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"Can I have another notepad?" I ask Charles, laying the last sheet of paper on top of its predecessor.
Charles nods and hands me yet another thick notepad. "How's it going?" He asks, rocking his chair slightly.
I shrug. "Well enough."
"And what part are you at now?"
I narrow my eyes. "The bit where its all my fault."
Charles clears his throat. "As your therapist, I have to disagree with you there. Obviously you're going to feel slightly guilty about what happened, but-"
"I don't mean about what happened. I'm not even there yet. I just mean that I'm at the bit where things were tough for me." I said, already scribbling away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dad.
My Dad.
Here. In New York.
This could not be good.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, hovering in the doorway, unwilling to let him in.
He scowled slightly. "Can I come in?"
I nodded. Turning back to David, I murmured, "Would you mind leaving? I need to talk with my Dad."
He nodded and said, "OK. But I'll see you tomorrow?" He looked so hopeful, and the fact that he wasn't giving up on me made me feel more appreciated that ever. So I nodded, and kissed him before he left with a smile.
"What are you doing here?" I asked my Dad again, as the door clicked closed after David.
He settled down on the sofa and said, "I saw this." He pulled a magazine from the huge suitcase he'd lugged into the apartment. He handed it to me.
The front page was taken up by a huge, glossy and glamorous photograph of me and Nate. Evidently from the photoshoot, the photographer had captured us when Nate had pulled us onto the floor, me straddling his waist. In the photo he was leaning up from the ground to whisper in my ear, so you couldn't see his face much. I had my eyes closed, and my hands were in his hair.
Overall, we looked like...well, we looked like rock and roll. Across the front of the photo were the words, "Is this the new face of rock and roll?"
I flipped through to the main article, and saw that there was another of our photos inside. This time, all four of us were on it, laughing in a line. It looked good. I read the introduction;
Take note of the faces in the photograph, because we can guarantee that you'll be seeing a lot of these four people, (from left, Chris, Freddie, Lyra and Nate). New band on the scene, Kick the Crown, already has a wide and diverse audience but have only just been signed to Aware Records. Their first single, 'Meet The Monsters' is set to be released in just a few months, and we've had the privilege of having a sneaky listen. All we can say is that this band is an explosion.
I glanced at Dad. "Well?" I said, not really knowing what to say.
"Well...why wasn't I aware of this?" He said, raising his eyebrows expectantly.
"You were aware of it. I told you I was working on music and that I was in a band." I said, defiantly.
He scowled. "I didn't know you were, as it says later on in the article, 'on the brink of fame.'" He said, indicating the magazine. "What about the photo on the front?"
I looked at it again. Nate's hands were on my waist, and I was wearing his jacket. We looked very comfortable with each other, at peace. No one would've guessed that those two people had had an explosion of a fight just a few hours ago. "That's Nate." I said.
"And how long have you been...having a relationship with him?" Dad asked shortly.
Rolling my eyes, I exclaimed, "Why does everyone ask that?! Nate and I are not in a relationship - at least not the type you're implying. He's the singer and bass player in the band. And that is it."
Just then, my phone rang. Thankful for the interruption, I answered it quickly, ignoring Dad's face. "Hello?"
"Lyra," A familiar voice said. "I wonder if you'd mind popping up to my office for a chat?"
"Elliot," I said. "Can't it wait? I'm kind of busy right now."
I heard him sigh. "I'm afraid its quite urgent. Please."
Rolling my eyes, I said, "Fine. I'll be there in half an hour." Before clicking the red button. Then I turned to Dad. "Sorry but I have to go out. Feel free to leave."
"Where are you going?" He asked.
Gritting my teeth, "Our record manager wants a chat, apparently. Judging by the suitcase, you're staying?"
"Yes." He said, with no explanation.
Trying my best not to snap, I said, "That will be lovely. I shall see you soon." And then I slammed out of the apartment, full of rage and anger.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
David wasn't working at Aware Records, as I knew. He'd had the day off and had ended up spending it watching Nate and I claw at each other and then been kicked out of my apartment. The absence of his friendly face filled me with guilt. I wasn't being fair to him.
The lipstick woman at the desk smiled at me, so I took that as I sign that I didn't need to announce that I was here anymore. I managed to find Elliot's office easily, and knocked once on the door before barging in.
"Can you please make this quick? Only my Dad's just unexpectedly arrived at my place and-" I caught sight of Nate sat on one of the chairs. "What the hell is he doing here?" I said in a low voice.
"Get over yourself, Lyra," He snapped.
Elliot's voice cut between us. "Now, I see what the problem is."
"Excuse me?" I said, still glaring at Nate.
"Well, I received word that things were a little rocky between two certain members of my new band. Clearly, 'rocky' was an understatement." Elliot said smoothly. "Take a seat, Lyra."
"I'd rather not."
"Take a seat." He reiterated.
I took a seat, edging it away from Nate who snorted. "So you're going to warn us to behave?" Nate said, rolling his eyes.
"No," Elliot said. "I am going to find out what the problem is and attempt to fix it."
"The problem is-" I started, but Nate cut across me.
"She thinks that she doesn't need anyone!" He blurted, throwing his hands above his head.
"What?" I snapped. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Shut up." He told me, turning to Elliot. "She refuses to let anyone in, doesn't accept criticism well and thinks that-"
"Don't tell me to shut up," I interrupted. "I'll have you know, I do let people in. Freddie is my best friends, we share everything. Chris and I talk all the time, even about personal stuff. I've never been as close with anyone as I am with David. I just don't let you in."
"You nearly did." He said, facing me once more. "You know as well as I do that we were nearly as close as you and Freddie are, remember that night you had the nightmare, and I was there for you? But then I...helped you out with William and you shut me out."
I curled my lip. "All you seem to do lately is remind me of William."
"That's because it scared me!" He yelled, standing up. "It scared me to see how much power he has over you, because I don't want anything to happen to you!"
I stood up too. "You're so overprotective! I don't need you looking out for me - I. Don't. Need. You!"
"Guys, I didn't bring you here for another fight. I don't care who William is, what he did or how close you are with David, Lyra." Elliot said. "Sit down, both of you."
We sat.
"Now, even if you aren't close there must be something tying you together." Elliot said.
"No, there isn't." Nate said, clenching his fists.
"Yes, there is." I contradicted. "Music," I told Elliot.
"Yes. Music. Now then, we're going to do a little exercise." He said, grinning like he enjoyed making us feel like two year olds. He passed us each a piece of paper.
"What are we supposed to do?" I asked, taking the paper.
"Seeing as it's 'music' that you have in common, I want you to write a lyric on the paper." He explained condescendingly.
"What kind of lyric?" I asked, suspiciously.
"A lyric that explains how you feel about each other." Elliot said, smirking. "I want you to be totally honest. Don't worry, no one else will see it."
Rolling my eyes at such a tedious task, I bent over the slip of paper with my pen. What was I supposed to write? Thinking through the tens of thousands of lyrics that I knew, I didn't know which one would explain how I felt about Nate.
Finally, I stopped. I knew exactly what to put - but I didn't know if I should. I mean, what was the point in this anyway? I reminded myself that no one else would see it, and wrote down a lyric from Evanescence's My Immortal - a song I liked, even though Evanescence was not one of my favourite's and I didn't really listen to anything else of theirs.
Your voice – it chased away all the sanity in me.
Folding the paper in half, I saw that Nate had already scribbled his down and was watching me. He'd probably written something witty and sarcastic about how annoying I was.
Elliot smiled. "Brilliant! Now swap paper."
I gaped. "You said no one would see it except ourselves!"
"Did I?" Elliot said, idly. "I must have lied. Now, swap paper."
I kept a tight grip. I couldn't let Nate see what I had written, it would be embarrassing! Not right now, in the midst of a fight, at least. I couldn't. A quick glance told me that Nate wasn't so keen to part with his paper either.
In the end, Elliot snatched the slips from us and handed us the other paper. I glanced at it. If he'd been serious, this might be my chance to see what he felt about us. On the other hand - now he had the power to see my weakness for his voice.
I had just started to open the slip from Nate when Elliot said, "Don't open them now. I want you to only read them after a fight. When you're feeling nothing but hate and rage for each other, I want you to find those pieces of paper. Then you can read them."
I smoothed the paper on my knee, itching to open it but holding back. Maybe this would be interesting.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A week later, and the paper was in the drawer next to my bed. I had been true to the task and not opened it, but honestly, it was difficult. I wanted to see what Nate had written, whether he'd been serious or not. I hoped he had, but in the end, it wouldn't matter until I opened it.
I was avoiding Springbreak. It was the best place in the world, but I was scared of facing Robyn. And Nate, but I knew I could handle myself with Nate. But Robyn had done nothing but be nice to me, and I had repaid her by kissing her boyfriend and then blurting it out right in front of her. It needed to have gotten out, but I knew I should have waited rather than let it go in the midst of an argument.
It was a Saturday morning, and I woke up thinking that it was time to face the music. I would go to Springbreak, I would rehearse the same as always, and if Robyn was there, I would apologise.
I dressed and pulled on my Docs, tied my hair up and then went into the kitchen. Dad was there. He'd been a 'gentleman' and taken the sofa, but his unwanted presence meant that David couldn't visit, and that I'd lost the only place that had every been just mine.
I ignored him and left, hoping he might have decided to leave when I got back.
Number 4 was very subdued when I arrived - I had never heard it so quiet before. Freddie soon fixed that. He glanced up at the sound of the door opening and when he saw that it was me, he launched himself across the room.
"Lyra!" He yelled, scooping me into a hug. "Where the hell have you been?"
Laughing, I pulled away, "Just around, you know. Getting some space."
He nodded knowingly. "OK. Well, come on. Your choice today."
I smiled and dumped my bag onto the sofa next to Chris. Chris smiled and said, "Its about time you got back. We though we'd have to form a stake out or something."
I rolled my eyes. "OK, guys. Its not like I'm back from the dead. Lets just sing."
We went into the booth, where Nate was scribbling away into his song book. He looked up, and it was as though nothing had changed. He launched into the songs we should run through, what needed improving and how long we had until Elliot wanted our EP ready.
Freddie cut in. "I said Lyra could have first choice today."
His eyes narrowed slightly as they set on me, and his lip curled. "Of course."
My stomach sank. He was still mad at me - that much was obvious. Trying to get past it, trying to pretend it was normal, I said, "Can we do Home, by Gabriella Aplin?" I asked, hit with a spark of inspiration. The song was soft and gentle, all about leaving the place you felt most comfortable and starting your own life - becoming yourself.
"Bit different to the usual, isn't it?" Chris said, raising his eyebrows.
I shrugged. "It kind of describes how I felt when I decided to move to New York." I said, offering no other explanation. It seemed a very personal song to me, at that moment.
The guys started up, the gentle guitar strings filling me with warmth. I closed my eyes and pretended I was singing in my bedroom, back home in England, singing for my mother before she'd died. Tears pricked in my eyes, but I wouldn't allow them to fall.
"I'm a phoenix in the water, a fish that's learnt to fly, and I've always been a daughter but feathers are meant for the sky.." I sang, feeling eyes on me. I could tell who it was even without opening my eyes, but ignored him. This song was for family, and for my home. And he had made sure he wasn't a part of that.
I liked the change in singing something softer than usual, giving my voice a different sound. It felt like a new kind of freedom.
When we finished, I opened my eyes and Chris said, "Are you sure you want to be a rock star? I mean, it sounds like you could do country as well."
Freddie gasped. "We are not letting her go to the bumpkins! Are we, Nate?"
Nate shrugged and stood up. "Whatever." He said, slamming out of the booth.
I grimaced. At least he couldn't hear us now. "He's so mad at me." I said, wringing my hands.
Chris rolled his eyes. "He's always mad at you. But yeah, this time its a bit more...serious."
"He and Robyn split up two days ago." Freddie informed me.
Guilt washed over me. "Oh God, this is all my fault. I've ruined it all." I said, sitting on my stool.
"Lyra, look. Yes, you shouldn't have just yelled it out like that, but he wasn't exactly blameless either. He's been horrible to you from day one, kind of. I completly understand you flying off the handle like that, even if it wasn't right." Fred said, while Chris nodded.
I smiled. "Thanks guys."
"Anyways...what's happened? I mean, that song was a bit emotional - even more so than usual, if that's possible." Chris snorted.
I tried to smile, but Robyn's face swam before my eyes. "Oh, um, my Dad moved in with me."
They sucked in a breath. "Ouch."
I nodded, suddenly feeling like I had to get out. "I'll be back soon, OK?" I said, practically sprinting from the room.
Outisde, I ran into Nate, which was the last thing I felt like doing. But I had to say something. "I'm sorry." I said to him.
His eyes were unreadable. "They told you about Robyn?"
I nodded. "Nate, I...I didn't mean for-"
"I know." He cut me off. "You were just reacting. It was my fault anyway. I kissed you."
I tried a smile, but it came out as more of a wobble. "Yeah. You did."
He sat on the bottom step. "This is messed up right now, isn't it? I mean, its been just over a week since the fight, but I can't seem to stop feeling guilty about it."
"Well that's understandable, she was your girlfriend, so-"
"I don't mean about Robyn." He said as I sat next to him. "I mean... I made you cry, didn't I?"
I turned my face away. "Um, yeah, I suppose."
"Crap, I'm sorry. Seriously, Lyra, I'm sorry." He put a hand on my shoulder.
I looked at him. "Me too. Maybe we should call for a...sort of ceasfire? At least until the EP's out?" I said, smiling a bit.
He nodded. "Good idea." He stood up and started to head up the stairs.
"Aren't you staying for the rest of the rehearsal?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm just grabbing something to eat. Save me a spot, OK?" He winked.
I laughed, feeling normality return just a little bit. "OK."
I could tell he was still mad, and God knows I definitely was, but at least we were starting to fix things. Maybe it'd work out, maybe I'd fly off the handle again or...who knew? But for that second, he was back to being my friend - or whatever it was that he was to me. Friend or foe, singer, guitarist... I wasn't sure anymore. But I would try and make things work.
So we carried on rehearsing for the rest of the day and he smiled and laughed so I did too. I wasn't stupid, I knew something had changed between us forever. But it felt good to put all that off just for one day.
And it was only when Nate and I decided to sing Still Haven't Found that I realised. That day was my 6th month anniversary of being a part of Kick the Crown.
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OK, so this is more like a kind of filler one, but its alright, i hope. Shout out to PlayItLouder - thank you for suggesting Home! I love how relevant it is to Lyra!
I have major writer's block, but oh well, I'll pull through.
Love you all XMX