I've had quite a few rude messages about me not being able to post recently... I do not appreciate these types of comments.
Writing is a hobby for me, not an obligation. I have a life, a child, house work, uni, family and so many other issues going on INCLUDING THE POSSIBILITY OF BECOMING HOMELESS, please do not try and make me feel guilty for things that are beyond my control.
I love writing, and I love the positive comments I've received in regards to my stories; I even updated last year during my tonsillectomy recovery and while I was still in hospital. I have shown my dedication to my work.
Please remember that.
Anyway, past the nagging and nitpicking; I decided to update a bit sooner than intended.
Anybody who feels the need to, I HAVE STARTED A NEW STORY CALLED 'FOREVER THINE', please take a look! :)
Chapter 18
YOLO
Deacon POV
Daddy. Dad. Pap. Pops. Father. Old man.
I can’t take it in. It doesn’t make sense in my brain.
I ran because she didn’t know if I was the dad. I ran because I was being vindictive towards my brother because I was so hurt with this news. I ran because I couldn’t face admitting it. I couldn’t put my family through it. I couldn’t put myself through it.
And now, after all I went through- nearly dying, she knew! She never told me!
But I didn’t really give her much of a chance.
Oh fuck; I put my head in my hands and try to connect the dots. The non-existent, imaginary dots, trying to make everything right.
I am so damn confused that it hurts to think.
I nearly died because of all this! I risked my life because I had to get away.
I am so angry at Bethany for not being honest. About everything. I’m mad at her. I’m mad at my parents. I’m mad at Jack. I’m mad at myself. I’m just so fucking mad.
Why can’t I calm down?
My head spins with anger, fear of the future, and worry at telling Virginia; does she already know? Does she still want me?
Holy crap, I’m gonna be a dad.
I’ve produced an heir! With Bethany.
I’ve gathered that she knows now about who we are- more of what we are, and she is more accepting than I thought.
We haven’t spoken about anything yet, I removed myself from the situation before I blew up in her face. I needed to process my thoughts and then get back to her.
Sitting in my bedroom for, what I’m told is the first time in three weeks, I try to think; work out what happened, why it happened, and why it happened to me! But I know I can’t do that without answers.
But who is the right person to give me those much needed answers? Who can I talk to, and now want to blow up in their face?
I don’t even understand my own feelings towards anything that happened over the past month. I can’t begin to explain the trauma, the hurt, the untold damage I’ve been put through.
To tell you the truth, I want to curl up in a ball and cry. Yes, I know it makes me sound like a wimp, but you try going through all of this- then tell me you wouldn’t be overwhelmed!
I want to run in the forest and scream- scream for everything, scream at the moon and be alone. Be away from everything and everyone. I need to isolate myself from the world and everyone in it, but of course that wouldn’t be possible. I’m under pack guard security now 'for my own protection' as dad said.
One way to make me more claustrophobic! Way to go dad!
What am I supposed to do or say?
And where the fuck is Virginia?? She’s supposed to be my mate and she wasn’t even here to welcome me back from the coma!
I feel surprisingly hurt by this and want to confront her for it, but I have so many other questions that need answering;
Who is Jamie?
Why did Virginia’s dad kidnap me? Why did he want to take over the pack?
Why was Bethany here and how did her… our son save me?
What happened to Jack?
My head hurts with the questions bouncing around.
Will someone please answer my questions?
Determined to get the answers I need, I pull myself from my bed, and storm out the bedroom, in search of someone… anyone.
I want, no, I need… demand answers!
I follow the sound of my parents’ voices, in the kitchen; with a shove, the door swings open and my parents look round at me with concern,
“How are you feeling? Would you like some food? Are you in pain? Should I get the doctor? Do you want-“
“MUM! Please!” I groan, exasperated, “chill out already! I’m alive aren’t I? Yes, I’d like some food- anything, I don’t care, but I also want answers. I think that’s the least you can give me, huh?”
At the confirmation of me wanting food, my mum hurries to the fridge; typical mum trying to fix my problems with food and cuddles. Food can only distract me for so long.
“Son, we can give you all the answers you need, but it would make your mother feel better- of course you know it would- if you had something to eat first. Can you do that?” My dad sounds like he’s trying to subdue a wild animal. I am not a fucking tiger that needs cornering. I’m your son!
“Fine,” I grunt and sit on the breakfast stool, impatiently watching mum slice up the cheese and some fresh lettuce; my mouth waters at the sight of it.
Wow- I really am hungry aren’t I?
Not trying to sound like a typical dude, I word my question carefully, “I want answers so hurry up with my food already!” I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but I deserve the truth; especially after all I’ve been put through recently.
“Coming, coming,” mum sings as she puts my sandwich together, and plopping it down on a flower patterned side plate, slicing it in two with the aid of a sharp knife.
I can’t tell you how quickly I devour that pathetically tiny meal; it may seem such a basic and boring snack but it’s more than I’ve had in weeks and it settles the ache of my empty stomach.
“So, you have some questions?” Dad asks, trying and failing to mask his worry.
“I sure as hell do.”
My dad sits on the stool beside me, mum beside him with her hand draped lovingly on his shoulder; will I ever get that with Virginia… or Bethany?
Don’t judge me! She’s still the mother of my child!
“So… Jack? Is he-“
The doorbell chimes, effectively dismissing anything I had to say. Such shit timing! Whoever has interrupted us better have a good reason for it!
I slip down off the stool and glide out the kitchen towards the front door, wrenching it open, oozing with impatience.
Who is- “Virginia?” I gasp, seeing her puffy red eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks; beside her stands a little red haired girl, both surrounded by several suitcases.
I-What? What on earth is going on?
In a split second, I was in humourless surprise as Virginia’s tears halt, her eyes widen and she stares at me… taking me in, “oh Deacon! Deacon!” She flings herself at me, wrapping her soft, dainty arms around my neck.
Her mouth-watering scent fills my nose, clouding my brain as I wind my arms around her, tightly holding onto her hips; this woman will be the death of me!
And there’s no other way I’d rather die.
My feelings shock me, but I tie them in a knot in the centre of my chest, forcing them back as I comfort my sobbing mate. The woman I was placed on this earth to protect and love. The woman that holds my heart. The woman I belong to.
MINE
“Mmm-mum hates me. We have nowh-wwwwhere to go,” Virginia explains, sobbing, stuttering into my shirt, gripping on for dear life.
All of a sudden I have a red hot poker of hate rise up from the pit of my stomach, up my throat and circling, seeping into my brain, my wolf growling with anger at our mate being intentionally hurt by her own flesh and blood.
How dare she!
“You’ll both stay here,” the voice of my mother stands strong and powerful from behind us, allowing no room for argument. I love my mum so much right now.
Turning to the little girl, obviously Virginia’s sister, I put my hand out to her and lead them both inside their new home, sharing with us.
Yes, this might be a bit awkward for Declan and I, but I’m not going to put a barrier between my love for my brother and the love for my mate anymore. I won’t lose either of them.
I promise, I declare I will do everything in my power to make this right for all three of us… and provide the entire family with stability; including Virginia’s sister.
I think once I have the answers I need, it will be time to make amends; with my brother, with Virginia, and my parents… everybody.
That does include Bethany.
Over the past few months, I have come to realise that life is way too short and we have to make the most of every day, and show the people in your life what they mean to you.
YOLO.