Hey!
I finally updated!
"I'm listening. " The Alpha said, crossing his arms and rising his eyebrow.
F
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What do I do now? I can't just tell him 'Oh. Hey. Your kid and your hole pack has been torturing me constantly for years because, well... I don't know.'
Yeah. Sure. And the Moon is cubic.
"Well... " I said fidgeting and looking around nervously, trying to find an escape route.
"Look. I'm tired and I want to get this over with. I, Alpha Victor Adams, am accepting you, Isabel Sky Grover back into the Blazing Night pack."
As he said that, I felt my scalp tickling.
I felt like I had a little ribbon was tied to my soul. Every 'strand' of the 'ribbon's fabric' means a connection with someone in the pack. The ribbons are different sizes depending on the pack. This one's a medium size. Seeing as we are a large pack but not that big.
I felt all the little strands tie to my soul and mind.
When the process was done, my legs gave out below me and I almost collapsed.
But it seems that The Alpha caught my upper arm and kept me up.
"Are you ok? You shouldn't be this weakened. The process only takes the energy you would use for a simple 20 min run. It shouldn't weaken you like this.how do you feel?"
"No... It's ok. It's just that I didn't sleep too much last night and I'm also tired from all the preparing I did. " I said easily, forcing out a smile.
He looked at me quizzically and then steadied me on my feet.
"Ok. I want you to get to your room upstairs and take a nap. It will help you. "
I smiled a nostalgic smile when he mentioned my room upstairs but I know I can't go up there.
I nodded shortly and looked into his eyes with a little hesitation.
"Yes Vic-Alpha. " I said , correcting myself halfway, then smiling a guilty smile.
Victor smiled and shook his head, muttering a low 'Kids these days' under his breath and ruffling my hair.
After he made my bangs a bird nest from all the ruffling, he retreated into his office.
I sighed and tamed my hair a little with my hands and headed my room.
Orders are orders.
After a few steps, I felt my throat closing in and my eyes water.
I heard voices into my head. The pack's members's voices to be more exact.
"What are you doing in the mind link??
Attention seeker!
Whore!
Slut!
Who're you banging right now?
Are you using a condom? Please tell me you are. We don't want another you around here.
Did he put a bag over your face when you did it?
You're a waste of space!"
"Please. Please don't. Stop. Please. No more. No more please. I can't take it. No. " I whispered into the mind link... But no one listening to me.
Tears started streaming down my cheeks and my vision was blurry.
I clutched my hands over my ears and fell into my knees, sobbing.
"You're gonna be our slave all your life.
Bitch!
Stop putting on a show!
Get over it!
There are people with bigger problems than you!
It's your own fault! If you didn't whore around, we wouldn't have picked on you!
Emo!
Cutter!
Did you hear? She said so herself! She's a suicidal freak!"
"Please... No...." I whispered out loud and dug my nails into my hair, desperate to get out of there.
I have been trying to get them out of my head but it just doesn't work.
Do you know how a door doesn't close because there are too many people trying to get in and the door falls off and the people brag in, destroying everything into their way?
Well... That's what they did to my mind.
My mind barrier broke down and all the insults were getting to me directly.
I heard everyone of them.
Loud and clear.
I desperately got up, tripping over my own feet a few times, a few times falling down and I wobbled on my feet, with the voices still there, to my 'room' and fell inside.
My legs gave out.
I pretty much crawled to my desk and got a pencil sharpener out of one drawer.
I got the blade out, with a little difficulty with my numbats sweaty fingers, but got the blade out.
I rolled my shirt up and made 3 swift cuts on my rib cage.
The voices faded out, meaning that I'm too weak to hold the mind link.
And yes. I cut sometimes.
Never too deep, never enough to die. I don't plan to commit suicide anytime soon.
I just cut enough to feel the pain.
Enough to feel the scream inside release.
Is just a way to ease another kind of pain.
I only cut three times in total including thus one. I cut only three times in four years.
And I'm not proud at all.
I drop the blade and curl myself into a ball.
I never cut because I just want to ease every little pain.
I cut only when it's too much. When if I don't, I would shut down.
I need the pain caused by a simple blade to tell me that I'm still alive. That I'm still here. That I'm still holding on.
I won't ever let go. It's my life. I want to life it.
Someday, I'm gonna find a nice guy, get married, have two kids, a boy and a girl, the boy always protecting his sister and a nice loving dog named Sylvester. I will live into a small house, with a nice garden and a lake near by. It would be my little paradise away from all this.
But until then, I need to hold on and suck it up.
When I was done sobbing, I noticed that my shirt was soaked, and it started dripping on he floor.
I got up and stripped from my shirt.
I cleaned the wound and bandaged my torso.
I never cut into the same place.
My first cut was on my upper arm, my second one was on the back of my legs, near my ankles, and my third, this one, on my rib cage.
Yes. I only cut three times in four years.
But all the cuts were made this month and are still healing.
As I finished wrapping my torso, I tied it tightly, making me wince and put a new shirt on.
I took my old shirt,folded it up and used it as a cleaning rag for the blood on the floor.
When I was done, I threw it in a corner of the room, not in the mood to clean it too.
I sat on the floor, on the blanket I call bed and curled up into a ball. It gets chilly in here, being underground and all.
I started thinking.
What am I still doing here?
Why am I not leaving?
I got up and was focused on one thing.
Leaving.
I got a duffel bag and started stuffing my things inside. It's sad to say that I was done in 5 minutes.
I wrote a letter towards every member of the pack. A separate one for every member. I did this 4 weeks ago, when I first thought about killing myself, but I backed down and hid the letters.
I think I need to write another one for my mate. At the time, I didn't know that he was my soul mate.
I was looking around for anything I left behind, then I saw the tiny picture I always hid in a crack in the wall. Ellie's picture.
I approached it slowly and picked it up. I gently traced her little face with my finger and a tear escaped my eyes and got on the picture. I quickly dried it off on my pants.
I looked a lite bit note at the picture and started unpacking my things.
I can't do this. All my memories of Ellie are still here. In this place. In this hell hole. If they are here, I'm gonna stay here.
I put myself back on the 'bed' and closed my eyes to take the nap Victor told me to take.
As I was ready to go to sleep, my door flung open and I was startled.
Better said scared to death.
I narrowed my eyes and made out a furious looking redhead.
Amber.
"Oh. Hey. " I say, my voice cracking up from all the crying.
She looked raged.
She stopped all her movement and sniffed the air lightly. She looked at me with horror in her eyes and then sniffed better. She slowly tilted her head to the corner I threw my blood soaked shirt in.
"Sky... You didn't ...Please. Please tell me you didn't. " she pleaded, looking on the verge of crying.
I couldn't look her in the eye.
I looked down and made the 'Im sorry' sign towards her.
Let me tell you a thing.
I think you were confused for a moment there.
Why can Amber talk if she's deaf?
Well, she wasn't born deaf. She can talk, but she doesn't hear herself. That's why sometimes she talks louder than necessary.
She got into a car accident when she was driving with her dad.
They're both safe. Her dad got out with a few scratches. Nothing more.
The thing is that they drove into a tree , trying to avoid an elder woman on the street and the car exploded a few moments after they got out and her ear drums were destroyed.
Nasty stuff.
Back to the topic.
As soon as she saw it, she came slowly at me with tears threatening to spill over.
She crouched down to my level and looked me in the eyes.
She slapped me.
A very light slap. I didn't even feel it.
But it hurt more than any other hit I received. It was a hit directly to my heart.
She cupped the cheek she hit in her hand and whispered slowly.
"Don't ever do this again. " the tears spilled violently over. "Never again. You hear me?" She said, gaining back her rage.
I nodded fearfully and watched her get up.
She then have me her hand to get up too, a hand I took gratefully.
As I was dusting myself off, I saw Amber look around the room.
She then took my duffel bag and started stuffing my things back in it.
"What!? Wait! What are you doing?" I screamed, snatching a shirt she wanted to put in the bag from her hands.
She snatched it right back and glared at me.
"No! You're leaving! You can't stay around these people anymore! You need to get away!"
"You want me to leave?" I whispered, looking down, knowing that if I looked into her eyes, my act will go down.
I know she doesn't, but it's worth trying
"Hey! I know you're acting! Don't make me feel guilty!" She said, a little smile tugging at her lips.
"But I don't want to leave! All my memories with Ellie are here!" I screamed, stomping my foot on the cold ground.
" All your memories with Ellie are in your head, not here. Bit anyway, the terror filled memories overpower your happy memories with a lot. You're leaving!"
"But... But..." I said, not knowing what to say to her. An idea popped up in my mind. " What if they will miss me?"
She stopped in her tracks and looked at me with pity.
She then looked in deep thought and then turned to me with and evil glint in her eyes.
"Let's make a deal. "
"Ok...?" I said, unsure of what's going on in her head.
Soo? What do you think?