Kat-
You know when you're walking around your house or down the street in the middle of the night and you can only hear the dimmed sound of traffic and the echo of your footsteps on the floor? When everything around you is the same as it is in the daytime but the shadows and the rustling in the bushes made it seem a lot more dangerous and scary? That's what it felt like when I got off the third train which I had been on that day and walked through the underground station. The overhead lights flickered and I looked behind me nervously, seeing if anyone was there.
Once, I turned the corner and a group of boys were there, smoking and holding beer bottles; I walked slowly backwards, hoping that I hadn't been seen.
It was about two O'clock in the morning by now and I needed somewhere to stay, but where? There wasn't enough money for a hotel-not that I knew where to find one anyway-and I didn't know anyone who I could stay with...
While these thoughts were going through my head I walked past the women's toilets and I stopped. This was probably one of the worst places to stay but it was better than laying outside in the open and be in danger of being seen. I shivered at the thought.
The door to the toilets swung open and the stench of urine and bleach made me cringe, but I determinedly placed down my bag and guitar case and got out my big coat, laying it on the floor and sitting upon it, hunched up against the wall. I plugged my headphones in yet again and put it on shuffle. The song which I probably least wanted to hear came on; it's haunting music seeming to make my chest go tight and my breath hold.
"Oh if you could see me now,"
My hand itched to stop the song but I resisted. I hadn't listened to that song for a long time, it brought back too many memories.
"Take that rage put it on a page take the page to the stage blow the roof off the place, trying to made you proud, do everything you did, I hope you're up there with God saying that's my kid,"
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat as the lyrics continued: "I still look for your face in the crowd oh if you could see me now, would you stand in disgrace; take a bow, oh if you could see me now."
I bit on my hand to stop myself from making a sound while the tears fell; I didn't want anyone to hear me. These lyrics just meant so much because Mum was the one who introduced me to music and payed for my lessons. How was I repaying her? I had been in fights, got expelled from school, run away from home and now I'm sleeping in the toilets because I don't have a place to stay. All I knew is that I had to find my father because if I didn't then I would have let Mum down. This was my last chance and I was going to do everything I could to try and succeed. I owe it to her.
With these thoughts and the last lyrics of the song I lay down, curling up into a ball and trying to fall asleep on the dusty ground.
"If you could see, you could see me now..."
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Yeah I'm sorry if you didn't like this chapter very much, I may re-write it at some point, but I really wanted to update for you all (since I haven't updated for awhile). Please vote if you did though because every vote and every comment inspires me to write another chapter and I want to thank all of you for being so great!
Thanks again,
Mair xx