"Jessica, are you okay?" Mom gets closer, smiling. I missed her so much, it was so much easier with her around.
"Yeah mom, I'm fine." I look at her, fake a smile and hug her. We pull out and I look at her in the eyes, trying to be ready for my confession.
"Mom? I thought you were British?" Andrew looks at me in confusion, I never told him about the whole I grew up with my mother deal. "And then there's you brother, what is this? A scam?"
"I'm not the British part in our family, their father is." Mom says, pointing at Tyler and I, completely honest. "She grew up with me, and he started speaking thanks to his British babysitter." She explains. Ugh, I hate this, why can't the whole naturalization processes end?
"Mom, Tyler, can we talk later?" I plead, not in the mood to discuss my problems. "We're doing that appointment today, just let's not talk about it now." I fake a smile, hoping I seem fine.
We're at the doctor's and we're currently waiting for Tyler's test results, they're out in like five minutes. Right after this, I'll have to go home, plaster a smile on my face to Andrew and give him his dose of business economics. I think this is the best time to tell mom that I've decided to stop drinking.
"Mom, I want to tell you something." I give her an uncomfortable face, lock my phone and breathe in.
"What's wrong Jess?" She knots her eyebrows, concerned.
"Mom, I've decided that I'll stop drinking alcohol." I tell her, breathing finally out. She seems speechless, but she's smiling. She opens her mouth to say something, but is cut off by the entrance of the doctor.
"Mrs. and Miss Styles, good evening." He shakes hands with both of us, sits down and looks at his papers. "Tyler's doing okay, the antibiotics aren't doing their job efficiently, so we'll have to add up to his prescription some corticosteroids."
"You know we're not doctors, so can you please just tell us if he's going to be fine or not?" Mom suggests, faking a hopeful smile.
"He will, hopefully he will." He assures us, giving us hope. "Mrs. Styles, can you please, let me talk privately to Miss Styles? She caught my eye." He smirks, ugh what a doctor. Mom nods, gets up, waves at me and gets out.
"I'm not going to date you." I clarify, harsh and direct.
"You think I was serious about that?" He scoffs, showing me his engagement ring. "Your brother's a mess, he needs a lung transplant." Okay, that was harsh, very harsh.
"Are you messing now?" I raise my eyebrows, shocked. Why are doctors good at lying?
"No I'm not. He did severe shit to his already damaged lungs." He tries to explain. "Your brother's blood group is O, I've already put him on the universal waiting list, all I need is your mother's signature so he gets accepted. It's a long list, but it's the only choice we've got."
"I can't tell my mother, you do that." I snap, pissed. I don't want to ruin my mother, she'll turn alcoholic, just like me.
"Look, I've been told I need to inform a family member about this, it's your job now, mine's achieved." He says.
"Good day." I stand up, and leave. I'm not going to tell her today, I'll figure out something for this. Now it's either I drink, smoke, or shout at everyone.
"What did he say?" Mom asks, winking.
"He gave me his number, won't call him anyway, I'm not in the mood for dating at the moment." I roll my eyes. "Now if you excuse me, I have a student to tutor, I'll go say goodbye to Tyler."
"Oh, he left, he said he has this party to attend, didn't want to ruin it for him." She states, seeming sort of uncomfortable. I kiss her cheek and run out. Okay Tyler, we'll talk about this tomorrow.
I get in the apartment, inhaling deeply, to gather myself. Andrew's sitting on the couch, reading this LGBTQ related magazine that I've subscribed to. Carmel doesn't seem to be here, and Angelina's sleeping. I try not to sound pissed or mad, I wanna leave this for the AA meeting.
"Good evening." I cut Andrew off, smiling. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure." He shrugs, and I sit next to him, space separating us.
"Do freshmen have parties everyday?" I ask, I wanted to know what got Tyler to leave without even bothering to know what the fuck is happening in his body.
"No, freshmen mostly don't throw parties, it's the seniors. Freshmen don't often go to those since, and I'm not going to lie, everyone gets drunk and/or high and they're too innocent for that." He explains, smiling. "Why're you asking though?"
"No reason, just curiosity." I fake a smile, hoping he's not acknowledging it's a false one.
"Curiosity killed the cat." He states.
"But satisfaction brought it back." I continue the proverb, this part is always the most forgotten one, it's the most important. "Now let's go because I've got plans later." I wasn't going to drink this time, I was going to hear others' stories with alcoholism, who are inspiring. I know Carmel's promised me she'd come back to take care of Angelina, or else I'll have to kill myself.
"Okay." He rolls his eyes.
"Thank you very much for coming." I wrap up my singular class, adjust my hair, look if there are any makeup stains and look at Andrew, who's still packing. I heard Carmel entering, so I'm now sure I can go to the meeting.
"See you tomorrow, Jessica." He waves and gets out. It's a few minutes till I hear the apartment's door shutting, now I can leave.
"Thank you so much Carmel for taking care of Angelina, I will be back within two hours." I say quickly, kiss Angelina and get out.
"And here am I, sober for two years now, when I thought I'd never be." Max, an alcoholic, wraps up his alcoholism story and everyone applauds for him.
"Anyone else would like to share?" The meeting secretary asks, smiling. Meeting secretary isn't a permanent position, it changes every month, so everyone gets the chance to try.
"Jessica, go share." Katherine whispers. She's been begging me to share my story with everyone, she's told me sharing will ease it.
"I'll share." I raise my hand, to satisfy Katherine's demand. I stand up and go to the front, where everyone looks at me now. "Hi, I'm Jessica, and I'm an alcoholic."
"Hi Jessica." The group says, this is how it went through these meetings.
"I have been sober for one day now, I know this might be a really short amount of time, but it's been torture so far. I used to smoke, a lot, and by smoke I mean Nicotine. I started at the age of eighteen, because I wanted to be like my mother, the person who I thought had the perfect life. Then, people around me started to matter, and I didn't want to hurt them, so I decided I'd drink instead. I was hurt too, breaking up with a boyfriend whom I thought loved me, but apparently cheated on me with a model, then discovering I was too desperate for someone, that I hooked up with my aunt's fiance. Do you have any idea how that sucked? I even got this tattoo with him, I was very drunk, why would anyone want to tattoo their zodiac sign on the side of their middle finger? And I got alcoholic, I fucked up my friendship with my roommate, we were so close, even when I smoked, but then we drifted away because I'd be either drunk or hungover. Furthermore, I was a really good friend with this student of mine, but I messed it up, because I got moody thanks to alcohol. I got so carried away with alcohol, that I didn't notice my roommate got engaged to our other roommate. I didn't even notice my daughter's birthday. And that's when I realized I should stop alcohol, when it became more of a daily action than a stupid little escape. And then today, I discovered that my brother's disease got worse, and that medicine isn't changing shit in his body. I was that close to drinking, but when I heard all of your stories, I thought whatever happened to me isn't going to stop me from being wonderful persons, like you." I am so proud of doing this, it's such a relief to have this out.
"Jessica, why didn't you tell me about your brother?" Katherine asks me, taking a cookie off the table.
"It's okay, I'll get through this." I fake a smile, to reassure her. "Anyways, how's your pregnant daughter?"
Katherine's thirty-three, yes she's older, but she gets me. She's had her daughter when she was sixteen, so she had to drop out of school. She's my sponsor, the one that'll help me go through this, she said she owes her sponsor, Margaret, so she wanted to give back. I see a really unwanted person in this room, and I don't get whatever they're doing in here, I know they're not an alcoholic. I really feel the instinct to hide, but they call me.