Harry didn't come home that night. I wasn't worried though, he knew what he was doing. I thought I was going to get to sleep in today, but when there was a knock on the door, I sighed and walked out of bed. Maybe it was Harry who had forgotten his keys or something?
I didn't really care how I looked. I was wearing some sweatpants and a superman hoodie that was Harry's, but I had stolen it a long time ago. My hair was in a mess and I was tired as hell, but it couldn't be anyone but Harry, I didn't expect anyone anyways.
When I opened the door though, my eyes were met with those blue eyes that had always made me weak in my knees. His hair was hidden under a snapback, but I could see that it was in a mess. His eyes were tired and he had bags under them and he was wearing grey sweatpants and a hoodie, but didn't fail to make my heart skip a beat like he had always done.
If I hadn't been in shock, I would probably have slammed the door in his face, I had imagined him coming to beg for my forgivness before which I would reply with a door in his face, but I couldn't do it when he stood right in front of me. We stared at each other for some minutes, both too scared to talk. I didn't even have anything to tell him, I just wanted him to leave and make me stop feel like nothing without him.
Then he cleared his throat, eyes leaving mine. "Can I come in?" he asked, voice still as beautiful as ever. I bit my lip, not sure if I should let him in. I was angry and hurt at him, but when he stood here in front of me, it was like all I could think about was how much I missed him.
After another minute, I sighed, opening the door for him. He played with his lip ring nervously as he took a step inside the apartment. He looked around the room, taking in how it looked. I noticed how his eyes lingered at the record player before he turned to me.
I felt self conscious now, because I had just woken up and I knew I looked horrible. I awkwardly crossed my arms, raising my eyebrows at him. "W-what do you want?" I stuttered out, my voice weak just like he made me feel. Luke stared at me again, eyes trailing up and down my body which made me feel nervous. Did he think I was ugly? I mean every girl he had been with since our break up were often models, I didn't look nearly as good as them.
"I uhm.. I thought we could talk." he mumbled awkwardly. I frowned, not really wanting to. "We don't really have anything to talk about, Luke." I sighed, running a hand trough my messy hair. Luke furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. He repeated the action for some time before he sighed too. "Yeah, I think we have." he replied.
I rolled my eyes at him, but took my hands up in surrender. "Fine." I muttered, walking into the kitchen, knowing Luke was following me. He sat down by the table. "I haven't eaten breakfast." I stated as I took a bowl out from the cabinet and filled it with lucky charms. I left it without milk as usual and placed it with the table as Luke smiled a small smile. "You haven't changed, I see. Still not milk in your cereal." he chuckled, but didn't get a response from me. He coughed awkwardly, shifting in his seat.
"Do you want coffee? Tea?" I muttered as I walked over to make myself some coffee. Luke nodded. "Coffee would be nice." he answered as I nodded, pouring two cups of coffee to the two of us before I sat down, handing him the cup.
Luke was staring at me again and I didn't like it because he made me feel vulernable. I didn't want to be trapped under his spell again so I avoided his eyes. "What did you want to talk about?" I asked, eating from my cereal. Luke shifted in his seat. "I wanted to say thank you for helping me out last night. I was completely out of it." he stated. I snorted, thinking back to the party. "When did you start doing drugs?" I asked. Luke frowned, shrugging. "It gets tough to be in the music business, Vic." he sighed.
"Do you see Calum do it? Ashton? Michael?" I asked. Luke looked down at his hands. "No, but-" he began, but I didn't let him finish. "Then you shouldn't either. Yeah it gets tough, but still, Luke. I mean I never imagined you doing that to yourself." I whispered. Luke snorted. "It's not like I'm an addict. It's just making me more relaxed. Stop overreacting.". His tone was harsh, harsher than he had used on me before and I was kind of taken aback by that. I decided to not continue talking about the drugs, because it wasn't my business anyways.
"You came here to say thank you? Only that?" I sighed, rubbing my eyes. Luke groaned. "I didn't just come here for that! I wanted to talk to you, just see how you were doing. I mean, we were a couple, is it so wrong of me to still be curious about how you are? I also kind of wanted to apologize for how I've treated you and that I didn't try hard enough." Luke explained, voice cracking at the end. He avoided my eyes now, cheeks red and I felt kind of bad for him. I shouldn't though. If Harry had been here, he would have flipped Luke off and told him he had no right to apologize.
"I don't know what to say about that. I mean, we're over. I mean, yeah it sucks that you gave up on us, but there's nothing to do with it now. It's been a year, we've both moved on." I lied, not wanting him to know how much it hurt me to a rumour of him and yet another new girl every day. For some weird reason, Luke looked kind of sad by what I was telling him. "Uh yeah. Well, I just wanted you to know anyways. I don't really want you to hate me for what I did." he explained. I rolled my eyes, of course this was all about him. "Luke. I'm not a fourteen year old drama queen. I don't hate you just because we broke up." I stated, probably a bit harsher than I intended. Luke just nodded. "That's uh good. Well I also wondered how you're doing? Are you happy?" he asked.
He made me start thinking. Was I happy? I mean I felt okay, but nothing more. I was missing something (or someone) that made me feel like I had before. Everything felt ordinary and the same and I missed the feelings of excitement from when Luke and I were together. (Not that I would tell him that though.).
"I'm okay, it's pretty stressful though." I answered, biting my lip. Luke nodded, giving me a small smile. "I'm happy that you're okay." he mumbled as we both went silent. This was awkward, I didn't really know how to feeel about this situation at all. Should I even talk to Luke? I mean, I wasn't a dramatic girl that couldn't ever talk to her ex because he hurt her, but I wasn't sure if I had anything to say to him either?
"Are you, like, together with Harry or what?" he suddenly asked. I rolled my eyes, remembering how he always got so jealous of Harry before, but that couldn't be the case now. "No, just roommates and best friends. We go to the same college and didn't want to live in dorms. I think I've told you that Harry and I will only be friends so many times." I answered. Luke shrugged, biting his lip and making my eyes wander down to his lips which made me curse at myself. I shouldn't do that. I quickly diverted my eyes up to his eyes, seeing a smirk on his face. He had seen me looking at his mouth. I just crossed my arms, narrowing my eyes.
He was about to speak up when the door to the apartment opened and Harry walked in. "I'm so hungover!" Harry groaned, his footsteps coming closer to the kitchen. I widened my eyes, knowing he was pissed off at Luke ever since he broke up with me. Luke didn't seem to care as he turned around and gave Harry a small smile.
Harry stopped dead in his tracks, glaring at the blonde. "You have fucking five seconds to leave my fucking apartment or I'll kick your ass." he warned, making Luke look scared. "Harry." I sighed, standing up. "Whis is he here?" he hissed, glaring at Luke who avoided looking at Harry. "He wanted to talk." I explained. Harry scoffed. "Everything that comes out from his mouth is fucking bullshit. Why bother listen?".
Luke clenched his jaw, standing up from the chair. "Hey, man, stop acting like a fucking child. It's been one year since we broke up. I decided to have a civil converstation with her, apologizing for my behavour." Luke snapped, walking closer to Harry. "You? Civil? hah, I fucking doubt it. And it's you who acts like a child. Have you seen all the magazines lately? I mean come on, scoop so low and do drugs and hook up with a girl every day, you know you're disappointing everyone, including Vic." Harry spat.
Luke frowned, staring at me. I bit my lip nervously. "Just go Luke. You're not making it better, she's trying to get over you." Harry sighed, making Luke's and my eyes widen. I had said that I was over him, I had lied and now Harry had made Luke realize that. "I-I thought y-you said you were over me?" he stuttered out, voice cracking at the end. I sighed, running a hand trough my hair, feeling embarrassed because Luke probably didn't even feel anything for me anymore and I was trying my best to just forget how he had made me feel before. I missed him, I did, but didn't want to be honest with him.
"Of course she said that you dumbass, she's trying to forget about you and she has to tell you she's over you if she wants to move on." Harry replied with an eyeroll. Luke stared at me, blue eyes intense. It looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn't. I knew it, he didn't have feelings for me anymore, but didn't want to say it to me. "Just go, Luke." Harry muttered, grabbing him by the shirt as Luke still stared at me with shocked eyes. I felt humuliated, stupid and vulnerable under his gaze. But never did I think it would hurt as much as it did when Luke nodded and left the apartment without even saying anything or giving me a second glance.