Prologue
(Song plays here. Basahin nyo rin ung tagalog lyrics nung kanta. Para mas dramatic. :D)
---------------------------->
He smiled his thuggish- annoying- yet- very- adorable smile. “Scythe, palibre.”
“Tae mo.”
“Dali na.”
Umalis sina Tonette at Leesh. “Bibili lang kami dun ha?”
Sabi nya, “ Scythe, dali. Palibre.
“Sabihin mo na kasi kung anong gusto mo!”
“Siomai.”
“Haynako, Enzo” Ireached for my wallet and held a 2o peso bill to him. “Oh. Bente.”
He smiled triumphantly “Yey. Nilibre mo din sila?”
“Hindi. Ikaw lang.”
“Bakit?”Tinitigan nya ko. It was like his eyes were boring into mine. Like it was searching for something: Answers. He wanted me to say something, pero hindi ko alam kung ano. Deeper meanings.
I shrugged instinctively.
Sa loob ng halos 8 months, my heart skipped a beat.
I’ve been asking myself the same question for almost two years.
It was simple question, yet I couldn’t bring myself to answer it. Anong gusto nyang isagot ko? I dunno. I mean, Lagi ko naming ginagawa un ah. Treat him out, make his stuff, lend him my stuff, copy my notes, copy my tests and most of all, I opened myself to him as he did the same. There are things in this world that nobody knows about me and there are things that nobody knows about him. But those things are what we both know now. It was like we took comfort with each other, hindi physical comfort, but companionship. Dalawa lang ang klase naming together, but it didn’t matter. May oras kami to communicate, to atleast whine with stuff to each other, harassin ang isa’t isa, hit each other, bite on each other’s skin, (Yep. Totoo to.) tease each other and laugh together. Routine na naming un eh, and I’m striving to continue with it.
Pero baka ung simpleng sagot sa simpleng tanong na yon ang sumira sa lahat ng pinaghirapan ko ng halos dalawang taon.
We got close with each other on our Senior year in HS kahit matagal na kaming magkaklase. Walang gusting umupo sa tabi nya since he’s a notorious mass assaulter (Exaggerating makes things more exciting. But trust me, he’s ALMOST like that.) He’s so straightforward that he really gets on people’s nerves. That’s why nobody wants to sit with him. That’s why both ng upuan sa left and right nya are empty. That’s why he’s alone. That’s why I approached him. (Bukod pa ung rason na stupidity ko, lack of awareness, being an insufferable martyr not to mention an annoying know-it-all pero kunwari hindi nyo na nabasa yon. :p)
Nakuha nya interes ko, infairness. Umupo ako sa left nya, near the window. I didn’t care who I sit with anyway. Kasi konting oras lang naman yon na uupo ka with someone. We don’t need to talk at all. Hindi nga naming kelangang mag-usap eh. We just have to sit. Diba? Diba?
Pero, eff, mali ako eh. In only weeks, he already had a certain hold on me. Siguro dahil vulnerable ako that time, (after a bad break up) pero he kept me company. Kahit na he’s annoying, manipulative, snobbish, daft dimbo. (Let’s not tell him that. Truce? :D) He kept me whole eh. It’s like lahat ng nothingness na dinala sakin nung past relationship ko nawala lahat by his existence. He was the light in my darkest times, not knowing that soon it will blind me.
We went to the same school in college with a promise to take the same course. Pero hindi nya tinupad. Pero okay lang. I still held on to what we had. (Hindi ko sure kung talagang may something kami.) He also did his efforts to keep that something. Masaya kami ng ganito eh. Well, I can only speak for myself. Hindi ko naman alam ung feeling nya. But he told me and made me feel that I was indeed special. Hindi in a lover-type of way, it was another way that only the two of us know. Nakontento na ko.
I knew he had flings, relationships even. Sinuportahan ko sya dun. Hindi naman kami magiging together eh. (Kadiri yon para samin , as a matter of fact. And we know we don’t feel that way.) So sabi ko eh hanapin nya ung “one and only” nya. At sa sobrang swerte ng hinayupak eh, he found her. Masaya ako for him. Like always, he asked me the same, idiotic question.
“You’reon my side, right?”
“Yep.”
“All the way?” Nagpout sya. Hanep. Di ko matiis.
I smirked. “All the way to hell.” sabay tatawa kami.
But they came to a certain end. Sinabi nya sakin minutes after they broke up. He was sad. I was sad. I did my best to bring them back together. Kinausap ko sila, made them realize how they were inlove, something like that. Pero wala na daw eh.
“Okay, Tama na”, thinking it was truly the end. Hindi pa pala.
Ngayong umaga lang, my friends told me that they were back together. OHEMGEEWATDAPAKBARBEQUE! Okay, payn. I don’t know. Hindi ko magets sarili ko. Eff.
Nadidisappoint ba ako? Why were they back together? Okay. Ayos naman sila eh. Pero bakit ganon?. Paano.. paano na ko?
‘Haha. Eff. Baliw na ko.’ I thought to myself. That sure was interesting. First time kong naisip un eh. Natawa naman ako. Maybe Kulang lang siguro ako sa tulog. I shook the thought of my mind. ‘Kadiri ka, Scythe. You should know better than that.’ I laughed as my conscience reminded me.
“Bakit?” Hindi na mawala ung tanong sa isip ko. I don’t know how to answer that.
Why do I keep doing things for him? Why did I endure his sometime-rotten-attitude? Why did I open myself to seeing that there’s more to him than that? Why do I keep thinking about his happiness? Why do I keep supporting him? Why do I keep hanging on to him when I know that I won’t gain anything from it? Why do I keep on worrying about him? Why do I keep being by his side? BAKIT BA KASEEEEEEE?
Dun ko narealize.
I mentally slapped myself. Oh for the love of everything that’s holy, I love him. Akala ko brother-sister relationship lang. UGH. It wasn’t him making me whole, it was me trying to keep him whole. Ako lang pala un. At dahil ngayon ko rin lang narealize, di ko alam kung pano magrereact. So kaya ako nasasaktan. So that’s what makes me stay. Hindi ko parin naman gustong maging kami no. It was more than that and I couldn’t explain it. I love him. After all these years. All these time.
So anong sasabihin ko? ‘Bakit? Kasi mahal kita Mahal kita, gago ka. I know you didn’t notice. Alam kong hindi mo manonotice ever. All these time. Denial queen nga ako, diba?! Galing ko nga masyado eh, pati sarili ko eh naloko ko! Alam ko naming hanggang dito lang tayo eh, as brother and sister or even more, at hanggang dun lang yonn. Alam kong hindi mo ko mamahalin the same way as I do, and I was willing to live with that constant pain! Pero, shet, narealize ko bigla. Badtrip ka kasing magtanong eh. You just had to ask, idiot! Bakit? Mahal kita, you asshole! I love you!’
“Bakit?”Then he stared at me. Nakakatunaw na titig.
I smiled half-heartedly. “Kasi buraot ka.” Fail.
“Ah.” Umalis sya, hindi lumilingon. There was clear disappointment in his eyes. Dire-diretso lang.
“Sige. diretso ka lang, Enzo. Wag kang lilingon ha? Bestfriend kita eh. Basta walang lingunan HA?!Masasaktan ako.” bulong ko. Di nya ko narinig. Alam ko.
For the first time in almost 8 months, my heart skipped a beat. At ngayon, sa sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko, parang sumasakit na ang puso ko.
I guess he’ll never know.
Author notes: Wahaha. Perstaym kong magpublish ng story dito. Hihihi. What'dya think? Ayos ba? :D
- - - - - R.