As Ash leaves his room and goes to see his best man, Johnny, I hover outside Damien and Ste’s room. I should tell them what’s just happened and that Ash is ready to get married, but that’s not the reason I’m standing here.
I have a very important question to ask Damien.
The door swings open after my timid knock, but it’s Ste who answers.
“What’s happened?” he asks, letting me into their room. “Where’s Ash?”
“With Johnny,” I explain. “You two need to be getting ready. We’ve all got a wedding to go to.”
“That’s great news!” Damien enthuses, crossing the small room to hug me. “I suppose you need to change into your dress.” He smirks.
I pull a pained expression. “Thank God I only have to wear it for a few hours.” My eyes dart nervously to Ste, who is closely watching us from his position by the bed. “I um…I actually have something to ask you?”
“Oh?” Damien says.
I try to make eye signals to Ste to leave the two of us alone for this moment, but apparently men don’t pick up on those like women do. I suppose with an audience is better than not at all.
“I was wondering,” I begin, chewing on my bottom lip, “maybe you’d like to go along to the wedding…y’know…as my date?”
I can see Ste’s shoulders shaking from here. He obviously thinks this is hilarious, and I scowl at him while I wait for Damien to respond.
“That’s not exactly what I expecting you to say,” he comments. “Bridesmaid don’t take dates to the wedding, do they?”
“Aren’t they supposed to cop off with one of the groomsmen?” remarks Ste. “Hey, which one do you think I’ll get? D’you reckon that Kerry’s into me?”
I roll my eyes at him and turn back to Damien. “This wedding has been far from normal,” I point out. “Why stick to conventions?”
“A date,” he says with a smile. “Why not?”
“Just over an hour to go,” Ste says, glancing down at the watch on his wrist. “We should be getting ready.”
I think about the original plan for today, wondering if I’m still supposed to be having my face attacked by Lela’s hair and makeup person. Hopefully I can avoid that by retreating to my room and pretending I didn’t know what was going on.
When I leave the guys’ room, I take the stairs up to my own room, thinking about how I’m going to do my own hair and makeup. I decide that I might just have time to curl my hair. It doesn’t matter that much if I look different to the other two bridesmaids, does it? It’s not like this wedding is going to be anywhere near perfect anymore.
But then there they are. As I round the corner, I spot Kerry and Steph lingering outside the door to my room.
I freeze and duck behind the wall again. Maybe they haven’t seen me. But I took my bag back up to my room. I need to go in there to stand any chance of being ready in just an hour.
Oh God. What if they’ve come to get me to have my hair and makeup done? I chance a look at them again. They’re both wearing their dresses, but their hair looks plain and unstyled.
One of them looks up suddenly, and I don’t have time to process what’s happening before the two women are bounding along the corridor towards me.
“Jade!” Kerry yells sharply, reaching me before Steph does. “You need to go and see Lela. She’s a mess. She needs you.”
“Me?” I question. “Why me?”
“You’re the only one she’ll listen to,” Steph says, hiding behind Kerry a little.
My hands drop to my hips. “What’s the matter with her? She is getting ready, isn’t she?”
Kerry nods. “Sitting in her wedding dress right now, but she’s refusing to come out of the bathroom.”
I sigh. “Typical Lela. Look, I’ve spoken to Ash, and the wedding is going ahead. What else do you want me to do?”
“You need to get her out of there!” Steph pleads. “If you don’t, there won’t be a wedding after all.”
“What makes you think that I’m going to be able to talk her out? I take it both of you didn’t manage it.”
Kerry looks down at the floor sheepishly. “Please, Jade.”
“You do know that Lela’s just doing this for attention, don’t you? She can’t stand that the spotlight might have turned off her for a minute.”
“Maybe so,” Steph agrees with a shrug. “But you’re still her friend.”
“Fine,” I say, throwing my hands up in the air in exasperation.
One of them grabs my hand and leads me towards Lela’s room further along the corridor.
I never expected that it would be the bride I’d have to convince today.
Emily and Diane are standing outside the open door when we get there. They both turn their heads to look at me, and I want to run back to my room and hide under the covers until this bloody wedding is over.
“Jade,” Emily greets me coldly, but her mum doesn’t say a word. “She’s locked herself in the bathroom. I doubt you’ll have much look getting her out of there.”
“Well, we’ll see.” I flash her a tight smile, now determined to prove Emily wrong and get Lela downstairs and ready to get married.
Steph and Kerry guide me towards the locked bathroom door. I can’t hear anything inside, not even an occasional theatrical sob, so Lela must not know we’re here.
I crouch down next to the door and tap on it lightly. “Lela?” I call. “It’s Jade.”
“Jade?” a scratchy voice calls back. “What are you doing here?”
“Don’t situations like this fall under the duties of the head bridesmaid?” I joke.
“Oh, Jade. I’m in such a mess,” Lela wails in response.
“No, you’re not,” I assure her. “I talked to Ash. He’s going to marry you, Lela.”
There’s a pause on the other side of the door. Then she says, “But what if I don’t want to get married?”
“Of course you do,” I say, almost laughing that this is coming from the girl who used to make miniature wedding cakes for her Barbie dolls. “Unlock the door, and we’ll be able to talk better.”
“Are you alone?” she asks.
I look at Kerry and Steph, inclining my head towards the open door.
Kerry folds her arms sternly across her chest, but they march off dutifully.
When they’re gone, I say, “Yes, it’s just me.”
There’s a click, and the door inches open, revealing Lela sitting in a crumpled heap on the floor by the sink. She looks much like she did last night, only this time she’s wearing her huge white wedding dress. Her pale blonde hair is piled up on top of her head, but her face is bare of makeup.
“What am I going to do?” she says, hitching up the skirt of her flowing dress to reveal one of the heels of her lace peep-toes is hanging off the shoe.
“That’s not why you’re in here, is it?” I stare at the broken heel dubiously.
“Kind of,” she admits. “I can’t get married without any shoes on, can I? What if this is a sign?”
“A sign for what?”
“Telling me that I shouldn’t get married!”
“Stop being so dramatic,” I order her. “Okay, let’s think about this seriously.” I rub my temples. “Right. I’ve got an idea. Are you still a size five?”
“Yes,” she says. “But why does that matter?”
I hold up one finger, silencing her. “Remember when we were younger? And we used to share shoes all the time?”
She nods, and her eyes have already landed on the plain black ballet flats on my feet.
“My bridesmaid shoes should look okay with your dress. I mean, you can’t really even see them.”
My bridesmaid shoes are champagne-coloured satin midi heels. Kerry and Steph have the same ones too. The three of us were supposed to look uniform in the same dress and shoes and with our hair all styled the same. But, since there’s little chance of that happening now anyway, I don’t see why I can’t change things a bit. It’s not like I’m suggesting I follow her down the aisle in my hoodie and jeans.
“But what about you?” she questions.
I shrug, rubbing my fingers over my scruffy flats. “I suppose I’ll go barefoot.”
“You can’t!” Her eyes widen. “Your dress only comes to your knees. I can’t have a barefoot bridesmaid. Kerry and Steph will still have their shoes on!”
I glance towards the door where I know they’re standing. “No, they won’t,” I say confidently. “They’re going to take their shoes off too.”
Of course, this is a scenario that has similarities with convincing the cast of The Only Way is Essex that they don't need to wear makeup.
After spending the majority of my allotted half an hour's hair and makeup time trying to smooth out the creases I made by folding the dress up into my bag, the bridesmaids and I are dressed and almost ready to go, with ten minutes left before the wedding's start time.
Having already exchanged shoes with Lela, I greet the other two women still wearing my tatty black flats, and the creased, itchy, aubergine nightmare dress.
"Where are your shoes?" says Steph, pointing at my offending footwear.
"Don't tell me you've forgotten them," Kerry chimes in.
"Lela's got them," I explain. "She and I actually have a big favour to ask of you both."
Kerry folds her arms. "How big exactly?"
"The heel broke on Lela's wedding shoes and, since this is her day, I said she could wear my shoes instead."
Steph and Kerry are already exchanging blank looks.
"We thought it might be a good idea if all three of us went without shoes for the ceremony."
"We got these shoes specifically to go with the dress!" Kerry stomps one shoe-clad foot petulantly.
"But this is for Lela!" I remind her.
Steph slips the satin heels off her feet easily and looks expectantly at her friend.
Eventually Kerry gives in, muttering something about how ridiculous it all is.
When the two bridesmaids are both standing barefooted, they turn to scrutinize me next.
"Your turn then," Steph says.
Kerry screws her weasel face up in disgust. "You have painted your toenails, haven't you?"
I slip off one ballet pump and wriggle my toes at her. They're not exactly perfectly French-polished, but they are at least painted in semi-chipped purple. You might even consider the shade 'aubergine'.
"So we've got to walk behind you looking like we've never even heard of a pedicure?" asks Kerry, looking down at her own immaculate feet.
I sigh. "Well if you've got any better ideas, given the current time constraints, Kerry, please feel free to share them."
This seems to shut her up, and she pouts her thin lips.
"And anyway," I continue, deciding that this is the one day when I can say what I think, "not everything is about you and how you look. If it was, we wouldn't be wearing these bloody dresses." I tug at the itchy fabric. "Today is about Lela."
"You're right," says Kerry quietly, "this dress looks awful, doesn't it?" She twists her body, trying to see herself from different angles.
I shake my head at her. "Come on, I'm sure we've got wedding guests to greet."
But as we walk towards the grand room where the ceremony is taking place, I'm not thinking about the wedding guests. I'm thinking about my wedding date.