My heart was pounding and I thought that finally we wre getting somewhere. There was a terrible, powerful flicker of hope in my chest and I didn't know what to do with it. Did I have feelings for Ace? Oh god I hoped not, because at the same time I was still ver much in love with Alex and I didn't know what to do with that. Could it be that even though Ace was far too good for me, he had fallen for me?
Ace released my arm and ran his hands through his hair instead. "Why do you even care, Serena?"
I spluttered, trying to force my words into sentences. I wanted to say lots and lots of things but nothing would make sense. Ace snorted, as if I had proven him in right in a way. I pressed my lips together in annoyance. Ace and his self righteous attitude were infuriating.
"Why shouldn't I?" I forced out, mostly out of anger.
"Because you're in love with some retard," Ace snapped viciously.
I scoffed, unable to help myself, "that's rich coming from you? Who has been Vanessa's accessory this summer?"
"At least she didn't cheat on me with my own sister and even though she is clearly a tool, still want her back!" Ace shouted at me.
I felt like he'd slapped me. I was pathetic and he'd just confirmed what I thought; people just felt bad for me because I was such a stupid, dumb little girl who couldn't get over some guy. I took a deep breath but there were tears pooling in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of him, but it hurt. The worst thing was that I couldn't even blame him for what he was saying, because it was true.
"You are right, Ace," I said, quickly wiping away a tear.
Ace sagged down onto his bed and put his head in his hands. I turned to leave the room but then Ace cleared his throat, stopping me.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have gotten so mad," Ace sighed, looking as if he had the weight of the world a top his shoulders, "it's just you... You don't understand."
"Tell me what I'm not getting then!" I pleaded him desperately, at my wits end.
"Nothing, ok?! It's not important- you wouldn't care," Ace fell back, laying flat out on his bed, "now leave. Please."
I stared at him for a few moments, my blood boiling in my veins. I wanted to tell him that I cared more than anything but it wouldn't come out, because I was angry and because I was so afraid that he wouldn't care in return. And so we just waited there in silence, awaiting for someone to say something, neither of us daring.
Eventually I left, slamming the door behind me.
***
The next morning I went to work and came back home and went straight to my bed. I didn't know what was wrong with me but I just didn't have the effort to do anything. All I wanted was to sleep and forget about Ace and Alex and everybody in between.
Of course I did not get my wish. Instead a very hyper Zac launched himself down next to me and blew air in my face until I blearily looked up at him.
"Whaddya want?" I snapped, in a terrible mood.
"To take you on a date, just us two," Zac replied happily, immune to my sour tone and my deadly expression.
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, "and Jane?"
Zac pouted at my reaction. He apparently wanted my to jump for joy which wasn't happening. I was grumpy and miserable and wanted to stow in my misery, feeling considerably sorry for myself.
"She's gone for the day with her friend Yolanda to do some shopping," Zac explained, "so now you're stuck with me."
I sat up, my hair tousled and my eyes bloodshot. I probably looked like a zombie but I couldn't care the slightest. "Zac, I love you. But I need some me time."
Zac nodded seriously and got up slowly. I felt kind of lousy for sending him away but I jus couldn't deal with his cheeriness when I felt like crap. He lumbered to my closet and paused, his hand on the handle. I frowned.
"I need some me time too. Lets have it together," Zac spun round to face me, a wide and contagious smile on his face. He grabbed shorts and a tank top from my closet and threw it over my head. "Get dressed. We're gunna have some fun."
***
So I ended up in an amusement park with him. To be honest, Zac was cheering me up immensely. It was so hard not to have fun with him. His laugh made me smile and his cheerful aura made mine perk up as well. After going on the third ride on the highest rollercoaster, I needed some cotton candy inside of me.
He gave me a piggy-back ride to the cotton candy place. I really appreciated the effort Zac was putting in for me. Jane was lucky to have him, I thought, resting my chin a top of his blonde head. I then pretended to whip Zac, as if he were my pony. Zac did a miny jump and I giggled. He started to make an exaggerated galloping motion, making me jostle and grip his shoulders for support. I was half screaming and half laughing as he leapt over a bush, holding on for dear life.
"You'll kill us both!" I shrieked as he jumped yet again, "oh my god, Zac!"
People were laughing, sending us friendly glances. I was too scared to take my hands off of him to wave, but I nodded back, gritting my teeth. Zac was still run jag and I was wondering how on earth he wasn't exhausted from having me on his back and running and jumping all the time. Zac stopped suddenly and I took a huge sigh of relief, my heart finally slowing down to a human pace.
"Hey, dude," this thirteen year old guy addressed Zac, wearing too big cargo trousers and a baggy basketball shirt, "dare you to skateboard that ramp with the chick on your back."
Zacs hands tightened on my thighs and I knew a big smile was spreading across his face. Zac never refused a dare and I started to try and get off, determined that I wasn't going to die in an amusement park. I squirmed and battled but Zac was immune, simply jumping onto the kids skateboard with me. I went very still in Zacs hands as we wobbled from side to side, gently moving down the pavement.
Zac moved a little too fast and then we stumbled off. I managed to land in my feet whereas Zac fell on his rump. The kid laughed unkindly, and Zac narrowed his eyes.
"Knew you losers couldn't do it," the kid scoffed, leaning down to pick up his skateboard.
Zac snatched it away before the kid could take it. I scowled at the little brat who had taken three steps back, intimidated by the huge form which was Zac. However, Zac was not paying any attention to the little nitwit. He had run on the ramp, and was now beckoning me to join him.
"No way!" I replied, "I don't have a death wish!"
"Serena, please," Zac begged, "we can do this."
"Uh, no we can't." I said defiantly, crossing my arms.
Zac rolled his eyes, exasperated by me. I really didn't understand why he felt the need to prove himself to a bratty twelve year old who hadn't even hit puberty yet. Who cared if he called us losers? I certainly didn't. Zac then looked back down at me, a dejected look on his face and his eyes were droopy. He looked like a broken, kicked puppy. My heart crumbled to dust and I bit my lip.
"Please," Zac murmured.
Cam would not have been able to convince me to get up there. Ace wouldn't have bothered in the first place. But I couldn't resist Zac, because no matter how big and strong he looked, there was something fragile underneath. I felt the need to protect him like I would if he were my little brother. I tried to comfort myself with the thought that I'd probably only break a few limbs, not die.
Funnily enough, my stomach still felt like collapsing.
Zac quickly let me on his back. I shut my eyes tightly as we carefully moved onto the skateboard, my heart smashing against my chest. The kid was laughing, and someone else was shouting that we were to stop this ridiculousness this instant. I just hung onto Zac, clutching on.
"You ready?" he asked softly.
"Of course not. But we'll do it together," I breathed, keeping my eyes shut tightly.
Zac laughed and inhaled sharply. Then the ground moved beneath us and pressed my forehead into his shoulder, breathing in his smell. I let out a scream as we went done the ramp, barely on the skateboard and coming dangerously close to falling off. We went up suddenly but I could feel us losing speed.
"COME ON!" Zac shouted and I opened my eyes.
We were as close to the other side as we were going to get. Zac grabbed onto the ledge and pulled us over it, whilst I had the skateboard between my two fingers to stop it from flying down. We rolled onto the ground, both panting like dogs on a hot summers day.
then started to laugh. We'd pulled it off, but barely. Zac started to chuckle beside me and as I peered down, I saw that several people had taken out their phones and filmed us. They were all laughing as well. I gave them a thumbs up and Zac crawled over next to me, kissing my cheek.
***
I was chewing on some cotton candy, with Zac beside me, we were both exhausted but happy. Zac had succeeded in cheering me up. After all, who couldn't be happy when you'd done something which should have been impossible, considering weight and balance and gravity? And the kid had gone home with that smug smile wiped from his face, which just added the sprinkles to the cupcake.
"Serena, thanks for doing that," Zac said, sincerity in each syllable, "you didn't have to."
I patted his hand, "why did it mean so much to you?"
Zac turned a little red and pinched some cotton candy, folding it into his mouth. He sighed and squared his shoulders and I waited for him to stop stalling.
"I was bullied as a kid, you know? At fourteen I still hadn't hit puberty. I was a short, pudgy kid with tons of zits. People made fun of me and girls just... They thought I was pathetic. So over the summer of that year, I turned my fat stomach into a six pack and I had my growth spurt. Suddenly I was popular and I always had a girlfriend, but I just.... It stays with you, you know? I still remember them calling me 'zaccie the fattie'."
I wrapped my arms wound his broad shoulders, unable to imagine anything other than the tall, muscular Zac beside me. I could imagine his loneliness, and the way it made him feel two feet tall. I pressed my lips into a tight line, wanting to go back and punch every one of his bullies in the face. How dare they hurt my bear?
"I haven't told Jane because I'm afraid she'll think I'm pathetic," Zac confessed.
"That's ridiculous," I said seriously, looking him dead in the eye, "she adores you and she would never care about you being overweight as a kid. And if she does, I'll beat her black and blue."
Zac laughed and pressed his face into my shoulder. I smiled and finished my cotton candy, glad to see him smiling again. Zac without a smile was like... Jack without Jill, or summer without sun. It was... Wrong.
"Serena, you're so good at cheering everyone else up.... But maybe you should start thinking about you,"
I frowned at him, my brows drawing together. I hated those lines in movies 'I never think about myself', because it was such self indulgent nonsense. Everyone thought about themselves, and that was fine. And sometimes you give a little more than you get back, and that's also ok. Not every relationship was perfect.
"You have so much stuff to work out with your family but you've been putting it off. Look Jane and I, when we leave, we're making a stop of two days at Vermont. I think you should come with us and just... Sort out stuff with your family. It's already affecting your relationship with Ace."
They were leaving in a week, the same time Cams mom would arrive. I was so scared to face my mom again, and Selena and Alex. I didn't want to, but Zac was right. I was constantly having arguments with Ace about my old relationship with Alex and I needed it to stop. I wanted the friendship we used to have. I did not want to cry inside my pillow any more, thinking about Selena and Alex.
I was still in love with Alex. My entire high school life was a memory of him and I. My prom night, my first kiss, the first person I'd had a beer with. He used to brush my hair behind my ears and kiss my nose, making me laugh. He tickled me when I was sad. When I cried, he held my hand and drew patterns on my wrist with his thumb. It was so hard knowing he did all of that with Selena now. I put my head in my hands and I started to cry, softly.
"It won't always feel so bad, Serena," Zac whispered, rubbing my back.
"Why am I not good enough?" I sobbed.
"You are," Zac said, but then again, he had to say that. He was my friend.
But the truth was, I wasn't good enough. Not for Ace, and definitely not for Alex.
***
I was eating pasta with pesto when the phone rang. I got up wearily and answered, trying to sound perky.
"SERENA!" the voice on the other end basically defended me.
It was my mom. Of course, the first thing she would do after a month of not talking, was shout at me. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for a lecture on how I should control myself more, or whatever I had done this time.
"You could have died!" My mom was crying, I realized and my heart almost stopped.
"When?!" I demanded.
"On the skateboard ramp! The videos gone viral!"
I ran to my computer, the house phone still trapped between my ear and shoulder. I quickly opened YouTube and searched 'skateboard piggyback ride dare'. And the first result was indeed Zac and I. We had ninety thousand views and my mouth fell open. I scrolled down to read the comments.
They have a death wish! Jesus Christ!
Dude the girl is totally hot. I'd do it.
How brave!!!!
I snorted with laughter, even though some comments were totally offensive. My mom was still sniffling on the phone and I felt vaguely bad for her. It did look very dangerous. And at least the phone call showed she still cared enough to phone me up to tell me off. I sighed and then thought long and hard, before finally deciding.
"Mom, I'm visiting you next week. You can tell Alex and Selena too. I think I'm done running from my past," I declared, and before she had time to respond, I hung up.
If I ever wanted things to be more than platonic with Ace, I needed to see my family. I needed to face my fears.
***
Hola guys! Sorry for not making ace/Serena get further, but I feel like there's some things to sort out before we can travel down that road. If we travel down that road ;) sorry, but no spoilers from me xx