetters

Chapter 7

Dear you,
I miss you a lot. I really do. Sometimes I feel like I can't handle it and I loose my mind. I'm crazy for you. Stay with me a minute I swear I'll make it worth it. I know that this is my fault I should have been more careful. It's hard to live with pain everyday. I still manage to smile and laugh but, the second my smile goes away I feel like my feelings were a lie. I'm trying to say that when I'm happy and then suddenly I'm sad....I feel like that moment of being happy was a lie. You know since that day that I walked all the way to your house.....I've been traumatized. Of what? Well that's the thing....I don't know. But every time I'm in the car and pass by where I walked or go through to get to your house I feel, scared. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember being scared, really scared. It was the worst day of my life....at least that's what I think sometimes but there was sun shine behind that day, it was seeing you. I've never thought I would do something like that. I look back on that day and smile because it's different. What do I mean by that? I guess the day was just different because you were there. I actually made an effort to go talk to you. Isn't that amazing?! It was scary to me but I like the feeling. The tension of chasing you and trying to catch up was....just making my heart pound with excitement. That's the only day I have ever felt close to you. That's why I like it I guess. I'm still traumatized about that day and it's been like 2 months. I haven't seen you since then and I'm not expecting to see you soon. That brings tears to my eyes, knowing that I know I won't see you until the day comes. I'm scared to see you actually because I don't know what will happen. I don't know if it will last for a little bit. I don't know if I'll talk to you. I don't know if I'll be alone and not with my parents. I don't know if you will answer me. I don't know if you will care. I don't know if I'll take advantage of the moment. I don't know if that will be the last time I see you. I don't know if you moved. I don't know if you will be with your friend. I don't know if I'll look pretty to you. I don't know what will come next. I don't know if I'll be broken after you're gone. I don't if I'll make a move to tell you how I feel. I don't know if I'll see you at all.
My biggest fear right now is you.
I'm scared I won't see you and I'm scared of when I do. It's confusing I know. I think in the next letter I will tell you how I fell in love with you and my story of why I'm depressed, if you care. So I guess that's the end if my letter right now. I love you. Take care, please.
All the love,
You know my name X