"Complicated"
~~~
Abandonment
a·ban·don·ment
əˈbandənmənt/Submit
noun
the action or fact of abandoning or being abandoned.
"she had a feeling of utter abandonment and loneliness"
Selena's POV
I wish I could see a world to spin with a mother to hum my frights to a simmer. A little girl instead of being taught to stay silent in the eye of pain, was raised to enjoy the image of herself in a mirror.
In some eyes, women are respected and are seen as elegant sways of a music. Others see women as the strong independent souls with no itch for a male or other dominant to possess or if you may, "own" them.
Those eyes have lead this world to be a chance for females to create their equality that shouldn't have to be earned for but was burned through ounces of blood, sweat and tears.
The restraint of balance in this shaken world belong to the wealth of my father and his eyes fogged by bereavement from my mother.
I founded the conclusion to the fact he never understood why she would vanish, sooner to appear more permanently than both hoped. Though I never accepted the fact my mother was dead, she always had a lively spirt that could enlighten a grime scene with the drop of a pin.
For once in my life, I was ready to move past the fact. For a while I felt stuck as if I couldn't comprehend that my life was still moving forward yet each step was written in poison.
Could this be the best decision, hell no.
But I'm done taking a step back and missing the chance to breathe, I couldn't suffocate myself waiting for my father to come home, he wasn't here and he died the same night as my mother.
Reality was a bitch, but I still got the flames in me and it's time to fight for a cause that could drive me somewhere other than the Liquor store.
"Selena?"
A smooth voice ran through the room, a calming sensation for me to hear. My gaze examines the building to carve the night sky. Stars painted to accommodate the gloom aura to roam the city.
Street lights dance flamboyant to the surroundings. Snow fell into the draft of wind, painting the rooftops in a rich taste. You could catch the crowds of people to scatter the city. Some retreat to a cab well others emerge to revamp a night.
One to arise multiple regrets, but only till the sun dawns.
I felt the inked arms snake around my waist, coiling me in warmth from his bare chest. His heated breath of cigarettes and a twist of mint, a scent to come as no surprise these days.
December has slipped in the time of an hourglass, nearing the edge as Christmas has swung in a drunken treat to be lingered in the bed sheets and by the television.
Christmas music was swayed to in our undergarments as we couldn't hold each other closer under the fairy lights.
Now the day lays in the count down to New Years, never being able to celebrates New Years together in public was a difficulty as we also hold a variety in friend groups age.
"You're so beautiful." He plants his lips from the peak of my ear to crawl to the curves of my shoulder and descending rapidly, no complaints.
A smile curls my lips as my eyes peek down to my feet, his bare legs are hugged spaciously by the baggy joggers he sports.
My legs left bare and my torso lays in his OVO hoodie. He's quite a huge fan of drake and has some odd love for Canada, strange?
Unforgettable by French Montana is left on play in the background as Justin roams his hands under the hoodie. His hands play with the waistband of my PINK boy shorts that have ridden up to display my ass perfectly.
"What's on your mind?" His raspy voice from the hour it is explained it all, he knew me too well at this point to try and divide me by himself.
What is on my mind? Why is something refusing to allow me to enjoy a seduction from my ... my ... teacher ?
"I just, I feel horrible."
I peel my eyes from the sky scrapes and collapse into Justin's chest, having to glance up to create a solid eye contact. His chest with the beauty of his art engraved in it was hard to avoid as it still made my knees stammer.
His eyes urged me to continue my sentence but I couldn't find the proper tail to avoid confusion and conflict.
Why couldn't I just ask him, ask him what I am to him and if he has the emotions I have for him directed towards me.
"Why?"
Why can't he call me babe or baby, you know those stupid names to gesture a romantic significance.
"Sel, what's the matter?"
Even with the nick name, I've felt a pang to my heart in a multi formatted pain. One to sling in a positive directions with a tug at my heart strings and another to narrow my confidence.
"I just hate... t-that I'm l-living here for free."
A mental smack to my face took place as the words slipped. God I'm a wimp.
He curled his fingers to my bare hips and spun me so my back was pressed against the window. The gasp to slip my lips brought no emotion to his face, he was stern on his following words.
"This.Is.Your.Home.Now."
His words dominated my silence and his lips hush. Those hazel cream eyes were thickened with a captivating reflection of the lights to illuminate the city. His body, firmly pressed against mine, his ear shifts towards my ear, a tingle to quake my body.
My hands relocate to the stubble of his usual clean cut jaws. He looks daunting with an edge of sexy that slicked me between the thighs. My petite fingers carve over his jaw as he keeps his eyes focused through the depths of my eyes.
He would appear to be a clean cut man with lines and emotions distant, but as the time wore coated, he's only dwelled in my eyes longer, lingered in the sheets more and spoken with a heat of compassion that wasn't there in the classrooms.
I leaned forwards, his puckered lips smoked in the dim of the lighting casted a shadow to veil half of his face. My toes were on peak as our lips met and his body sparked to activate.
The moans of delight got from my grasp and my teeth sealed to his lip, nibbling on it as I know it's a weakness to boil him.
His hands didn't excuse no time before jolting to my panties, then he froze. His lips were refusing to sync and he parted his lips from mine, standing straight as something in the distant beyond the window has encapsulated his attention.
"Justin?" I whisper as I don't dare to turn around in fear of what could possible me there. Cops cars could have been surrounding the place of an order from Steven. My insides cringe. Justin pries me from the glass and backs me up into the bed, his eyes never separate from whatever lies beyond the class.
"Don't turn around, I'm going to shut the blinds."
Justin swept the blinds down and exhales a breath to be holding him. "What? What was out there?"
I jump from the bed and stand to his side. "Nothing, I just can't risk having us being in the sight of another possible picture."
"Picture?-oh"
Tessa. She had Justin's heart and gripped a little too tight. He moved on, yet she couldn't fathom the idea of distant.
Twisted, she was too twisted.
Coming from the girl who's managed to fall for her teacher, I have a sane perspective compared to her.
I glanced towards Justin and his eyes steamed in mine, the words to carve his orbs were so strict it was hard to pursue any other links in thoughts. I didn't have the edge to apologize as it wasn't something needed to be left hot in the air. Instead I sat upon the bed with Justin's body hovering mine.
My hands lead the path and they hiked down his spine, the muscular folds in his body was something fantasized in the pages of Calvin Klein ads.
The sweater was swept from my body in an instant, each moment to encapsulate our body's intimacy raked the view of my mind, pleasure in each only increased the beauty of the moment.
I felt the nibble of his lips cascade down the valley between my breasts, his hands showing an equal amount of attention to both. My fists clump in his hair and tighten the hold upon his duvet.
The soft fabric with his scent to flourish. The sound of the moment was in detail the lips of his reaching past my panties. The material was nothing but an attachment to pool the floor along with the remaining of my clothing. My body laid nude, and the scars to pattern my body didn't feel as chains as they did previously.
Now they painted a war with scars of its own but they almost decorated me beautifully now. I wasn't ashamed of them in Justin's presents.
Justin's tongue plunged into the curves of my private, sucking to plead mercy. His lips cushioned against the sensitive skin and moans coloured the otherwise silent room.
His fingers accompanied his magic and lead me mad. The pace speed towards and the air in my lungs crunched. Thoughts shut down, and each touch to my exterior gave such warmth that adjectives to elaborate didn't bother in with it.
>>>
"I have money Justin." I insist as Justin brings the motor of his slick Matte Mercedes to a roar.
"I don't want you to have any sort of connections with him or that wealth and I refuse to allow you to pay."
Perhaps my money laid with my fathers name but it was still my money left from my mother and imprinted under the Gomez heritage. Though I understand his concern in the matter, I am already leaching off the mans home I'm not going to allow him to purchase me new clothing.
"Why don't we just go back and fetch my clothing-." I try to speak as Justin firms his press on the gas, startling me slightly as the speed in his eyes appears blank. He despises the matter of my father and the mention of his name revolts him more than me in some context. Or all.
"Selena you will never set a foot back into that hell, do you understand."
His words didn't hold a question, they held a demand. And I wasn't wanting to eagerly stomp my way back into my fathers mind and vision, by now he has probably forgotten he had children and assumed it was some drunken hallucination whiskey framed and stained by vodka.
I nodded my head as Justin didn't fell fond of containing the discussion as live. "Justin you need to save your money, it doesn't seem fair!"
"Selena I'm more wealthy than you seem to have me pictured to be." Justin's words fell as he took a sharp turn, shifting me against the tinted window.
"You need new clothes Selena, it's not fair you are living with me and having to leave the house in large sweaters and sweatpants that sag on you, though in the house complains are silent." Justin cracked a smirk as his eyes rolled over the moments to spark last nights aura.
"Fine, I get it Justin" I close the conversation in a pleasant tone, the car halts in the parking space in front of the mall.
"What mall is this? You know there are closer malls then this?" I question as he pulls his hoodie up and reflects a shadow to cast down his face. "What are you doing?"
"I can't risk anyone from our neighbourhood or school spotting us as we already have one psychopath knowing about us, no more." As Justin concluded his sentence, a pang of guilt ran thick to my stomach.
What about Aaron? Does he even recall the encounter?
His hand snaked mine and intertwined our fingers to a ghost sync. The warmth to plead up my arm vibrates off his tempting aura.
The crisp air to bud the outdoors shook from our skin as we enter the heated mall. My head hung low to watch the worn out all star sneakers that beg in a somber state.
He guided us towards many stores including Forever 21, urban planet, Calvin Klein and Chanel. As we entered Victoria secret I knew he saved this for the finally. Our arms were sagged in weight from the tens of bags. Each store I practically fought with him to allow myself to purchase the clothing, I lost every single battle but i wasn't willing to wave a white flag here.
I could use the store to a grasp on his vulnerability. Slick as could be I stop in my steps and twist around to Justin who's eyes stay on my body. Odd, I'd except him to be plastered to the models that tape the walls in sheer lingerie. I blush at the thought his eyes could only sculpt mine before opening my mouth.
"Could you go place all the clothes in the car? We won't have any more room to take anything else."
"I know you want to get rid of me so you can pay for this one but it isn't going to happen Selena." Justin's eyes riddle mine in an intelligent shift.
"Pshh no" I place a fake laugh to accompany my horrid acting and string a smile in hopes it was convincing. "You are the one to insist we go shopping here." I huff in a slight tang of distaste to this conversation and my position in said conversation.
"Exactly why I wouldn't miss this for the world." His words reach only my left year with the tickle of his soft heated breath.
"Be quick then." I shiver from his smirk at my response. He know he got to me yet perhaps that was his overall intention.
Whatever it was he scooped the both of our bags and exited the store without another word to be said. I knew he didn't storm away but instead a spotted a little rush in his step to eagerly return.
Once I manage to lose sight of Justin, my fingers glaze upon many different fabrics and pluck out a few to test on in a moment. Pink, blue, black, white, nude, peach and even a few plaid and winter style panties and bras. As I search for my size I peer towards the entrance, awaiting Justin to barge through with his eyes thrusting for my presence. As mine does for his.
Just as I go to look back through the bra-lets, a squeaky pesky voice bombards my pleasant shopping experience and a few others to be a bother accompany it.
Now is defiantly not the time or the place for this shit. I twirl around right before I pray Brooklyn locked eyes with mine, bowing my head. "Girls, I believe slutina is a little stalker to us."
So much for hiding. I peer over my shoulders and face them, my outfit to cover my body is old and doesn't make me look the most clean, not to mention my face wears a sheer look of makeup. What a nightmare.
"I'm not stalking you Brooklyn, get over yourself." A roll of my eyes to watch her little blue eyes spark in anger from my comment. "You wouldn't shop here boo, they don't sell men's underwear like the ones you wear."
God is that what is considered a burn these days, pathetic like her nose job. "And why else would you come to this mall, all the locals in your little whoreville shop at the local mall." Brooklyn snapped well the little posse, wanna be pink ladies snicker.
Whoreville? Population: Brooklyn.
"It's a mall, i shop here like everyone else? What's so special about this mall Brooklyn really?"
"All the hot boys from the all boys school across the way come here to spend their holidays, not that they would notice you." She spurred her words but my focus wouldn't stay lingering on her weak vocals. Justin approached me from the door, not noticing who the girls to crowd in-front of me are.
"K whatever, lovely seeing you all. Except you Brooklyn, you're a bitch." I scurry away to a change room before Justin could reach me and before the girls could catch a glimpse of him. I toss my stuff down in the large change room and take a seat on the bench to relax in the corner of the room.
A sketchy exhale of air leaked from my lungs as a shuffle of feet sound off from the outside of my changing room.
"Selena let me in."
I slide the lock as Justin's voice mounts the wall. He slips through before any bystanders could through an odd glance my way. The lock re-seals and my back presses against it.
Justin has filled my space on the bench, eyeing my options I have selected with a pleased expression. "Did they see you?" I toss the words out in a hurry, holding out for my breath in anticipation for his answer.
"No, not to my knowledge they didn't."
"Thank god." I sigh as I approach him. My hands reel back a set of a black thong with a P I N K waist band and a black sheer push up bra.
Nothing exotic yet I watched Justin keep his eyes on me as I lower my sweat pants to the floor. "Want help?" Justin stands with his height dominating over me. His hands peel off the hoodie of his I wear. Soon enough my body is completely nude.
Justin's eyes stayed in mine, his fingers roamed the exterior of my flesh, carving out my waist and tracing my belly button, traveling north to my breasts.
"I want you." I whisper as his body slams mine against the wall, confiding a few of the customers for sure yet that wasn't in my mind. His body firm against mine and through the jeans he wears I can feel his hard member grinding against my bare vagina.
His lips tackle my neck, hungry for a meal and I wasn't ready for anything less.
His ripped jeans and Gucci belt scatter the floor in seconds of my aggressive fumbling. A moan eagerly triggered out of me from his movements yet I cup my mouth to resist alerting the entire store what we are up to.
His sweater piled and our exposed bodies melted against eachother.
"Wait, Justin we don't have a co-" "condom?" Justin's fingers tighten over an extra large golden foil before he tears it open and conceal his huge erection before entering me.
His cock pounds into me with each ounce of energy and only slips to a pain of pleasure to the end. "Shit Selena how are you still this fucking tight." His lips muffle into mine before a sloppy kiss to kindle In a heat of the moment.
I whimper from my restraint against noise, Justin grunts in each thrust.
"Selena I want you to cum for me, don't hold a single drop of it to yourself."
Just his words alone slick me to a waterfall yet his pounding vibration of beauty created it hard to avoid the organism. "Cum with me Gomez." Justin spoke in a voice ever so soft yet demanding.
As the high peaks, our organisms sync and I feel the warmth of him inside the rubber explode. Not the condom, him. His arms crash against the wall my bare back is arching against.
The veins of his biceps down to his wrists provoke. His eyes sleep into mine and he slowly removes himself from me. The rubber was rolled and removed before being disposed in a trash bin. "We are buying it all." Justin spoke as his sweater pulls back over his toned chest.
" I didn't get to try any of it on ?" "Exactly, I prefer you best without anything on so a couple of items won't do much of a difference."
>>>
I M P O R T A N T
Stay with me here. I made a mistake. I said in my last book I would post this chapter September 13th but in my fault I meant to say October 13th then I didn't post then ha lol so I'm sorry to disappoint. So to make it up to all of you who probably won't stay tuned for this book I will be posting three chapters.
One today which is this one, chapter two November 4th and chapter three the following week on November 17th. Incase you don't believe me it's already written and I would post them all the same day but I don't want to confuse anyone who might be new to the book and accidentally read one of the later chapters.
Anyways I hope you all stay tuned for tomorrow as it will be published afternoon time.
Thank you for reading this chapter and I hope you enjoy this book because I'm really excited for this book. Cheers !!!!
~Sarah
Papi