A/N: So this is based on the tumblr post above. I've wanted to write this for so long.
Nico is 21, Will is 22.
Warning: mentions sex, abusive language, self-harm and swearing. Don't read if these things are triggering for you! (By the way, I'm NOT trying to romanticise self-harm. The next two Oneshots will probably include self-harm too, but I don't want to romanticise it.)
By the way, Philophobia is the fear of love.
Nico sauntered into the small coffee shop, looking up from his phone and slipping it into his pocket. He felt it buzz and sighed, pulling it back out again and internally groaning. That Jason guy just couldn't take a hint!
'But I love you!' The message read. Nico rolled his eyes.
'Well I don't love you, so leave me alone.' He typed. Seconds later, the reply came.
'Didn't you feel anything?'
'It was a one night stand!' Nico replied.
'I know that it was more than that. I felt a connection, and I know that you felt it too.' Nico groaned out loud. How cheesy could this guy get?
'Delete my number.'
His phone buzzed again, but before he could read the reply, he bumped into somebody. Both people tumbled to the ground, Nico's phone flying out of his hand. The other person cried out in shock as Nico landed on top of his chest.
He looked down and his breath hitched. The man below him was stunning. He had wavy golden hair and dark blue eyes framed by long eyelashes. He had a perfect tan and was dotted with hundreds of brown freckles, only a few shades darker than his skin. His cheeks were bright red and Nico realised that his lips were moving.
"Wow." Nico breathed. He cracked a grin and watched as the boy stopped talking and simply started at him. Nico chucked and leaned down slightly. "Don't you think I should buy you dinner before I get you under me?" He joked. The boy's entire face flushed bright red. Nico waited for him to give him a shy response or weak attempt at flirting.
"Can you get off me please?"
Nico huffed. The man's voice was beautiful, but Nico was disappointed by what he had said. He had wanted him to flirt back.
"Sorry, I didn't think I was that heavy." Nico snapped, getting to his feet. The blonde awkwardly scrambled up after him.
"S-sorry." He stuttered. "I-I didn't mean you were h-heavy. I-I was just-"
"It's okay." Nico smiled at him, brushing it aside. The boy was so shy and awkward, Nico found it impossible to stay angry. He was just too damn cute.
The boy glance around nervously, still bright read. Nico registered that a few people were watching them, but they we're losing interest by the second.
"What's your name?" Nico asked.
"W-Will..."
"I'm Nico. Nico Di Angelo." He smiled. Will blushed even more and hung his head, mumbling something indecipherable. "Sorry, what?" Nico asked. "I couldn't hear you..."
"I-it's n-nothing." Will knelt down and picked up Nico's phone. Nico saw him glance at the messages briefly before handing it back.
"Did I hurt you?" Nico reached out and placed his hand on his arm, causing him to flinch and duck his head.
"N-no. I'm fine, thanks."
"Are you sure?" Nico stepped closer.
"Yes." Will was speaking through clenched teeth. Nico frowned, tilting his head slightly. The taller boy squeezed his eyes shut, his body tense. "Please leave me alone."
Nico stepped back, offended.
"Geez, sorry." He snapped. "I didn't realise you were straight." He hadn't even been that obvious with his flirting, but apparently this guy didn't like him. He scowled, crossing his arms.
"Sorry!" Will covered his face. "I-I didn't mean t-to offend you, I-I just meant..." He drifted off, unsure of what to say.
"I'm actually pansexual." Will eventually mumbled.
"Oh, so do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?" Nico asked, trying to stay polite.
"N-no."
"Oh, so I'm just unattractive?" Nico crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Thanks."
"N-no! You-"
"You're so charming." Nico snarled. "I can't see why you're single."
"I'm sor-" Nico pushed past him before he could finish his sentence.
He ordered his coffee to go and stormed out. Just before he left, he caught a glimpse of the boy sitting at a table in the corner, his head in his hands.
~~~
He got home and unlocked the door to his apartment, still angry. How dare that guy insult him like that? Every person he'd ever met had responded to his flirting eagerly, then his guy thought he was good enough to turn him down? How dare he?
Nico slipped off his jacket and walked into the bedroom, collapsing into the bed. He laid on his back for a moment, then rolled onto his stomach and checked his phone. More needy pleas from Jason, a few random messages from his friend Reyna, and one text from his half-sister Hazel. He checked it, sighing.
'We need to talk!'
'Why?' He typed. He started reading Jason's messages until his phone buzzed.
'I know you're upset, but I can help you!' Hazel said.
'I don't need help.' Nico told her stubbornly.
'It's been two years. You need to move on.'
Nico glared at his phone. He loved Hazel, but he was mad at her for trying to tell him how to live. She always acted like an over-protective mother, fussing over him and trying I cheer him up. Nico didn't need cheering up. He was happy with his life the way it was.
'I have moved on!' He lied.
'No you haven't.'
'I had a boyfriend last week. I've moved on.'
'Last week? You had a boyfriend for a whole week?' Hazel asked.
'Well... A night.' Nico said.
'You can't drown out all your problems with sex.'
Nico scowled and set his jaw.
'Watch me.'
~~~
Will was at the coffee shop next time Nico went there. Nico saw him glance up, blush, and look back down. He rolled his eyes, pretending not to care, and ordered his coffee. While he was waiting, he looked around.
A brunette girl waved at him shyly, but he ignored her, resting his gaze on the boy beside her and hoping that they were siblings, not a couple. After a few minutes, the boy seemed to notice him. He gave Nico a quizzical look and Nico looked away, sighing. The barista handed him his coffee and he looked around not a place to sit, sipping it.
Groaning, as he realised that there was only one seat, and it was right beside Will. Sighing obnoxiously loudly, he sat down beside the blonde.
"It's the only seat, okay?" He snapped, noticing that Will was looking at him. Will quickly averted his gaze.
A few minutes later, Nico could feel his eyes on him again. He looked up and realised that Will was staring at his wrist, where there was a single scarred mark. Nico tugged his sleeve down and Will's head snapped up, a blush spreading over his face.
"S-sorry..." He mumbled. Nico glared him.
Only a few minutes later, Nico realised that he was curious about Will's wrists. He looked over at Will's left arm, where the marks would be. Will was wearing a hoodie, but the sleeve had slid up enough for Nico to see many red lines. From what he could see, nobody had ever returned Will's feelings. He felt like he should laugh, but he couldn't.
Instead, he just emptied his cup and left.
~~~
"Stop it." Nico snapped. Will ducked his head.
"Sorry."
The boys were sitting beside eachother again. Nico was beginning to think that the world had a vendetta against him. He scrolled through his phone lazily. Instead of Jason, he now had a boy called Leo annoying him on social media.
Nico wasn't sure how they kept finding him. He didn't really dislike them annoying him, however. In fact, he kind of liked it. He found it funny, how desperate for love they were. Like try honestly thought there was a good side to love. Like they really believed that love could somehow be positive. Nico knew better than that. Love was only worry, jealousy, and heartbreak.
Everyone Nuco had ever slept with was convinced that Nico loved them back. In reality, Nico hadn't felt actual love since the accident, which was two years ago.
Nico was no stranger to heartbreak, but that didn't make it any easier to bare. He knew that you could never really get used to pain.
His mother. His sister. After Percy, he had sworn off love. Sex was different. That didn't require emotions. As long as they were gone by the next day, Nico was fine with bringing guys home.
"C-could you m-move your legs, please." Will was trying to get past, but Nico's legs has been propped up on the chair opposite him, blocking his path. He regarded the blonde, once said noticing how attractive he was, then got to his feet.
"I think we should start over." Nico stated. Will looked taken aback, but Nico continued. "Hello, I'm Nico Di Angelo." He smiled.
"I-I don't want to..."
"Just introduce yourself." Nico growled.
"I-I'm Will S-Solace." Will mumbled. Nico shook his hand then smiled at him.
"Want me to buy you a coffee?" He offered. He had set his heart on Will, and refused to give up until he got him.
"N-no thanks."
"What's wrong? Are you afraid of love or something?" Nico wasn't sure why he said that, since that was pretty much him in a nutshell. Will ducked his head and stepped past him, walking out quickly. Nico cringed before running after him.
"Hey, wait!" He shouted, catching Will's wrist and pulling him around to face him. He froze as he saw that Will was crying. "Wh... What's wrong?" He asked gently.
"Nothing." Will wiped his eyes quickly. "P-please just leave me alone..."
"I'm sorry." Nico said, sincerely.
"I-it's fine."
Nico's gaze drifted down to Will's arm, where his sleeve has been pushed up. Tons of red marks covered his skin, so close together they almost looked like one thick line. Not a single one was black. Will didn't make any attempt to cover his arm, so when Nico realised that Will was looking at his wrist, he didn't react.
One straight, thin scar. It hasn't hurt when it first appeared. It hadn't hurt when it turned black. However, it did when Percy died. Searing pain had shot cross his wrist, almost bringing him to tears. When he had looked down and seen the scar, he let the tears fall.
Will's gaze travelled to his other arm and his brow furrowed.
"Why aren't those lines neat?" He asked, gesturing to Nico's right arm. Nico looked down and realised what Will meant. That arm was littered with scars, layers upon layers of them. They criss-crossed over eachother, sometimes forming large, messily-written words.
"Oh." Will's seemed to realise a second too late. "Oh." Nico dragged his gaze up to Will's face. His hand was over his mouth and his eyes were wide. "I'm so sorry!" He apologised. "I-I didn't- I wasn't- I... Fuck!"
"It's fine." Nico said quietly. Will shook his head.
"I'm so sorry..."
"It's fine." Nico repeated, sounding harsher than he meant to. Will hung his head.
"I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that." Nico tried to sound gentle, but he wasn't used to it. Will looked at his scars again, and Nico let him.
"If you don't mind me asking... Why do you do it?" Will asked nervously. Nico was quiet for a long time. Just as Will was getting ready to apologise and leave, Nico grabbed his wrist.
"What're you-"
"Come on, I need another coffee."
~~~
Sighing, Nico bet his head over his coffee and tried to absorb the heat. Will sat opposite him, looking at him awkwardly. Eventually, Nico started to speak.
"About four years ago, I met a guy called Percy." He said.
"Okay..." Will said quietly, nodding.
"He was my first love," he tugged his sleeve up to reveal the single scar on his wrist. "This was red at first, then one day it turned black. I confronted him and... We ended up together." He smiled sadly and lowered his arm. "Two years ago, he died in a car crash. I was home alone and this pain jut shot up my arm and then... It was a scar." He shrugged. "Just like that."
Will didn't say anything, which Nico appreciated. He hated people saying "I'm sorry" and "it's okay now". It never felt sincere.
"But that guy that texted you... You said it was a one night stand..." Will frowned. Nico shrugged.
"I never love them, but..." He shrugged again, and Will nodded, looking uncomfortable.
"What about you?" Nico gestured to his wrist and sipped his coffee.
"I- um..." Will blushed. "I may have a problem. I fall in love with pretty much everyone..." He looked down. "Sometimes I don't even know their names."
"How many are there?" Nico asked quietly.
"Fifty seven." Will answered sheepishly. Nico's eyes widened. He didn't think that meant lines could even fit on somebody's arm.
"Every time I try to talk to them, I either embarrass myself or get hurt. Sometimes they..." Will shut his eyes and Nico saw his hands shaking. "Th-They say they l-love me a-and then they use me..."
"But the lines aren't black." Nico frowned. "So why do you believe them?"
"I guess... I guess I just hope that eventually they will like me." Will admitted. He still hasn't opened his eyes. "Or maybe I just need to feel loved, even if it's only for a little while." Nico nodded.
"I know what you mean."
Nico hesitantly took Will's hand, and Will finally opened his eyes. They stared at eachother silently for a while, then Nico averted his eyes.
"I-I need to go..."
"Okay." Will gave a small nod. Nico nodded back and left, feeling unusually flustered.
~~~
Nico crossed off the day on his calendar, then did a double take. It was the two year anniversary of Percy's death-date, and he hasn't even noticed until now. He'd been so infatuated with Will, he had almost completely forgotten Percy. He felt like such a traitor.
Starting to shake uncontrollably, he yanked open a drawer in his bed-side table and frantically searched through the contents. After a few long seconds, his hand brushed the cool blade he kept there. He pulled it out and stared at it for a second, trying to reason with himself.
He hadn't done this for a few weeks. He had hoped that he wouldn't relapse, but he couldn't help himself. He needed something to drown out the emotional pain which was now crushing him.
In seconds, he had locked the bathroom door. He was hunched over the sink, slowly dragging the blade across his skin.
DIE
FAG
UNWANTED
PATHETIC
USELESS
UNLOVED
His hands shook as he engraved the words he had often been called into his skin, hot tears running down his face.
~~~
"Where were you?" Will asked as soon as Nico approached.
"What?"
"Where were you yesterday?" Will asked him, putting his hands on Nico's shoulders. He actually looked genuinely concerned.
"I-I was just busy." Nico mumbled, walking past him into the coffee shop. He ordered a coffee then took his seat. Will looked around nervously for a place to sit, causing Nico to sigh.
"Sit here, idiot." He instructed him. Will awkwardly sat opposite him, smiling shyly.
After a few minutes, Nico felt Will's hand on top of his. Surprised, he glanced up at Will, who was looking down at his lap, his cheeks red. Nico turned his hand and squeezed Will's hand, and he saw a small smile flicker across Will's face.
Will started running his hand up and down Nico's arm. Nico melted against his touch, but when Will's fingers brushed the inside of his wrist, he jerked his hand away.
Will flinched, looking worried.
"Oh no, did I hurt you?" He asked, sounding really panicked.
"N-no, I'm fine." Nico lied. He bit the inside of his cheek and tried not to grimace as he felt one of his cuts start to bleed.
"Let me see." Despite Nico's protests, Will took his hand and pushed up he sleeve of his black hoodie. "You're bleeding!" Will exclaimed with horror. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"
"Its fine, really." Nico true to pull away, but Will wouldn't let go. His eyebrows knitted together as he inspected the injuries.
"These are new." He remarked quietly. He looked up at Nico, looking like he'd just been slapped. Nico couldn't stand that expression. It was his fault that Will looked so hurt.
"I-"
"Why?" There were actually tears in Will's eyes.
"I-it was th-the anniversary of P-Percy's d-death..." Nico mumbled. "I-I just couldn't handle the... Why are you crying?" He leaned forward and tried to wiped away Will's tears as the taller boy covered his face with one hand, still clinging to Nico's hand with the other. Neither of them were even aware that they were in a public setting anymore. It was only eachother.
"I d-don't want you t-to hurt yourself!" Will sniffled. "Y-you're so beautiful, and I-I don't want you to abuse yourself l-like this. I don't want you t-to suffer!"
"Beautiful?" Nico's eyes widened. Will nodded while Nico shook his head. "I'm not beautiful, Will. I'm not even pretty. I-I'm tattered, broken. I constantly look worn down and tired and... I'm not beautiful."
"Yes you are!" Will insisted, his head snapping up. He leant forward and stared into Nico's eyes intently. "You're fucking beautiful, Nico! Why can't you see that?"
"Because I'm not! I'm just me! I'm not-"
Will closed the space between their lips. Startled, Nico didn't react at first. After a few moments, he closed his eyes and kissed back, wrapping his arms around Will's neck in an attempt to pull him closer.
This wasn't like his other kisses. His kisses with Percy has been quick and frequent. His kisses with other guys had been rough and passionate. This was soft and slow and sweet, gentle and timid, both boys afraid of hurting the other.
Will pulled away for air after who-knows how long. He turned away, his face bright red. Nico lifted his fingertips to his lips, breathing heavily.
"S-sorry..." Will murmured.
"For what?" Nico's voice as hoarser than he had expected. Will glanced up at him, his lips parted.
"Y-you... You're not mad?"
"Of course not!" Nico leaned across the table, wrapping his arms around Will's neck. After a moment of hesitation, Will looped his arms around Nico's waist, kissing him again.
"Faggots." They quickly pulled away, bright red and awkward again. Nico turned to the old woman who has said it, glaring at her. She glared right back, and eventfully Nico sighed and turned his gaze back to Will.
"Come on, let's get out of here." He took Will's hand and led him out of the building, lacing their fingers as they walked.
~~~
Nico pushed Will against the door and pressed their lips together again. Will kissed back, letting Nico take control. Nico quickly pulled away to pull his keys from his pocket. He unlocked the door and pushed Will inside, kicking the door shut behind him.
Nico led Will into his bedroom and pushed him down, straddling him. Will pulled away, biting his lip nervously.
"What's wrong?" Nico asked softly. His breaths were heavy and his hair was dishevelled.
"I..." Will averted his eyes and blushed. "I'm not just another one night stand, am I?" He asked nervously.
Nico shook his head.
"No." He told him sincerely. Will glanced at Nico's wrist, then smiled.
"Okay."
"If... If you don't want to do anything, that's fine." Nico informed him.
"Are you sure?" He asked anxiously.
"Of course."
Will nodded, before leaning up and reconnecting their lips.
~~~
"Will." Nico whispered. Will was asleep, his arms around Nico's waist. He looked angelic, the dim light making his golden hair seem to glow. "Will."
The older man's eyes fluttered open.
"Hmm?" He looked down at Nico, concerned.
"I have another line on my wrist." Nico said nervously. Will frowned.
"Yeah, so?"
"I have another line, Will." Nico sighed, trying to emphasise it. "That means I'm in love with you." Will nodded.
"I thought you knew." He told Nico.
Nico glanced back down at his wrist. After a few minutes of simply staring at it, his head snapped back up. Will's eyes were closed again.
"Will."
"What?" He didn't open his eyes.
"It's black."
Will finally opened his eyes , looking at Nico, expressionless. Eventually, he smiled.
"Well of course it is." He said. "We love eachother, don't we?"
Nico moved closer to Will, tucking his body up against him and closing his eyes. Will tighter his grip as Nico wrapped his arms around him like he was his anchor.
"Yeah." He couldn't have kept the smile off his face if he'd tried. "We do."
~~~
A/N: ALMOST 3500 WORDS, WOO! I think this the longest oneshot I've ever written, actually...
Was this confusing?
I AM PATROCHILLES, SNOWBAZ AND ARIDANTE TRASH BUT NONE OF MY FRIENDS HAVE READ THE BOOKS SO I'M REALLY EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED.
I kinda wanna write snowbaz or aridante fanfics because I have some (kinda) good ideas but this is a Percy Jackson account and besides I don't think many people would read it, as they're not really popular ships. Ugh.
I really need an Aridante sequel I'm not satisfied with how it ended. (I actually finished it at about one o'clock in he middle of the night and spammed my friend screaming about it via text.)
If you ever want to talk to me about Carry On, The Song Of Achilles or Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe I am more than happy to discuss it with you, so just message me.