My heart was even heavier when I left than when I had gotten there. I had known from the very beginning what a bad idea it had been to get involved with Tane. Ceseth had warned me not to, and I hadn't listened to him. Intentionally, at the time. The small spark of rebellion in me told me that it was okay to disobey him in this, what I had originally perceived to be small, manner. But now that I was so deep into it, I realized that it was no small matter after all.
As I slowly, sorrowfully, made my way back to the river to get back to the treehouse, I thought of the many ways to detach myself from Ma and Tane.
They didn't deserve my absence. They deserved so much more than that, so much more from me. Ma had fed me and hugged me. She had even given me a flower clip for my hair. I would not—could not—let Ceseth see it. He would take it away from me if he ever found it. And I didn't want to think what the repercussions on Ma and Tane would be.
It took me as long as it usually did to get up the tree—that is, to say, around fifteen minutes. It took Ceseth about five. But I was very careful about how I climbed the tree. I had fallen on more than one occasion, and I didn't want to "pop my arm out of its socket" again.
When I managed to get onto the deck, I hoisted myself up with difficulty before pausing to catch my breath. When I looked up, Ceseth was watching me. I had clipped the hairclip onto my pants and hidden it under my shirt so I could climb up the tree with free hands. Thankfully, it seemed to have worked. Ceseth didn't seem to notice it.
"Where were you?"
"I was by the river," I replied. It wasn't entirely a falsehood.
"Sure," he said, but he didn't sound like be believed me. I didn't blame him. "You missed dinner."
"Oh..." I said and tried to look guilty. I didn't know how I ought to feel. Disappointed? I had already eaten. The best soup I'd ever tasted, at that.
"It's time to get back to work. You realize this means you don't get food tonight, right?"
I nodded slowly.
"At least you know."
Ceseth wasted no time hoisting me to my feet and ushering me back into the treehouse. I had been sleeping here, even though he had told me originally that wasn't what we were going to be doing. Originally, he had said it was too dangerous to sleep amidst all these poisons. But because we hadn't burned anything with noxious fumes, he had declared the house safe to live in until we started working with the fumes. I didn't like staying in the house at all. I wanted to leave as soon as possible, but I knew the only time we'd be leaving was when we started working on those fumes. That knowledge in itself made me queasy. I was closer to Tane here, yes. But was it really worth it? Something told me no. As much as I loved Tane and Ma, I didn't want to be close to them at the expense of living in a house filled with impending death. I could only be thankful that Ceseth hadn't yet tried to make me kill anyone with the poisons he was teaching me about. But that would change. I knew it would change.
The only question was when.