"The best way not to get your heart broken is to pretend you don't have one." - Charlie Sheen
Chapter One: Heads Or Tails?
When I was young, my dad always told me lies to make me feel better about myself. “Don’t listen to the other kids,” he would always say. “You’re not a freak. You’re just different – special.” For a long time I believed him, but there comes a moment when kids stop believing what adults say, the way they stop believing in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. That moment usually comes naturally, but for me, it came as a traumatizing event that I wish I could forget.
“So how was it? Do I have the role?” The stage lights glazed hotly against my skin as I beamed down at the small cluster of audience below. On the first row of seats below the theatre, five gentlemen and one madam sat with a pen and a clipboard in their hands. Of the six people in total, the words of only the gentleman in the middle did I care for – the famous Broadway director Kelvin Steins.
He tapped the end of his pen against his clipboard and frowned unexpectedly. “Have you ever fallen in love before?”
“What?” The question came as a complete surprise. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Have you?” He pressed.
“Well I...” My eyes paused on the director who stared back at me with a blank expression before I cleared my throat. “Love is a waste of time – I’ve always thought that.”
He sighed. “Go home. Broadway is not a place for you. No matter how many auditions you go to, I can guarantee you’ll never step on that stage unless you’re the janitor.”
I laughed. I could hardly believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, but I was built a lot stronger than that. “Not until you give me a proper reason,” I insisted. “What’s this about love?” I pounded my hand on top of my chest. “I practice harder than anyone. I want this more than anyone.”
Again he sighed as his panel of judges discuss quietly among themselves. “I’m going to be honest with you. You have crazy talent for someone only seventeen, but you can’t express love at all. You can cry on cue so you might trick the audience, but you can’t lie to me with that kind of half-ass acting. Your voice is angelic, your vocals flawless, yet it completely lacks emotion. Your dancing is the same. It’s like you’re a highly specialized cyborg – cold, perfect, emotionless. ”
“But I don’t always have to take a role that involves love.”
“And how many plays, movies, films, doesn’t have love? Whether it’s a drama or a war film, an action or a comedy – everything revolves around love. The pain of love. The loss of Love. The absence of Love. Love gone wrong. Love gone crazy. How many variations are out there? Can you avoid it forever?”
I swallowed hard at his response. I’ve never back down from anything in my life, and yet, here I was, so close to my dream and so completely speechless.
“But she’s only seventeen.” My eyes made a quick dart to the right, where the only female audience sat with a hesitant smile on her face. “Isn’t it too harsh to say she’ll never get on that stage Kelvin? Besides, you’re holding auditions throughout the country for another month at least, it’s possible that she can learn that feeling of love and audition again in another city before you finish casting.”
My eyes widened at her words. “Learn? You mean like, take lessons?”
The question stumped her and she stuttered a bit before she replied. “Or... you can fall in love,” she suggested with a cheerful smile. “You’re young. You’re in high school. You could just... fall in love with someone. That’s easy enough.”
“So if I learn the meaning of love and can express it through song, act and dance, what are the chances of me getting a role?”
Kelvin Stein looked up and met my eyes. “High. The last audition is in New York. You have approximately a month.” With that, he turned away coldly and waved a rolled up script at the attendant near the door. “Next.”
Outside the city theatre in my hometown, Todd waited patiently for me near my car. “Camila! You’re out.” Tiny, short structure with a mop of orange hair on top of his head, he fixed his round framed glasses before smiling at me. “So how was it?”
“A disaster.” I spun around and pointed a finger at him. “Do you think I’m a cold, emotionless robot?”
He stared at me. “Sometimes. Like how you laugh when babies cry.”
“That was one time.”
His expression changed from carefree to concerned. “Just tell me what happened in there. You should have nailed that thing. You always get the lead. Everyone always says–”
“That I’m going to be a big star. I know. But according to the hot shot Broadway director, my life isn’t going anywhere – or at least not unless I learn the emotion of love.”
Todd, who was one of the smartest kids in school, made a face. “Love is an emotion?”
“Apparently so.” I sighed. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. It’s rare that a Broadway director would hold auditions to find new talents right off the street anyways. This was supposed to be my big break. This was supposed to be my debut.”
“So then, what are you going to do? You can’t just give up!”
Again I sighed, until the words the female judge spoke earlier came back to haunt me. “No, I’m not giving up.” I turned to Todd and smiled. “I have a month Todd. Kelvin Stein and his crew are travelling across the country to find new performers and the last audition is going to be held in New York. It’ll cost me a plane ticket, but it’ll be worth it if I get a role. All I have to do before then is learn all about love.” I grabbed him by both shoulders and shook him. “Todd! I need to fall in love!”
For a moment, Todd just let me shake him, and then, as if my optimism rubbed off on him, his smile quickly matched my own and he started jumping up in glee. “Me!” He suddenly shouted, pointing at his freckled face with both hands. “Pick me! Pick me! Fall in love with me!”
My smile faded. Oh where do I begin? Well, for starters, he was at least a head shorter than me. Do I even have to go on? Is that not a good enough reason? It’s not like I was a bumbling high school girl begging for romance in the first place.
“That’s not going to work Todd.”
“Why not? I think I’ll be brilliant.”
How should I let him down gently? “Well, first things first, you’re like a lot shorter than me. I’d have to break my back just to kiss you.” Crap. That wasn’t what I wanted to say.
“So?!” Todd let out a huff. “A man’s body size doesn’t matter as long as his size down there is–”
I smacked him in the back of the head with a script before he could finish the sentence. “You’re done,” I said. “This conversation is so over.”
The drive back to Todd’s house was a little less charming than I thought it would be. Todd stayed quiet throughout the drive until we passed the halfway point, where he finally exhaled as if he was breathing for the first time since we left the theatre.
“You know, if you want to fall in love with someone, it might not be as hard as you think.” His eyes shifted over from the passenger window and rested on mine as I stopped in front of a red light. “You’re completely clueless when it comes to anything outside of your rehearsals and performances, so you don’t know what’s popular, but there’s actually a bunch of outstanding guys in our school, and within this group, two of them stand out the most. They’re sort of known as the princes of Ridgedale High.”
“Tacky,” I said. “They’re not real princes, right?”
“No, of course not, but because they’re both extremely good-looking and talented in their own ways, all the girls in school are crazy over them.” He flared his nose before focusing on the traffic going perpendicular from us. “So there you have it. If all the girls in school are crazy over them, there must be something good about them, right?”
“Well...”
“And don’t get me wrong,” he added. “I’m just doing my job of supporting you like a good friend should. I’m not giving you up and it’s not like I have no confidence that I’ll win you over! It’s just in this case – maybe if you went for one of them – your chances might be... slightly higher.” It would be 100 percent higher, I thought. “One day. One day you’ll realize we were meant to be.”
I nodded and pressed my foot on the gas pedal when the lights turned green. Frankly, I just think that day – if it even exists – is going to be really far away. Though, it’s not like Todd ever stops reminding me with his nerdy pick-up lines and his really bad come-ons. “So then, who are these guys? Are they in our grade?”
“Yeah. They’re both seniors. The first is Ridgedale’s famous quarterback, Tyler Lavenchy. Out of all the guys in the school, he’s probably the most popular with the girls, but he’s not much of a talker – doesn’t really associate with people outside his inner circle.”
I didn’t skip a heartbeat. “And the second?”
“The ace of the basketball team, Marshall Pittsburgh. They like to call him the reincarnation of Adonis because he’s got a killer smile. He’s friendlier, but always has a swarm of girls surrounding him – tough competition.”
I scoffed. “Like I care if there’s competition or not. He doesn’t need to fall in love with me. Only I need to fall in love with him.”
Todd shrugged. “Then it doesn’t matter who you choose. They’re both just as good, and in an alternative sense, they’re both just as bad.” He pulled out a quarter from the pocket of his shorts before flashing me a smile. “Take your pick. Heads or tails?”