The three words echoed in my head, bouncing off my skull, soft and timid at first and then amplified, as if a thousand speakers started playing them over and over in my brain.
I closed my eyes, absorbing the moment, letting my mind soak in the meaning of those three infinitesimal words that held infinity within them.
Alexei took a step back, still holding me, but watching me attentively, his eyes more open and vulnerable than ever, waiting for my verdict with baited breath, as if what I said next would determine whether he lived or died.
"I love you too."
My lips formed the words almost reflexively, as if they'd been hiding there all along, pressed up against the roof of my mouth, just waiting for the right moment to burst free. They felt right as they rolled off my tongue, leaving a sweet taste behind. A taste that promised many more nights like these to come, that promised a thousand more kisses, a thousand more languid caresses exchanged between the sheets and a thousand more moments meant only for him and me.
Alexei didn't kiss me again. Instead he pulled me to him and buried his face in my hair as I pressed my nose against the hollow at the base of his throat. We remained like that for what felt like hours, breathing each other in, content with the proximity and with the silence because everything that needed to be said had been said.
We weren't anywhere near the top of the long climb ahead. But I was more than willing to give it a try.
From then on, the silence wasn't heavy with my unspoken insecurities and when I pulled away, Alexei was smiling that secretive smile that I was now absolutely sure was meant for no one but me.
I turned back to my supplies and dabbed the sponge into a dark shade of violet. The symphony of blues and mauves looked almost bruise-like on his skin, and I smiled at the effect –it looked perfect. He was perfect.
We spent an hour in the study, laughing and talking as I tried out different shades and patterns on him, slowly recreating the dark canvas of a night sky on his chest. In the end, I ended up covered in paint splotches and my arms were violet and blue up to the elbows, but I couldn't recall a moment in the past few months when I'd been happier than right then.
As I was finishing packing up my supplies, Alexei hopped onto the desk, still half naked, covered in paint and downright irresistible. "Stay for the night."
I pushed a curl behind my ear and stared at my paint stained fingers as I answered. "I'd like that."
Alexei slid off the desk and engulfed me in a tight embrace, lifting me up as I squealed a half-hearted protest.
"We need to get all that paint off somehow," he said, laughter in his voice and in his eyes. "I've got an idea. There's only one shower stall and two of us. I think you know what that means."
I bit my lower lip and his eyes seemed to darken with desire as he watched me. He kissed me then and didn't stop until we were in the shower, not even as he undressed me and as I undressed him, pausing only to pull our shirts over our heads.
It was then that I realized how much I'd missed and craved the feeling of his skin against mine, of his hands exploring every inch of me, the feather soft texture of his hair under my fingers... And even as we rediscovered each other again, even as he invaded all of my senses until he was the only thing I could feel and the only thing that mattered, I realized that somewhere along the way I'd grown almost addicted to him, to the temporary bliss of his hips moving in rhythm with mine. After all, this was how we'd started –it was what had brought us together and perhaps that's where all my doubts stemmed from –could something built on such a superficial base last? And yet the feeling that bloomed inside of me when he kissed me chased the last bitter remains of doubt from my mind.
All there was for now was the ecstasy of our two entwined bodies moving together in perfect synchrony.
~♠~
I got the call right as I was leaving Mario Mart.
I was discussing the weather with Cameron –also known as Tina's latest crush and one of my favorite co-workers at Mario Mart. He was offering me a ride home when the shrill sound of my ringtone interrupted him mid-sentence. With an apologetic smile, I picked up, raising one eyebrow when I saw the caller ID.
"We need you!" Tina's voice sounded alarmingly close to panic.
"Hello to you too."
I heard Tyler yelling something that sounded like "Don't touch that!" in the background and his shout was followed by a loud crash. Immediately after the noise, a child's laughter echoed on the other end.
"The devil is here and you know that you're the only one who can handle him."
"I was supposed to stop by Gabe's place," I lied smoothly, grinning at Cameron, who was looking at me quizzically.
"I'll do anything you want for a month, I'll give you my firstborn child, I don't care, just come."
"I'll be there in ten minutes. You're going to have to do my hair in return though."
"I'll do your hair for every single day for the rest of my life if that's what it takes." Another crash and this time, it was Tina's turn to yell. "No! That's not for kids, Josh, give it to Auntie Tina!" The connection cut off then and I wasn't sure whether it was voluntary or whether Josh had somehow effectively managed to put an end to the phone call. I was still smiling when I climbed into Cameron's car's passenger seat.
"I couldn't help but overhear..." he trailed off, hesitant, and ran a hand through his black hair. "When you said Gabe, were you talking about Gabriel Ferreira?"
I paused and gave him a careful look. "Yes? What about Gabe?"
"It's nothing. I didn't even know that he still came around here. It's just that I never pegged you as the kind of girl to hang out around guys like Gabe." He obviously didn't mean it as an insult –his hesitant tone and slightly worried expression betrayed nothing but an almost brotherly concern. He clearly thought Gabriel was more than I could handle –and considering all I'd learned about Gabe so far, I couldn't say that I disagreed with him. But it was the first part of his admission that intrigued me.
"What do you mean? And I don't think I'm the kind of girl he usually hangs out with either. You could say that we crossed paths out of necessity." I gave Cameron a wry smile even as my thoughts turned to the girl I'd seen at Gabe's apartment the last time I'd been there. "I'm not exactly his type."
"Oh it's just that ever since he found his long lost father, he kinda... climbed the ladder, I guess. And I didn't mean to sound rude. You're every guy's type, Isis. I mean –it's just that you're so... nice... and wholesome." Cameron gave me a goofy smile.
"His long lost father? Also, wow, that's such a great assessment. If you weren't this cute I'd totally be offended." I laughed and playfully smacked his arm, trying to not let him see just how curious I was.
"Yeah. Everyone's saying that he's some rich dude's bastard son. It obviously paid off." He smiled amusedly. "You think I'm cute? And what are Tina's thoughts on that matter?" Cameron asked, his cheeks flushing pink as he looked away from me.
I raised an eyebrow, deciding that I'd better stop prying about Gabe's life. Somehow, I felt as though it would get back to him and that if I kept questioning Cameron, I would soon receive a text telling me to mind my own business. So instead I grinned at Cameron, amusement dancing in my eyes as I seized the chance to pitch Tina to him. "What do you think? She doesn't go around calling everyone her Latin lover. You should ask her out. She'd say yes, I'd bet all my savings on it."
"You think?"
"I know."
Cameron smiled at me. "You're the best, Isis."
I patted his hand. "I know that too."
~♠~
The chaos reigning in T&T's apartment was palpable even as I walked down the hall. I could hear Joshua's gleeful screeches three doors down and I quickened my pace. The situation was obviously dire –I couldn't even hear Tina's answering vociferation, which meant that she was either out cold or she'd given up all hope.
When I opened the door to their apartment –unlocked, as always –I wasn't even surprised to find my father sitting at the counter of their kitchen, a steaming mug in hand. T&T's mom was busy stirring something that smelled heavenly on the kitchen. When she looked at me over her shoulder, a warmsmile lighting her features, I felt a slight pang in my chest. There wassomething amiss about her –I couldn't place my finger on it, but there was something wrong.
"Hey Niña."
"Hey dad." I felt the crease forming between my brows and I forced myself to relax. It wasn't that I wouldn't want my dad to date T&T's mother –actually, I'd be ecstatic if it came to that –it was just that I felt uneasy. Something in my gut was telling me that there was more to the whole ordeal than what Tina had interpreted and it made me nervous to say the least. I knew my father and I knew that he wouldn't keep something like that from me. Actually, there wasn't much my father ever tried to hide –he'd always been an open book. He didn't believe in deception –he always said that truth would find its way to the surface sooner or later.
I pushed the worry away. Even though he looked tired, my dad didn't look particularly stressed and I decided to take that as a good sign.
As I closed the door behind me, I heard the rapid footfalls of the little monster and Joshua appeared in Tina's room doorway. His whole face was illuminated by an adorable grin when he spotted me and he ran towards me on his comically bowed legs, hands outstretched. I picked him up and whirled him around as he squealed "ISHISH" –his interpretation of my name.
Tina peeked over the back of the couch in their living room and the relief on her face made me laugh. Josh grabbed a lock of my hair and seemed content to play with it as I settled in between the two twins, cradling the toddler in my arms.
"Thank God you're here. I don't understand what it is that you do that calms him the hell down, but I'm just glad that it works."
I placed my hands over Josh's ears. "Language, Tina."
"Oh come on, his mother takes him to church every Sunday... I'm pretty sure he's heard the word 'hell' plenty of times already."
"It's all about context, Tina."
She rolled her eyes but didn't argue with me. Then her whole face lit up, as though she'd remembered something. "Guess what?" The barely hidden excitement in her voice made me a bit nervous –usually, Tina's surprises were of the explosive kind. They didn't literally blow in your face, but they came as close as they possibly could. The last time she'd hit me with that same thrilled "Guess what?" she'd announced that she was moving to Montreal, Canada –a very short lived plan that met it's death only a day after its birth. It only took her mom five minutes to talk some sense back into her and she'd cried into her pillow for a good fifteen minutes before she moved on –apparently, she didn't like Montreal, Canada all that much after all.
"What?"
"We're going to New York this spring break!" She clapped her hands and hopped up and down on the couch and Tyler groaned with annoyance before he turned up the volume of the football game he was watching. I didn't feel like spoiling her happiness by telling her that I couldn't afford a week in New York so I just smiled weakly, not saying anything.
Tina smacked Tyler's arm –hard –and he shot her a murderous look.
"You're just jealous 'cause you're not invited."
"I'm actually glad I'll get to spend a whole week without having to see your ugly ass."
Tina's eyes narrowed, but she didn't reply. She knew better than to get angry at such baseless insults –she was gorgeous.
"I'll miss you though, Isis." He grinned at me when I nudged his foot with mine affectionately.
"We're going to re-enact Sex in the City!"
"We're not middle aged women," I said calmly. It was time to bring her down a couple notches. "And you know I can't afford to pay for a week's worth of hotel room fares, food and transport."
Tina raised a majestic eyebrow at me and gave me her Mona Lisa smile. "That's the best part –you won't have to! Remember that photographer guy who completely blew me off last year?"
I vaguely recalled falling asleep once as she'd tearfully complained about some jerk-wad of a photographer, but I couldn't remember how the whole thing had gone down. "Yeah," I said, not particularly thrilled at the prospect of hearing the full-length story now.
"Well, he came crawling back to me," she said smugly. The unspoken "like they all do" at the end of her sentence was clearly hinted at in her amused smile and the self-assured curve of her brows.
I smiled at her –she reminded me of Alexei in that moment. They were both incredibly self-confident and if I didn't love them it would probably rub me the wrong way, but all their ego evoked in me was a mix of amusement and admiration –that distinct brand of assurance could only be inherited with stunningly good looks.
Sometimes, I was taken aback by how beautiful she was and in those moments, it wasn't envy I felt –it was a slight pang in my gut, an ache –people like her and Alexei were meant to be muses to people like me.
I was destined to be the one who showed their beauty to the world, the one who translated my vision of them through whatever medium I chose –the anonymous, faceless name scribbled in the corner of a painting.
"He texted me last night and he offered to pay for me to come to New York –he showed some of the pictures he took of me last year to some big shot model scout and apparently, she's dying to meet me. They want me to go to New York ASAP to see me in person and to take some test shots for my portfolio. And when I told him that I wouldn't go anywhere without my bestest friend in the whole world," she gave me her trademark angelic smile and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, "he told me he'd pay for you too!"
I raised a doubtful eyebrow. "And you're telling me he wants nothing in return?"
"Oh come on, don't be silly. He wants to get laid, obviously. But he doesn't have to know that he won't be getting any of this." She motioned at herself grandly.
I laughed and Joshua laughed with me, as if he understood the joke perfectly.
"You find that funny, don't you?" I cooed at him as I tickled him. He rolled off my lap, squealing and laughing, his little legs kicking with astonishing strength for someone this small. Suddenly, "hitting like a baby" didn't seem like such an awful thing.
He ran away, still laughing and I pretended to pursue him. "I'm gonna get you!" He squealed with delight and disappeared in the kitchen. I grinned and plopped back onto the couch, throwing my legs into the twins' laps. Tyler grabbed my foot and started massaging it. I closed my eyes and gave an appreciative groan.
Tina made a disgusted noise in the back of her throat. "Get a room."
"And what if he took that as the promise of a threesome? You're hot and all, but I'm really not interested in you that way."
Tina wiggled her brows at me. "That ain't gonna happen, but if you and your hot piece of ass of a boyfriend ever feel adventurous, gimme a call."
"Same," Tyler tuned in. "Unless she's in it too, of course –that would be incest."
I wrinkled my nose even as Tina let out a shrill "ew". "You know I would give you my kidney if either of you needed one, but I'm never sharing him with you. Some things are better when enjoyed alone."
Tina shoved my arm, but her eyes were filled with laughter. "He's that good, huh?"
It was my turn to grin like the Mona Lisa. "That's only mine to know."
~♥~
The next day, my scalp still hurt after Tina's braiding and I kept massaging it through the day, my lower lip jutting out every time I touched it in an involuntary childish pout.
Alexei had been in love with the braids. He kept playing with them for the whole two hours we spent in his apartment, even as he heartbrokenly explained that he couldn't be there for Valentine's Day –his mother was having a rally in Mississippi over the weekend and since it was one of the most conservative states, she wanted him to be there along with his father. "Representing family values and all that shit" as he elegantly put it.
I didn't tell him that I'd completely forgotten all about it –it would be the first time the holiday would even concern me, since I'd never been in a relationship before, and I didn't want to admit that the thought of it scared me shitless. I had no idea what I was supposed to get him –what could you give to someone who already had everything he could ever want and more?
He quickly switched the subject though, and we made up for the time we would spend apart this weekend by finally testing out the desk in his study.
The rest of the week was uneventful –I attended my classes, worked at Mario Mart and then at the library and the alternating shifts combined with studying effectively drained most of my energy. All I could do at the end of each day was to drag myself into the shower and then collapse into bed, falling asleep as soon as my head met the pillow.
My monotonous routine ran its course without any disturbances and it further re-established the feeling of normalcy I'd been certain I'd lost forever. Until Friday, that is –I received the disappointing results from my History of art midterm and it was also the date of my highly anticipated first "real" self-defence lesson with Gabe.
And being with Gabe could never be qualified as "normal".
Resigned, I'd tied my braids into a ponytail, dressed up in my most comfortable jogging pants and my most worn out Disneyland tee and aimlessly scrolled down through my Facebook news feed while I waited for Gabe's arrival. My ancient laptop gave a plaintive whirr every time I clicked on a post and each page loaded for a good thirty seconds –which was probably why my presence on social media was scarce to say the least.
And still, all the cute cat pictures and adorable dog videos didn't rid me of the knot my stomach had twisted itself into the moment I'd seen the C- next to my name on the History of art mid-term results sheet. I hadn't cried on the spot –most people around me were high-fiving each other, fist pumping and/or squealing and I didn't want to be the odd one out –I already kept to myself most of the time and the last thing I wanted was for the people in my class to add "cry-baby" to my "loner" moniker.
So I'd concentrated hard on keeping my breaths steady and sat through the class with a bullet-proof poker face, taking notes and listening attentively while a stone settled at the bottom of my stomach.
I'd let a couple of angry tears slip through my armor once I was sitting at the back of the practically empty bus that had taken me to Mario Mart. No one paid me any attention while I discretely wiped them away.
I was past the teary phase –my shift at the supermarket had been a perfect distraction –but now that I was alone with my thoughts, I had nothing else to do but mull over my anger and disappointment as I tried to pinpoint exactly what I'd done wrong.
The doorbell rang just as I was logging out, as if on cue. I shut my laptop and left it on my unmade bed. I cast a quick glance at the empty apartment as I was closing the door –somehow it looked sadder than usual in the semi-darkness. The mismatched furniture lost all its charm –the darkness made everything monochrome and bleak, leeching away all the warmth.
Gabe was waiting for me downstairs, leaning against a lamppost, bathed in orange glow. He was smiling his Cheshire cat grin and despite the heavy shroud of gloom that stuck to me like cobwebs, my heart managed a weak somersault in my chest. Something about him –about the feline tilt of his dark eyes and the way one corner of his mouth was tipped higher than its counterpart in the most perfect kind of asymmetry –had my mind spinning out of control.
His hair was tousled and his cheeks were covered in stubble –he looked less put together than usual, a bit rougher around the edges. There were slight shadows under his eyes and I couldn't help but wonder what had kept him up at night.
I pushed the thoughts away and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my faux-leather jacket. For a moment, we just looked at each other, perhaps a bit too intently for the moment to feel completely innocent.
Gabe was the first one to break the silence.
"Ready to get your ass kicked?"
I ignored him, not even bothering with an eye-roll. "Let's just go."
Gabe looked at me for a second too long and I lowered my gaze to my white sneakers–the weather had gotten warmer in the past week and I'd had to dig up my spring wardrobe – his gaze cut too deep for my liking.
He didn't say anything when he opened the passenger door for me and the silence that settled between us lasted for the whole ride to his apartment. For once, it wasn't the comfortable type of quietness I'd grown fond of –it hung in the air heavily, like acrid smoke.
We didn't speak as we climbed the four flights of stairs or as he unlocked the door. He took my jacket without a word and threw it over the back of his couch.
It was only when I stood in the middle of his living room, facing him with my hands nervously straightening out my t-shirt that he spoke up. "Okay, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." My tone lacked conviction and the look Gabe gave me clearly indicated that he wasn't buying it.
"Come on, Isis. I can tell something's not right." His voice was soft, coaxing.
"This is going to sound stupid." I took a deep breath. "It's just that I got a C minus on my History of Art midterm. I actually studied for it, maybe not as much as I would've liked to, but I was hoping for at least a B plus."
I could imagine how pathetic that probably sounded to his ears –he didn't know that this only reaffirmed one of my most deeply rooted insecurities.
He didn't know that every time I sat at the back of a classroom, listening to the endless lectures that sometimes bored me to tears, I couldn't help but feel like maybe I wasn't where I was supposed to be. Watching the people around me, whose "art student" status was evident in everything, from the clothes they wore to their haircuts –they either looked like they cared too much or didn't care enough and whether they knew it or not, they wore the badge perfectly - I felt like an outsider looking in on something I would never really be a part of.
There was always a lining of atelophobia to my thoughts –the irrational fear of not being good enough. In my case though, it felt perfectly rational. And little things like these watered it, helping it grow, rooting it deeper into me, until I felt it in everything I did, always echoing in the distance and making me doubt everything. Making me feel as though I would always be condemned to mediocrity.
But Gabriel didn't know any of that.
"That doesn't mean anything."
I looked down at my feet –I knew it was stupid, but I had hoped that he'd understand. "You still have a final coming up. You can make it up then. I know things haven't been easy lately and I know you've got a lot on your mind, Isis. You can't do everything at once –you can't work and go to school and worry about this whole mess and then go on about your life as if everything's just peachy, because it's not. And that's okay. You don't have to beat yourself up about it."
I looked up at him, at a loss for words. I knew that what he'd said didn't really fix anything –nothing he could say or do would change my grade, or my inherent fear of not fitting in –but I tucked his words into the back of my mind, memorizing everything about him in this very moment –the gravity etched into his features, the softness of his voice and the steady warmth of his gaze –so that I could reminisce about it when I desperately needed comfort.
Gabe reached out and his hand rested half on my shoulder and half on my neck, his fingers curling around the nape of my neck, a nonchalant gesture that felt intimate in ways it probably shouldn't have.
"I'll help you study if you'd like."
"Okay," I breathed almost soundlessly.
We appraised each other and I felt like I was seeing him for the first time. There was a little less of the cynical, cold Gabriel in the man before me and bit more of the boy I used to yearn for in high school, who despite being completely out of my reach had still been nice every time he'd spoken to me. Instead of smirking, he had smiled every time he'd caught my gaze lingering on him in the lunch line, throwing my heart into a frenzy then and making it pound just as hard now.
But then, the moment was gone and his usual grin was back, a mask of nonchalance and amusement. I still felt the echo of his touch on my skin even when his hand was gone.
"So, now, ready to get your ass kicked?"
I rolled my eyes at him this time and couldn't hold back my smile.
He pulled his crewneck over his head and his t-shirt rode up, exposing a sliver of his stomach –I couldn't help but stare at the smooth expanse of bronze skin with subtly defined abs, sue me –and I noticed something dark etched into the skin above his right hip. The glimpse was gone too soon for me to distinguish what the tattoo had been, but the curiosity remained and all I wanted was to pull his shirt off to get a better glimpse of the design.
"Okay. First things first, let's discuss your current abilities. Or rather the complete lack of your current abilities."
Yeah. Nice Gabe was definitely dead and buried now.
"Rule number one: don't let your anger take over. That was your mistake the last time you tried to punch me." I couldn't help but blush at the recollection of my miserable attempts at hitting him. "You were swinging like a drunk man at a bar."
I decided not to reply, I simply watched as he pushed the coffee table out of the way and dragged the couch a bit further away to liberate some space.
"Show me how you'd punch me."
"Gladly," I muttered. My fingers curled into a fist and I aimed at his face. He caught my wrist with cool ease and gently pried my thumb out of my fist.
"Don't keep your thumb tucked in, you could break it."
He demonstrated for me, corrected me some more and then he showed me a couple of key points to aim at when punching and kicking. He was a surprisingly patient instructor, never losing his cool even when I failed miserably. I found myself smiling more often than not, even when he dropped borderline insulting jabs –his tone and the warmth in his smile contradicted his words and it felt as though he kept poking fun at me simply out of habit and not with malicious intent.
By the time we were finished, I was drenched in sweat and my arms ached and while usually that would put me in a rather sour mood –I wasn't a big fan of work outs or physical activity –the small pains and aches were overshadowed by the way my cheeks hurt from all the laughing and grinning.
"I was planning on doing this alone, but since I feel like you could use some cheering up there's somewhere I want to take you," he said, but his tone was hesitant, as if he doubted his words even as he spoke them.
I downed the glass of water he'd offered me and wiped my brow with the back of my hand. "And where is that?"
"I've got a friend who can, uh, figure out whose license plate you saw the other night."
My heart gave an elated thump and I grasped his arm. "Yes! I want to go!"
He sighed, looking as though he already regretted his offer. "Let's go."
The wind sneaked underneath my leather jacket once were outside. My damp tee felt frigid against my skin and Gabe must've noticed my shudder because he slipped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.
It felt right. It felt a bit too right, but I decided not to analyze the underlying meaning of how everything seemed to fall into place and to make sense when I was with him.
We could be friends. I would make it work.
I praised the Lord for Gabe's heated seats once we were in yet another one of his cars, a sleek black sedan that looked much too expensive. It was the third car I'd seen him drive –it wasn't even the car he'd picked me up in –and I wondered what in the world could he possibly need this many cars for, but I kept my mouth shut. If there was one thing I'd learned about Gabriel it was that he didn't particularly fancy answering questions, and now that I'd seen a fraction of what he could do during the self defense lesson, I was determined to stay on his good side.
He maneuvered the car into traffic and I looked out the window, watching the buildings flashing by. Gradually, the hip modern architecture became scarcer, until we were surrounded by the more practical slabs of grey concrete and red brick of my own neighborhood. Everything seemed duller –in his part of town, everything had been filled with light, radiating with beauty and amplified by all the glass and steel. Here, light peeked timidly from between drawn curtains, only partially interrupting the darkness.
And not for the first time, I wondered why Gabriel would leave his family behind, trapped in this dull cage of a neighborhood while he enjoyed all the luxuries his newly acquired status granted him. It made no sense to me –every hint he'd ever dropped about them proved how much he cared about his mother and his sister. The tenderness in his eyes, the way his smile softened every time he mentioned them, the way his eyes lost their perpetual hard edge –he loved them.
I longed to crack his code. Perhaps it was a dumb thing to wish for, but I almost desperately wanted for him to unlock at least part of himself to me. Maybe it was the influence of all the dumb romance movies I'd watched with Tina over the years, but there was a part of me that wanted him to open himself to me.
I sighed heavily and Gabe looked at me questioningly, but I shook my head. It wasn't the right time for me to ask. The fact that he'd conceded to let me tag along with him today was already a small victory in itself and I wouldn't push my luck.
"You're a guy," I remarked after a moment of silence, and Gabe looked at me as though he found me particularly dim-witted.
"You've got such a keen sense of observation, it's truly extraordinary."
I frowned at him. "What would you like to get for Valentine's Day?"
"A blowjob," he deadpanned.
I almost chocked.
"I –no. I meant, h-hypothetically," I stammered, my cheeks heating up.
"I was kidding, Isis. Although I really wouldn't mind getting a blowjob. There's nothing more romantic than deep throating, I mean –"
"Okay! Thanks for your input!" I slammed the brakes on the conversation before he could venture even further down roads I really would rather steer clear of.
"I love it when you get all flustered," he said with one of his killer grins, which only flustered me further. I knew I'd probably turned beet red under my freckles and even the tips of my ears felt as though they were on fire. "In all seriousness though, if you don't know what to get Romanov for Valentine's day, my advice would be to not overthink it. Cook him dinner, wear something see through and let him hit it. He'll love it." He wasn't smiling anymore; instead, he wore an expression of utter indifference.
"Thanks." I said softly.
"No problem. I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, but it doesn't take much to satisfy a guy, you feel me? Feed us and fuck us. That's all it takes."
"How romantic."
He grinned at me again. "We live in a cold, hard world."
He parked the car alongside the sidewalk and when I looked outside, I found myself staring at a building that I recognized –we were only a few blocks away from where T&T live with their mother.
I stepped out of his car and followed him into the small lobby. The walls and the floor were covered in matching, cracked beige tiles and bathed in the cold glow of the neon overhead. He rang the intercom and a female voice answered.
"Yes?"
"It's Gabe."
"Oh, come on up querido!"
There was a buzz and Gabe pulled the glass door open, motioning at me to follow him.
Curious, I obliged and we climbed the three flights of stairs side by side. The door to the apartment was already open and a short woman wearing a polka dotted apron was waiting for us with a radiant smile.
"Gabriel!" she exclaimed and engulfed him in a vice-like hug. Gabe wrapped his arms around her and smiled amusedly at me over her head.
"Who is your friend?" she asked, and it was my turn to be hugged. I awkwardly reciprocated, patting her back.
"Isis, meet Rosa. She's like a second mother to me." She flicked his nose affectionately and hugged him again, beaming.
"Como vai?" she asked as she ushered us inside, and then they started talking in what I assumed was Portuguese. He sounded more relaxed than per usual, smiling with a charm he rarely exhibited and laughing with an insouciance I'd only glimpsed a couple of times before.
The aroma that hung in the air of the small apartment made my mouth water –I could hear something sizzling in the kitchen and the heady scent of pork and spices made my stomach growl plaintively. It was only then that I realized that I was starving.
Rosa's apartment was tidy –there was not a cushion out of place and the pictures that adorned the walls were perfectly aligned. Most of the pictures were of a boy in all stages of growth –starting with adorable baby pictures and ending with a professional portrait over a blain navy blue background, depicting a boy with dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes, with the ghost of a smile on his thin lips. Rosa led us to the living room and directed us toward the couch all the while chatting with Gabriel.
I was content to just watch Gabriel. He caught my gaze on more than one occasion, but I didn't avert my eyes. He was radiant.
They switched back to English after a moment, and Rosa laid a warm hand on my arm. "You have to stay for supper, sweatheart. Alex!"
A loud groan came from the room at the very end of the corridor and Rosa sighed heavily. She shouted something in Portuguese again and footsteps echoed from down the hall. A thin, tall boy appeared in the doorway, appraising at the small assembly with an obvious scowl. His expression shifted slightly when he saw Gabe, a glint of curiosity entering in his gaze.
"Hi," he said curtly.
"Hey, that reminds me," Gabe began and I could tell that Alex's interest had been piqued. "I've had some issues with my Mac lately, I was wondering if you could help me out." He lied so smoothly that for a moment, I forgot the real reason we were here and believed his cover-up story –it was only when one corner of Alex's mouth tipped up in a barely perceptible smile that the double entendre registered in my brain.
In the meantime, Rosa had wandered back into the kitchen and called out "Dinner will be ready in half an hour!"
Gabe stood up and pulled me with him and we made our way to the room at the very end of the corridor.
It was completely dark –the only light came from the computer screen and all I could make out in the semi darkness was that there were laptops everywhere. Other than the iMac on his desk, two MacBooks were piled one over the other on his bed. I took it all in with wide eyes; the overwhelming array of laptops and wires everywhere –Dell, Asus, HP... A futuristic jungle. Alex settled in his massive leather office chair and spun around to face us. With the pale light outlining him, he looked every bit like an action movie villain. He looked to be fifteen at most, but he still managed to intimidate me –even more so when he rested his ankle on his knee and I saw the ankle monitor.
What the hell had he done to end up on house arrest at such a young age?
"What can I do for you today?"
Gabe pulled a small piece of folded paper from the pocket of his pants and handed it to Alex. "Those are the last three digits of a license plate number. I want to know under what name it's registered."
Alex smiled calmly. "What's in it for me?"
Gabe smirked and pulled a slim wad of bills from his pocket. "Here you go, kiddo. Now work your magic."
Alex's brows pulled into a frown at the nickname but the expression vanished as soon as he started counting the cash.
Gabe flopped onto the bed and I followed suit, our thighs brushing.
Alex turned to face his screen and started typing almost frantically as I leaned closer to Gabe to whisper into his ear. "Is that an ankle monitor he's wearing?"
Gabe's smile widened. "Yeah."
"Can you tell me why?" I tried to keep the note of panic I felt rising in me out of my voice.
"Let's say it involved some international hacking and a lot of very important people getting really pissed off about their personal files getting hacked." His hand rested on my thigh and I felt my heart climbing into my throat, my pulse going into overdrive.
"Won't he get in trouble for this?"
"Trust me when I tell you that this is nothing for him." He gave my thigh a gentle squeeze and I was sure that he'd meant for the gesture to feel reassuring, but it made me feel as though my blood had reached its boiling point in my veins.
"Got it. The name of the owner is Enzo Belmonte. He reported his motorcycle as stolen two months ago." He'd turned to us again, smiling smugly as he spoke.
I looked at Gabe, hopeful. His brows were pulled together in a skeptic frown. "I know Enzo," he said slowly. "And I know he's not the guy we're looking for... it would make no sense. And why the hell would a thief keep the original license plate –it's like he's begging to get caught."
Alex shrugged. "I don't know man. I'm just delivering facts." His gaze lingered on me for a moment. "Your girlfriend, I assume? Why did you bring your girlfriend?"
Gabe grin turned enigmatic and I couldn't help but notice that he didn't correct Alex's assumption. "I like having Isis around."
"Whatever." Alex didn't question him further and turned back to his computer –we were clearly dismissed.
We stayed for supper and during the whole evening I was hyper-aware of every single time our bodies touched even for the briefest of moments –every single brush of his hand against my arm at the dining table, every bump of his knee against mine. Once he drank a couple of glasses of wine, Gabriel grew more liberal with his affection and at one point, as he was watching me speak, he tucked one of my braids behind my ear and that simple touch combined with the gentleness in his eyes made every nerve ending in my body ache with need.
And even though I knew I shouldn't feel any of it, I felt my ache for him echo even when I was in my own bed late in the night.
And even though I tried to chase the thought of him away by remembering the way Alexei's lips felt on mine, it was still his face I saw on the back of my closed eyelids just as I fell into a dreamless sleep.
~♠~
Sunday was so dull that if it wasn't for the decorations that adorned literally every storefront, I could almost forget that Alexei wasn't there to spend Valentine's Day with me. As insensitive as it might seem, I was almost relieved –just thinking of the holiday filled me with dread.
My shift at Mario Mart was uneventful. The only thing out of the ordinary was the unusual amount of people buying wine, chocolates and condoms –another indicator that most people would probably be busy with their very own celebrations tonight.
I met my father at the door of our apartment at the end of the day and I did a double take when I saw him. I'd expected him to be spending Valentine's day with T&T's mom, but there he was, smiling and waving the copy of 27 dresses he'd gotten at the nearby video rental shop of which I was pretty sure he was the only customer; who bothered with movie rentals nowadays?
It was our yearly tradition –we always watched a romantic comedy on Valentine's Day and ate enough junk food to last me the rest of the year –at least until the next V-day.
I didn't ask any questions even though I still felt a bit intrigued -I'd have to call Tina as soon as my father went to bed to discuss this latest plot-twist with her.
While my dad turned on the TV and inserted the disk into our ancient DVD player, I put some popcorn into the microwave and raided our cabinets for sweets. My quest for diabetes was interrupted by the ring of the doorbell.
"I'll get it," I called to my dad. As per usual, I omitted to check to see what awaited me on the other side and when I opened the door, to say I was stunned would be the understatement of the century.
"Happy Valentine's Day."
Gabriel's tattooed, gun-loving friend gazed at me impassively. I stared back at him, shell-shocked.
"Gabe asked me to drop this off at your place."
He handed me a Donkin' Donuts box, turned on his heel and left just as brusquely as he'd arrived, not bothering with useless pleasantries. I stared after him, frozen to the spot.
After a moment, my dad came looking for me and found me staring into nothing, a box of donuts in one hand, the other still holding the door open.
"Everything alright, Niña?"
His voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I nodded a bit too vigorously. While he ventured back into the living room, I opened the box and grinned when I saw what was inside –twelve heart-shaped donuts.
I tucked the box under one arm and grabbed as much junk food as I could carry before I joined my dad on the couch. He laughed when I showed him the donuts and started the movie, teasing me about my "secret boyfriend" as we watched the trailers.
Halfway through the film, while I was discretely trying to wipe away a tear – I always cried during romance movies, no matter how lighthearted the subject –the doorbell rang again.
I sighed heavily and stood up as my dad paused the scene, getting up to refill our popcorn bowl.
I dragged myself to the front door and upon opening it, I found myself standing face to face with a ginormous bouquet of crimson roses. My eyes widened as I suffered my second shell-shock of the day.
A young guy peeked from behind the flowers. "Special delivery for Isis Greene?"
I nodded, too stunned for words.
"I've got more back in my truck," he said as he handed the bouquet over and I carried it to the kitchen.
I lost count of the bouquets he brought –by the end, our kitchen was chock-full of red roses and I'd even had to bring a couple to my bedroom.
A small card was attached to the last bouquet and I opened it gingerly, my mouth dry and my heart pounding hard in my chest.
I'm running out of ways to tell you how much I love you.
Alexei
A thousand emotions waged a war inside my head. I stared at the half eaten donut I'd left on the kitchen table when I'd gotten up to answer the door and my heart constricted in my chest.
Momentarily, I realized two things.
One: I loved Alexei.
Two: I had the undeniable feeling that something, or someone, was going to screw everything up beyond the point of no return.
I'd known that I was in trouble before –but I'd never taken a step back to contemplate, never realized that the delicate balance I'd managed to establish was really barely holding on by a thread –one mistake, one wrong step was all it would take for everything to spiral out of control.
I'd lied to everyone and I'd gotten so bogged down in my own lies that I was stuck.
How long before I'd get caught in a lie and Alexei would find out all the things I'd kept hidden? How long before he figured out who I was and what I used to do?
Whoever A was, he held my world in the palm of his hand, and he could crush me and make everything I'd built crumble down at any given moment.
I was powerless. Useless.
I was nothing but a pawn.
And even though I knew I was the only one to blame, I couldn't help it –I burst into tears.
~A/N~
I'm really sorry this isn't edited but i really wanted to post this chapter today and since i won't be home this evening i won't have time to edit it :/
in any case, thank you all for reading! lemme know what you think in the comments, i love hearing from you guys!
this chapter is dedicated to @callistos your comment on the last chapter totally made my day
and to everyone who's reading this, i hope you have/had an amazing valentine's day and i love you ♥♥♥