Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. But I am on vacation...in New York and have been suber busy, and finally got internet access. I hope you like this chapter, tell me what you think.
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xoxo Natasha <3
“I love you sweetie.” I said tearfully to Liam.
“I love you mommy.” he whispered. “You come with me.”
“I can’t sweetie but Rian will be with you the whole time okay?”
Liam looked over to Rian, who was in a hospital bed too, skeptically. Liam still wasn’t too comfortable around Alex, Zack, and Rian. Sadly he would need to just be okay with Rian because that was the only person who could be with him, as he would be the donor for Liam.
“It’s time.” Doctor James said coming out of the operating room.
“Bye sweetie.” I said kissing his head. “I’ll be here when you are done, I promise.”
“Okay.”
“Thank you for doing this.” I said to Rian. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”
“I think I do.” he said smiling.
We finished saying our goodbyes and watched as Liam and Rian were taken into the operating room. Now all we could do was wait. I knew that Rian would be fine, it was just my son I was worried about.
I sat away from the others, as I didn’t want to talk to them. I just wanted to be alone right now, my friends weren’t here to comfort me due to the fact that they were out of the state finishing our record. Although Rian and Kara had broken up, she, and Lisa, were here. They hadn’t apologized about what they had said to me back in high school nor did I think they would; I really didn’t want to talk to them or be around them.
I felt my cell phone vibrate and took it out of my purse to see who was trying to reach me. When I took it out it was Susan calling.
“Hi sweetie.” she said.
“Hi.” I said back.
“I’m guessing that he is in the operating room?”
“Yeah, he was taken in five minutes ago.” I told her.
“Is anyone there with you?” she asked.
“Yeah, but I’m not talking with them. I just want to be alone.”
“Why aren’t you with them?” she asked me. “Talking helps in situations like this.”
“Because, if I go over there I will feel like I am back in high school.” I explained. “Lisa and Kara are here, I don’t want to feel like I am back in my senior year. I’m a little mad at Zack right now, so I don’t have anyone. My band mates are in L.A.”
“I’m sorry sweetie.” she said. “I wish Cole and I could be there for you.”
“You guys are busy I get that. Besides you saw Liam and I a few days ago.”
“Liam will be fine.” she said in an assuring tone. “Be strong, we love you.”
“I love you too.” I said. “Bye.”
I put my cell phone back in my bag and looked up to stare at the same door that my son had gone into. I took my cell back out of my purse and looked through my contacts, looking for someone that I could call to come. As I got to the ‘K’s’ I stopped on Katy’s name, I hadn’t talked to her in a few years. We had stayed in contact for about a year after leaving high school but after I had Liam we just lost touch. I sighed and left my contacts list to play brick breaker.
After about an hour of waiting, I had to get up. I had to do something or I would drive myself crazy with all the what if’s that were going through my head. I stood up and left the waiting room, I had to tell the person at the desk that I would just be walking around the hospital but I would be back.
I walked outside into the fall air and leaned against the wall. I dug through my purse and took out a carton of cigarettes. I hadn’t smoked in years but I had started again about a week ago but the didn’t calm me like they used to. I stared at the carton debating whether or not to smoke them or throw them out. Until someone took them out of my hand and threw them out.
“Didn’t we tell you in high school that there are better way to cope than destroying your body?” Jack asked.
I looked up at Jack and Zack. I sighed and nodded.
“Penny.” Jack said, I hadn’t been called that in so many years. “Talk to us.”
“You don’t have to bottle it up,” Zack said. “We’re your friends.”
I just shook my head, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I was tired of crying and feeling like shit. Suddenly, I felt arms around me, Jack and Zack were hugging me and I could feel myself breaking. They brought me back inside and sat me on a bench.
“Talk.” Zack said.
“I....I just feel like I have failed, at everything. I’m a terrible mother and daughter.” I said, sobbing. “My son is dying and there is nothing I can do about it. If he dies, he’ll have only known his father for a short time, when he could have known him for so much longer if I hadn’t been so selfish and angry at you, Jack.
“I hate how I am feeling right now...how I have been feeling for the past few month. I feel like I did back in high school, I’m depressed and angry and I feel like no one is there for me and if Liam dies, I’ll have no one. He is my only biological tie, the rest of my family is either dead or doesn’t even know where I am. My friends aren’t here to help me through this because they have to finish our album and I don’t have anyone to call. Katy and I no longer talk. And I hate that Lisa and Kara are here. I don’t care that they are here for Rian, if they were going to come they could at least have the decency to apologize to me for what they said back in high school. I just can’t catch a break, my life had been shit until Liam was born and then he got sick. I feel like I have done something to piss off the universe and they are trying to take Liam away from me for it.”
“Penny,” Jack sighed. “Despite what may have happened in your life, you are not a horrible mother and you were never a horrible daughter.”
“We’re here for you Penny.” Zack said. “I know that a lot went down in high school and Jack and Rian and Alex are sorry for it. Nothing that has happened, is your fault. Liam getting sick certainly isn’t.”
I nodded, not quite believing them.
“Now, what was it that Lisa and Kara said to you that was so bad?” Zack asked.
“We, Katy and I, were at the spa the day before prom and I had been talking about how much getting your legs waxed hurt,” I explained. “Lisa and Kara came in and said they would have expected that I was used to pain, seeing as I had been beaten for most of my life. They said it in front of their friends and the other people in the spa. It was humiliating and it hurt, a lot.”
“Shit.” Zack whispered.
“We never knew.” Jack said.
“Whatever, it doesn’t matter now.” I said, getting up. “We’re not friends anymore and I don’t want to be. I just want Liam to be better, so life can go back to normal.”
I walked back into the surgery waiting room and sat down where I had been before. Not longer after, Jack and Zack came in and went back to Alex. Out of the corner of my eye I saw them talking to Kara and Lisa and judging by their faces it wasn’t a happy conversation.
Jack
“What would possess you to say something like that?” I asked them.
After talking to Spencer about what happened, you could say that I was livid at what Kara and Lisa had said to Spencer. I understand that they were mad about what they thought Spencer did to me and they hated her but that was never a reason for them to say what they did.
“I knew that you two had been giving Spencer the cold shoulder,” Zack said, as we watched her walk away. “But I had no idea you would bring that up.”
“Me either.” I said. “Shit. With what I said to her a prom and then what you said, it’s no wonder why she didn’t tell us about Liam.”
Alex looked between the four of us very confused.
“Wait,” he said. “What’s going on? What was said?”
I looked toward the girls. “Do you want to tell him or should I?”
Lisa sighed, at least the had the decency to look ashamed. Lisa told Alex what had happened the day before prom, he was stunned to say the least.
“Don’t blame this all on us.” Kara said. “You guys were just as mean to her, we weren’t the only ones who blew it.”
“Yeah,” Lisa said nodding in agreement. “The way the three of you treated her, I’m not surprised that she didn’t tell Jack about Liam.”
I sat down and buried my head in my hands. They were right, what I said at prom was probably the thing that tipped the scale. There was no wonder as to why she held a grudge.
“The thing is,” Zack said. “She’s over it. She doesn’t want to talk to you guys, but she has put it in the past. I’m sure that if Liam hadn’t gotten sick we would have never known about Liam.”
“That’s what really sucks.” Alex said. “We screwed things up so badly that it took something life threatening for her to admit she had Jack’s son, and even then it wasn’t her who told us.”
“I never realized until then how badly we fucked up.” I said. “I knew that if I ever saw her again I would have some ass kissing to do but....shit what I said at prom was way out of line. I’m surprised she didn’t kick me when we showed up at her door.”
After that, a silence enveloped our group. Every once in a while I would glance at Spencer, who just kept looking at the door leading into surgery. I knew that she was hoping for the same thing we all were. For them to be safe, I knew that Rian would come out relatively unscathed but Liam was the one we were worried about. Liam had to be safe, needed to be; not only for the sake of me getting to know my son, but for the sake of Spencer.
She would be ruined if he died.