It really was too good to be true.
My heart constantly swelled in my chest. I knew something was up. There was always something in the back of my head telling me not to fully trust him, but I ignored it. I ignored it.
I ignored it.
I punched my pillow and dug my face into it. My tears dried out, yet I still craved him. I desperately wanted to call him and confirm if it really was over. I gave up my virginity so fast. I would read stories about girls who would give it up quickly and never understood why.
I felt another pang and clutched my chest. It was too much. The sound of my phone ringing caught me off guard. Did time stop? I hesitated and scoffed. Why would he call me? I grabbed it: Dad.
We talked for about a good twenty minutes, but I didn't tell him about the break up. He doesn't really know much about Yejun, and I'm glad he doesn't.
When we got off the phone, I weakly placed it back on my dresser. It was too much, way too much. Okay, I won't go to school Wednesday. I'll go tomorrow since I don't have his class. Alright, it's lit.
But if he went back to Cindy, I don't see myself forgiving him. Even after everything we've been through, if he tries to apologize to me... I'd tell him to eat some ramen. I wanted to laugh at my thoughts, but the pain was too raw.
Twenty minutes later, Kat came over with three giant king sized Hershey's bars and various chocolate snacks. "Operation: Save Len the hen in process!" She saluted me and threw a Hershey's kiss at me. I caught it and rolled my eyes.
".5% completed!" She yelled. I laughed as she walked inside. "Thank you for comin-"
"I think Charles Michael Davis is calling me!" She yelled as she ran to the living room. I laughed again and closed the door. She put on Netflix and we ended up watching The Originals. "I totally ship Marcel and Rebecca."
--
I contemplated whether or not I should go to school Wednesday. Was it really worth not going to school for a day? Hell, should I go on Friday? Matter of fact, I'll just cut his class. Simple.
But when Wednesday came, I wanted to see him. I saw him on his way to the gym forth period. I felt his eyes on me, but didn't make any eye contact with him. Since he already saw me, he'll know I'm cutting his class.
Laughing to myself, I shrugged. I went to the bathroom and sat on the warm radiator. Luckily I know methods of bringing my phone in through the metal detectors, so Facebook is currently my best friend.
I wonder how class is going, I mean, he's partnerless right now. He probably doesn't care. 'Oohh, she's not hereu right now.' I mumbled in a horrible Korean accent, 'Finally I canna be freeu.'
After the bell rang, I headed to the stairwell. I waited for Kat and was about to text her, but she didn't bring her phone in. I heard footsteps and saw students come up. They passed me and I impatiently waited for Kat. Finally, the bum came.
She sat down next to me and heaved a long sigh. "That man is cruel." She said after a minute of silence. I looked over at her with a frown. "What happened?"
"He just, well. He's just like before, but because you weren't there, he was extremely upset."
I let out a sarcastic laugh and shrugged. "He's the one who broke up with me..." Kat frowned and I shushed her. "Don't say anything. You know, I always thought it was too good to be true." Sniffing, I wiped a stray tear but kept my composure.
"He wanted me to stay in the city. At least now I can leave..." My whole body felt extremely cold. I blew into my hands and felt myself tremble. "Fuck..." I muttered. Kat hugged me and I tried to warm up, but it wasn't working.
The rest of the day went by extremely slow. I usually would go with Yejun to Taekwondo after, but it isn't even worth it. He probably doesn't want me there, and then there's Cindy. I don't want to get hurt more.
"I'm going home." I muttered to Kat. She sighed and gave me a bear hug. "I love you Len, let me know when you reach." I mindlessly nodded and walked away.
I can't live like this, I'm not going to stoop so low into depression. Life goes on, and even though Yejun is my first love...
I have to move on- I will.
I plugged my ears in and waited for the train. I pressed shuffle and almost threw my phone when Drake started playing. I pressed shuffle again and Marry You by Bruno Mars came on. What's good with shuffle?! I pressed shuffle one more time and The Promise came on. I ripped my earbuds out of my ears and shoved them into my pocket.
The train finally came. Thirty minutes later, I was turning the key. Opening my laptop, I started looking at different martial arts. I remember Alaric used to tell me about him taking Muay Thai. After about an hour, I decided to move on to Muay Thai. It looks like it'll be painful, but at least it'll help me cope with this annoying situation. Sighing, I looked into a location and found one kinda close to the school.
"I'm going here..." I muttered as I looked at their website.
The next day, I went to the dean since he sets up the schedules. "Hello Mr. Giovanni, I was wondering if I could transfer out of Taekwondo."
He looked away from his screen at me and raised an eyebrow. "Why? Mr. Min talks about you the most."
I ignored the stab in my heart and gave him a small smile. He talked about me to the teachers? "It's too stressful, I'd prefer to take another class."
Nodding, he began typing away at the computer. "Well, you have all of your credits, but I can't let you have a free period. Do you want to do an internship at the office?"
If all I have to do is print paper and copy documents, I'm down for it. "Okay." I responded.
He began typing away again. "How's everything? You look a lot more stressed nowadays."
"Everything is fine, I'm just waiting to hear back from some colleges." Mr. Giovanni printed out my new schedule and handed it to me. "You also lost a lot of weight, are you sure you want to leave Taekwondo?"
I took the schedule from him and got up. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be here. Thank you." Giving him another smile, I left.
As soon as I turned the corner, I almost bumped into someone. Luckily, I side stepped in time. I glanced at their shoes and almost had a heart attack. Fuck, it's Tuesday and 5th period. Teachers have meetings at this time. "Excuse me." I said as I walked past him.
It felt like I was going to have a heart attack any second. I began running down the hall and ran to the staircase. I clutched my chest and took a deep breath. What is happening to me? My head felt heavy as I held on to the stairwell. Taking more deep breaths, I sat down and composed myself.
Is this what rejection feels like? Is this the side effects of it? My heart is constantly pounding in my chest- I feel like I'm going to pass out any minute. I have no appetite and I feel so cold. Who would've thought this would happen to me?
I got fucked over so bad.
My vision became blurry as I sniffed and wiped tears away. I put Yejun in front of my squad, I practically put him before Kat. I put him before Kat. This is what I deserve. I broke our pact, which was to never put your partner in front of the squad.
I'm a horrible person.
I pulled out my phone and started looking at our old messages.
'Hey beautiful 😏
Hi cutie 😝!
Call me that one more time. I dare u
Cutie cutie. See, now you can't do anything to me because I said it twice. 😁👌🏾
Wow Len -_- Ok so you like spicy right?
I'm Jamaican, of course I do!
Good ^^ see you tomorrow ok?
Okay :D!'
The hurt was too strong, too raw. I wanted to throw my phone at the wall. My hand trembled as I deleted the messages. My tears kept on sliding off of my phone screen as my finger finally hovered over his contact.
Bae 🇰🇷❤️
I just deleted our messages, is it worth blocking his contact? I scoffed and blocked it. I felt a heavy weight lifted off of my shoulders, but my heart still felt heavy. I put my phone in my pocket and deeply sighed.
"Good job Len." I jumped and looked behind me. Kat smiled at my tear stained face and gave me a napkin. I tried to return the smile, but I only looked ahead.
"I'm sorry I put him before you." I whispered.
"You put him before the squad, but you never put him before me. I must admit, his change in actions surprised me, but the fact that you had the courage to delete the messages and block his contact... You're strong Len."
"I'm not strong!" I yelled as I got up and faced her. "I'm far from it! I gave him my heart Kat! I gave him my heart..."
She handed me more napkins and I slapped them out of her hand. Kat's shocked face made me realize what I did. "I-I'm sorry..." I sighed. Kat only sat there and stared at me.
"I'm sorry Kat." I said again, but she only shook her head. "There is only so much I can do, but if me giving you napkins doesn't help, I don't know what else I can do..."
Her words hurt way more than Yejun ever did. I hugged her and relaxed when I felt her hug me back. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I kept on repeating.
"It's okay... Just, just don't push me away. We're in this together okay?" I nodded and pulled away from her.
"Any updates?"
I took my schedule out of my pocket and handed it to her. "You transferred out?!" She said as she looked over it.
"Yeah... I'm also quitting Taekwondo. I'm going to start taking Muay Thai." She slowly nodded and handed it back to me.
"Do you have the money for that?" I grinned, "Dad always thinks of an excuse to give me money. He'll be more than happy to pay for this."
We sat in the stairwell for the rest of the period and kept on talking. I felt so much better after I poured my heart out to Kat, and the fact that she listened and didn't judge me reminded me of our strong bond.
"Will you tell him?" She asked as we walked to our next class.
I nodded. "I will let him know tomorrow."
--
Tomorrow came fast.
I left class 5 minutes early to let Yejun know I won't be in his class anymore. I mean, it's easy to say you really have to use the bathroom and leave with your bag.
I came upon the gym and composed myself. Finally, I walked in. He was fixing his belt. Once he heard my footsteps, he turned and faced me.
I stared at his feet and tried to ignore my racing heart. "Good morning sir. I am letting you know I will not be in your class anymore. I have an internship with the main office. Thank you." I bowed and turned away.
As I walked, he grabbed my arm. My heart warmed, but I ignored it. I'm not in the mood to play any games. I've been down this road with him before, so I'm not going down it again. I've learned my lesson, I will not ignore my subconscious this time.
'He will seek comfort.'
Snatching my arm away, I walked out.
--
One Month Later
My fists smashed against the bag. I sent jab after jab after jab, then a strong cross. I raised my knee and swung my leg against it, hissing at the pain I felt.
"Nice Len! Keep them hands up!" said Ric, the Muay Thai instructor.
After taking Taekwondo, I developed a bad habit of keeping my guard open after kicking. I put my hands back up and sent more punches.
"Thirty seconds!" He yelled over us.
I felt like I was going to die, but didn't give in. As soon as I threw my last punch, Ric called time. I grabbed the bag and rested on it.
"Good job guys, that'll be all for today!"
After cooling down, I went to the girl's locker room and took out my regular clothes. I looked down at my bruised shin and hissed when I touched it. I need a bandage or something for it. Getting up, I went back out.
Ric was talking to Yeong Jin and Matthew. Both of them are in this class and are strong as hell. I walked up to Ric and felt three pairs of eyes on me.
"Excuse me, I was wondering if you have a bandage?" I asked. Ric's eyes instantly darted to my shin and he nodded. "Stay here, I'll get you one."
I was about to protest, but he was already on his way. I awkwardly looked down as Yeong Jin and Matthew continued talking. Apparently, Matthew's going to compete in three weeks and is worried about his shoulder. Ric came back about two minutes later with a roll.
"Sit." He said as he kneeled. I sat down on the mat and watched as he bandaged my shin. "You're doing really good Len. We don't really get girls here."
"Thank you sir." I responded, "I... needed an outlet." He flicked my forehead and I let out an annoyed grunt. "What did I tell you about calling me sir?"
Yeong Jin and Matthew laughed as I rubbed my forehead. "She has a Taekwondo background, you already know she can't help it." commented Yeong Jin.
I looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. Why does he remember that? It could be my fighting stance, or the fact that I bounce and yell when I'm fighting.
"So do you." Ric responded as tightened the bandage. I let out a small yelp and he slapped my knee. I wanted to kill this bastard. Yeong Jin scoffed and turned back to Matthew.
"Make sure you ice this tonight. If not, the bruise will get worse." I nodded and he helped me up. "Also, don't be late tomorrow. We start 5, not 5:15."
I smiled as I rolled my eyes. I went back into the locker room and got changed. I stared at my body in the mirror. I finally hit 200 pounds. I patted my stomach and left.
My leg felt like it was going to break off. "Hey!" I looked over my shoulder. Yeong Jin ran up to me and gestured to my shin. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, what's up?"
He scratched the back of his head and shrugged. "You look like you're in pain, I was just asking." I smiled and noticed his cheeks were a little pink. It is cold out here, he should put a scarf on or something. "Thank you." Turning away, he stepped in front of me.
"What train do you take?" He asked. Man this guy is persistent. "I take the Q." His face lit up as he grabbed my bag. "Same. I'll hold your bag for you. Let's go."
I watched as he walked off. What the hell? "Hey..." I tried to call, but the confusion in my voice was enough for me to stop trying. I sighed and followed after him.
We walked down the stairs and swiped our cards in. "So how old are you?" He asked. I looked at him in confusion. "I'm 17, I turn 18 in a little."
His eyebrows rose as he nodded. "Oh, well I'm 19. Are you doing anything on your birthday?" I instantly laughed and shook my head. "Usually my friends and I go somewhere, but we have Muay Thai that day. I might do something over the weekend."
"Oh. So uh, do you wanna grab dinner? We can skip Muay Thai, I'm willing to take the beating from Ric."
My heart warmed. Grab dinner? He noticed the shock in my face and vigorously shook his head. "I mean, if you don't want to its fine!"
He just asked me to dinner. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked away.
Don't think about him, don't think about him, don't think about him.
"Sure." I responded, "It's on March 2nd." Yeong Jin's wide smile made me feel a lot better.
Ever since Yejun broke up with me, I've been really depressed. I'm actually glad I started taking Muay Thai. As soon as I started it, my depression has been a lot more stable. He would randomly come to mind when I'm at the bags, so I would vent on them.
I flinched when the train doors opened. We walked inside and sat down. "What stop do you get off at?" He asked.
"I get off at Parkside, you?" Yeong Jin frowned. "I get off at Dekalb, but at least we can take the same train. We sat in silence. He's been engaging in conversation all this time, so why not start?
"So uh... Are you in college?" Yeong Jin nodded. "Yeah, I go to Pace. I don't really like it there, I'm thinking about transferring. Where do you plan on going?"
I shrugged. "Anywhere outside of the city, maybe UBuff. I'm waiting for their acceptance letter."
"Damn girl." He muttered. "You should stay in the city. A lot of people want to be here."
"I don't." I laughed, "It's too much. I see myself coming back though." He smiled and looked ahead. "Even if it's too much, it isn't anything you can handle. You look like you've been through a lot."
I stayed silent. Why is he being so friendly? He never talked to me this much before. The train pulled up to Dekalb. "This is my stop." He sighed, "I'll see you tomorrow. Make sure you ice it, alright?" Yeong Jin put my bag next to me and waved as he left.
--
Getting up the next day was hard for me. I pretty much limped to school. I tried to avoid this so much, but it was inevitable.
Both trains pulled up. I saw the side of Yejun's face in the window and I instantly looked down.
Ignore the pain. Ignore the pain. Ignore the pain.
The doors opened as I dashed out of the train and ran upstairs. It felt like someone was digging a knife into my bone. I was finally out of the station and tried my best to walk fast. Failing, I was forced to limp.
Great, he probably thinks I'm seeking attention. I tried to fix my posture, but ended up sitting down at a bench. I pulled up my jeans and massaged the bruise. The bandage was starting to get loose. As I was fixing the bandage, a pair of dress shoes interrupted my vision.
Fuck.
I finished fixing the bandage and got up. I brushed past him and almost tripped. He grabbed my arm, but I snatched it away from him.
"Len." His voice sounded hoarse, but I ignored it.
My heart was racing in my chest. The coldness attacked me again. It's like every time he's near me, I slowly start to die.
"Len!" He sounded so anxious. In pure anger, I looked back at him and raised my hand. I slapped the back of my hand against his face.
I didn't care if anyone from our school just saw what happened. People stared at us as they walked past. His eyes stayed close and he took a deep breath. He raised his hand to his cheek.
My heart felt like it was going to burst. He was still wearing the Rolex. Fuck it, I definitely won't be here to see his reaction. Turning away, I left.
Don't look back.
--
God damn, three versions of this chapter. I'll post them one day, but just know that Len was supposed to be in the hospital or some shit LMAO. Y'all better be happy I'm not that petty 😂😂😭
That picture is Yeong Jin by the way!