''Peeta, what is it?'' I ask as I wrap my arms around him, saying goodbye. I finally had to go home, back to District Twelve, as Prim's funeral was in a couple of days- after all I really did need time to grieve.
''It's nothing I promise,'' he murmurs into my hair, his arms wrapped around me tightly as I felt his chest tense. He'd been acting strange for the past couple of days, yet brushed it off whenever I asked him the problem. I sigh, deciding to leave it, before pulling away and frowning. ''All I care about right now Katniss is you, alright? Promise me you'll concentrate on yourself this week, hm?''
''Alright, I'll see you soon alright,'' I nod to him, as he grabs my hand, pulling me closer to place a soft kiss on my cheek. I smile wryly, before saying goodbye to Johanna and Annie, Peeta stepping back to give us some privacy. ''Look after her won't you?'' I whisper into Johanna's ear as we hug.
''You know I will,'' she assures me, pulling out of my grasp. ''I'd say have fun, but I've had my fair share of funerals, and I know they're the worst. Especially when it's someone you care about,'' she sighs, looking down to the floor before shaking her head. ''Anyway, you can do this. You've got this Brainless,'' she smiled, trying to lighten the mood slightly. I smile at her joke, happy I had a friend as lively as her to shed a little light on the situation. As I approach Annie, I see she's zoned out again, so I place my hand on her shoulder, watching as she comes back to the now.
''You best not do anything stupid,'' I say, shaking my head, before frantically pulling her into a hug- her arms wrapped limply around me.
''I won't. I'll still be here when you come back, I'm not letting it ruin my life Kat,'' she smiled sadly. ''You've looked after me, now it's time for you to look after yourself. I'm so sorry,'' she sighs.
''I'll see you soon,'' I murmur, pulling away and walking to the car. I open the boot, throwing my case in and walk around to my door. As I reach out a hand grasps mine, unexpectedly taking me into a hug. I sigh, inhaling Peeta's musk as his tight grip dissipates, releasing me. I can see it in his eyes, the look of pity, sorrow and fondness, but most of all what I see...it's distinct worry. ''What are you keeping from me,'' I plead, looking deep within his sapphire eyes, searching for an answer.
''I'm just going to miss you,'' he grins sheepishly, the smile not quite reaching his eyes- something was definitely wrong.
''I'll miss you too. But you'll ring Thursday?''
''I promise,'' he smiles, opening the car door for me. Before getting in, I do something very unlike me- I place my hand on his cheek and lean forwards, taking his lips in a gentle kiss as both our emotions flowed through one another, making it mean more than the other kisses we'd both shared in such a short time. I pull away, sliding into the passenger's seat, as he closed the door and walked away from the glass.
The kisses we'd shared before were only ever brief, after all we weren't officially together and most of the times it'd be Peeta kissing the top of my head comfortingly, or him pecking me quickly- neither one of us ready to open up fully to each other. But, there was something about Peeta, maybe it was the way he'd hold me close, giving me a sense of hope I didn't know I needed, or maybe it was the way I'd catch him watching me from across class- I didn't know. But, whatever it was, was drawing me closer to him, and the kisses we did share together were filled with so much emotion I never wanted to pull away.
I sighed, as my mother turned on the engine- neither one of us saying so much as hello, the eerie silence filling the car as she drove down the gravel and from the school. We spent the entirety of the journey in silence, which was strange as normally, we'd be arguing- I guess neither of us had the strength. The thing which hurt the most however, was peering behind my seat and not seeing two perfect blonde braids sat neatly on Primrose's shoulders, it was terrible to not hear her babbling away, or hear her giggles and laughter- instead her death was filled with an inconsolable silence.
It was starting to grow dark by the time we arrived back in twelve, but the sky wasn't filled with a single cloud, in fact the first amber rays has just started to pierce across the sky. ''I can't go in there,'' I whisper as my mother stops the engine. ''Not if she's not there.''
''Katniss please,'' she whispers, her voice as broken as me.
''I need to go, I need to go for a walk,'' I say, shaking my head and trying to come to terms that Prim wouldn't and would never again be awaiting my arrival inside the house. I frantically fiddled with the door handle, opening it up as I began to feel suffocated within my own thoughts, and walked away from my house to the only place where I could keep sane- the meadow.
Walking through the District again was strange after all these months, but I'd never felt more connected to Prim or my father in my life- it was as if I could feel their presence more being here. As I neared the meadow, I began to speed up, craving so desperately the comfort I needed. As I walked through, I found the same spot by the Willow tree as I always did and sat down, overlooking the sea of dandelion fluff's and watching as the sunset went down, sighing as I knew that Peeta would be watching the same one.
I closed my eyes, resting against the bark and let the cool air around me drop- but the warmth inside of me counteracted all of that- here I felt at peace. I allowed myself to relax, remembering so many of the good memories I had, some including my father, others including Prim, but they calmed me- letting me to fall into a peaceful sleep, where I thought nothing could harm me. ''Catnip...Catnip,'' I hear somebody whisper as my body starts to stir. ''Katniss,'' it whispers again.
My eyes strain open, to see it's now pitch black- how long had I been gone? I tilt my head upwards to see Gale stood over me, a blackened figure stood a few metres behind him. ''Gale,'' I say, my voice emotionless- I had no anger, no sadness, no happiness- nothing.
''What're you doing here so late?'' He asks, crouching down beside me, looking at me with a face of true concern.
''I could ask you the same,'' I mumble, looking up at him to see his eyes carefully studying me over. ''I came out for some air and I must have fallen asleep,'' I shrug, clinging to the tree's trunk as I stood up, my legs shaking as the coldness bit at them.
''Baby, is it even her?'' A very familiar voice calls over, as the dark shadow moves closer. Baby? I frown, tilting my head and waiting for the explanation to come. The dark shadow is stood just behind Gale now, and I can clearly see the flow of long curled hair falling over her shoulders. I frown, hurt that neither of them told me they were together...we were best friends, yet I guess that all ended when I moved away.
''I guess you both just forgot to tell me you were together then?'' I ask, looking Madge up and down, remembering our old friendship- our old friendship which now looking back, ruined me.
''Katniss, we didn't want you to feel as if we'd cut you out of our lives and-''
''Please just leave it Gale. It's really the least of my worries right now,'' I sigh, running my hands over my face trying to collect myself and my emotions. ''I need to go home now,'' I say slowly, making my way past them both.
''Katniss wait,'' Gale says. ''Why don't you hang with us for a bit?''
''Gale, we were meant to have a night just us too,'' Madge sighs, clearly frustrated.
''She's our friend, the least we can do is-''
''Just because her sister's dead doesn't excuse the fact she fucked off to some fancy boarding school and basically cut us from her lives- she hasn't come home once Gale, don't you forget that,'' Madge frowns.
''Well maybe if you cared that much you would've sent me a message- what happened to skyping every day? That didn't last long, and neither did our sham of a friendship,'' I scream at her, releasing all the anger I had stored up in my body. Anger from not being able to trust Gale to protect Prim, anger from my mother, and anger from Madge for bringing up my dead sister and turning it all around on me. ''You know what guys? I hope you two are very happy with each other. And after Prim's funeral I'll be going back to my school to be with my friends who actually care about me, unlike you who clearly couldn't give two shits how I'm feeling!'' I yell, walking away from them both.
''Say hi to your boyfriend for me then,'' I hear Gale call snidely. I mutter a string of expletives under my breath, before running far from them and back into down- not even bothering to stop the cascade of tears which had formed- no wonder I hated this place. I didn't belong here. The only thing here which made sense to me was Primrose, and now she was gone I had nothing.
I made my way back to the house, suddenly becoming more and more apprehensive as I neared, my heart beating faster and my legs beginning to tremble. I came in through the door to see my mother sad on the two seater chesterfield in the corner, awaiting my return. ''You're late back,'' she whispers, her eyes lost in thought. ''You missed dinner, it's on the table still- it's covered up,'' she murmurs as I make my way into the kitchen.
Placed where I'd normally sit was a bowl, as my mother had said. But, what I wasn't expecting were numerous other dishes piled next to each other...in my sister's place. ''Mum?'' I call, lifting the tops form some of the plates to see mould growing on the leftover food. She comes in, walking almost as if she was sleeping and stares at me. ''Who are these for?''
''Your sister Katniss. For when she's back,'' she states simply.
''She isn't coming back mum,'' I sigh, fearing my mother was returning to her state of depression she suffered when my father died and I went off the rails.
''I make her dinner every evening, just like I used to- just like I always will,'' she says, calmly busying herself with the washing up.
''Prim's dead mum,'' I snap. ''She isn't coming back. She's gone!'' I scream.
''She'll come back,'' my mother murmurs.
''No. Prim is gone! She's gone and she's not coming back!'' I scream, running out of the room and up the stairs, my legs automatically finding the route to Prim's room, where I collapse on her bed, hugging her covers tight and inhaling her soft scent, hoping and praying that this was all just a nightmare- but it wasn't. It wasn't a nightmare and I wouldn't be waking up from it- the one person I was sure I loved was gone. She was dead. And I'd never get to see her again.