Dear Journal thing,
So the temptation to leave the band is getting stronger.
The contract will end in a month or so, and I can decide whether I want to re-sign or leave.
Of course I won't leave, my mum obviously was hurting by the fact I was abused so badly if give up my dream to get away from it.
So now only my mum, Simon, and Melonie know I want to leave.
Melonie knows about everything. The lads don't.
They know Louis hates me, but they have no idea about the abuse or my thoughts.
Hey Journal, I was on this site called 'tumblr'
A lot of our fans have one so I decided to check it out. I was reading this thing, one of our fans were struggling with depression, and when she had the urge to cut she'd listen to Moments, Little Things, What Makes You Beautiful, or any of our other songs.
She said our voices calm her down, and she can focus on something other than the voices in her head.
After that I was too proud to even think about leaving the band.
Because I'd take that girl's hope away.
I don't know. I felt selfish.
Well, I'm pretty sure none of this made sense.....
Harry xx
Harry slid the book in this hidden slot under his night stand. If anyone knew he had a journal he'd be an extreme gay. He's really surprised that no one found out he was. He'd go to gay bars and dress so brightly.
Okay, that's stereotyping with the clothes thing, but you get his point.
Although, they did notice something when he stopped wearing colours. Ever since Louis made him feel like he was disgusting if he was gay he stopped wearing gay fairy
colours. Sure, you'll find him wearing a coloured shirt, but most of the time its a black or white tee. He always pairs them up with black tight jeans. Unless if he doesn't feel like squeezing his -give or take some inches- 8 inch junk into tight fabric he wears some shorts. But most of the time he can't due to the bruises on his legs.
Harry has a large supply of tank tops, but he can't wear them either.
He really hates this.
Harry made his way to the bathroom, he glances harmlessly at he reflection, but the sight stopped him instantly.
Harry's right side of his face was almost completely bruised. His eye was swollen, which he already knew because he could hardly see out of it. His cheek was bruised to the ugly mixture of colours black, blue, and purple. His nose had some dried blood peaking out.
He winced as he lightly touched his cheek, and remembered the punch Louis hit him with.
That was the first time Louis has struck his face.
How in the hell is this supposed to be healed by tomorrow?
What will he tell the others?
He was happy Niall and Zayn got wasted last night and had canceled the recording session today.
Trust them to get Harry out of the rough waters.
Harry wet some toilet paper and gently cleaned the blood.
He winced as the cool, wet wipe touched his hot, pulsing skin.
He used the bathroom and walked to the kitchen with his head down.
Hoping the freezer had ice, he used his good eye to look for something that might take some of the swelling away. Luck was on Harry's side when he found an ice pack in the back of the freezer.
Just as he wrapped it in five squares of paper towel, to make it softer, someone knocked at the door.
Harry cursed, luck is not on his side apparently. He carefully pressed the pack to his eye before walking to the kitchen door.
Then he heard Louis' voice as he greeted Liam into their home.
Louis invited Liam into the living room and asked him if he wanted some tea.
Harry cursed under his breath when Liam accepted.
Louis pushed open the door and it hit Harry in the face.
"Ow!!"
Louis turned to the boy who was currently on the floor.
"Harry? Why were you behind the door?" Louis started snickering, which turned into a booming laughter when Liam rushed in.
Harry's hands were covering his face, which has tripled in pain.
"Move your hands so I can see the damage." Liam asked.
Harry did as told and both the boys gasped.
"This is all from a door?" Liam asked in disbelief.
Harry glanced at Louis, expecting him to feel proud at what he did to Harry's face, but instead Louis look regretful, until he realized Harry was looking at him. Then his eyes cut off all emotion and he smirked.
"Uh... yeah?" Harry said, although it sounded like a question.
"I did throw it open pretty roughly." Louis said, trying to save his butt.
Both Louis and Harry know exactly what it's from.
"Gosh, Lou." Liam said, "What's the ice pack doing out of the freezer?"
"I, uh, twisted my ankle." Harry stuttered.
"Well, apply it to your face."
Harry nodded and did as so.
Liam helped him up, and lead him to the couch.
"Harry? Why are you limping?"
"Oh, I cut my foot trying to clean up a broken mug I dropped."
Lies, Louis made you drop it and then made you step in it.
Harry quieted his thoughts.
It's weird how easily you can lie to the ones who love and care for you.
Harry cursed at his conscience.
Maybe it's time for you to just stop trying to cover for him. Maybe you should just stop caring. Stop everything, maybe then, will Louis leave you alone.
That thought intrigued Harry.
"Liam, I'm going to lay down, I have a few injuries I need to sleep off." Harry said hoping it wasn't too lame of an excuse.
Liam nodded caringly, and Harry walked up the stairs until he was unseen.
Liam sighed, "Poor lad looks terrible, I swear to God Lou. You have to be more careful, that boy has been through a lot of emotional pain this week, why are you adding physical? If you lay a single fucking finger on Harry again, I'm going to do the same back to you." Liam practically snarled.
"How'd you...?" Louis didn't finish once he realize he basically admitted to hitting Harry.
"Harry's dumb lies fool everyone, but me. You can see it in his eyes that he is lying, and that he wants help. I don't know why you're like this to him, but you need to fucking stop." Liam demanded. "Take care of him. You owe that much." The door slammed and Harry walked down the stairs as if he hadn't heard their conversation.
"Why did Liam slam the door?"
"Your face looks so much better like that." Louis said ignoring Harry's question.
But with Liam, his mum, and Melonie saying that he needs help, he decided to help himself.
"I hate you. I fucking hate you. Yes, I'm gay, but that gives you no fucking right to inflict injuries on my body. You want me gone? Fine. I'll leave-"
"Ooo. You're going to go over to Niall's? Because you're too fucking afraid of me? You're such a baby."
"Maybe I should just leave the band, eh?"
"That's what I've been telling you all along you dickhead. What's keeping you here?"
"A fucking contract."
"Well, so once the contract ends you're gone?" Louis inquired.
"I'm not saying goodbye, and I'm never looking back." Harry said with confidence.
Louis folded his hands in front of his face, "Thank the Lord! My prayers have been answered!"
Harry threw his ice pack at Louis' face before running to his room.
I hate him. Harry thought.
No you don't.
Shut up yes I do.
You're just afraid of the fact you love him.
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
Whatever you say princess.
Harry groaned and threw a pillow across his room.
He closed his eyes as he heard a picture crash to the floor.
Harry's breath caught in his throat.
The picture was Louis and Harry, while they were on the X-Factor, hugging.
Harry looked so, so happy. He hasn't look like that in so long.
Harry smiled sadly at the photo, he really missed those times.
But then he remembered how the bastard is now; he reached down and snatched up the picture. He ripped it up before throwing it in the hallway. Not his problem anymore.
In his rage rampage Harry also threw his 'her' blanket in the trash. Which Louis had the matching 'his'.
Harry sat on his bed, thinking -very seriously- about whether he should take a nap at 12 pm.
He decided with it.
***
Louis watched as Harry ran up the steps after threatening to leave the band.
He fucking hates you. Good.
No, not good. Yes, good. Why would he want the little twat liking him?
Why would you not want the little twat liking you?
Louis shook his head. His thoughts were confusing.
He heard a crash and he sighed before walking upstairs.
He got up there as Harry's door closed, and little paper sheets fluttered across the floor.
Louis picked one of the bigger shreds up, and looked to see what it was.
Louis' chest felt heavy, as he realized it was the picture him and Harry took when they were friends.
He gathered the pieces and took them to the bathroom to throw them away.
Although, he stopped dead in his movements when he noticed the 'her' blanket stuffed in the bin.
Louis' eyes started to water against his will.
Why am I crying? It's not like this affects me.
Louis sniffled, and sighed. Because truth be told...
It affected him a lot.
{A/n}
Short I know. I needed a filler.
Now Louis knows that Harry wants to leave.
The picture Harry ripped up is on the side.
I love that you guys are voicing your opinions :) I'm glad you enjoy this story!!!
For early update 9 votes, and 4 comments :)
XxDimples.