The Wrong Side of Right

[66]

  "Truth is, him and I, we'll never be more than what we are right now. We'll never be a we, we'll never be each other's special someone. That will never happen. That's the undeniable and unchangable truth. that's just how it is. I can go through my days laughing at his jokes in spite of myself, being constantly aware of what he's saying. I can get sad when he's sad and really happy when he's happy. And i can be upset because something went wrong for him. Actually, there's no way i CANT do any of those things. At least, not now. i have to keep doing what I'm doing because there's nothing else i can do and there's just no way to stop, you know? no way to just stop feeling like this or to stop caring, not for me. And i have to pray, to hope that one day when he messages me, i won't feel these butterflies in my stomach anymore, because just one messge from him makes my day complete. To hope that one day when he talks about the girl he loves, i won't cry myself to sleep anymore because i'm not that girl and I won't ever be that girl. Only then and only then, will this whole thing be over. Only then will I be able to open a new book. it sucks but it's just the way things are. I dont know how to get there any faster, i dont know what I can do differently, I dont even know if that day exists for me. i dont know anything except that im trapped and that, for now, there's no way out." -kjc