*Jaydon POV*
I sat up in my bed watching Evan getting ready for school. He did imply I should be doing the same. I just shrugged him off. I knew I'd get Jace moaning at me again like he did yesterday. But to be fair, I could'nt care less, why should I go to school when I'm just going to kill my self later anyway? Where's the point in that? A bell rang from god know's where and Evan ran out of the room. I didn't even know this place had school bell's, that's how's you how much I pay attention. I didn't even have the time to breath before Evan ran back in the room. Like before he began rummaging through all his belonging's, till he found what he was looking for. A blue bandanna. He hastily shoved it in his pocket and ran out the room leaving the door wide open. He was obviously late for school. Good, I thought. I hope he get's in to trouble for it, Evan desveres it after telling Jace on me.
I looked around my room, tapping my finger on my thigh. Well this is fun. I want go around and explore some more, but that would risk running in to Jace. In the end I deiced to go out. If Jace see's him I'll just tell him I'm on my way to class's and I'm lost. I know that he'll try and take to me the lesson, then I'll either come up with a different excuse or go to the lesson and either get send out for disrupting behaviour or pretend to be sick. Perfect. I put on my jacket even though it was boiling outside, the last thing I need to for people to see these cut's again. Putting my headphone's in my ear, I walked out my room and tried to find the way out of Blue. I managed to find my way out fairly quickly. After that, I kinda just stood there uncertain of where to go. I can't go in the main building someone will surely see me there, and there's not much else to go only the other dorms. And there's no point in going there. I deiced to walk around the back of the door buildings's, which would mean no one would be able to see me, and I could find somewhere to waste time. I kept my head down as I walked in time to All Time Low which were now playing on my ipod. I sat down against a tree and various memory's came back to me. Some pleasant, Some not so pleasant.
*Flashback*
I blew out the 3 candles that were on my birthday cake. I wished that we'd always be a happy family and one day we'll go to Disney World and see Peter Pan and that really really big castle, which I'd pay for so we could all live in it. If I save all my pocket money, I'll be able to buy it. I smiled at the thought.
'What did you wish for?' My mum asked, bearing a massive smile.
'I can't tell you that, Mummy. It won't come true' I laughed at her.
'Jaydon, Come open your present's' My Dad shouted from the back room.
'Don't be silly, Daddy. I've already done that'
He ran in to the living room laughing. My Dad picked me up over his shoulder and carried me out to the back room. Once he set me down. I began looking for the present. Then I saw it, A new bike. Not just any bike. A Ben 10 one. I ran over to it, begging to go outside and play on it.
'Please Mummy, I'll be good for a whole week' I pleaded.
'Aw, Come on Mandy,' Dad said giving her a kiss on the cheek. She gave in. Dad took me outside and watched me play on my bike. I played on it for age's. It was the bestest bike in the whole wide world. When Mummy shouted me in, I unwillingly got of the bike and went inside. Once inside, I hugged Mummy, Daddy and Amy.
'I love you. I love you so much, I'm going to buy that castle in Disney World and we can all be a happy family and live there with The Princess and Peter Pan. Oh and Mickey too'
My family just laughed at me.
*Flashback Over*
*New Flashback*
'Daddy? Where's Mummy gone? When's she coming back?'
'I DON'T FUCKING KNOW' My Dad shouted at me. I started to cry. Bawl as more like it. Daddy had never shouted at me before. Did I make Mummy leave? Is it my fault Daddy's angry and Amy's upset? Is it me?
I heard footstep's coming down the stairs.
'Jay, Come here' Amy said. I walked over to her sniffling. Amy picked me up and carried me to my room.
'Where's Mummy?' I asked.
Amy started crying again. 'I don't know. Jay. I don't know'
'When's she coming home?'
'I don't know' She cried.
I sat there thinking of where Mummy might have gone. 'Oh I know. She's gone to buy us that castle to live in. Has'nt she Amy? That's where Mummy's gone' I told her, getting excited.
She gave me a weak laugh. 'Yes, Jaydon. That's where Mummy is'
*Flashback Over*
They were all the memories, I had of Mum. Just them two. I can just about remember what she look's like. Amy told me, she looked a lot like me. Same hair and eye colour. Every time I imagine my mum, I picture a tall woman. She's very pretty. Her hair just as black as mine. I can imagine it to be long, and soft. And if you smell it it would smell like strawberries. Her eye's alway's kind, the exact same colour as mine. But her's more sparkly. When I was younger, I'd create fake memories in my head. Mum and Dad finally taking us to Disney World, and I'd cry when I got told I couldn't buy the castle. Coming home from school to find Mum baking cookie's. When I'd have friend's staying over, she'd let us stay up really late and bake us load's of muffins and biscuts to eat. Everyone would be jealous of me. I have a Mum who bake's anything. My Dad is the coolest in the world, and even Amy, she's be the best big sister in the world. In my head, I had a perfect family.
*Flashback*
'It's your fault she's gone. Your fault. Your fault.' Dad told me in my face. I was used to this, I'd come home to it every night. Every night with out fail. For the past 10 year's, I've been told, by my Dad it was my fault my mother left us. I was only 4, so I couldn't see how it could have been my fault. But I'd started to believe it. Maybe I'd done something bad. I had no idea what I could have done, but maybe it was my fault.
'Are you even listening to me?' My Dad spat.
I nodded quickly.
'WHAT? I can't here you' He shouted.
'Yes, Dad' I quietly said.
'I've had enough of this. Enough of you'
Dad raised his fist in the air and brought it down till it connected with my face. I let out a cry of pain, but I think that only mad thing's worse. Soon after, he began kicking and punching me anywhere he could. With every sound I made the next hit would would be harder. I blacked out after a bit. Once I woke, I found my self on the kitchen floor covered in my own blood.
*Flashback over*
After dragging my mind away from the memory, only then I realised I was crying. My hand itched toward's my right arm. Fuck you Evan. You took away the only thing that keep's me sane. How am I meant to cope with the pain now? I looked around for something sharp, while I picked at my scab's. I did'nt even notice, I was picking. Then it hit me. I pulled up the sleeve of my jacket and began scratching at my arm, like I had a itch. I kept itching my non-exiting itch until I saw blood draw. I smiled to my self. It felt like a victory, I had a way to keep my self sane. It hurt more than cutting and it was a lot slower. But I gave out the same effect. I got both pain and pleasure out of it. Hurting my self was the only way I could cope with all the hurt I was feeling.
*Flashback*
It had been 4 week's since my Dad first started hitting me. A month of non-stop abuse. I hadn;t dared told anyone. He'd only hit me harder if he found out. He once left a mark on my face, which caused suspicion around everyone, but I just told them I'd walked in to a door. What hurt most is that they believed it. You don't get a black eye and a busted in lip, from walking in to a door. Dad was careful not hit leave a mark in any where people would see easily. In pe, I'd stopped getting a shower like I normally would. People would see the mark's other wise. Every lesson I'd be in the changing room's already dressed by the time the rest of the class had got there, and at the end I'd linger around to make sure everyone had gone before rushing to put my uniform on and running to avoid being late for my next lesson.
I had in the bathroom, sitting behind the door crying. Something metal had caught my eye. One of Amy's old razor blade's. I grabbed it with out thinking and began pulling the blade apart. In the process I gave my self a deep cut on my thumb, but instead of feeling pain as I normally would, it felt like a release. I couldn't stop my self after that, I pressed the blade against my arm. It felt amazing. I had only meant to cut my self once, but after the first cut I couldn't stop my self. I counted each one as I did them. 28 in total. One for everyday, my dad hit me. One for every horrible day I had to force my self to get up in the morning for. 28 day's of hell.
*Flashback over*
I'd only managed to give my self one new cut. I pulled my sleeve down and sighed. I need to find a faster way to do this.
"My ship went down in a sea of sound's.
When I woke up alone I had everything.
A handful of moment's, I wish I could change
And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade"
That was the song playing in to ear's. All Time Low- Therapy. I began crying harder that I ever had before. I was so caught up in crying, I didn't even hear the 2 people that were laughing and joking around the back of the building.
'Jaydon? Is that you?'
At first I thought it was Jace. Or worse Evan. It was only when I looked up that I saw it was Brandon. Standing behind awkwardly behind him was some kid who I did'nt know.
'Pete, I'm sorry-' Brandon said turning around.
'It's okay, I get it. I'll tell someone in your next class, to tell your teacher you threw up so I took you back to your room to get some rest' The boy called Pete said. I watched him as he walked back around the building's.
'I'm not going to ask, why your up here crying alone, because I know how much I hate it when people was why. I'm just going to sit next to you. If you want me to know, You'll tell me. I'm just going to sit here. I won't even say a word' He told me gently, touching my shoulder slightly, I didn't shrug Brandon off like I normally would have done with someone else.
'Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty,
but I'm smiling at everything'
I broke down again at these word's. Brandon did'nt say anything like he promised. He just pulled me in a hug, letting me cry all over his shirt.
'Arrogent boy
Cause a scene like your supposed to
They'll fall asleep without you
You're lucky if your memory remains'
Every time Alex Gaskarth sang lryics I could relate to well, I cried harder. In the end I ripped my headphone out my ear's. I sat up and wiped the tear's away from my eye's.
'You done?' Brandon asked me, using the same tone as before.
I nodded. 'Thank's Brandon'
'Anytime, Jaydon.'
We sat there in silence. I kept waiting for. That 3 letter word. The only word people seem to know around here.
'Aren't you going to ask why?' I said. It came out harsher than I wanted it to.
'No, I told you before. I won't. If you want to tell me, You'll tell me. I'm not going to force you to open up to me'
'Why?' I asked.
He laughed slightly. 'Now, look who's asking. No really. I'm not asking because I know how much I hate it when someone walk's in on me in a breakdown. I remember how bad it was when I first came here, that's all people would ask. Why? Why did you try and kill your self? Why you self harming? Why this? Why that? I've like learnt to hate the word'
'I know the feeling'
Silence feel between us again.
'My mum died when I was 13. She had cancer.'
I opened my mouth, to tell him I was sorry, but he cut across me.
'Yeah, You're sorry. I know. Just let me finish. After my mum died, It was just me and Dad. It felt like I was the Dad not him. He'd come home every night drunk, yelling at me for no reason. I just used to ignore it, I learnt how to block thing's out. When I was about 14, I figured out that I was gay. Somehow my Dad found out about a year later , I'm guessing he heard down in the pub or something. But when I came home from school, he was there. I'd just about shut the front door before he hit me. Shouting 'Fag' at me. I blacked out after about 3 punches.'
I looked up at Brandon. He wasnlt looking at me, He wasn't looking at anything. His eye's glossed over remembering his tragic past. I pretty sure, if I spoke now, he wouldn't hear me.
'He used to hit me almost every night after that. I could have told someone but I never. About 6 month's it went for, I don't know, might have been longer. I began feeling alone. I isolated my self away from all my friend's. They kept asking what was wrong, but I'd give them a fake smile and tell them it was fine. No one believed me. My best mate Rian saw my cut's once. He didn't say anything, he just pulled me into a hug and told me everything would be fine. I believed him. Rian never told anyone, he had the chance to. I had'nt made him promise he would, but he never. He was a good friend Rian. He found a councillor for me to go to. Well more like forced me to go' Brandon laughed bleakly.
'It helped for a bit. I stopped cutting for a month. Then Dad began to tell me I was the reason my mum died. She could tell I was gay and she was ashamed. Ashamed to call me her son. So she died. He told me my mum died in shame because of me. I've never been ashamed to be gay, but at that point I did. It felt wrong. I believed my Dad. So one night when I was sure he'd fallen asleep on the couch. I crept down, grabbed the vodka and a bunch of pill's and took them. What ever I took made me sleepy and I pretty much passed out there and then. When I woke. I was in hospital, Rian was the first thing I saw. He looked awful, like he hadn't slept in ages. He was the one who found me. I had a fight with him, told him he should have just left me. I can't remember what happened but next thing I knew I was in this place and I haven't saw Rian since' He reached his hand up wipe his face. I saw that a few tear's had fallen.
'Do you miss him?' I asked.
'Yeah, Load's. He wouldn'nt answer my text's or phone call's. In the end he changed his number. I've still got no idea what I said to him, but what ever it was I take it back. He was my best friend, Jaydon.'
'I'd say I was sorry, which I am. But I'm sure that's the last thing you want to hear'
We sat there, not talking for a while. Brandon still had me in his arm's, it wasn't an awkward silence, it felt nice. It was nice, to not have someone nagging at me all the time. I like Brandon he was well... nice.
'I'm gay you know' I told him. Even though I knew he wouldn't hate me, that fact him being gay as well but something in my mind told me he might.
'I guessed as much' He told me, joking.
'And what's that supposed to mean' I asked slapping his arm.
'Come one, Jaydon. It's obvious. You might as well have a flashing sign saying you're gay' Brandon laughed.
'I do not act gay' I told him.
'Whatever get you through the day, Sweetie' Brandon said petting my hair. 'Don't you have classes to be in anyway?'
'Don't you?'
'Been to them. Only had 2 today. Now where's your excuse?'
I shrugged. 'Didn't feel like going.'
'Jace is going to skin you raw. Good luck mate'
'I'll just you to beat him up for me' I laughed.
'And who say's I'll do that?'
'Errr. I did'
'Alright then' Brandon said, swinging me up in to his arm's. He ignored all my protest's and death threat's I have gave him. He carried me up the stairs and in to his room. Well at least I think it is.
'Oh god, please don't tell me you like Bring Me The Horizon' I asked, pointing to the poster by one the the two bed's in the room. Brandon laughed at me.
'What's wrong with them?'
'What's right with them?'
Hanging out with Brandon was nice. He didn't ask anything to personal, we just talked and joked about. Brandon and I were in the middle of a pillow fight when Dale walked in.
'Oh, Don't let me interrupt your girlie fight' He said laughing at the two of us. 'Oh, by the way Jay. Jace is looking for you. He's super pissed. Cause I'm a super nice person I'll tell him you weren't in our room.'
I could feel my skin turn pink. This happened every time Dale and I have a conversation. He must think I'm pink or something. Once he left, I looked at Brandon who had the biggest smirk on his face.
'YOU LIKE HIM!' He shouted.
'No-No. No. I don't like him. Nope. I don't.' I stuttered, blushing again.
'Can I set you up? Please Jay. You two would be perfect together. He likes you. It's obvious'
'He does? He like's me?' I asked bitting down on my bottom lip.
'Yeah, anyone with eye's can see that. But that dosn't matter. You don't like him'
'Fine' I admitted. 'I kinda have a crush on him. Don't tell him though. Please Brandon.'
'Awwww. Ickle Jay has a crush'
'Who does Jay have a crush on?' A voice asked. It sounded like... Please God. Don't let it be. Anyone but him. I turned around to the door, and it was who I thought... Jason... Dale was standing in the hallway mouthing 'I'm sorry' to me.
'You. Out.' He said pointing at me.
'See you later Brandon. If I'm not dead that is.'
Me and Jace walked in silence to my room. Jason looked so angry. I'd only missed a day of school, big deal. I sat down on my bed, ignoring Evan who was busy writing in his stupid notepad again. I could have sworn I saw him smirk, once he saw me. What's he done? This is his fault. I'm going to twat him with that notepad in a minute.
'You missed school again.'
'No shit, Sherlock'
'Don't try and be funny with me Jaydon. I'm not laughing. Look. You haven't even looked at you timetable' Jason said. He was right. My time table hadn't moved from the place Jason had placed it. It was sitting there next to the blue ribbon and bandanna.
'I told you yesterday. I'm not going'
'Look, I can't force you to go. But this is all your going to hear from me until you go.' Jason said, giving me one last glare before heading toward's the door. 'Oh, and Jaydon. Be in the office tomorrow at noon, therapy meeting with Sam' He turned to look at Evan 'Make sure he get's there'
Evan smiled at Jason. 'I'll drag him there if that's, what it take's'
After Jason walked out, I glared at Evan.
'I'm not going, Just so you know. So don't even bother trying tomorrow. It won't work'
Evan completely ignored what I told him. 'So what did you do today then?'
'Like you care'
'Wouldn't be asking, If I didn't want to know.'
I glared at Evan again and he sighed.
'Jaydon, I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I want to make thing's right between us. I want us to be friend's. Or at least be civil with one another, after all we do share a room'
'How can we be friend's when you won't even look me in the eye when you speak to me?'
He flinched back a bit. 'I-I-We can try?' He asked hopefully.
'Oh, Ey yeah. Super good mate's, when you won't even look at me. I don't even know why you won't look at me. You're just- urgh!' I said. I was getting frustrated now. I reached over to turn on the cd player. Just before the music came on, I could have sworn I heard Evan, mutter to him self. 'He's just like you. Short tempered and everything'
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So what do you think? I think this chapter is really cute.
The song I mentioned is just amazing. I'll link it. You really should listen to it. It's just perfection.
So what do you think of Brandon? and Who do you think Jaydon remind's Evan of?
Oh, I should mention. Neither the ribbon or bandanna or strong or long enough to tie around someone's neck. So that way no one can kill them seleve's
And the Sam, is Blue's therapist. But Jason is one also. Student's can come to either adult, which ever one they feel they can trust more. But I suppose you could say Sam is the more 'trained' one out the two.
So Vote and Comment. I'm sorry it took so long to get up. But it's like 4am here so I stayed up ALL NIGHT! Yes ALL NIGHT!. So I'm sorry if grammar and spelling is of(Like it alway's is)
So yeah. I'm going to go and sleep for ever..... Not really going to the the inbetweener's. Should be AMAZING.
Omg. I'm chatting away. See this is what lack of sleep does to a girl.
Anyway. I'm going to shut up. Answer the question's I asked before. and yeahhhh.......