"Sometimes the things you're fighting for,
Isn't worth the cost.
And not everything you ever lose,
Is bound to be a loss."
-E.H
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The King's bedroom,
Crystalline Castle.
**
***********ALEXIS' POV ***********
"You're not a monster. In fact, you know what I See, Damien? You really want to know? Can you handle the truth?"
There was no going back now even if I wanted to, the words were under the roof of my mouth, trying to scratch their way out. I didn't wait for him to answer my hypothetical question.
"I see a five year old boy in front of me. The same five year old who was snatched away from his mother, who was thrown into the cruel world his monster of a father dominated. The boy who built up these walls around him which even he can't break through. You know what else I See? I see that ten year old boy who tried millions of different ways to end the suffering his father was putting him through. In your eyes, I still see that sixteen year old boy who was locked up in his own father's dark dungeons because he spared the life of his enemy's four year old child. He's blinded with so much hatred towards everyone that even he doesn't realize what he truly wants. He wants a hand to hold onto. A hand that will pull him out of that disgusting place that smells of dried up blood and death. A hand that will pull him out of that darkness which still surrounds him."
It seemed as if there was a completely different person inside of me, forcing the words out. I had no choice but to obey. My brain was split in half, both parts pulling my heart towards them. A part of me thought what I said was the biggest truth I've came across, while the other half, it made me question if the words were true at all.
Of course he's a monster, he kept me locked here against my will. He even killed my parents. He's the definition of cruel in my head. However, the other part of me, it believed anything but that.
In between my own chaos of thoughts, I still didn't miss the look on his face.
The mask he puts on himself 24/7 broke into a million pieces, giving me a way to a different Damien.
The Damien who I met last night. The Damien who wasn't afraid to show his emotions. The Damien who was so much stronger than the one on battlefield. This Damien was stronger because he didn't hide his tears from me.
The sight of him looking so defeated, knocked the breath straight out of me. It crushed my heart painfully and it became impossible for my mind to function.
Pure shock was covering his face, along with something else, something that was beyond my understandings.He bit onto his lower lip, rolling it into his mouth. His eyes held mine, they were screaming at me, they were trying to say something, as if almost begging me to help. But I didn't know how to.
I didn't know how to help him.
Great going Alexis, you just made the big bad king cry.
I took a step forward to somehow comfort him, that's the least I could do.
"Look, I'm sorry. But I know how you feel. I under-"
"Shut up," He suddenly snapped. Gone was the previous, vulnerable Damien, as if he never existed.
He closed the distance between us in less than a second and grabbed onto my shoulders, his fingers firmly pressing onto my skin which wasn't covered by the dress I was currently wearing. His grip didn't hurt but it was still strong enough make sure I payed close attention to whatever he was about to say.
"No one understands. Do you hear me? No one!" He shook my shoulders as if trying to wake me up, "You don't have a clue what the fuck you're saying."
I shrugged his hands off me, pushing them away with my own.
"I was taken against my will too, Damien. Did you forget that? I thought Vampires had a oh so wonderful memory, but clearly I need to refresh yours. I know how you feel--"
"You don't know how I feel! You don't know shit about me. Stay away from my personal matters. Don't act like you know me! You don't know what I went through and I don't want you to open those wounds again!"
"But what if they need to be opened in order for them to heal?" My voice dropped to a low whisper.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you plan your own death. I knew I was taming the beast inside of him, but at the moment, I didn't care. Or rather, this newfound part of me didn't care. I wanted to shut up already, but my mouth was betraying me.
"Not everyone is out to get you, Damien. You don't have to push people away. The day you start seeing the good in things, that day will be the best day of your life." I paused to watch his reaction and when he caught my eye, the masked look on his face wavered. He turned his back to me but didn't make any attempt to walk away.
He was listening.
Something in me urged me to keep going, "You know what I realized last night, when you were drunk? You're trapped inside this room filled with haunting memories of the past hanging off the walls. They are spinning around you, suffocating you. You have the key but you don't make any attempt to open the door. Wanna know why? Because you're afraid when you open that door, the new memories of the present will rush in. You're afraid they will be as horrible as the past ones. I promise you, they don't necessarily have to be like the past ones. But just open that door, Damien."
I felt like I was done talking to him, I walked past him to put away the dirty dishes sitting on the table, but he stopped me by grabbing onto my wrist. I was still facing away from him as he asked, "How do you know all this?"
The question I have been dreading all along. Here it is. What do I tell him? Will he even believe me if I say the truth? Will he believe me if I say I had dreams about his past? Yeah, he will believe me when the sun shows up at night, which is never. But what other choice do I have? He will surely know I'm lying if I do. Hopefully he will be able to tell I'm not by using the same technique.
"I had these- um, these dreams."
He stared at me with a straight face.
"It started when you first released me. My first night here in your room, I had a dream about a little boy and his mother. It contained everything from the stormy night to the King talking to your mother. At first, I didn't even know if the little boy was you but yesterday, when you murmured in your sleep, something along the lines of your mom leaving you. She didn't want to leave you, Damien. It was the King who took you away from her. She had no choice, she had to let you go in order to keep you safe. The king threatened her that he will torture you in the worst way possible if she didn't willingly give you up. She valued your life more than anything else."
The King stared at me in confusion but somehow he slowly started to put the pieces together. His eyes concentrated on mine, "How do I know if you're telling the truth?"
I gave him the most dirtiest glare ever and surprisingly, it went unnoticed by him. He didn't seem to care. Obviously, Alexis, he just found out the eternal truth about his existence, not to be overly dramatic.
"That's the thing. You don't, so believe what you want. Just don't blame me for not telling you everything about my dreams later on."
"I won't. But just answer this, did my mom really love me?" He cleared his throat, "I mean, she really didn't abandoned me? She- she told me she would come to visit, but she never showed up. W-what's that supposed to mean?"
The dangerously small distance between us didn't go unnoticed by me. He was just mere inches away from my body which made my breath hitch. He was having trouble talking, too. I could see him searching for the right words to say. I wanted to tell him I understood exactly what he's trying to ask. I think there's nothing more satisfying in this world than knowing your parents care about you and no matter what, at least they will always love you. I wish I could feel that satisfaction, but I can't, because of this man standing in front of me. But still, I didn't have the heart to keep him from feeling that love.
"She really loved you- no, she loves you. I know she must be out there somewhere, thinking about you, worrying about you. Her precious little son."
I gave him a big smile, and for the first time ever, he actually returned it. His smile. It was the most beautiful thing ever. His whole flawless face lit up, like a lone candle in a dark night. It strangely brightened the atmosphere.
Then, the unexpected happened.
Something that I would have never imagined happening in my whole life. Ever.
He hugged me.
He closed the small distance between us just like that. Reaching forward, he enveloped me in his strong arms. They locked securely around my neck while mine just froze at my side. A sniff came from him which made me wonder if he's crying. God, why are you doing this to me? Having him so close was already bad enough, now I have to worry about his whole body being pressed against mine. It made my brain run in an overdrive, skipping from one thought to the other, but never stopping for me to think clearly. So without giving it much of a thought, I snaked my arms slowly around his waist, too. He buried his face in my hair while his fingers ran through them, combing each strand at a time. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, too. Enjoying this small blissful moment because we both knew tomorrow we will be trying to claw each other's eyes out again.
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-J.S.