As much as he would like to say he had saw it coming, he quite simply couldn't. Vernon and Petunia had been married for twenty-three years and yet Petunia was the one who was throwing it all away. Dudley couldn't help himself but think he had some contribution to everything, despite knowing that he couldn't have done anything. There is only one thing that Dudley hates more than feeling guilty- and that is feeling responsible.
Whenever he says this, a lot of people avoid him because they think he doesn't like being responsible as a person. This is not the case though. Dudley hates feeling responsible for something even if he had no part in it. At times he can see that it comes from his upbringing. He was always the centre of attention, Harry not even second and it makes him grimace in hatred at his younger self for being so selfish. At the moment, Dudley felt like his choice to get in touch with Harry willingly had been the catalyst to the explosion that had just happened downstairs.
For a few minutes he had just stood behind Petunia, his mouth hanging open in shock. Once it had somewhat sunk in, he walked upstairs and into his childhood bedroom. Felicity had taken one look at him after he came upstairs and she knew that something had happened. He felt like crying honestly, but the tears were refusing to come. Dudley supposes this is simply down to the fact that despite his parents constantly arguing as of late, he didn't expect this. It was as if a bomb had been dropped and him witnessing the catastrophe- the bomb in question being his parent's explosive argument.
He was scared to speak because he knew that if he did the tears would be streaming from his eyes in numerous tiny waterfalls and he hated people seeing him cry. To him it was always a sign of weakness, but he knows that even the strongest person in the world breaks on occasion. Felicity was still staring at him but she seemed to accept that he wasn't going to tell her- she understood that he was simply in a huge state of shock. It was like his brain was wiring itself differently to how it should be and it was stopping him from feeling any kind of emotion.
Dudley didn't know whether to be happy for Petunia getting rid of his controlling dad. He didn't know whether to be sad concerning his parents were getting divorced. He didn't know if he should feel angry with Vernon's comments towards his fiancé. He just didn't know what to do in it all and this is what was frustrating him. Dudley hates to admit it, but he did inherit a lot of Vernon's traits- control being one of them. He liked to be in control but he didn't abuse it unlike his dad, he liked to be in control to use it for the better.
He wasn't counting how long he had sat on the edge of the bed for with Felicity's arms wrapped tightly around him although it was clear that she didn't know what kind of comfort he needed either. Felicity had always been able to essentially read Dudley's mind by looking into his eyes- it was something her mum had taught her when she was very young. There were so many conflicting emotions all ranging from fury to annoyed to upset. None of them appeared to be dominant though so there really wasn't much the petite blonde could do to help the man she loves feel better.
He could still hear it- the arguing that was. It had taken Vernon roughly twenty seconds to recover from the shock at Petunia's suggestion before he was spitting insults at her too. It was about then that he knew he shouldn't and couldn't be downstairs and then he had left. All of his adrenaline from a few minutes before had now disappeared and it was like he was inside of a bubble. He felt cut off from everyone. He was vaguely aware of his fiancé's small and pale arms wrapped around him loosely, but he was numb. The floor was muffling the screaming of his parents so he didn't know what was happening or what was being said.
He figures that it has been around ten minutes and that weird ache is still sitting in his stomach, his head completely clouded over to the point that he cannot think straight. There really isn't a time in his life when he has felt something like this so Dudley doesn't know how to deal with it. He has heard from friends who have been there to witness a family member's marriage break down and they had all told him that everyone reacts differently to the situation.
Almost as quickly as the blazing fight had started, the screaming ended. The only thing he did hear was the very noticeable sound of a door being slammed shut and from a slight rumbling noise that could only be a car engine- Dudley knew that Vernon had left. Now that he thought about it however, Vernon and Petunia have never had a good marriage. He just thought they did because all children believe their parents' marriage is strong. Now that he knows Felicity's parents well though, he can see the huge difference that had always been there. Petunia had always seemed submissive to Vernon and he was the one to control everyone.
Could this possibly be the reason why Dudley had never heard anything about his deceased aunt and uncle?
It isn't much to ask but at the same time it is a lot to ask. It is a simple question but he knows it will open a lot of wounds and pushed away memories. Petunia doesn't talk about Lily and sadly Dudley didn't even know their names until that half-giant whose name he cannot recall broke down the door to a tiny cottage they were staying in when his parents were desperate to 'push out' the magic that was in Harry. How did that even make sense? You can't stop something that you have no control over. Dudley had always been told that James and Lily had been killed in a car accident, but then Petunia said that they were blown up. By this point he was extremely confused and he was made only more confused when the half-giant roared at his parents in disbelief.
He didn't need to hear it said in words. He knew that his parents lied to him over how his aunt and uncle had died. After this, he didn't bring up the topic ever again. He had seen that look of fury in Vernon's eyes, he had seen that look of guilt in Petunia's eyes. He had never got his answers and he didn't want to be rude to Harry by asking him how his parents died. He knew nothing about them and it was only around an hour ago he had saw them for the first ever time in his life. Was there a reason why there were never any pictures of them on the walls when there were pictures of almost every other member of the family covering them?
What was tomorrow going to be like for them? It was Christmas and that is a holiday that is celebrated by family. How could they enjoy a day centred around such a thing if the family was gradually falling apart right in front of his eyes? Dudley knew he was asking himself way too many questions but it seemed like the only way that let him keep the tears in which were all threatening to spill down his cheeks. He was still vaguely aware of Felicity giving him a very worried look and he didn't know if she was happy or sad. Felicity has been very vocal over her dislike towards Vernon just as much as he was vocal towards his dislike for her. Was she happy that she wouldn't need to essentially see him anymore or was she sad for watching Dudley break apart in her arms?
He snapped his head up when he heard a gentle knock on the door and he knew that it was his mum. Felicity seemed to register this fact as well because she stood up and left the room as she knew that this conversation should happen only with the mother and son. Felicity left the house then and walked around the small town that she didn't know too well but she did know where the local park was. Dudley still sat on the bed in his childhood bedroom when Petunia walked in. He didn't look up at her because he was still in shock over everything that had happened in the last three or so hours. He only looked up for the first time in about twenty minutes when he felt the bed dip a little beside him. He turned around so that he was facing his mum who was looking at him. Dudley didn't even need to say anything because it was Petunia who spoke up first;
"I suppose you want to know everything then Dudley."
He tried to form his response but his mouth just wasn't working, the air in his lungs not escaping, and his vocal chords not doing what they were supposed to do. So he nodded. Petunia took a large breath and it was like a key had been fitted into the lock finally. She didn't need to say anything for Dudley to know that she was finally going to tell him absolutely everything.
"As you know Dudley, neither of us have been happy for a while. We always tried to hide it whenever you were here because we didn't want you to feel like you are responsible for it because you aren't. If anything it was you who was keeping our marriage together. Your father and I have been fighting a lot over the last few years and I think we both knew it was over a very long time ago- we just didn't want to throw away over twenty years of marriage."
Dudley nodded a little because even though he isn't married yet, he knows where his mum was coming from. He himself would rather fight for something that is no longer there than give up something that lasted a very long time. Himself and Felicity have only known each other for three years, dating for two and a half and have been engaged for four months. They still have a long way to go and they both know that it is going to be stressful on them both.
After all, holding onto nothing is easier than letting go.
"I guess I had better start from the very beginning then. As you already know Dudley, your father and I got married very young- only nineteen. We had been together for over a year though by that point so it wasn't too bad. I should have saw the signs then but I was too blinded by everything- I won't try to make you hate your dad Dudley because as much as he irritates you he is still your father and that won't change. He was very controlling, liked to be the boss of a lot of people. My own mum didn't like him at all but she saw that I was happy so she put up with him.
"Then about five months after I introduced him to the family, Lily came back from school. I know I never talk about my sister Dudley, but I'll get to that. She was grinning so much and was physically skipping around- my parents just looked at her and knew that she was dating someone. Lily was always quite a bit of an introvert but when she was with her friends she was very outgoing- I think Harry got that from her. I was jealous of her because I was never as happy as that with your father and that should have told me that it wasn't quite right.
"I was determined to make it work though so we bought this place. Hardly anything has changed and at times I don't know whether that in itself was a sign that I chose to ignore. I guess I was extremely jealous of Lily and that jealousy slowly turned to hatred over the years. I shouldn't have pushed her away when I should have been letting her in and that was where it all went wrong for us."
Dudley's eyebrows furrowed tightly in thought now. So he was right then, Petunia was going to tell him everything. She wasn't really making that much sense by talking in circles almost but he knew that this was probably the first time she ever openly talked about everything. He couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes at her saying that he shouldn't hate Vernon and he could see exactly where she was coming from, but he couldn't force himself to like the man who tried to make Felicity's life a complete misery and tried to control him for twenty-one years.
"Up until Lily turned eleven we were actually extremely close. I was still only ten at the time but we really didn't dislike each other unlike a lot of siblings who were born very close to each other. It all changed when she got that letter. At first we all thought it was a joke but then a few of them turned up on our doorstep not five minutes after she had opened the letter and told us everything. Because I was so young I didn't understand all of this so I just thought that kids were being chosen for the sake of it and I was jealous that Lily got to essentially live in a world full of magic and I couldn't.
"Over the years that jealousy only got worse and it eventually turned to pure hatred when she first brought James home. I thought I was happy with your dad- I really did. But seeing the way James looked at Lily and the way she looked at him. Honestly, it was like they hung the moon and stars for each other it was sickeningly adorable. My parents loved James and they thought it was extremely romantic that he had chased her for six years before she finally said yes to dating him."
At this, Dudley snapped his head up. Six years?! Petunia seemed to notice his startled expression at the small fact because she nodded her head slightly.
"She had a close friend, Sever or something his name was. I never liked him but I think the fact that we lived in the same town and he was the first person she met who was like her- as in a wizard Dudley- made them connect. From what I did hear from Lily, James didn't take a shining to him and did a lot of mean things and that was why she refused to go out with him for so long. He changed his ways though and managed to come to some sort of truce with this other boy although they still hated each other with a passion and that was when Lily said yes. My parents found it extremely romantic that he was willing to completely change his attitude, make amends with people he didn't like and not give up on winning Lily over.
"It wasn't like that with your father, Dudley. I think they just took an instant dislike to him but they coped with him because I was happy. That never changed. Lily was a bit worried for me but like I said, by this point the jealousy I had for her had turned to hatred and I said something that I can't remember and it made her run from the house in white hot fury. I'd never seen her angry beforehand and I didn't really know what to make of it.
"Well about a year passed and Lily had married James by this point. They moved to a small town called Godrics Hollow but we weren't on speaking terms, didn't even go to each other's weddings. We met up late January with all of the parents because Lily said she needed to tell us something and so did I. I think you know what that was Dudley that we wanted to tell."
At first he didn't get it and his face scrunched up in pure confusion. The answer hit him when he saw Petunia giving him a large smile. So she was talking about the fact that they fell pregnant only a month apart.
"Only she did say that her world was at war and she was scared for Harry and James. I just scoffed because I didn't believe it, my jealousy warped mind had perceived it as her wanting attention. It was the last time I ever spoke to her in person, the last time I ever saw her in person. My parents were getting even more increasingly worried for her wellbeing. People started disappearing and it was only then I realised that it was actually serious but I didn't want to get involved because I knew I wouldn't have been able to do anything- so I continued with this blind hatred for her."
Dudley's mouth had gone dry and his throat was itching for moisture. His eyes were wide and his lips were slightly parted in realisation to something Harry had said. He said it was because of him a war ended, and with the way that Petunia was wording it he knew what was coming. Lily and James did not die of natural causes.
"They were murdered weren't they?"
Petunia nodded but her face was contorted into a very strange facial expression. Like that, Dudley went into shock again. Now he could guess why his parents had lied about how his aunt and uncle died, it was not a nice thought knowing that two people's lives were taken willingly and it wasn't accidental or could have been prevented.
"The person behind the war heard something, I can't remember much and I'm pretty sure Harry will probably be able to explain it all to you better than I- he knows it all. He may have not told me but considering that he seemed to have an idea what was going on when we had to go into hiding told me that he also knows what really happened that night. He went to their house, James was killed first and Lily tried to escape with Harry but she wasn't quick enough. She did put up a fight though but it didn't work and she was next to be killed. This might shock you Dudley though."
Dudley's head snapped to attention to look at his mum curiously, he could hear the tone of her voice and he knew he was not going to like what was coming. Petunia took a deep breath and looked into her son's baby blue eyes before stating,
"He tried to kill Harry too, that's how he got his scar- apparently it's a mark of a curse of some sort. Somehow it backfired and instead it ended him but it didn't kill him. You are probably wondering how I know what I do Dudley. When Harry was left on our doorstep I was left a letter explaining a fair bit of everything but it didn't make that much sense.
"It scared me and I wanted to keep you away from it. Wars can easily be restarted and I didn't want you to be in the midst of anything like that. I also didn't want you to be jealous of Harry in the way that I was jealous over Lily and that was why I raised you both so differently. In my warped mind I saw it in a way that if Harry wasn't as privileged as you, you wouldn't have been jealous over him when he got his letter because I knew he was a wizard. I knew the second that I received that phone call telling me he had somehow gotten onto the roof of his primary school.
"Your father tried to stomp it out of him but I knew that wouldn't work. I just didn't want you to feel like you were second best like I did when Lily got her letter. This was when all the arguments started between your father and I. It only got worse when you met Felicity because as you know your father wanted you to date a businessman's daughter and Felicity isn't. I guess that today it just all bubbled over and I can't take it anymore. Don't feel responsible though love, you couldn't have done anything to help."