*Jaydons POV*
I was woken up to the sound of someone moving around in the room. I squinted my eye's and saw Evan walking around the room, not even bothering to be quiet. I groaned and pulled the quilt over my head and fell back asleep.
Once I woke up again, Evan had gone. I had no idea where nor do I care. I sat my self up a little bit, to look at the clock that was on the wall. 12:00. Everything was quiet. Nobody was out in the corridor, or walking out side. Around by Blue anyway. Wonder where they are. Then again I don't really care.
I didn't care about anything no more. No one cared about me. I was alone. I doubt even Amy would care about me anymore, that hurt, thinking that. Amy used to be the one of the only people I knew I could count one when all other's failed me. I used to think she'd alway's be there for me, no matter what. I used to think that about my friend's also. Even know, where I have 3 people who seem to like me. They don't know nothing about me, so that could all change very soon. I feel alone when II'm even around them. It's like that saying 'Have you ever felt alone? Even though you're standing in a room full of people?' Yeah. Well that feel's like my life right now.
My thought's were interrupted by a knock on the door, I really wanted to tell who ever it was to fuck of, but I decided against that and told them to come in instead. I turned my head so I could see who had disturbed me, and I was Jace standing there looking quite angry.
'What?' I asked.
'Why aren't you in your lesson's? You've missed 2 period's already, and don't say you didn't know where to go, because Evan has the same timetable as you, you could have easily have asked him. And don't think about playing the 'I didn't know school was today' card, because I told you all this yesterday.' He ranted on.
I just shrugged. 'Didn't want to go' And with that I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, I heard Jason sigh.
'I'm sorry Jaydon, I did'nt mean to have a go at you like that. It's just that I want to help you that's all. I have no idea why you tried to kill your self, and I'm not going to pressure you in to telling me. But you should know, I'm here to help you. Jaydon I care'
'No, You don't care. You care because it's your job to care' I pointed out.
Jason sighed and walked out the room.
There's a new one, people telling me they care. When they really don't. He only care's because he has to care, not because he want's to care. It's not like I want someone to care. No. That will make it harder when I end it all. It's just- I don't even know what I want. Before I could stop my self, I was crying. And crying hard. I needed a release and I knew exactly how to get it. I reached down for my backpack, and fumbled around in there till I found what I was looking for. My razor. I'm so glad the nurses never noticed me slipping this in to my backpack. I dismantled the razor and pressed the blade in to my skin. It felt like such a relief when I saw the blood draw, I watched it as it dripped down my arm. The pain I should have been feeling felt like pleasure. I placed the blade to my arm again. And Again. and Again. I lost count how many time's I did cut, but when I did stop my arm was full of cut's. Some deep, that will be sure to scar. Some not so deep. Throughout cutting, I never stopped crying. And I still was now 5 minute's later. For some reason crying alway's made me sleepy, and before I knew it I'd fallen asleep crying.
'WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?' Someone shouted. I felt someone's hand, give me a sharp slap across the cheek which woke me up.
'What the hell Evan?' I said, dazed and confused, rubbing my cheek.
'No. You, what the hell?' He said, grabbing a hold of my arm. I looked my arm. The one full of cut's. I tried to snatch it back from him but he had a firm grip on my arm. How stupid could I have been to fall asleep, knowing I have cut's on my arm and leave them on show? Next time, I'm doing it on my leg. No one ever see's my leg's anyway.
'I'm waiting, Why?' He said impatiently. I could'nt help but notice, that he isn't looking into my eye's, anyone else would be at a time like this. Come to think of it, in the few rare occasions where Evan would hold a conversation with me, he'd never look in to my eye's. I just shrugged, like hell I was going to tell him why. No body's going to know why, the minute I tell someone that, it lead's to trust, and trust lead's to caring and caring about someone mean's love. I don't need or do I want and of that in my life.
'A shrug. That's it. That's all your going to do?' He asked. I could tell he really wanted to, shout at me and rip my head off or do something of the sort. But Evan was working hard at trying to keep his voice calm.
'Pretty much yeah'
'Fuck you' He said, letting go of my arm. I watched him as he walked over to his bed. Evan pulled out his notepad, and began his process of writing, stopping, reading and then ripping out the page. I stood up from my bed, and pulled a pair of jean's from my bag along with a t-shirt. I'm not bothering with unpacking, I'm getting out here as soon as I can. I pulled on my jacket and put on my Converse. Before, I walked out the room, I was sure to put away my razor blade, just in case Evan deiced to bin it. I've got more like, but it would be a waste if it got threw away. I didn't take notice of were I was going, I just walked. I found my self standing out side the main cream building. Well I might as well go and take a look at this crappy place. I heard the sound of a guitar being played who ever was playing it was bloody brilliant at it. I followed the sound to a room,just left from the main office. I'm guessing this was the music room,as it had like nearly every instrument under the sun. When I walked it,the person playing stopped. I took a look at who it was and Dale was sitting there waving and smiling at at me like a mad man. I laughed slightly before walking toward's him. Even though there were plenty of chair's, close to Dale I choose to sit quite a fair bit away from him.
'You're really good' I told him.
'Thank's, do you play?'
'No, I wasn't allowed... I mean, My dad said they were too noisy' I stuttered.
Dale looked at me slightly confused, but never said anything.
'I could teach you if you like?' He said, looking up at me. He looked me right in the eye's and gave me a half smile. I got lost in his pale green eye's. They were perfect, and his smile. I could stare at Dale all day. He was beautiful. I'm guessing my mouth was hanging open a little bit, because Dale told me to close it. I blushed a little.
'So do you want me to teach you?' He asked again.
'If it dosen't take up much of your time' I said, shyly.
'Nope, I have time' He told me 'Grab a guitar then'
I stood up and walked to where Dale pointed to. 3 guitar's where there. I turned around to ask which should I pick, but he was already standing behind me. He was that close that when I saw him there, I jumped out of my skin making him laugh. I turned back so I was looking at the guitar's.
'Jay, Just pick one' Dale said into my ear. I blushed madly.
'You pick for me, I don't know what is a good guitar'
Instead of reaching around me, Dale wrapped his arm's around my waist, picking up a guitar. I took it out of it his hand's, and Dale's arm's lingered at my waist. I could feel my self began to blush, for like the 3rd time. Dale pressed his face in to the back of my head.
'You smell nice' He said.
'Um, Thanks'
Dale's head got lower and lower until he was nuzzled in to my neck. I just stood there not moving unsure of what to do. The only thing I was doing was trying not to hyperventilate.
'Dale, will you take a look- Oh, I'm sorry, I did'nt realise you had...er company' Evan said, looking embarrassed and backing out the door.
Dale took his hand's off my waist, and walking out door closing it behind him. I waited 10 minute's for him to be done speaking to Evan and looking at what ever Evan wanted him to look at.
'Sorry, About that. Right, teaching you the guitar'
After 2 hour's, I'd learnt how to play only 2 chord's, the E minor and C. It's not that Dale's a rubbish teacher, I just have a really short attention span. To be able to play an instrument was something I've alway's wanted to do. But now, I don't really care.
'I'm no good at this' I said sighing.
'No, No you are. Practise is all you need' Dale said in an encouraging tone of voice. He looked at his phone and sighed. 'Sorry, Jay,I've got to go. I promised Brandie I'd help tidy our room'
He put both of our guitar's away, and left. I followed shortly after. I walked in to Blue, and then I had no idea where to do next. I didn't really pay attention when Jace showed me to my dorm yesterday. And when I left to explore before, I kinda just walked through any door's. I didn't even know what room number I was staying at. So, I just walked, looking to see if anything looked familiar to me. But nothing did. I ended up bumping in to Jace.
'Ahh, Jaydon, Just the person I was looking for'
'Okay, but first can you tell me where my room is.. I'm lost' I admitted.
Jason laughed and told me to turn around. I was standing right out side it. I opened the door, and left it open for Jace to walk in. Evan was sitting on his bed, when he was Jason and I together, Jace and him exchanged look's and he walked out.
'Sit' Jason told me, so I did.
'Is everything okay Jaydon?' He asked, looking worried.
I nodded, and Jason shook his head.
'What?' I asked.
'Evan told me, He told me what you've done'
No way. Why does he even care? He dosn't even talk to me, so why should he care enough to tell someone?
I dieced to play it dumb. 'Told you what?'
'Don't play dumb with me, Jaydon. Show me your arm'
I pulled up the sleeve of my right arm,and showed him. 'What?'
'No, Jaydon the other one'
I sat there and looked down at the floor. 'Talk to me Jaydon, I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong'
'Maybe I don't want help' I snapped, still looking at the floor.
'You don't even have to talk to me, You can talk to Evan. Or Brandon, Jared or Dale. I've seen you 4 walk around together. You just need to talk to someone Jaydon, it's not healthy keeping what you're feeling to your self. I know that it may not seem like it now, but you'll feel better once you do'
It was silent between the two of us for a moment.
'I'm sorry to have to do this, but I'm going to have to sort through your thing's, to make sure you've got nothing you can harm your self with'
After about 45 minute's of searching through my whole room, Jason took away my razor's and my belt's. Great. Thank's a lot Evan.
Jason left, then about 10 minute's later, Evan came back in. I snarled him when he walked in.
'I'm sorry, but I couldn't just let you do that to your self' Evan said.
'Why do you care?'
It was silent between us for a moment.
'You just remind me of someone I used to know'
'What happened to them?'
'Never you mind that. That's my personal life... And you still never answered my question why?'
'Give me one good reason why I should tell you?' I asked, standing up.
'Because I don't want nothing bad to happen to you' Evan snapped back, taking a step forward so we were face to face.
'Why? You don't care. No one care's.'
Evan just walked out leaving me alone, proving my point right. No one care's. Why would he that? Tell Jason about my arm, then won't tell me fully why he did it? Then he goes and tell's me I remind him of someone he used to know, but won't tell me anything about it and he still expect's me to come out with my secerts.
I hate this stupid place. It's so frustrating. Everyone's expecting me to be all happy and like sing about what goes on in my head. And when I tell them what I want, they won't give it to me. All I ask for is to just be dead, then everyone can get on with their happy little live's with out me.
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So tell me what you think,, I know there's not much romance yet. But wait, I promise you it will be soon.
So what do you think of Dale? And what do you think Evan's hiding?
Please vote and comment. I stayed up till about 5am yesterday writing this, and I worked on it all day today, and now it's half 12 in the morning. So that explain's the crappyness of this chapter :)